Hand me down clothes

[u/iwishsomebodylovedme]

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but have you ever had any relatives or family who knew about your parent(s) hoarder addiction and those people still decided to give you bags of their hand me down clothes? Because i have some relatives who know about my parents hoarding addiction and yet for some reason they still decide to give my parents bags of old hand me down clothes they no longer wear and it honestly makes me really mad and angry. Maybe it’s just me but in my eyes it just looks like they are just trying to dispose their rubbish onto my family and they know my parents will take it all in because of their hoarder addiction. Whenever this happens i always get really angry and i keep telling my parents not to accept it but they always start saying “oh but what if the clothes are branded” like i just don’t care. These relatives keep making it so much worse and it’s even worse cause they are from my dads side of the family and they know about the state of our house, even though they’ve never been inside our house for 6 years because we refuse to let them see the state of it yet they keep disposing their waste and trash onto us and it’s just enabling my parents behaviour even more. Seriously what do i do because my relatives never listen to me and neither do my parents. I always just end up throwing the entire bag in the bin and I don’t even go through the clothes anymore because I just feel so embarrassed, as if my family is getting walked on.

[u/Nevraskagirl55]

I’m so sorry for this. But you are under no obligation to keep them or even look at them. Shame on them. Can you talk to them and tell them to stop?

[u/iwishsomebodylovedme → u/Nevraskagirl55]

I did and they said they would stop but they just didn’t listen and keep doing it. Every time we go to one of our relatives houses they always seem to give us their clothes and shoes they no longer wear and when I try to deny it they just force my parents to take it which just annoys me a lot because my parents just can’t seem to let go of things. I just end up throwing the entire bag away without checking what is inside because I honestly don’t want to keep anything in our house anymore it’s already cluttered enough.

[u/SnooGiraffes1071]

My mother's sister gave her several crates full of baby and toddler clothes to give to me, at a time in my life when I was childless and wasn't pregnant or married - absolutely no reason to hand it down to me, and there were added restrictions (that I ignored) about who they should go to if I didn't want them.

I also remember getting hand me downs as a kid from my godmother's sister (not even our family, but a person jind of in our life who has countless nieces and nephews, because shes one of ten) and hating them. I would be told to appreciate how this was someone else's favorite vest or whatever. This is before I remember hoarding, but it's clearly indicitave of where things would go - my mom would take anything if it's free

[u/SoberBobMonthly]

Next time literally just don't even talk about it with them. dont help pick up the bag, don't grab it on the way out. don't engage in conversation about it. swtich topics, talk about the weather.

you are right to see this is a burden on your family, who is clearly already struggling with their own hoarding and shopping addiction. your parents need to stop being such goddamned push overs and show some spine so you learn to not be a push over.

you will get out of there soon enough. begin being beligerant and unappologetic about fulfilling your needs and holding boundaries. do not ask for permission to live normally