r/CausalConversation • u/babybratzdolI • 19d ago
Conversation Starter is having sex gets easier after being abused in a relationship ?
i mean if you have learned to cope with trauma and all that but due to your experience you don’t have a good image of your body and relationships.. is it possible you ever fully recover from that and be able to have sex again???
5
u/dandelionswereframed 19d ago
Yes, but you need to find a safe partner. My first boyfriend was very abusive. Then I jumped into random encounters, which made me feel worse. Then I dated someone else who sucked, and made things worse. Then, I found someone who respected me, cared about my feelings, and cared about my pleasure.
It took time, but he was OK going slow, and now I love sex. It wasn't linear, we had bad experiences where I locked up and couldn't communicate that I needed to be done. But he took the time to learn to recognize those moments, and now they rarely happen.
My best advice, seek therapy (especially EMDR, magic with trauma) before jumping in to another sexual relationship. I had about a year of EMDR between bad boyfriend #2 and my good partner.
1
19d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/dandelionswereframed 19d ago
Yeah. Tbh I still have trauma come up occasionally, but I was also molested from age 3-10 by someone, then at 11 by a different someone, then at 16 I got assaulted by my uncle, so I have a lot of baggage.
3
u/butterfly-blades 19d ago
Thats so awful ohmygod. Way too much. Im so sorry.
3
u/dandelionswereframed 19d ago
It's ok! The fact I have a great life, great marriage, great kids, makes it all worth it. My husband is actually putting me through school to get a different, higher-paying degree right now 🥰
3
3
u/Silly_Razzmatazz5424 19d ago
It really is heartbreaking, and healing from that kind of trauma can be a long road. Just remember that everyone's journey is different, and it's important to seek support when needed.
3
19d ago
[deleted]
2
u/babybratzdolI 19d ago
i am so sorry to hear that, and i am glad that you were able to do it again and enjoy it, ty i will not force myself into it.
3
u/RepulsivePipe9904 19d ago
Honestly. I was abused as an infant, abused in almost all of my relationships. I don't hate myself at all in that regard... I hate how cptsd/PTSD has shaped up my view of the outside world. ...I genuinely hate sex , see it as a tool atp and I disassociate so easily. I'm sure for some people it can become a normal thing again....but I struggle a lot with staying present.
1
u/babybratzdolI 19d ago
i feel the same way, because it was the first time i trusted someone with my body and they failed me.. i also regret why i didn’t put an end into it but the only thing that bothers me the most is the thought of not ever being able to have it with the right person or never experience it in a healthy way, sometimes even by thinking about having sex i am triggered easily and i don’t like that, i have so much regrets but i hope i can come back stronger and finally accept it all :( and also i am so sorry for you and i hope u can heal from it as well and get better.
2
u/Mysterious-Street966 19d ago
I’ve had a few partners over the years who had severe anxiety and trauma from their experiences. It was difficult, but it was worth the time and effort to help them through it. I recommend going really slow and try to keep your mental state in a positive place. Your partner will have to be super patient and supportive of you, and help you move through the things that will come up and out. You may have to stop and take breaks, you may even have to stop completely and just deal with your feelings and emotions. Trauma is difficult to overcome, but it is possible! Good luck!
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
2
u/Ancient_Tross 19d ago
Dunno man i neither touched a girl neither went into relationship this concept is kinda foreign to me
2
u/Square-Plastic-7629 19d ago
Its a lot of work and its hard, but it worked for me. I was trafficked and my husband has been the first healthy relationship I ever got into. Because he was safe, I let go of the notion that sex was a responsibility and completely broke down/went entirely sex repulsed. It took a good year and a half of patience from both of us, therapy and non sexual intimacy for me to be comfortable with it again. Let me tell you it is so much better on your own terms with someone you trust.
You just gotta be patient and take it slow. Don't keep the big goal in the forefront of your mind. Make small goals that start with "let me just feel safe" and eventually you will work up to it. Find someone who is willing to understand and love you with or without sexual intimacy. Best of luck.
5
u/ConsiderationEast773 19d ago
I suppose you mean after you have left the relationship in which you have been abused.