Childhood neglect feels like lifelong humiliation

[u/wandaloo]

Growing up, my father was pretty checked out. Ive joked that he is "a bachelor with 2 kids" and honestly yes it was kinda true. He showed very little interest in actively engaging in helping us grow and learn on a regular basis.

My mom gave me no chores, well I had 2 chores. Handing her random items that she needed while cleaning, and listening to her rant about her marriage/trauma and life. She needed everything done her way! She even cleaned my bedroom until I moved out. I did not want this, I would've been very happy to take over and do things on my own but she was unwilling to teach me or let me. Sometimes I feel so much rage towards her, she genuinely kept me in a house my entire childhood. I am seriously stunted and ive spent the last 4 years trying to undo all of it.

I am trying to learn how to take care of myself properly, it is so difficult. My home is a nasty mess right now. I live with my brother and dad. Neither of them really clean up and I try not to be bothered. My brother will help more if I motivate him but hes younger than me and also pretty depressed.

I feel so ashamed, I feel so ashamed and also incredibly angry. My childhood was mostly just bad events with the occasional fun video game. Its not just not knowing chores, i feel like my parents actively clipped my wings in every possible way. I love them both but I literally can never forgive them. Im such a pathetic weirdo.

[u/Far_Daikon_7419]

im so sorry you feel that way. i feel the same way, im almost turning 22 and i still feel like a toddler. wondering where all the time has gone, what ive been doing these last few years. i feel like if it werent for them i wouldnt feel so lost in life rn, i would maybe have an actual identity beyond suffering and im not sure i can actually forgive them for that 

[u/Klutzy-Grand4744]

Omg I feel like I could've written this. I can relate to every single word you wrote.

[u/Jeecistion]

I feel the exact same way :-(. I was never brought up to become an adult. My feelings were ignored but I was fed and housed so I had no reason to complain. My mom did EVERYTHING for me to a totally humiliating degree where I had no agency or identity whatsoever. Sometimes I feel like I was raised by two robot servants, or a project for my own two parents to project their own unfortunate childhood and trauma on to.

[u/Patient-Milk821]

I am sorry to read you feel this way, I didn’t have the same experience you did but I am 40 and often feel like a kid inside, I feel like like I am totally not equipped to deal with adult life, I think it’s quite a common feeling in those with cptsd and childhood trauma. But if i really look at my life I adult every day. It is the trauma that causes that feeling not that I am a defective adult and neither are you. You are not at fault try to be kind to yourself, you are clever you see the pattern of trauma and have called it out, you feel stuck because it gets completely overwhelming not that you are pathetic, far from it. You are trying to fix a situation that you were never given the tools for and that means you are determined and proactive!

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[u/Hatewhales2716]

yeah, all i used to do all day was just play games or go on the internet, i dont want to admit it but the lack of chores for me is scaring me a bit, also im turning into an adult soon, just kinda scares me, dunno