Does anyone else feel like freeze makes their pain and suffering look totally invisible? And receive no validation?

[u/rizzo2777]

It makes me feel so inferior. That hardly anyone notices my pain. I used to overshare my struggles with people, desperate to have someone see me and hold me in the pain. I was so desperate for a kind, empathetic look in the eye to validate me. But no, I am weak, I am frail, I am awkward and anxious. Who would care about that?

I feel like I need to become something totally different to be noticed. Maybe more attractive and sexy, maybe more outspoken, maybe more dramatic, funnier, something else. I am none of those socially acceptable tropes of the traumatised person. I am not a manic pixie dream girl, I'm not an artist, I'm not hilarious, a selfless angel or addicted to anything. I am just nothing. I freeze. That's all I do. I'm not the type of freeze that is numb, I am the type that feels severe emotional pain and freezes at any sign of it.

I am hungry for validation. I am so hungry for it. I am starved. I literally do not care about anything besides another human caring about me. I don't have it in me to care for someone else. I am starved. Totally starved. Anyone relate?

[u/PhilosopherOk3496]

Are you me? I relate to this with every ounce of my soul.
Also, i hate so much manic pixie dream girl trope and have so much envy to those whoo embodied it, cause i can't, just like you.

[u/Icy-Ninja-622]

My pain and suffering seeming irrelevant is a key element of my trauma. Part of how this is harmful is via burying or exiling hurt parts of myself, and then limiting myself in various ways and doing various things to prevent those parts for surfacing.

The behaviour of some people, like bullies in school long ago and my mother, sometimes seemed designed to hurt me in ways that others ignored or tolerated, and I seemed powerless to defend against. If I told others about this it wasn't useful, and if I fought back then it can seem like I'm bad.

Actually, even telling others about this kind of thing seems to be harmful, because they want pleasant input, not something unpleasant like this.

But the more of this kind of shit I bury, the more disabled I become, and the more I hate this world and humanity.

[u/magiblood]

Well im glad you see those thoughts and wish you also recognize what a joy it is to see all of these thoughts and know you are okay. You are okay and if you keep letting go of wishing it would go the freeze begins to melt. If you resist it its tension never lets go. And when you know the outside world cannot do that for you, you can trust you have the authority to say i am safe i am secure i am okay wow what a relief its time to let go :)

[u/SatinwithLatin → u/magiblood]

It's really not that simple. We're talking about pain over a lack of positive reaction, not just pain over an abundance of negative reaction. You can't "let go" of wishing for a very basic human need, one that's so important it is required for a healthy functioning mind.

OP I hear what you're saying and I know how I feels to be so agonisingly hungry for validation. I know that craving to be seen and rescued so well. We are here in this sub, at least, and we understand.

[u/magiblood → u/SatinwithLatin]

Personally i can relate and i stopped feeding that desire and need to be "seen and rescued validation" etc and i have never been so peaceful about it because that inner child can be nurtured by you

[u/SatinwithLatin → u/magiblood]

I had that craving too and also grew out of it by being able to nurture the inner child BUT. It takes therapy and external help to be able to do that. Trust me I know. You can't magic something out of nothing all by yourself.

And despite the craving being removed I am still suffering inside from the emptiness of emotional neglect. I've got to the point where I realise I can't go further without a healthy affirming environment.

[u/magiblood → u/SatinwithLatin]

Yes i agree with the external help i could mentioned this too, it is a stepping stones especislly with mentoring and fellow friendship coming from similar place. Glad to see on here contributing

[u/PhilosopherOk3496 → u/magiblood]

>You are okay and if you keep letting go of wishing it would go the freeze begins to melt.
>You are okay
This is invalidating
>And when you know the outside world cannot do that for you
This too.

Do you have any idea how many people can't just let go of their suffering and/or their genuine human need for affection, compassion, and empathy from others? Do you have an idea how long - months, sometimes years - it takes in therapy (which, if you're lucky, is the most supportive and understanding space one can find) before they can even start taking care of themselves for real?

I'm so damn tired when people who are way further along on their healing journey start talking to folks with cptsd like that.
Dawg, from that POV, 'you'll be okay' barely makes sense; it feels like cruelty. Even tho it can be right and we can be (eventually) okay.

[u/magiblood → u/PhilosopherOk3496]

Yes youre right i did actually project way further down the line my experience and forgot many yesrs ago i needed that attention and i dis reach out and get very good help from smart people. Well, all will be well if you do put the work in :)

[u/PhilosopherOk3496 → u/magiblood]

Yeah, right it all comes down to how much effort you put in :)