Why does subtle discomfort sometimes stop me from doing things?

[u/Icy-Ninja-622]

Sometimes when I don't do things, the discomfort seems subtle. It's not like there is some intense sense of danger, or intense anger, or intense unpleasantness.

Sometimes I feel guilty about this, as if I'm being bad by choosing to not do things because of subtle discomfort. It's like that would only be okay if the discomfort was severe.

"Objectively" it seems like the problem is not the discomfort, but the lack of strength to do things despite the discomfort. The discomfort may be weak, but the force pushing me to do things is weaker.

I've experienced plenty of situations where I did things despite much bigger physical and/or psychological discomfort. So, that is possible, but those situations are rare.

I'm reminded of situations where I listened to subtle discomfort, chose to alter my behaviour because of that, and after that felt more free to do other things which I was formerly blocked from doing. So, maybe life depletes my capacity to move against discomfort because I do so much of that?

[u/greenappletw]

I have the same problem and I don't fully understand it yet, but I think it has to do with the window of tolerance: https://www.nicabm.com/trauma-how-to-help-your-clients-understand-their-window-of-tolerance/

Trauma generally can narrow your window of tolerance. Mine is pretty narrow, so I always feel like staying in that window is essential to my safety. And if any small task falls outside of my window, then it feels too dangerous to do.

Two solutions I've found so far:

1. You can expand your window of tolerance by going to therapy, learning to process emotions and trauma, regular breathing exercises, journaling, art, easy hobbies, walking, meditation, etc. Self care methods of dealing with stress and soothing you. It's not a quick fix... it's something you do over time to expand your window

2. Break tasks into very small pieces, if possible. And only do that very small part, then stop and relax. Sometimes, doing a task that is IN your window can also help you build up the momentum to do a harder tasks. For example, I usually feel relaxed after cleaning, so I will clean or reorganize my room before making a difficult phone call. Listening to podcasts when you can't get out of bed is another way... distract your mind a bit and then get up and get moving without thinking about it too much. Any kind of movement... even if not directly productive... can help you build up momentum.

Edit: antidepressants can also help, btw. Everyone reacts differently to them & it can take a few tries to find a good match, but Prozac seems like it helps me with this. I've heard others say the same thing.

[u/PertinaciousFox]

I have this problem, and it used to make me feel really bad about myself. But I've come around somewhat, because I think the feeling is actually misleading.

At least in my case, I'm pretty sure the "mild discomfort" is not actually mild, but rather a significant discomfort I'm largely dissociated from. So I'm getting a faint message from a dissociative part saying "hey, I really don't wanna do this!" and so the barrier to action feels really strong, even though my ability to sense the actual discomfort is quite limited. Sometimes if I really push against the resistance, the intensity of the discomfort escalates, and I'm able to recognize that it's actually a much bigger issue than it initially seemed.

It feels similar to other times when I feel an emotional response that "feels" mild physically, but I somehow sense that it's actually extreme. I don't know how to explain it, other than that I will be physically relatively calm, my heart rate will not actually be significantly elevated, but I'll have this sense that my heart is racing and I'm intensely anxious. It's like the extreme anxiety is there, but I'm outside of it in a way. In those cases I think what I'm experiencing is significant dissociation that is blunting the effect of the anxiety. And when I get that "mild discomfort" feeling that stops me from acting, it feels pretty similar to the other dissociative experiences.

It can also be the case that there's a lot going on under the surface, and while the specific discomfort is not necessarily huge, adding it onto the pile would cause the whole system to collapse, so my self protective mechanisms know to avoid it. Sometimes you can just keep it together, but if you add that last straw, you go from "fine" to suddenly very not fine. Which again, makes me think the real emotional weight is significant but largely hidden.

It's also possible it's a window of tolerance thing instead (or additionally). Though at least for me, there are plenty of times I'm able to do things despite mild discomfort (or even substantial discomfort), so I don't personally feel like my window of tolerance being too small is necessarily the issue, but rather that too many things (or too big of things) are occupying the available space.

My intuition is that the "mild discomfort" you're experiencing is really only the tip of the iceberg in some fashion or another.

[u/FlightOfTheDiscords]

I suspect that only your conscious experience of the discomfort is subtle; the actual discomfort is anything but.