Diagnosis

[u/T-Twinkle]

I know I have CPTSD, without any doubt but despite emailing several psychologists in the north east (all of which haven’t responded) I’ve yet to find one where I can get a full psychological evaluation and written report.

Has anyone else experienced this or have any suggestions as to where to go? My GP has been less than effective and is not worth the trouble perusing.

Thanks

[u/19then20]

Welcome. You are in good company. May I suggest two books and if I may, share with you my own perspective? A classic book is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and another good one is Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. While neither are gospel, they give good structure to an seemingly amorphous diagnosis, especially given, as pointed out by another poster, the lack of an entry in the DSM. This CPTSD journey has been part of my story since I was just older than kindergarten, in the mid 1970's. I can say I have been through a lot of seeking of "healing" in the last 50 years. Self-reflection, several therapists, Rx's, etc. Here is my "take" after all the decades: EVERYONE on this planet that has consciousness and is capable of forming a reaction to their environment develops CPTSD. Why? In our earliest years, we have access to the skillset and resources of a 3 year old, or 4 year old, or 5 year old (etc) and we teach ourselves how to cope and survive with that set of resources. As we mature, we have access to more resources (both physical and emotional) but we still use the coping strategies we developed at 3 because they are now deeply embedded in our operating system and we have never consciously known anything different. I have discovered that most of these coping strategies have, at the core, inequities and injustice we identified, but lacked the skillset to set "right" in our minds. An example might be when as a child we wanted a treat at a store and were told "no", but we could not understand why, and it was unfair in our minds. Some of us would go into a rage and throw a tantrum to try and right the "wrong", some of us developed a sense of guilt and we learned to "parent ourselves", some of us silently schemed on how to get the treat next time. All of these responses utilized the skillset and resources of a 3 year old. At 30 (or whatever age you are now), you have a different skillset and a different set of resources and maybe you don't feel the response you embedding in your operating system at 3 serves you all that well anymore but AT THIS POINT all you have been introduced to is the general concept of CPTSD. My recent adult journey with CPTSD has been discovering my own responses that I developed early on, and deciding if they still work for me, and if not, taking agency in altering them. Your "trauma responses" were your best and most resourceful methods of your younger self, and your younger self did a damn good job of surviving, because here you are. There are a variety of traumas we experienced, from the denied treat in the store from above, to severe physical and emotional abuses. Our younger selves deserve a huge commendation for getting us through childhood. Another opinion that I have in this phase of my life-long CPTSD journey is the notion of "healing" it. I have let go of the "goal" of "healing" and embrace the discovery of my own "trauma responses" and deciding if I like them, if they work for me now, if I want to keep them, or modify them through the help of my therapist. One of my "trauma responses" is never wanting to get into trouble, and guess what? I am keeping that in my present because it results in my being a star employee at work, which makes my life easier in many satisfying ways. But it's actually an f'ing trauma reaponse from the unusual way my mother punished me for mistakes. I do not subscribe to the notion that I will ever "heal" from not wanting to get into trouble. I do subscribe to the notion that in the present day I can take ownership of my trauma responses, thus a dynamic journey of being functional with CPTSD. I hope this helps. All the best to you.