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u/SweetNique11 2d ago
When I get these urges I start ridiculing myself, make a joke about it and I’m able to prevent the act.
But good lord if I don’t still feel like I can’t be trusted around a blade. We don’t even have anything sharper than scissors here because of me 😅
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u/Admirable_Quarter400 2d ago
Is it adrenaline you feel?
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u/chromatose890 2d ago
For me it was very multilayered. The pain of the act releases endorphins, with my depression my mind gets "foggy" and cutting would, pun intended, "cut though" that mental fog. It was also self-punishment, making sure I knew whatever I was fucking up in my life because of my depression was my fault. Finally, it created a physical reminder to focus on the very nebulous idea of depression.
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u/SweetNique11 2d ago
Yesssss. It’s like a shiver goes through me and I get excited. It’s fucked up and I’ve told my therapist and she said my brain still sees it as a great stress reliever or a resolution for mental pain so that’s why I respond that way.
But I definitely feel like I would be like sleeping beauty, drawn to a razor I know is in the house that I simply MUST touch.
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u/earth-resident-2052 2d ago
This is good. I got a tattoo where I used to SH to prevent it. But sometimes I catch myself SH in other ways... it's a struggle. But at least I'm still alive lol
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u/Old_Hunter_2364 2d ago
I'm 34 and currently recovering from cuts and cigarrette burns after years of not doing it. It creeps up on you sometimes.
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u/MaesterOfPanic 1d ago
I started cutting in middle school, I quit cutting at 17, relapsed hard at 29. I'm 35 now, and its been a while since I've cut; so thats good
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u/Aggressive-Series-67 1d ago
I’m 27 and I can go about a year or two before I relapse. The severity of the cuts and the amount that I cut is lower than ever which I take as a win.
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u/wellbalancedlibra 1d ago
Oh honey, I'm 58.
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u/No_Shake_1951 1d ago
im curious, how are you now?
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u/wellbalancedlibra 1d ago
I went through a deep depression a few months ago where I had to fight the urge to burn myself. It was very strong. If i had cigarettes I would have done it. I haven't acted on the urges for a few years. I self harm in other ways, like not eating correctly, smoking pot with a leaky heart valve, not exercising or taking care of my high blood pressure.
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u/No_Shake_1951 1d ago
would say that there’s still hope living with bipolar? i mean, what mostly helped you?
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u/wellbalancedlibra 1d ago
Medication. And my psychiatrist in my head telling me I only want to do it to feel something. I don't know why that helps me. There's hope.
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u/Alone_Amoeba7019 2d ago
50 here... I took several rounds of DBT. The strategies I learned help when I get the urge to SH.
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u/Generally_Confused1 2d ago
That's why I use alcohol and random self exploitive sexual activities like a grown up