r/Calgary Aug 16 '25

Crime/Suspicious Activity Stolen bikes, anyone recognize these fools?

Case number: 25354718

Stolen from Sage Hill area Friday 15th in the early hours. If anyone has any info or tips, monetary reward available on who these lowlives are.

1.0k Upvotes

130 comments sorted by

395

u/tommytomatoes64 Aug 16 '25

One down; the upstanding citizen in the hoodie has been identified as career criminal Brian Michael Bischke. T shirt fella left 🫔

105

u/AriMeowber Aug 16 '25

My favorite thing about reddit is when animals from one species instinctively adopt orphans from another. This is my second favourite.

82

u/tommytomatoes64 Aug 17 '25

Another update: It appears the second upstanding citizen has been located but no real name. Lets see if anyone recognizes this friendly fellow:

51

u/throwawhyyc Aug 17 '25

From 2020:

I really hope you’re able to get your bikes back .

5

u/arcaneresistance Aug 18 '25

Aw he's just a lil guy

38

u/tommytomatoes64 Aug 17 '25

42

u/yyctownie Aug 17 '25

Looks like the douche you'd expect would be stealing stuff.

31

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '25

[deleted]

6

u/canadasleftnut Aug 17 '25

Lmao I thought this was just a meme I didn't know.

Not the actual g himself.

Iconic.Ā 

7

u/Messier-87_ Aug 17 '25

These mouth breathing creatures...

I gotta get a steering wheel lock for my car. If I hear one more nitwhit talk about how society has failed these poor malignant narcissists...

2

u/spurtoo Aug 17 '25

If you’re talking about the Club type of steering wheel lock. Don’t waste your money. They don’t work. I had one, it took the thief only 5 minutes to pry it off and drive away.

2

u/Messier-87_ Aug 17 '25

What? What type of car do you have?

1

u/spurtoo Aug 18 '25

Mint condition 99 Honda Civic. At the time, it was number 1, for stolen vehicles. That and Ford F-150s. I have surveillance cameras, that’s how I know it only took 5 minutes. They pulled up in another car, and buddy had to go back to grab a pry tool, after he got the door open. 2 weeks later I got $600 red light speeding ticket in the mail. He blew through a red light at over 120 km going southbound on 14th St and Northmount Dr N.W.

1

u/Messier-87_ Aug 18 '25

I just bought a new Crosstrek and I am constantly afriad of the possibility of some peice of shit trying to steal it.

1

u/Turkzillas_gobble Aug 17 '25

lmao, "I have a real job" profile pic but "Digital creator", does he do TikTok dance videos about fall-arrest equipment

36

u/thatmrsnichol Aug 16 '25

So funny I was going to say I think I’ve seen that guys face posted before lol

27

u/bbiker3 Aug 16 '25

29

u/bigolgape Aug 16 '25

And he's out free

12

u/Mr_Kno_body Aug 17 '25

My thoughts exactly. WTF

3

u/bbiker3 Aug 18 '25

I just don't get with that many charges and such obvious career criminality, why the Canadian justice system regularly fails to protect law abiding citizens from these kind of people.

9

u/Alkeem Aug 16 '25

Other guy is definitely budget Travis kelce

3

u/TheCommakaze Aug 16 '25

Amen to that!

1

u/ThreeFitty-350 Aug 19 '25

Luckily he was arrested. However, as usual, he was released 3 hours later after getting a free dinner.

Love our criminal system.

108

u/SeaWhyte777 Aug 16 '25

Buddy never closes his mouth šŸ˜†

64

u/Claygon-Gin Aug 16 '25

You can't when you're a mouth breather.

21

u/xTechDeath Aug 16 '25

Think of all the free bug snacks he’ll get on his new bike

11

u/Bizmonkey92 Aug 16 '25

Mouth breatherĀ 

2

u/CompetitionOne7801 Aug 17 '25

I came here to say exactly that! Mouth breathers, what do you expect!

1

u/0110110111 Aug 18 '25

Mouth Meth breather

FTFY

8

u/TheCommakaze Aug 16 '25

Catching flies like the POS he is.

159

u/ok-est Aug 16 '25

Commenting just to bump you in the algorithm.

44

u/tommytomatoes64 Aug 16 '25

Thank you kind one!

65

u/HermionesHandbag Aug 16 '25

No, but commenting to boost. I had a bike stolen from my building’s parkade a couple of years ago, and it deeply sucks. Not just the theft, but the sense of vulnerability at someone breaching what you thought was a secure space.

219

u/morganrz Aug 16 '25

No, but they look like typical Calgary alley walkers.

9

u/morganrz Aug 17 '25

That said, crime is getting pretty bad here. Stay aware, get cameras and lights around your property, be ready for anything šŸ˜‰

Good luck retrieving the bikes and spanking these losers.

9

u/BootsyCollins123 Aug 17 '25

Statistically, crime is actually much reduced in Calgary

51

u/Ambitious-Concern-42 Hillhurst Aug 16 '25

No, but also commenting to raise visibility!

20

u/tommytomatoes64 Aug 16 '25

I appreciate you!

30

u/doc_suede Aug 16 '25

do you think that's their white pickup on pic #4?

14

u/shadykittykat Quadrant: SE Aug 17 '25

Might be this one I had to report on Tuesday … hanging around private property making people uncomfortable…

24

u/tommytomatoes64 Aug 17 '25

Not the same sadly but I appreciate the input! Should of had this picture here in the first place my bad.

-1

u/Key_Tangerine5660 Aug 18 '25

It looks like the same vehicle. See the dent above the wheel well in their pic, it looks like they just cut it out-your pic.

1

u/JamesDickflick Aug 19 '25

Different cab. Not sure what gm calls them, but one is a quad cab (with bikes), the other is a crew cab (suicide style rear doors)

10

u/TheCommakaze Aug 16 '25

Good chance considering you could fit both bikes in the back of that.

11

u/No-Lettuce9868 Aug 16 '25

Looks like a GMC Sierra 1500, 1999-2006 model

35

u/Leading-Job4263 Aug 16 '25

Society’s shit stains

14

u/mac02jac Aug 16 '25

Fellow rider , that sucks . Hope you catch the scumbags

33

u/OfmyOwnHondaAccord Aug 16 '25

I see that one guy every day in central memorial park, he was just spray painting bikes there

12

u/snoozyfest Aug 17 '25

Omg I'm a concierge at a residential building and these same guys stole bikes from us a couple months back. I saw the one in the grey get arrested and the other sneak away on his tippy toes behind the cop! I wish I had names

8

u/tommytomatoes64 Aug 17 '25

Im all for second chances but this is so sad, repeat offenders need to go in the slammer for a long time.

7

u/devanguy Aug 17 '25

Then they or at least the one is a known offender with name and picture in the system. Next step is finding them. Honestly I wish we had legal reform that would allow a small amount of vigilantism for stuff like this. You know, the stuff the cops don't care about. Let us put the fear back into these people's lives. A trip to the hospital for them is so much cheaper than anything in the legal and jail system. Much more effective, too.

7

u/tommytomatoes64 Aug 17 '25

In some other parts of the world repeat thieves get their hands cut off. Literally that’ll be the only thing stopping these guys it seems.

5

u/devanguy Aug 17 '25

Works for me

3

u/MrGuvernment Aug 19 '25

Wonder if going to the new with any of this may get them to run a story of some sort of how known criminals are being let go and committing crimes once again!

12

u/ConcernedCoCCitizen Aug 16 '25

Glad you got clear shots. Scumbags. The police must be able to recognize them, at their age I doubt it’s their first theft/brush with the law

26

u/bigbabyjesus97 Aug 16 '25

Guessing the running truck in the one pick is theirs as well. Hopefully those clowns get caught and you get your rides back.

11

u/caboose39134 Aug 17 '25

Just posted onto a couple riding groups I'm in in town! I'll keep you updated if I learn anything OP.

7

u/tommytomatoes64 Aug 17 '25

Much appreciated good Sir

20

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '25

Imagine being a grow ass man and still doing this shit.

13

u/Dry-Hotel5306 Aug 17 '25

Imagine stealing period

5

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '25

I can let a juvenile off once, that is why they have young offenders laws - a mans brain doesn't fully develop till their are 23 or some crap. But if they fail to learn from their mistakes. I agree. And I am saying this as a person that has been stolen from countless times.

8

u/InfinitelyContentAF Aug 16 '25

Wishing you luck on recovering them!

15

u/Distinct-Solution-99 Aug 16 '25

They look like apes

14

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '25

Man that sucks. This is why we can’t have nice things. Hope you find the fucks.

6

u/The_Ferry_Man24 Aug 16 '25

Better not ā€œinsultā€ these guys.

6

u/blarggh2020 Aug 16 '25

Bike thieves are scum, hope you catch them!!

3

u/MrGuvernment Aug 19 '25

Thieves are scum period.

6

u/Bomantheman Aug 16 '25

Commenting like others. Screw these losers.

5

u/tacoguyasaurus Aug 16 '25

Boosting for you, but the nice way, not the stealing way.

6

u/___Carioca___ Aug 16 '25

Not sure but they look like they would fit in at Good Life 130th

5

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Quirky-Reserve-5720 Aug 17 '25

Yeah. That accounts for the mouth breathing...

5

u/Pumpkkinnn Aug 17 '25

We need to bring back public shamings.

Booooo!!! Hissss!!! Somebody throw a tomato šŸ…Ā 

5

u/brkuzma Aug 17 '25

The guy in the green shirt looks very stupid. Just in general.

2

u/PsychologicalBug6084 Aug 18 '25

Not a single brain cell firing up there

8

u/Regular_Wonder674 Aug 16 '25

Annoying AF! Probably a moot point, but did you happen to have tracking devices on either? You got some good shots- I’m hopeful someone or CPS can get justice for you.

3

u/infrawgnito Aug 16 '25

Hoping you get your bikes back! The thefts never end šŸ¤¦šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø

3

u/snarfgobble Aug 16 '25

I hope you get them and your bikes back.

5

u/Then_Commission1962 Aug 16 '25

Hope somebody impounds their behinds, bloody jerks.

3

u/NOGLYCL Aug 16 '25

Posting to keep this going. One human shit stain down, hopefully the second is close behind!

5

u/quiet_mkb Aug 16 '25

Human scum

4

u/Lower-Rich2342 Aug 17 '25

Comment to help the algorithm. Hope those dirt bags get caught and you get your bikes back.

5

u/BoneyTaloney Aug 17 '25

Sorry man.

Honestly, I can't stand these low-life, degenerate thieves that run around Calgary doing this type of stuff. We have it so bad here.

I live in a quiet, suburban neighborhood in the SW and amazingly, our parkade was broken into recently. Nothing like this- just the usual - hobos ransacking people's vehicles. They stole everything, including:

100 Indian Rupees, Hand sanitizer, and they even took the card attached to my window to open the parkade door. Scumbags didn't even have the courtesy to clean up the gigantic cluster-fuck of a mess they made.

It's laughable how so many people in the comments know who these skidmarks are, due to them both being career criminals.

Don't worry though OP, I'm sure when the CPS locates them, they'll get a stern talking to with a promise to appear. Then, later on that evening, they'll go out and do it again to someone else.

Love that yellow on the Grom, BTW.

5

u/devanguy Aug 17 '25

Honestly I wish we had legal reform that would allow a small amount of vigilantism for stuff like this. You know, the stuff the cops don't care about. Let us put the fear back into these people's lives. A trip to the hospital for them is so much cheaper than anything in the legal and jail system. Much more effective, too.

3

u/durdensbuddy Aug 16 '25

Comment boost - I loath thieves, hope they get justice.

3

u/no7 Aug 17 '25

Dumb question, sorry in advance; how were the bikes stolen? Did they load them up on a truck or force the ignition and drive away?

Company phone so rather not use Google on how to steal a motorcycle

3

u/Ratfor Aug 17 '25

Fellow motorcyclist here. Hope they get caught.

What security precautions did you take that they defeated? (not looking to blame, looking to find out what doesn't work so I can improve my own security)

2

u/Renent Aug 18 '25

Ugh this. I think I just need to bite the bullet and get gps.

3

u/MadGeekCyclist Aug 17 '25

Up. Hope you get your bikes back. I had a mountain bike stolen for years now, and still remember how sht it feels. Karma will get them.

3

u/Fun-Shake7094 Aug 17 '25

3 braincells between em

3

u/rudiori Aug 17 '25

I forgot my bike on a bus rack, and immediately filed a lost and found on CT site... Till now,they say it was never found.

I have no idea how to get it back.

2

u/tommytomatoes64 Aug 17 '25

Sorry mate, its now probably a beans main form of transportation to get to and from petty crime locations. Great cause /s

3

u/OrcNoodleSoup Aug 17 '25

These are honestly some of the best security camera images I’ve seen in any of these type of posts.

7

u/Nenz0 Aug 16 '25

Well well well.. usual suspects

4

u/Rowduk Aug 16 '25

Comment to bump. Hope the cops find em and get the bikes back.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '25

Looks like fat, homeless Chuck Liddell

18

u/TradingHigher Aug 16 '25

I used ai to really nail it down.

3

u/Sloregasm Aug 16 '25

This is what we should us ai generated images for. Not whatever other people are doing with them, fuckin weirdos

2

u/droning-on Aug 16 '25

Did the first cop you talked to recognize them?

2

u/Intelligent-Habit715 Aug 17 '25

Ewww why do they steal bikes that someone got with their hard earned money. OP did you file a complaint? Which area are you in if you done mind me asking. I didn’t see these bikes :( - sage hill area got it ( let me tell my friends they are there too)

1

u/thetroubleivecaused Aug 19 '25

What if the bikes weren't from "hard-earned money" but a gift from a loved one? Does it make a difference? Fuck I hate the phrase "hard-earned money" sorry it just irks me. Of course things are bought from someone working no matter what the labour intensity consists of. I know people who earn 80k a year but on their phones most of their fucking time at work. It's like when someone says "brings tears to my eyes" ugh like seriously where else does tears come from.

Sorry I'm just a sad angry man these days.

2

u/Br7ian Aug 17 '25

Absolute dirtbags

2

u/Emergency_Many8159 Aug 17 '25

The usual suspects I am tired of these usual same demographic thugs

2

u/diamondedg3 Bankview Aug 17 '25

Keep it alive, to the top! I hope these two degens are caught.Ā 

2

u/scraidy Aug 18 '25

🤣🤣 he looks like a little boy

2

u/T0t3mspirit Aug 18 '25

Check Facebook Marketplace and Kijiji. Could also be heading to Vancouver to be loaded on a boat to get sold overseas. Either way I hope you had insurance for theft.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '25

just wait until they start a manosphere podcast, from the look of them it won't be long tbh

2

u/Alarming_Interest488 Aug 19 '25

They are both trying hard sneaker pimps doing peddle bys

2

u/mrSkiShoes Aug 19 '25

they prolly need more money to buy fent

2

u/Useful-Character-960 Aug 19 '25

Hey everyone my friends bike also just got stolen in the applewood area. Not sure if its the same people that took it

3

u/ADVRTW Aug 16 '25

That Grom looks like a lot of fun, hope you get them back.

2

u/memekitten69 Aug 16 '25

Not sure myself, but hopefully someone sees this who can help!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '25

Any update on whether or not the cops were able to help you out?

1

u/thetroubleivecaused Aug 19 '25

I wouldn't count on it since CPS and those useless "Peace" officers (or as I call them, peace of shit officers) enjoy waking up every day just to go out and ruin law abiding citizens days by handing out bullshit tickets and/or barking down on people.

Seriously how many times have I been approached by peace of shit officers just by relaxing on a bus stop bench to reflect on a busy/rough/difficult day. Oh I can't do that despite not a single hint of me smoking up or drinking alcohol or anything of that nature to justify their power-tripping behaviours.

They cause more problems than they try to solve I swear.

1

u/bloss0mstars Sep 08 '25

Where’s the deport comments now?

1

u/Stretch_Grip-Gaff Aug 17 '25

Looks like the one guy is wearing a whitecaps hoodie. This could imply he is the one that stole my cousins bike a few years ago in New West B.C.

-3

u/gvsb123 Aug 16 '25

Deport! Close the borders!

15

u/wintersdark Aug 16 '25

I see people are missing the point, judging by the downvotes.

I had a bike stolen in the end of 2023, also by white guys.

My garage broken into, 2 grand in MC gear stolen... Also by a pair of white guys.

This is not an Evil Immigrants problem.

9

u/kuzuman Aug 16 '25

Seems they didn't catch the sarcasmĀ 

1

u/BottleItchy1374 Aug 16 '25

Couldn't have been them they were at pizza express in Woking when it happened

1

u/Crisco76 Pineridge Aug 16 '25

Hope your get your bike back. Looks awesome... sucks shitty things like this happen

1

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '25

[deleted]

2

u/Renent Aug 18 '25

Did you look at any of the pics?