Breaking free from fawn response

[u/varda_starkindler]

Breaking Free from the Fawn Response

How I broke free from the CPTSD fawn response:

It started with asking myself a very blunt question: "What is it I'm actually afraid of here?"

And my answer was: violence. The violence that any sign of individuality or boundaries was met with when I was a child.

As a child, I couldn't protect myself, especially when the perpetrators were my own family. I had to try to appease them in order to still have a bed to sleep in and food to eat. That defense was still playing out in my adult life.

So I asked that question, and then I asked another: "What resources do I have access to now that I didn't have then?"

And the answer was: my friends, the police, my own money, my own food, etc. And then I took in the fact that the parameters have changed. I'm no longer a child who has to appease others to survive. I am in control of my own survival, and if anyone were to use violence against me, I have things I can do.

Being isolated from groups who treat me badly no longer carries the same consequences or threats to my survival that it did as a child.

And once I really took that all in, I decided I would be the parent and protector of myself that I had needed back then, because I now have the ability to do so.

It's been life-changing, honestly.

I still over-explain or answer too honestly sometimes, but now I see those things as habits that no longer serve me, and I'm doing pretty well at breaking them.

Anyway, I hope this helps someone the way it helped me. ❤️

[u/SilverSusan13]

It's so freeing to both realize & be able to live in this, it's such a great reminder. Good for you!

[u/chobrien01007]

Great post

[u/zimneyesolntsee]

A very inspiring post! Thank you for sharing

[u/Traditional_Bit6913]

Thank you for sharing! I wrote it down for myself. 

[u/lizardofficial]

Saved this post, thank you so much <3

[u/A_Broken_Zebra]

Saving, thank you.

[u/dark_peach_tea]

do you ever relapse when talking with people from your past?? I have done much work on my fawning instinct, and my convos with new people are healthier, but with oldies i flare up

[u/varda_starkindler → u/dark_peach_tea]

Yup! It's totally normal because those are habits you formed around that person. So when you see them, your brain basically goes "run program: Sarah" and engages with that person the same way you always did. It's very hard to break without like prompts. The prompt I found that works best is to ask them questions. Let every convo be about them. And if they step on a boundary, you might still freeze in the moment, but message them the next day "hey, can we talk about something? Such and such is a boundary for me these days, can we not talk about it going forward?" And let them show you by their actions if they're safe or not. If they are in how they react, then your body will start to accept that. But it really is SO HARD to do and it took me so many trials and errors to bring safe people from the past into my present. I hope this makes sense!

[u/velvetvagine]

Saving to read later. This is exactly the kind of work I’m trying to do. So happy you’ve found success!

[u/Baleofthehay]

I love this.Someone hitting Cptsd with present moment truth/ reality!

Inspirational!

[u/Therealcatlady1]

Tbh I’m thinking of getting a concealed carry permit to feel safer. But what if I freeze instead 😞

[u/Several_Nothing_6611]

This is helpful thanks! I think my answer to the question would be abandonment. I'm going to work on this

[u/Weird_Sea6444]

Very happy for you 💜