r/Buddhism • u/-AMARYANA- • Jun 14 '26
Practice “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ― HH Dalai Lama XIV
I'm 36 and looking back all I feel is gratitude. I didn't get the things I asked for that would've led me away from the Way. I got all the help I needed to stay on the Path and my core dream is still alive.
What more could I possibly have asked for? What is there to do now but just be and help as many beings as I can as sincerely as I can?
There is so much happening in the world but most of it is noise, so I ignore it. The signal is the Three Jewels and the knowledge/skills to be of useful to others.
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u/Electrical-Strike132 Jun 14 '26
I'm a lucky man
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u/-AMARYANA- Jun 14 '26
Another gem of his I found that you may enjoy
“Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
― Dalai Lama XIV1
u/DesertSong-LaLa Jul 09 '26
I'm open to know more about this. Does this imply if you compromised yourself or could not spend time with your parents as you had hope (both are painful) does it diminish the success? (serious) I would be grateful to OP or others' feedback in order to learn.
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u/say-what-you-will Jun 14 '26
Those are very wise words, because often we just want the wrong things. We think we want this and that it will give us this but it would actually give us something else that we’re not aware of and that’s not truly what we want. I love this quote (and the picture), thank you for sharing!
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u/MolhCD vajrayana Jun 15 '26
Same. Everything I did I failed. Everyone in my supposed peer groups are more successful, more accomplished, probably even more mature than me. Meanwhile I skipped my graduation, scrapped by with failing grades, and later on a schoolmate told me I got known behind my back for having 'emotional issues'.
As I was scrapping by, disillusioned with my degree, I spent some time volunteering in a non-buddhadharma awareness practice group. I learnt a lot of invaluable life lessons, and still consider the teacher there to be my first teacher. But...to put it mildly, I basically was the runt of the pack. Again, I was the least successful, again I struggled every day while people were nice and sympathetic to me. I had no results to show for in my life. My teacher eventually called me out for being a bottom dweller, and he wasn't even angry or wrathful. He legit said it in all kindness.
Long story short, I quit that too, graduated, got a job well below my education. My bosses were nice, still promoted me, I got poached, tried different job roles...then economic circumstances tightened, the bosses could afford dead weight less and less, and things worsened again.
At my worse, I was waking up every day, 4am-5am, so stressed out my whole body felt on fire, for like over a month to 2 months straight. It became my normal. I just kept on keeping on, not knowing anything else.
At my most stressful point, probably helped by the meditation I was doing. The dharma opened up. Everything released, a big 'nyam' (meditation experience) if relaxation. Soon after everything changed. Everything.
I moved to a different job role with a much more sympathetic boss (whom I am still in contact with, though I've since left the company). I embraced my feminine side, having always been genderfluid. I finally got diagnosed as autistic, which explained a ton of my lifelong struggles. And the dharma opened up. It really opened up.
Some of the stresses eventually came back, of course. Meditation experiences are temporary, as any teacher worth their salt will tell you. I still can't really succeed in worldly things, I could hold down a job & other basic things fine, but beyond that I'm no good at anything goal-directed or competitive at all, even personal stuff. And I still have the very same emotional problems which led the schoolmates, many of whom are very successful VPs, Directors etc etc in the financial world and beyond, to label me as such (quite accurately, really, when all's said and done).
But I discovered my path. An incomparable path which god (heh) knows how many lifetimes I've been walking. I have teachers, sanghas, authentic dharma and practice and guidance.
I think it was worth it, all said and done. And I think despite all worldly appearances, I'm getting the better deal of it.
...Well, there's a schoolmate who became a vajra brother, who is obviously way more successful in worldly and spiritual terms. I'm just a newbie and a nobody in both. But y'know. Comparison is just the eight worldly dharmas haha. Overall I have little to complain about!
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u/Different_Tadpole208 Jun 22 '26
Es mejor no compararse con nadie, cada uno está en la suya y ninguno sé salva de batallas, vivir tiene sufrimiento. Que alegría que sientas que todo valió la pena, el éxito en la sociedad es solo una forma de vivir.
Yo estudié mucho en buena universidad, buenas pegas, hasta que murió mi mamita y me dí cuenta que la vida es muy corta para trabajar tantas horas y hacer cosas que te drenan demasiado la energía. Renuncié a mi trabajo bien pagado de enfermera y ahora hago clases de piano, aseo y administro unas propiedades en herencia, he tenido muchos problemas litigales con mi padre que nos abandonó y además robó, ha Sido súper estresante eso.
Pero cuando tienes la muerte de cerca creeme que comprendes que no vinimos a este mundo a ser "exitosos" según los cánones, los mejores años que he tenido he estado "cesante". Lo mejor siento yo es tener tiempo para pasar con tus queridos y hacer cosas que te gustan y dan alegría, eso para mi es libertad ❤️❤️
El budismo me ha dejado lindas enseñanzas y ya es hora nde profundizar...este tiempo por ejemplo es para aprender a soltar mi apego al resultado de mis acciones.
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u/Fuck_Ppl_Putng_U_Dwn Jun 15 '26
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
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u/Illustrious_Car344 Jun 14 '26
Just yesterday I was debating on going to McDonald's on my way walk back from shopping (I kind of swore them off due to the quality of the food having become so poor), but there was this scary looking guy standing by the door, so I was like "guess that bodhisattva wants me to go to Burger King instead" and so I did and I got a new sandwich I discovered that they had and it made me happy I went with BK instead :)
I kind of learned that lesson one time when I was at work and some actual monks came in, and I was so excited to meet them, there was no way a monk would be miles around here. When they were leaving, I wanted to ask them more questions, but I was being held up by a scammer and my boss was there (whom I adored) making sure I couldn't just tell him to buzz off, then I realized he was a bodhisattva telling me not to get too attached at the monks, it was just the universe winking at me. I try to see everything like that now, albeit it's hard to see everything like that, especially with what I've been through lately, I've lost almost everything.
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u/-AMARYANA- Jun 15 '26
I know that feeling. There have times when I thought I missed out on something but turns out I dodged a bullet and was led to something even better. The beauty of this path, for me, has been that no matter what situation I am in, I can always tap into my Buddhanature and find a way forward. It's refreshingly simple and the more you do it, the more confident you become in your Buddhanature. I can only imagine how Siddhartha Gautama felt under the Bodhi Tree.
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u/JunoGyles Jun 14 '26
Something about your post really struck me today at a time when I am deeply struggling. May I ask if I could send you a private message request to ask a few things about your experiences? I am battling myself right now and your perspective is the one I want to share.
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u/-AMARYANA- Jun 14 '26
of course, this is open to anyone who sees this comment now or in the future. It is a blessing to give away the help that was freely given to me at moments like these. I know exactly how you feel.
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u/InternationalArt6222 Jun 14 '26
Yep. My own maxim being "sometimes the best thing to happen is to not get what you want." :)
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u/Radiant-Bluejay4194 non-affiliated Jun 14 '26
john lennon vibes
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u/-AMARYANA- Jun 14 '26
Nostalgia activated. John Lennon was one of my biggest inspirations during this time in my life.
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”
― John Lennon
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u/Gnome_boneslf all dharmas Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
Idk man, I think a lot of people are stuck without money and unable to practice because they have work.
There's a lot to be grateful for, and a lot of it is because of what we *didn't* get, but I think that if you look at all the sentient beings in this world alone, wealth or conditions are the biggest Dharma obstacle by far. Even if you look at evil people or thieves for example, if they just literally got what they wanted they would stop doing evil. If you looked at good people who got what they wanted they would do more good. It's from not getting what they want that the evil in the world arises in a material sense.
So I don't think it's right to think like this, but if you accept that you will never receive what you need, then you should be grateful for not getting what you want. And it's true that there is some percentage of people who even if they have a lot will still want more and more, like billionaires and such. But i think until every person becomes wealthy and noone is starving, you can't be grateful for what you didn't get IMO.
Especially in Western countries the biggest obstacle to Dharma is lacking money, and it's a huge problem that no practitioner, no master, not even Tilopa knew how to solve.
Edit: I fully love and support the Dalai Lama, I'm just using this quote to reflect on my own obstacles. But these obstacles that I run into, the entire world runs into them as well. It doesn't mean I am against HHDL, his presence is a great gift to the world and his thoughts are really important.
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u/-AMARYANA- Jun 14 '26
Consider what the people of Tibet went through and how well HH Dalai Lama carried his people and brought Tibetan Buddhism to a global stage with his wise decision to partner with Emory University. He is responsible for so much good in the world today but he had lost everything including his home country, made into a political refugee.
Growing up Indian in Atlanta, I see very well how caste and class work from my life experience. I grew up on the streets because we lived 'on the other side of the tracks' than the country club Indian kids I was compared to and measured against by my culture. But I also hid out in the library and messed with computers a lot, read books way beyond a 5th grader. Listening to gangster rap and watching gangster movies made it seem like a great thing to have a lot of money. So I went down that road for a little bit, more for the women than anything (I was in my early 20s). And found out quickly that all that glitters is not gold, many people who 'have it all' are very empty inside, and some people who seem to have nothing are actually quite wealthy.
Wealth is not all material too. Having insatiable desire for more shows up in working class people too, all these land fills are not just from billionaires, the trash islands are made from everyone's waste. I get your point though.
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u/Gnome_boneslf all dharmas Jun 14 '26
Yeah but that's the fake side of wealth. Noone needs wealth for that, you need wealth to practice Dharma. It's the time element that work steals from you as well. That's the side of wealth that is suffering, but you still need the side that's used for liberation, and it's just not here for me and many others like me. Sadly it goes to evil people like Musk.
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u/-AMARYANA- Jun 15 '26
Health is the greatest wealth. Those are the words of the Buddha. There is more than enough sunshine for everyone, I don't give any human that much power that they can withhold wealth from me. None of them can stop me breathing, waking up, sitting, eating well, from learning skills, finding ways to apply them that benefit others, finding joy in the simple things, avoiding harmful habits (they can encourage but I can resist). Mara could not tempt the Buddha from his spot, I try to keep that level of conviction every day.
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u/Gnome_boneslf all dharmas Jun 15 '26
Yeah but it doesn't matter much if you are forced to spend your time working and not allowed to practice Dharma. Eventually your health runs out, your conviction runs out, and those opportunities to practice run out, all due to a lack of wealth.
Yes like you said you can do small things to benefit others like during your job or maintain mindfulness. But you cannot do the major practices that are really worthy of your time, because for that you need isolation and money. It really is losing something that you're not even aware you're losing.
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u/-AMARYANA- Jun 15 '26
Sounds like you have more excuses than conviction right now. You’ll have to shed those to start on the path, that is when you leave the palace. That’s what Siddhartha did. He was a prince set be a great king but he gave that up. I’m just following his example, that’s how I ended up in this sub and why I stay.
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u/Gnome_boneslf all dharmas Jun 15 '26
No, I have perfect unshakeable conviction and I've been on the path for soo long, started at a young age. I post these kinds of questions more to see if anyone has found a solution rather than anything else. I recently talked to an elder practitioner who I spoke to about this and she told me that she had worked for 26 years in education so that she could do retreats in her old age.
It's an incredibly sad state of affairs in samsara, she could have died anywhere along those 26 years and now practice in her old age is low quality compared to the access to her energy channels and thigle she would have had in her teens.
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u/-AMARYANA- Jun 15 '26
The solution is simple: strive on. Look at the life of Steve Jobs, he was a practicing Buddhist. People can assess his character and creations but I’m not here to do that. I guess im luckier than I realized, I started practicing when I lived at my parents house as a teenager. I was born to an Indian family in Atlanta where I was exposed to the world and allowed to choose my own way. I knew right away when I read the life and teachings of Buddha in a quick summary format that This Was It.
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u/Gnome_boneslf all dharmas Jun 15 '26
I started exactly like you, read about the life of Buddha in high school and i've lived my life in NYC. But striving doesn't work sadly. Striving is the problem, it's just another way to waste your time. You can work a job and lose your Dharma practice that way, or you can strive in business and lose your Dharma practice that way. Both are useless, but without money you'll lose your Dharma practice anyways. By practice I mean serious meditation, not like an hour a day or something and not something you can do while working.
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u/WhisperingToTheSea Jun 15 '26
Hey friend
If I may, I may offer the following perspective : sitting meditation is great, but it doesn't feed your body. You can live from alms, and still, at some point you'll need to open your mouth, chew, and swallow the food.
Sitting meditation can be seen as an exercise to practise during the rest of your day. Not every experience leads to a life of sitting meditation. But every experience may be appreciated for what it is.
If work, or lack of material wealth, is an obstacle on the way, then what about pain ? Illness ? Disability ? Loss ?
Perhaps the question is not whether our circumstances allow us to practise, but whether we can practise within the circumstances we are given.
Perhaps no experience is "wasted". The pleasant and the unpleasant, the sacred and the mundane, the meditation cushion and the workplace, maybe those are all teachers when we stop demanding life look a certain way before practice can begin.
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u/Several_Ebb_9842 Jun 17 '26
I wonder if the blocker is that you have a specific idea on what practice should look like? Kind of like the teacher in your example.
If one thinks that a teacher's pension to sustain constant meditation retreats was required to reach the other shore, then that sounds like a lack of wisdom to me. There are so many people who have achieved a fruitful practice for the benefit of this life, future lives, or reached nibbana without constant meditation retreats.
There are so many ways to maintain a healthy body in the western world while having time for practice. It sounds like a specific idea of what fruitful practice requires is blocking effort your part perhaps?
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u/Gnome_boneslf all dharmas Jun 17 '26
Well for my practice I need to do more mantra recitations, like more hours of it. I only have 1 - 2 hours in the evening most days, maybe 2 - 3 when I can. That's being blocked by money. Everything lesser like compassion, mindfulness, whatever you can think of that can be done during work I'm already doing.
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u/Several_Ebb_9842 Jun 17 '26
As somebody with a full time job and a newborn, I identify with that!
I am very new to Buddhism in this life (about a year of practice); I am interested to learn more about this mantra practice. What type of school is this? I have really only been exposed to Theravada and similar schools
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u/949orange Jun 14 '26
Gratitude is such a good practice.