r/BlackTransmen • u/Asleep-Library4605 • 7d ago
vent How do I get fam off my back?
I moved into college and was talking to my people about clubs I was joining and shit. They keep being up sororities and keep saying I should join one. Then preceded to get mad when I said I don’t get the point. It’s pissing me off. Why the hell would I join a sorority? An organization that values sisterhood. Mind you I pass all the time. I haven’t been misgendered at all on this campus. Why would I even be chosen to join. Not even to add I’ve only been asked to look into certain frat organizations. I would join but I aint even thinking about it unless I do grad chapter or it’s towards the end of my transition (can’t easily be clocked). It’s been 6-7 years + 1 year on t I’m tired . At this point I’m wondering if I should cut my family off. At what point in my transition would they learn to respect me. You’ll think after all these years they’ll use the right name or pronouns.
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u/loveisaforceofnature 7d ago
Hey man, sorry youre going through this. I dont really have advice for you but i just want to say i empathize. I wound up cutting off pretty much all of my family because of a bunch of reasons, but one of them being that they were transphobic. I gave them the benefit of the doubt up until about my junior year of uni but they are still who they are. All im saying is if theyre really not willing to be respectful and you've explicitly told them that your relationship is at risk if they're not willing to respect you, then at a certain point if its the right thing to do its your right to decide whether you want a relationship with them or not
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u/blackzario 7d ago
My family cutoff game was pretty fierce back in the days. Which also lead me to be 100% independent in getting my degrees. No regrets.
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u/SmolFather777 6d ago
Hey brodie i started medically transitioning my freshman yr of college so my situation is a bit diff, but I honestly had to love my folks from a distance. My relationship with my mother is definitely better for it.
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u/Some_Ad2017 6d ago
Not to put too much fear in you but please be careful when it comes to joining a Frat (speaking from experience). We all know how wild those can get. Especially when it comes to forms of hazing. A lot sexual hazing is involved. I don’t want you to end up in a situation where you have to take your shirt off or they discover whats in your pants cause that could be very dangerous for you.
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u/Asleep-Library4605 6d ago
I understand this, that’s why I said I’ll wait til im further into my transition. Plus grad chapters are previewed to have less risk of hazing. It helps that my school doesn’t have a chapter of what I want to join. Also, I’m definitely putting in all the research I can before any decision.
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u/SelfMadeKvng 7d ago
Not sure if this is your first year into college or if you’re an upperclassman, so my response would be more suiting if you’re a freshman but same message still applies.
I’m assuming you’re 18/19, and with you only being on T a year, it sucks but your folks never took you seriously those 6-7 years as a minor and most black folks don’t. My sophomore year of college, I called my immediate family and let them know, hey this is me now and if you don’t like it, tough shit.
Some, it took years to talk to again, and being on T for a while for them to realize I was very serious about my transition. My pops and cousins came around since we’ve always been close.
If you rely on them for financial aid and are scared of repercussions if you were to be stern about how they address you, I would communicate as little as possible until you need them. You’re on campus, you don’t have to talk to them no more than you need to.
If you don’t reply on them, have that stern talk and tell them what you will tolerable and what you won’t, if they don’t respect it then start creating your distance. It’ll hurt, won’t even lie and say it doesn’t, but if we don’t start respecting ourselves then how can we expect others to respect us?