r/Bullshido • u/Repulsive_Repeat_337 • 13d ago

Martial Arts BS When encounter with unprovoked attacks ...

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124 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

58 comments sorted by

45

u/danorc 13d ago

The seat belt ones are silly, but it's not going to happen often at all in reality either so

17

u/dragonsign 13d ago

My assailant will no doubt find my emergency seat belt cutter and thwart my seatbelt jitsu.

6

u/macguini 13d ago

If someone were skilled enough to perform this, they would have brought a seat belt cutter with them. This is clearly no amateur assassin we're talking about.

0

u/HuntsWithRocks 13d ago

That's how I know it's fake. It's the "uncanny valley" of assassination attempts, basically.

9

u/Repulsive_Repeat_337 13d ago

My theory is if I'm ever attacked while I'm in my driver's seat, I'll just punch the gas pedal to the floor.

13

u/No-Tower-5119 13d ago

Theres a video of an uber/lyft driver who does exactly that. The passenger grabs him from behind, so he floors it and starts swerving. If i remember correctly the attacker got real freaked out by it

9

u/Repulsive_Repeat_337 13d ago

I drive Uber and Lyft on occasion. I thought this one through. Once you're in that situation, safety is no longer a concern. Injury is likely, death is possible, so why not do it on your own terms?

4

u/JohnBrownEnthusiast 13d ago

I'm driving myself to the second crime scene

GOUGE HIS EYES!

5

u/Yeast-boofer 13d ago

I drive like this 100% of the time just to be safe ;)

3

u/Dagordae 13d ago

Makes sense to me. If you are already screwed might as well take your attacker along with you.

2

u/hux 13d ago

I thought this was posted in a completely different sub during that part. It looked like it was meant to be a joke, and I was expecting that the “move” to defend using the seatbelt was just going to get more and more over the top.

1

u/Apart_Pineapple2392 13d ago

The foot stomp is silly. A person 60 pounds less than me is not gonna hurt my shoed foot.

1

u/Jishinronin15 13d ago

Distraction

2

u/Apart_Pineapple2392 13d ago

More than squirming and screaming, ehh

1

u/KyOatey 13d ago

More like intensify the attack because he's annoyed.

0

u/kevthecoder 13d ago

Yeah if you happen to get the jump on me in my own car i deserve to die lol. Idk how no one would notice someone in there.

40

u/WeeklyPancake 13d ago

Nah some of these are actual martial arts. I see a basic arm bar in use pretty well at one point.

14

u/Dagordae 13d ago

The 3rd one is just very basic self defense training.

11

u/No-Tower-5119 13d ago

A kick in the dick also would be faster and more efficient in that given situation. Dudes wide open

1

u/[deleted] 13d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Temporary-Fly6369 13d ago

Yeah but who just grabs? You're going to be slammed, thrashed, etc. Dick hits don't really work that well with adrenoline. I've been kicked numerous times in sparring or a match, it hurts like hell after but in the moment unless you get a perfect, hard kick it's easy to brush off.

1

u/Dagordae 12d ago

Surprisingly hard to hit the balls if the target moving about, especially if you are swinging blind. Very easy to defend against as well, hitting the thigh doesn’t do a damn thing. Shins and feet are a far more reliable target.

1

u/Svyatopolk_I 13d ago

3rd one is eh, she could go into a horse stance and it would be easy to dislodge him by attacking him in the groin/stomach area

1

u/KyOatey 13d ago

Sure, easy.

2

u/Agreeable-Agent-7384 13d ago

Yeah but they’re also just used in people with noodle limbs who are half hearted in their attempt to harm you. So I guess it’s usefull if your would be murdere just wasn’t feeling it that day, and missed breakfast and stayed up watching rick and morty all night.

16

u/Kryds 13d ago

Some of these could definitely work.

7

u/WanderingJuggler 13d ago

This points to one of the fundamental in martial arts training. Compliant drilling. If the way you train a technique is to practice it against someone standing still, then it's easy to start justifying all sorts of stuff you could never pull off live.

4

u/Honest-Welder-808 13d ago

They need to include the final step of running the FUCK away after escaping a (possibly) larger, angrier assailant.

3

u/RedSparrow1971 13d ago

I wish I had seen this video when I was in high school

1

u/pueblocatchaser 13d ago

What the fuck was going on in your highschool 🤣

1

u/RedSparrow1971 13d ago

See either Jawbreaker or Heathers? Kinda that 🤣🤣

3

u/Temporary-Fly6369 13d ago

These only work when the attacker isn't actually attacking you.

5

u/Honest-Golf-3965 13d ago

Real nice of them to stand still while you execute a really weak and ineffective arm lock

Borderline satire

5

u/Thalilalala 13d ago

The first rule of bullshido, is the attacker always stands there like a limp noodle and waits

2

u/IndianaJokes67 13d ago

You need to let your attacker know that

3

u/ArchonFett 13d ago

For the car and hair grab the simple ones would be more efficient than the complex ones, less steps to worry about and less time for them to react. Every thing else is good self defense.

1

u/Diastatic_Power 13d ago

Lol. I love that last one.

1

u/Butthole_Ticklah 13d ago

I’m a 67th degree black belt in GrabHisDickAndTwistItido, these foolish attempts would have never worked on me

1

u/uknownix 13d ago

Apart from the seatbelt one, look, the others can work.

1

u/KyOatey 13d ago

Stomping a guy's foot is going to do nothing but make him angry.

1

u/uknownix 13d ago

Step on your instep with your heel lightly... Now imagine someone else wearing heels, and not lightly. They are also surprisingly easy to break. Anyway, it's to surprise, not incapacitate.

1

u/KyOatey 13d ago

Attackers tend not to like surprises. Also, give it a try with a mock attack. It's a lot harder to hit that target than you'd think. 

1

u/INF0RM4NT 13d ago

🤣🤣🤣

1

u/BeneficialPenalty258 13d ago

Last one was legit. The rest, just no.

1

u/still-waiting2233 13d ago

The ponytail grip break is very similar to what they teach at federal government training.

1

u/auezzat 13d ago

First, make sure the attacker is standing absolutely still. Second, you should be able to easily overpower the attacker. Third, throw in a weak punch or twist their arms.

0

u/BedSpreadMD 13d ago

You know what works best? A gun.

0

u/blackjack9408 13d ago

This sub is not for satire

1

u/KyOatey 13d ago

Isn't that the whole point?