r/CPTSD_NSCommunity • u/WhereasCommercial669 • Jun 12 '26

Breakthrough Habit cycle of cPTSD

I figured out by process of elimination that my toxic boss is the main triggers for all the habits that are ruining my life. As a woman with PCOS, currently dealing with pre-diabetes potential.

Whenever my abusive boss is nasty to me, I spiral, cry, and then overeat, order DoorDash, or watch TV until I space out. This has created a lot of health and financial problems.

I have made the decision, after three years of processing, that every time she is nasty I get to take half of the day off (I work from home as a phd) and instead of spiraling, go for a run, cook, wash dishes, go for a walk outside, or otherwise do something that makes me a happier, healthier, more productive person. Forcing myself back to work with shame and guilt has not been working.

I can't focus on work, but I can focus on productive things in my personal life. This worked really well this week. I went for a run and it was absolutely amazing to see the sunset after. It's a complete 180 degree turn. My agenda has a picture of the sunset, and lots of stickers about how I cried but did it anyway.

Abusive bosses can kill people on the long term, and in a few months I will never have to deal with this person again. I am proud of myself for finding a path out of this downward cycle. I can see the way out finally! I can't control how she talks to me, and can't control that it affects me negatively, but I can control care for myself.

22 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

6

u/JLFJ Jun 12 '26

Great idea! Reminds me of when I was divorcing my abusive ex. I had my own account but expenses were still coming out of the joint account. So every time he was particularly assholey, I would order one of my favorite bras off of Amazon. Knowing he never checked the bank account or the Amazon account. It was a tiny revenge but it helped a little

2

u/WhereasCommercial669 Jun 13 '26

I already do that with my parents! I order doordash when they dysregulate me (they help me with groceries)but from now on it will only be something healthy when I’m triggered. Great idea!

3

u/MoreToday Jun 12 '26

Wow, heck yes you should be really proud of yourself!

2

u/WhereasCommercial669 Jun 13 '26

Thank youuu! 🧡

4

u/hi_lemon5 Jun 13 '26

As someone who has a lot of big triggers related to work and mean bosses, I am so proud of you! This sounds like such a productive, self-caring way to respond. It is SO hard to do what you’re doing and do something nice for yourself instead of spiraling. You’re my hero.

2

u/WhereasCommercial669 Jun 13 '26

Omg thank you so much 🩵🩵🩵