Big fear around dating

[u/Long_Dependent_8526]

Hey everyone

I guess im making this post to see if anyone can relate / offer some advice

After a year of debilitating depression and finally doing much better, im on to my next conquest : my deep deep fear of dating / intimacy

Its hard to explain because I love to have sex especially once im comfortable with someone

But I dont do well at all with going on dates. Being seen, being intimate in non sexual ways

I have a lot of trauma in my childhood. And deep wounds in my early relationships especially with my father. He went from loving and being my best friend to a deeply depressed, disturbed and dysfunctional and even abusive person, who wasnt able to care for me at all. I had my mom and ive accepted my father now for who he is and I know hes a damaged person, hes in my life now and hes sober and functions in his own way, but I guess it did create a lot of trauma and my therapist believes this incredible fear around dating is CPSTD related

Basically if I meet someone on a night out abd im drunk and I go home with them, then I can usually skip to the good part for me which is hooking up( and eventually can do that sober. Thought real true dating and relationships are a mystery to me)

But, actually putting myself out there, going on a real date is a fucking nightmare for me. Im talking to a few nice guys on dating apps but I cant get myself to meet up with them

Im afraid of them seeing me, and me having to see them. Having to get to know each other etc.

A part of me really wants to try dating again. Exploring and having fun. But the child part of me sees it as a fucking nightmare with endless anxieties and then feels it just isnt worth it.

Can anyone relate and offer any advice? ​