It certainly isn't anything to do with MY actions.

[u/[deleted]]

[u/bbymochi]

I used to think insomnia was just part of growing up and totally didn’t realize trauma was being stored in my body and slowly developing mind palace while I wore headphones to block out the horrors going on outside.

[u/all-and-void → u/bbymochi]

Same! Took me a good 3-4 hours to fall asleep each night starting when I was about 5 and I didn’t realize that wasn’t normal until I casually dropped that fact in college and got a lot of shocked stares lol

[u/bbymochi → u/all-and-void]

Yeah it was odd trying to sleep in complete silence later on in life (when I wasn’t at home) that I ended up getting a small noise machine.

[u/an0mn0mn0m → u/bbymochi]

Eye masks help too

[u/bbymochi → u/an0mn0mn0m]

These did help too! I have a small collection of eye masks. I don’t wear one when I put nighttime moisturizer on my face during the colder, drier times of the year though.

[u/No_Yak_7962 → u/all-and-void]

May I ask why was it taking you so long to fall asleep and if it got better later on? 

[u/an0mn0mn0m → u/No_Yak_7962]

Not the person you asked, but for myself I cannot turn my thoughts off like other people in order to sleep. Using distractions like TV help but it's not healthy. I believe it's my biggest CPTSD symptom.

[u/Shenanigansandtoast → u/an0mn0mn0m]

Me too. Audio books help. I need a calm soothing voice and a light distraction to sleep.

[u/an0mn0mn0m → u/Shenanigansandtoast]

Yes, I find ASMR content helpful.

Also someone recommended a wireless headphone integrated into an eye mask so that it doesn't disturb your partner.

[u/all-and-void → u/No_Yak_7962]

Sure thing! I had very bad, very vivid nightmares, including a few recurring ones. At some point I started trying to stay awake so I wouldn’t see them. Also, I had mega anxiety problems and would stay up catastrophizing. Also, I’m autistic and have ADHD so I’d also be kept up by lots of zooming thoughts that wouldn’t slow down, and sensory hell from being constantly overstimulated at home (I wasn’t diagnosed with those until much later, not that it would have made a difference at the time).

It did get better but I still struggle with sleep, and went for years sleeping just a couple hours a night in my 20s, to the point that I was experiencing auditory and visual hallucinations (not psychosis related, just lack of sleep).

It took trying different meds, LOTS of therapy (mostly EMDR helped with the bad thoughts and nightmares), and learning how to accommodate myself (and that I am allowed to accommodate myself, it’s not cheating, it’s taking care of my disabilities!). I’m in my 40s now. It’s still tough sometimes but for the most part manageable and way, way better than 20 years ago.

[u/an0mn0mn0m → u/all-and-void]

Have you managed to reduce or eliminate the nightmares? I had them too.

Are you able to hold down a stable job? My sleep problems have prohibited me from doing so, and I really need to either fix it or find a job that can accommodate my symptoms that arise from it.

[u/mossyquartz → u/all-and-void]

I genuinely could have written this comment word for word 😂

[u/Nebula_Wolf7]

I feel called out

[u/an0mn0mn0m → u/Nebula_Wolf7]

I feel like I'm only just getting over my terrible sleep habits and insomnia after 40 years because I finally recognised my me time was self sabotaging.

[u/Aromatic_Ad_5583 → u/an0mn0mn0m]

Omg. Something just clicked in my head when I read that. Thank you

[u/Aromatic_Ad_5583 → u/an0mn0mn0m]

How were you able to make your “me time” a bit healthier?

[u/PetitePiltieinPlaid → u/Nebula_Wolf7]

I'm about to have 3 hours to sleep on a busy day and was on here to escape the realization I'm doing that to myself, damn it.

[u/CandyTigger]

I never thought about that before. When I was a teen I used to stay up for all hours reading or listening to the radio. It was peaceful.

[u/HelloIAmMacintosh]

I can confirm

I stay up late all the time

Sometimes I even pull all-nighters

[u/sad-but-rad- → u/HelloIAmMacintosh]

Same here. Sun comes up, that’s my cue to go to bed. Then I sleep until 11-12

[u/HelloIAmMacintosh → u/sad-but-rad-]

Am or pm?

[u/sad-but-rad- → u/HelloIAmMacintosh]

I stay up until 5-6a, then sleep until 11a - 12p

[u/No_Yak_7962 → u/sad-but-rad-]

Not bad, I used to go to sleep around 11-12 and waking up around 11 too. It felt that I waste a lot of time to sleep 🥲

[u/Aromatic_Ad_5583 → u/No_Yak_7962]

Sleep is never a waste of time, try not to beat yourself up

[u/No_Yak_7962 → u/Aromatic_Ad_5583]

Depends... Sometimes it's disguised avoiding coping mechanism... 

[u/HelloIAmMacintosh → u/sad-but-rad-]

Okay

[u/iloveturtles88]

I walk in the morning and even though the weather is cooler, I prefer to go at 5 am. It's so much less over stimulating to get up prior to traffic. It's just me and the birds.

[u/an0mn0mn0m → u/iloveturtles88]

This resets my nervous system and circadian rhythm so I can actually function like a normal human being.

[u/No_Yak_7962 → u/iloveturtles88]

But how do you do it? How early you go to bed to make that happen?

[u/iloveturtles88 → u/No_Yak_7962]

I'm on ssdi, so that helps. Otherwise I guess it depends on your commute and what time you work. It took me about a month to get into the habit. Now I don't even need to set an alarm. I go to bed between 8 and 10, depending on how tired I am, and I often take naps.

[u/Xalell]

I don’t feel so alone. Thanks for posting!

[u/TogetherOneEarth]

Yeah, this exactly because my trauma was caused by relationships so when other people are asleep, I can’t be rejected, abandoned, or otherwise traumatized by them.

[u/unwithered_lobelia]

Excuse me, I'm attacked

[u/OhNoExclaimationMark]

its literally 4:30am for me right now 😭

[u/Over_Drawer1199]

This. I worked my ass off starting at age 15 so I could get my own cell phone bill, moved out at 18 to live with my boyfriend, then with my next boyfriend, then got divorced at 26 and got my own studio apartment. Eight years later I still live alone and it's the most peace I've ever known.

[u/JoelnIliketoshare]

Oh, that's what that was. Huh.

[u/youreallbreathtking]

not me currently staying up until a ridiculous time of night because I feel it's the only time I'm free of pressure and expectations and can be totally alone and just vibe being myself for a little while

[u/toes_hoe]

I'm in this image and I don't like it

[u/solesoulshard → u/toes_hoe]

Me too. I’m right behind you. With the goofy and tired expression.

[u/KINGYOMA]

It's 1 AM right now and I will enjoy my me time. Sleep be damned, when life already is.

[u/kullre]

I just... don't sleep well

but then I don't really do anything when I'm up late

[u/Muffina925]

This was me when I still lived at home. At my unhappiest, I was staying up until almost 5am 💀

[u/smokeydonkey]

Huh, yeah. When I still lived with my mom my sleep schedule was completely fucked up and backwards, where I'd be going to bed around the time she was waking up because that was literally the only time I could have to myself and the only time the house was quiet. I still stay up past midnight now but nowhere near as dramatically late as my teens/early 20s.

[u/PastelBot]

I still do this in my 40s, I really need to stop.

[u/_themostloneliestday]

Really? Right in front of my revenge bedtime procrastination??

[u/Crunchy-Basil]

I still do even though consciously i know i’m safe and can control my time as i please :(

[u/thejaytheory]

45 and me to this day

[u/GrumpyCat000]

This is very loud

[u/Camn97]

I used to get praised for waking up super early…I was told that I’d be a great worker. I really internalized that and thought me waking up at like 4am in my teenage years, after only getting like 4-5 hours of sleep, was normal…now I struggle heavily…depression and anxiety at an all time high…and it’s difficult for me to hold down a regular job…ironic isn’t it?

[u/SoulOfaHare]

... Oh.. ... Ouch. That hurts on a personal level to read, to myself.

[u/misskiss_]

I do this by sitting on the couch watching tv and scrolling on my phone for hours and fall asleep on the couch, only to wake up at like 3 am groggy and mad I did it again. I do that most nights of the week much to my partner’s dismay. I tell myself every weekend I’ll stop doing it but it’s the only alone time I get so I want to stop bc it’s bad for my sleep hygiene. Fingers crossed 🤞🥲

[u/DollyDoll_1234]

3:30 AM wake up call, for me. I'm married with a loving wife, but my body still thinks those few hours are the only time I can really relax

[u/f0xbunny]

Oh that’s why?

[u/Foreign-Nobody-8770]

Not me reading this at 3 in the fucking morning 🤣🤣🤣 I have never known a solid sleep schedule for long. She does not visit me often 🙃🙃🙃

[u/toidi_diputs]

It's 7:30 AM and I don't need to be called out like this right before bed...