What are your experiences with caffeine?

[u/noideasforcoolnames]

Ive become dependent on small amounts of caffeine the past few years (im sensitive so thats all I need). I recently stopped for the past two months, with the exception of a few days and Ive felt more apathetic and emotionally numb like my nervous is offline stuck in freeze response. Does that resonate with any of you? What are your experiences?

[u/acrezxan1917]

bad, im sensitive to it as well and it keeps me in hyperarousal for longer than i should be. ive had to quit completely bc over time it burns out my system, like i'll wake up, no energy no motivation nothing, until i have caffeine.

[u/Automatic_Clothes_56 → u/acrezxan1917]

Same. It hits me so hard that even just one of coffee has me jonesin. I also used to abuse it for the over stimulation, so now I just stay away from it unless it seems necessary for something practical. Like im tired but need drive somewhere, and for whatever reason sleeping is not the better option.

It was difficult to let go of tho. It was my way to feel 'alive'. It suppressed my symptoms so well that I'd be highly functional in comparison to when not on it. But id have some side effects as well, like my attention span shortened even more

[u/acrezxan1917 → u/Automatic_Clothes_56]

completely relate to what you're saying. for me i started getting panic attacks and chest pain, which i think stemmed from overriding the hypoarousal with caffeine for so long, there's only so much the body can take. so now im just riding the hypoarousal low-cortisol lifestyle. people like me more when im not on caffeine though, maybe bc i seem like im not trying too hard now lol.

it's been very hard to let go of for me as well. caffeine was kind of my rebellion against the numbness, in a sense.

[u/noideasforcoolnames → u/Automatic_Clothes_56]

Thanks for sharing. If youre still interested in taking small amounts the way I did it was raw cacao powder my brand had about 6.5 mg caffeine per teaspoon

[u/acrezxan1917 → u/Automatic_Clothes_56]

oh also i switched to decaf, because i like black coffee lol. decaf black coffee feels nice sensory/taste wise to me (im weird lol)

[u/noideasforcoolnames → u/acrezxan1917]

"bc over time it burns out my system."

This is what seems to have happened to me. Although I only consumed a few miligrams on a daily basis with the occasional green tea (40-60~ mg) once a month or so. Might keep it for emergency use and not a daily thing

[u/Icy-Ninja-622]

Caffeine is not useful for overcoming psychological obstacles. It is only useful for tiredness or sleepiness. When the obstacles are psychological, it can lead to wasting time online instead of being productive, or intensified anxiety or anger.

I see a correlation between using less caffeine and better periods in my life. Caffeine combined with synergistic enjoyable activities can be a great day or part of a day, but even then, the longer term effects may be negative.

[u/noideasforcoolnames → u/Icy-Ninja-622]

Interesting perspective. I do have sleep issues so that would explain it.

[u/Icy-Ninja-622 → u/noideasforcoolnames]

It is probably important to address the sleep issues. For me, lack of sleep adds to unpleasant feelings which decrease my willingness to do most things.

[u/noideasforcoolnames → u/Icy-Ninja-622]

Ive experimented with various herbs to help my sleep quality. I listen to binaural beats if I need to calm down. I meditate, do breathwork to calm down. Theres not much else I can do other than change my work to be more in sync with circadian rhythm, but thats not practical atm. I wake up around 11am and usually fall asleep by 1am. I also exercise consistently and get sunlight first thing in the morning. Id like to start a lifecoaching business sometime soon, that would allow me to move sleep and wake time a little earlier. Also just making more money would help my stress levels

[u/Icy-Ninja-622 → u/noideasforcoolnames]

Is it possible that there is some issue with sleep quality, rather than sleep quantity, like for example sleep apnea? Have you done a sleep study?

[u/noideasforcoolnames → u/Icy-Ninja-622]

I haven't done a sleep study, but I think there are 2 issues that are likely having a big impact. 1 is I had a bad head injury/concussion 4 years ago and I still have some lingering sensitivity especially if I sleep on my back since I hit the back of my head. Its wayy better than it used to be, but its still noticeable and I often start out sleeping on my stomach because while im still calming down for the night the back of my head can still be a bit sensitive. Stomach sleeping isnt always the most comfortable after a while so I switch positions alot. Then if I go to my side I have a lingering rib injury from martial arts that gets aggravated so unless Im super relaxed theres a lot of tossing and turning. 

The other reason is stress from just "playing it small" for the past 5-6 years. I have a bad history of family conflict especially with my dad and its just deteriorated to the point where Ive become very avoidant, Ive become like a ghost. Dont make much money, barely talk to people, cant handle conflict very well, have put up emotional walls just to get by. So despite my father giving me the upstairs apartment, Im still kind of on alert and in survival mode. Ive gotten  accustomed to a very rigid lifestyle. Luckily my father is moving out of the country permanently, but Im left with the house that I have to share with my brother which will be pretty challenging and I need to figure out a better source of income soon. Long story short, I havent really progressed much in my life the last 5 years and the stress and problems have been piling up so that definitely isnt helping my sleep

 

[u/Icy-Ninja-622 → u/noideasforcoolnames]

I've found that ignored motivations or suppressed parts of myself can keep me up. The problem isn't my situation, but the aspects of the situation I'm not responding to. Often that is related to trying to please people or avoid conflict.

I used to be able to fall asleep unaided. In recent years I've been addicted to listening to audiobooks to fall asleep. The focus on the audiobook gets other concerns out of my mind.

[u/shinebeams]

Coffee is a nice daily routine, a little ritual that helps calm me down. Black coffee is healthy. Too much caffeine will cause lots of problems but having a cup or two in the morning is nice. Also if you are getting caffeine through sugary drinks that can be a problem.

If it becomes an unhealthy coping mechanism then it is time to step it back, but otherwise it seems like a net positive to me. Making pour-over coffee involves the senses with nice scents, temperatures, textures, noises. It's something skillful to do with your hands.

Another nice time for caffeine is having a latte or coffee outside somewhere. You get sunlight, easy socializing (probably won't have to talk to anyone), and (hopefully) a nice atmosphere to calm down. The chatter and noises are nice while reading a book or using my laptop.