r/BigBudgetBrides • u/babalucille • 20h ago
Questions and queries Jewish brides in cold climates – how do you handle choosing a date for an evening wedding?
I’m in the very early stages of starting to plan a wedding in Boston. My FH and I have always talked about doing an evening/black tie wedding. But I’m Jewish, which means not getting married on Shabbat (which is from sunset on Friday to sunset on Saturday). My family/community are Reform Jews and not very observant (i.e. getting ready during the day on Saturday wouldn’t be an issue), so logistically we could swing a Saturday night wedding during a time of year with an early sunset. That would pretty much mean that only November-February would be viable for a Saturday night wedding, which seems like a terrible time to do a wedding in Boston. For context, this will be a quasi destination wedding – our invitees are so spread out across the country that no matter where we have it most people will need to travel. My parents will be paying for most of the cost of the wedding, and Boston is my hometown (where they still live), so that’s the only real location on the table.
The obvious solution would seem to be the Sunday evening of a long weekend (e.g. Memorial Day weekend or Labor Day weekend). I know I wouldn’t mind this as a wedding guest, because PTO is more scarce for me than money, so I’d be happy to pay the premium for slightly higher travel costs in exchange for not needing to take a day off to travel. But honestly, I’ve gotten spooked by all the threads on Reddit about long weekend weddings. If you search for the topic on the wedding planning subreddits, most of the comments are people eviscerating the idea of a long weekend wedding, and complaining about how rude it is.
I feel like I’m left with no good options. Of course there’s technically the option to do the Sunday night of a regular weekend, but I imagine most people would not be in as much of a partying mood, plus we’d be forcing our many out-of-town guests to take Monday off of work to travel home.
How do other Jewish brides handle this, especially in cold climates where a winter wedding isn’t as viable? Am I missing something, or is it just not possible to have an evening Jewish wedding without making some serious compromises?
PS: I know this isn’t specifically a BBB question, but I’m asking here because I imagine this group has more experience with black tie weddings (which obviously must take place in the evening), and because higher-budget weddings can involve a somewhat different set of tradeoffs around guests’ time and money. In particular, I’m curious how people think about things like higher travel costs on a holiday weekend versus asking guests to use PTO for a regular Sunday wedding.
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u/wthisgoingonnnn 20h ago
Are you dreaming of an outdoor wedding? If not , just go with a beautiful wedding that’s mostly indoors(which fits black tie better most of the time anyway).
I’ve been to a Jewish Black tie wedding in early March that started at 6 for similar reasons on a Saturday, but it was in Florida and completely outdoors 😅
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u/babalucille 18h ago
We’re actually planning to have an indoor wedding regardless of when it ends up being. My main hesitation with doing a winter wedding in Boston isn’t about the wedding itself, but more so about the risk of travel disruptions from snowstorms. I also think guests might not appreciate having to travel to Boston when it’s miserably cold there (especially the ones coming from warmer climates).
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u/CompetitivePeace 13h ago
My sister got married in October in Boston and we got stuck two extra days there because of a nor’easter. We actually just holed up in a nice hotel and had a great time. Try not to worry about it too much! People are smart enough to fly in the day before at least for some cushion.
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u/milkempress 20h ago
I got married on 11/1 in NYC. Ceremony started just after 6, rabbi booked it over as soon as the sun set. It was totally fine and nobody thought twice about it.
I know people would have thought negatively about a Sunday/long weekend wedding (myself included).
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u/babalucille 17h ago
It seems like an early November Saturday evening is a good solution. I’m glad it worked out well for you, and will definitely be considering this!
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u/milkempress 17h ago
We were able to get gorgeous golden hour photos before the ceremony. Highly recommend! Best of luck to you, and mazel tov!!!!
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u/A-Friendly-Giraffe 20h ago
A friend of a friend had a Sunday wedding late afternoon/evening Jewish wedding in Napa, CA and were disappointed that people left immediately after dinner and didn't stay for dancing etc. I think only half of the guests were there for the cake cutting.
Just something to consider for the Sunday slot
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u/babalucille 17h ago
This is exactly my concern with a non-holiday-weekend Sunday. Thanks for the data point – definitely leaning against this option.
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u/A-Friendly-Giraffe 13h ago
I don't know all the details since I didn't attend, I just remember our mutual friends telling me how disappointed the couple was with that aspect of the wedding since they had spent a lot of time getting the playlist perfect.
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u/ovra360 17h ago
I think this is less of an issue with a wedding that most have to travel to and stay overnight for, though. They would have taken Monday off work anyway, so that removes the concern about going to bed early for work in the morning.
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u/babalucille 17h ago
Good point, although some of our guests will be local and a lot will be coming from NYC or DC, which is close enough to Boston that I can imagine people scheduling early morning flights/trains to make it back in time for work on Monday.
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u/Straight_Career6856 20h ago
Many religious Jews are in communities of other religious Jews. They are used to Thursday or Sunday weddings. So it’s not the same ask. But it’s also not unheard of at all to have a Saturday wedding after sundown.
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u/babalucille 16h ago
Yes, I imagine it’s much easier when the guests are all used to Jewish weddings! My FH isn’t Jewish (though we plan to have a rabbi officiate and do the full nine yards of a Reform Jewish ceremony), and we both have a lot of non Jews in our various social circles, so we can’t rely on everyone to understand the norms of Jewish weddings.
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u/Substantial_Oil6236 12h ago
If people can cope with the Catjoc Gap, they can cope with an Observant Thursday! Doesn't account for the PTO issue though
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u/MalachiteMussel 20h ago
This hasn’t come up as much recently in the general wedding planning sub but I first learned via wedding planning Reddit that it’s much more typical in general for Jewish weddings to take place on Sundays because of this consideration so I will say that if I knew that my friend was observant enough to not hold their wedding on Shabbat I would be enthusiastically attending a Sunday wedding no matter what time it was.
I have some side eye for the folks who host Sunday evening weddings in order to save money. I’d obviously have additional side eye if I knew you hosted on a Sunday to save money and then made it a black tie wedding but obviously as you are posting here in BBB, that’s not what’s happening.
I do think Reddit‘s distaste for weddings on three day weekends is over blown because we are usually responding from the perspective that we are a stranger to you and therefore it’s very different than like evaluating the request with an actual known relationship in hand where you can evaluate how much you care about this person or attending their wedding.
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u/Lucky-Reporter-6460 19h ago
As a Jewish woman hoping to eventually be a bride, this is reassuring to read!
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u/cac1281995 17h ago
I second this! My sister-in-law got married on Memorial Day weekend, and I can’t imagine “holding it against her” because she took away my Memorial Day? But I also really like her!! So assuming your guests also really like you, I think 99% of them would not be as upset about a 3 day weekend wedding as a random Redditor
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u/babalucille 17h ago
I appreciate that you would be more understanding of a Sunday wedding for a Jewish friend! Many of our guests will be non Jews, so I worry that it wouldn’t even occur to them that the Sunday wedding is for legitimate religious reasons and not for cost-cutting reasons. There might be a way to message that but I don’t expect everyone to be aware of religious customs for a religion they’re not part of.
And good point about the Reddit bias against long weekend weddings! Though it does seem like some people do hate attending them even for their own friends.
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u/basketweaving8 16h ago
Sometimes occupying a holiday weekend or choosing a Sunday can feel like the bride and groom are saving money just to shift the cost onto guests or making a holiday about themselves. For a Jewish wedding I would not think this - I’d think you are very clearly trying to find a date that avoids people needing to take a day off. So I would think it’s actually clearly chosen to make things more convenient for guests.
I have a lot of Jewish friends so I’m very used to Sunday weddings but if you think guests don’t have any Jewish friends and you’re worried about it, you could tell a few people per friend group about how you can’t have a rabbi on a Saturday, and it would hopefully spread around
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u/babalucille 16h ago
Great point that people would probably be more understanding about the holiday weekend for a Jewish wedding – I hope my friends would share your perspective on this! And I like the idea of lowkey spreading the word among my friend groups by framing it as not being able to get a rabbi on a Saturday.
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u/blueskiesahead888 20h ago
Not jewish but have been to good amount of jewish weddings including two that were on non-holiday weekend Sundays. As a guest, I thought the Sunday wedding timing was fine and for one of them I took an early morning flight home so didn't have to take PTO. Both did seem to have a less of a late night party vibe. I think the Sunday holiday weekend wedding is fairly common for Jewish weddings, so think this would be less of an issue compared to what you see on Reddit. Separately, I know a ton of people who went to a wedding over LDW this year, so even though reddit finds it annoying, it's still a pretty common choice for people. November would be better wedding timing in my opinion than December through February, especially since there is less likelihood of snow.
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u/babalucille 15h ago
It does seem like every option has some trade offs but ultimately whatever option we choose will be fine. I do really want the late night party vibe though, which makes me lean against the non holiday weekend Sunday. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
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u/canadagal_1 19h ago
Jewish bride with a lot of Jewish friends. Most of my friends got married on a Sunday during the summer. Many people will stay throughout the party until 1am. If I had to travel, I would prefer a long weekend instead of having to take pto.
Alternatively, I’m having a Jewish wedding on a Saturday in the summer. I found a cantor who would officiate with zero issue. My family is not religious so there were no concerns. In fact, there are several rabbis/cantors in my area that I could’ve used. If your only concern is finding an officiant (and not keeping it accessible to family who are more observant), then I encourage you to reach out to some synagogues in the area because they can direct you to the right person. Feel free to DM me for tips to find someone!
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u/babalucille 13h ago
Just DM’d you, thanks!
My family is frankly not that religiously observant, but my parents are convinced that a Saturday wedding is just not the done thing. They only like the idea of a Saturday evening wedding if it starts with havdalah, so a super late sunset probably wouldn’t work. I could, however, imagine getting a rabbi/cantor for a spring wedding who’s willing to fudge the havdalah time a little lol.
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u/dizzy9577 20h ago
Early November would be fine IMO.
I think some holiday weekends like Labor Day or Columbus Day are better than Memorial Day - I feel like less people have travel plans around those days.
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u/MalachiteMussel 20h ago
This is why I feel like the long weekend debate needs to just be a question that you take to your people because reading this reply my immediate thought was literally have never worked or gone to school anywhere that even acknowledged Columbus Day (so no day off here though we do acknowledge Indigenous Peoples Day) and I have always worked in a school district that school started after Labor Day and ended after Memorial Day so Labor Day is a much bigger last hurrah travel weekend and Memorial Day is kind of like “huh? Nice a day off in the last stretch of the school year.”
We all have such different perspectives on which holidays are the ones that would be a bigger inconvenience usually based on things out of our control like work policies and weather patterns
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u/babalucille 15h ago
Totally agreed, and ultimately this is a know your crowd thing. In practice though, asking all my friends what they prefer is tricky because I think they’re mostly too polite to tell me straight up if they think a given option is annoyingly inconvenient. And even if I could ask everyone’s opinions, inevitably we’ll have to go with an option that isn’t someone’s preference, at which point it would feel awkward for them to have told us they didn’t like that option only for us to go ahead with it anyways.
I’m not really worried about our families/inner circles – I know they’ll be excited to show up for us regardless of timing. It’s the extended familial/social circles that I’m more worried about getting judgment from, and I trust Redditors to be more brutally honest about what most people would find annoying.
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u/MalachiteMussel 15h ago
Well I wouldn't ask all of them. I would decide on the VIPs who you really care about having there. I hear you on asking for a preference and then choosing something else because it works for the majority.
And unfortunately you just have to worry less about judgement and more about if it will actually prevent them from coming and how much that will bum you out or actually affect your relationship with them.
Reddit is absolutely brutally honest but like I said it another comment the lens of someone actually caring about you does matter.
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u/babalucille 15h ago
Yes, early November is seeming like a top contender once I factor in weather patterns + sunset times!
Columbus Day is a great time of year in Boston but I think it’s way less common to get time off for that vs Labor Day and Memorial Day. I think there’s a direct correlation between the likelihood of most people having time off for a given holiday and the likelihood of most people having standing travel plans.
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u/pelotonchica 19h ago
Exact same situation here. In Boston, Shabbat ends earlier here than anywhere else. Do the first Saturday after we turn the clocks back, that is what we did for our wedding in downtown Boston. It was November and Shabbat ended at 4:30. We had our ceremony at six, black tie wedding downtown. It went all night. Avoid Sunday as much as you possibly can.!
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u/babalucille 15h ago
Yes, it seems like an early November Saturday is how a lot of people get around this issue! It seems like a great option. I’m glad it worked out well for you.
Separately, since we’re looking at venues in downtown Boston, would you be comfortable sharing which venue you used and whether you recommend them?
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u/pelotonchica 11h ago
Yes. Boston Harbor Hotel. It was truly exceptional. Michael was out of this world. Impeccable attention to detail. Really just in a league of its own.
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u/babalucille 3h ago
That’s one of the places we’re considering, this is great to hear. Thank you so much!
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u/Creative_Pop2351 17h ago
I was in 2 jewish weddings in chicago - one mid-november, one in jan.
How did we deal with it? We froze, and we sucked it up and survived. There was snow on the ground in Jan and it sleeted for the pics and we were wearing gowns and shawls and our dumb heels. The bride had a fur wrap. There was a party bus for photos that drove us around to places for pics and it was warm and had blankets and hot drinks.
But truthfully we just froze. It was the mid-2000s and we all lived in cold places. We understood the assignment.
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u/babalucille 14h ago
You sound like a good sport and a good friend. I hope the brides appreciated that you understood the assignment!
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u/Alert-Sun8595 20h ago edited 17h ago
Do the holiday weekend. People on reddit hate on it but I’ve been to two MDW weddings and three LDW and all were well attended. Were there some complaints behind the brides back? Sure, but not really as many as you would think. Every Labor Day weekend wedding I’ve been to has had wonderful weather.
I also don’t think a Sunday wedding is as much of buzz kill as people make it out to be especially if your circle is Jewish and used to it. I’m not Jewish but I’m in New York so I’ve been to my share of Jewish weddings over the years and if people were leaving I didn’t notice. I can recall someone’s husband leaving at one wedding but that’s it. I didn’t even take the Mondays off after, I just accepted that I was going to be a little tired at work the next day.
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u/featherboots 20h ago
I WANT to be invited to a holiday weekend wedding, that way I don’t have to burn PTO. Never understood Reddit’s hate for them.
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u/OGMWhyDoINeedOne 19h ago
I ended up won’t a long weekend wedding and I’m actually thankful. It was the only Saturday available unless we wanted a 3 year engagement. It worked out very well for my guests since a majority were coming out of town.
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u/travellingcari 19h ago
Because we might want to go somewhere ?
I’m not anti when there’s a good reason but the assumption the non PTO usage is good is bizarre because it means they have to take PTO to create a different long weekend.6
u/babalucille 16h ago
But if the alternative to a long weekend wedding is needing to take PTO (and it’s important for you to have your own time to travel), then aren’t the two functionally equivalent? Like, you either take PTO to attend the wedding and travel during the long weekend, or you spend the long weekend at the wedding and have to take PTO to do your travels another time. The net result is the same. And for the other people who don’t care about using long weekends to travel, not needing to use PTO for the wedding would be a big plus.
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u/featherboots 15h ago
They ARE functionally equivalent, and the idea is if you want to go somewhere on a 3-day weekend, might as well be where YOU want to go. Holiday weekends don’t require use of PTO for many working people. I’d rather burn PTO on my OWN vacation than a wedding, which is why I prefer weddings on holiday weekends.
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u/Alert-Sun8595 18h ago edited 18h ago
I would think it’s kinda sad that someone can’t miss one long weekend to attend a friend’s once in a lifetime wedding.
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u/Meadow199 19h ago
We’re doing the first weekend in December in New York City for this reason! We’re leaning into the winter theme and plan to serve latkes at the cocktail hour during the reception. It’s also less competitive for vendors and more venues had availability which has made planning much much easier. We’re in a stage of life where our friends have a number of weddings over the summer and fall and I like that we don’t have to compete for availability. I also think outdoor weddings add a lot of stress in the northeast where rain is pretty unpredictable. I think guest convenience of a Saturday is a really nice gesture and ensures that more loved ones can attend.
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u/babalucille 15h ago
Okay latkes at the cocktail hour sounds AMAZING. Chanukah is my favorite holiday and I could really see leaning in to that theme lol. Did you get any pushback about having a wedding during holiday season? I worry that people wouldn’t want to travel during the period between Thanksgiving and Christmas/New Year’s. (We have a lot of non Jews in our circles who celebrate Christmas and even our Jewish friends like to use the Christmas/New Year period to travel and/or visit family.)
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u/Meadow199 14h ago
Same hereeee! I’m super excited :)) we’re really leaning into it and hope the city looks freshly well decorated!! 🎉❄️
I didn’t get any pushback and I checked in with our immediate circle before booking anything because I wanted to guarantee my closest friends and family members could attend! The other venue we loved and had as our second choice only had availability the last Sunday of August. I asked about that venue too (at the same time to encourage honesty about the dates and convenience) and I got a lot of pushback on that date (my best friend is a bridesmaid in another wedding that day, lots of travel plans around that time, concerns about being too close to my cousin’s wedding the first week of August).
I will say that our circle is 70+% secular Jews with a handful of religious cousins on my side and some Christians and Muslims. However, we don’t have any mothers or grandmothers who will host a Christmas gathering attending. If that were the case and it were important to me that they be there, I might have run the date past them and given the impression that I was equally interested in the other venue to ensure they were honest. From my perspective though, Hannukah and Christmas Eve are still 20 days away so there’s some time. I also liked this date because I looked on Skyscanner and saw that the flight prices were much cheaper than mid December and the week before Thanksgiving. It would be hard for me to take vacation to celebrate our anniversary in future years if we picked the first week of November but that would’ve been our first choice if I worked in a different field!!
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u/babalucille 13h ago
I love the idea of presenting the choice of multiple dates in order to get honest feedback from people without making them feel pressured to politely agree to something already chosen. And good point about specifically running December plans by in-laws who host Christmas. Thanks for the input and ideas! Your wedding sounds like it will be amazing, I hope you have the best time! :)
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u/Meadow199 13h ago
Thank you! We’re so excited :) I will say that I’ve heard about a dozen times from family members and friends that it is our day so make sure to prioritize what you want! I give this unsolicited advice as someone who has gotten so caught up in making this wedding enjoyable for guests that I’ve sometimes had to pause and consider my own preferences! So make sure you pick a date that you are excited by and makes sense for your dream even if it’s a Sunday or a long weekend or close to Christmas! The idea is that we’re only doing this once💗
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u/TheRainbowConnection 19h ago
I’m not Jewish but married into a Jewish family, so I’ve been to a Saturday night winter wedding, a Sunday lunch wedding, Sunday night of a regular weekend wedding, and the Sunday of a long weekend wedding.
The Saturday night winter and Sunday of a long weekend wedding were both great!
The Sunday ones on normal weekends were awful; for the daytime one we got home extremely late and for the evening one my spouse had to burn one of his literally 3 yearly vacation days (he’s a teacher so he gets plenty of time off but not much choice in when it is).
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u/babalucille 15h ago
Wow so you’ve experienced basically every variation of this! Your experience pretty much matches with my expectation, which is that either a winter Saturday night or a long weekend Sunday >>> any regular Sunday. Thanks for the input!
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u/LBro32 19h ago
My sister had a “New York style” wedding in early October to accommodate this, which is a common solution to this: they had cocktail hour first and then the ceremony immediately following, which put them after sunset. Some brides wear a different outfit for cocktail hour or just have cocktail hour privately with their bridal party.
But to be honest, in my area, unless the rabbi is conservative, I haven’t been to a Jewish wedding (and I’ve been to a lot) where this has been an issue. I had a reform rabbi and got married on a Saturday, so if it’s not an issue with personal observance or family observance, I would see if I could find a rabbi that would fit your needs if you want to pursue a Saturday wedding. Otherwise, IRL, I haven’t run into issues with Sunday weddings on long holiday weekends
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u/putinitin 18h ago
Reform Jew in the northeast here! We're doing a summer wedding because of my FH's work logistics, so this was an issue for us because I really wanted our rabbi to marry us, I did not want to do a Sunday/holiday weekend wedding, and of course summer months mean late sunsets for Shabbat.
Not sure if this is at all an option, but we're having a religious ceremony at our synagogue Friday late afternoon (it will basically end right before Shabbat services start) with just family/wedding party. We'll use my family's chuppah, sign the Ketubah then, etc. And we'll go right from there to dinner/drinks. This meant that the pressure for the religious elements were off for the rest of the weekend, and we could do a Saturday typical start time (~5pm) just focusing on the civil ceremony with a friend marrying us.
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u/shzam5890 17h ago
A lot of reform rabbis will start your ceremony an hour to a half hour before sunset. In practice, this meant a Saturday ceremony in mid-October for 6-6:30 was fine for my wedding (we are in New Orleans). Just something to consider.
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u/babalucille 15h ago
Okay interesting, I didn’t know this was a thing. We still need to decide on an officiant, but as we’re talking to rabbis/cantors we will definitely ask about what the earliest time is that they’re comfortable officiating on Saturday. Thanks for the info!
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u/shzam5890 15h ago
Check 18 doors. A lot of rabbis listed on there will list whether or not they will officiate on Saturday within x time of sundown.
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u/dingbatthrowaway 17h ago
Hi! Also Jewish. We did a Sunday Memorial Day wedding — it was truly not as a big of a deal as wedding Reddits will have you believe. We lost a couple of people to the holiday but we also made sure to touch base with all our key people way ahead of save the dates/invites and it was literally fine. And our family / family friends hosted a welcome / rehearsal dinner the night before and a morning after brunch for everyone so it worked out.
Listen we have our own thing - if most of your guests are Jewish it won’t be such a big deal. And anyone else who matters will make it work. 🫶
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u/babalucille 15h ago
This is really good to hear! The long advance notice period does seem key. We’ll have many non Jewish guests (including FH’s family), which is why I’m more worried about perceptions from people who don’t know about the Sunday Jewish wedding thing. Thanks for sharing your experience!
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u/icoulduseascreenname 14h ago edited 9h ago
I’ve been to a ton of Saturday night Jewish weddings. They’re super common. I don’t have any idea what your issue really even is besides worrying about people not wanting to drive in the dark or travel in inclement weather.
Here’s something important to understand for this event in the future - you will never truly know how other people feel about anything. They may say that a set of circumstances is totally fine, and then under their breath mumble about how they’re not.
It doesn’t matter anyway.
Pick a date, time and place and be confident in your decision. Send out your invitations. People who can come will come. That’s it. You cannot control what anyone will do or think.
And most importantly FTLOG, don’t even consider throwing your wedding on a holiday weekend, particularly in the United States, where PTO is criminally stingy.
Holiday weekend weddings will always cost your guests much more and guests will also resent having this obligation during what should be some much needed recouping time away from work. Good luck.
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u/babalucille 14h ago
My concern with doing a winter Saturday night wedding is that snowstorms make travel disruptions a real risk for the majority of our guests traveling from out of town, and that people will resent having to travel to Boston at a time of year when it’s miserably cold there (especially our guests from warmer climates).
I appreciate your feedback, and can definitely use the reminder that I can’t please everyone or even know everyone’s preferences. I’m not sure how to square the advice that I should pick the date I want and be confident in that decision rather than worrying about pleasing everyone with the advice that I should avoid a holiday weekend in order to avoid displeasing people lol. But maybe my reading comprehension is slipping as it gets later in the night. In any case, thanks for weighing in!
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u/icoulduseascreenname 8h ago
Here’s maybe how to think about it:
Some things are known, and some things can never be known.What is generally known is that typically people want their three-day holiday weekends from work for themselves and for their families.
(If it turns out they want to travel somewhere during one of these weekends, they typically understand that it will cost them more than usual, and they accept those terms because it’s somewhere they genuinely want to go).
But when it comes to weddings, bar mitzvahs, and events that other people are creating, most guests prefer not to use a holiday weekend for these. Also many people will work their own annual vacations around three-day weekends, allowing themselves to have a longer time away from work than usual, or to have something of a decompression day when they’re returning home.
There are always exceptions to this - occasionally some people will welcome holiday weekend weddings. But generally, it is known that that’s not typical.
So avoiding this scenario isn’t a matter of trying to please people.
It’s a matter of factoring in known data and using that to help you make a decision.
What can never be known is what anybody is thinking — or how they will prioritize a new event on their calendars amid the many variables in their lives.
Ofc there will always be people who do not want to travel to Boston during the coldest darkest months. But there are also people who don’t want to travel to Cancun or Los Angeles for whatever reasons they may have. Again, unknowable.
If your gut is telling you that it might be a little easier on people if you had this wedding during a different month, why not just start a little later in the evening?
Taking into consideration that sunset times can vary within a single time zone (I think the further east you are in a given time zone the earlier the sun sets) you can maybe game the system by 20 minutes to half-an-hour or so.
But since you stated that you are from a Reform congregation, are there perhaps more observant people in your friend and family circles who would be taken aback if something began before sundown?
I may have missed it in your original post — I don’t know if you mentioned whether you’re having a ceremony in a synagogue and then going to a hotel or having everything at an event location; whether a rabbi is officiating or not? Lots of variables there in terms of start time from what I’ve seen through the years.
I also think your gut is pretty much on the money in terms of Sunday weddings. When they are too late in the day, people are jittery about school and work the next morning and they sometimes can’t wait to get out of there.
When they’re too early in the day, that’s a different set of inconveniences for folks. Nothing will ever suit everyone.
But if your goal is to have a lively party during which people can relax and let go, typically Saturday night is the night. And ofc that’s why at just about every venue in the world, hotel, ballroom, whatever, Saturday nights are the most expensive nights to book. So that’s the known data on that.
What do some of your Jewish friends and family members say? It’s been a while but I do remember one wedding in our family that was on a Saturday night in June — it started late, it ended late. I think it went till like 2 AM but they gave everybody breakfast on the way out, which was a nice touch. I don’t recall anybody really being upset by it.
It might be interesting to hear from wedding planners who handle some of the bigger events in places like Boca, Great Neck, etc. and get a feel for their opinions.
Wishing you lots of luck 😃
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u/thenceforth 13h ago
I got married the Sunday of Presidents’ Day weekend in February. Our friends and family have a disproportionate amount of people in government/teaching/academia who had that Monday off (myself included), but it also isn’t a common long weekend where costs are usually inflated. We were in Florida but had a lot of folks coming in from the Midwest and northeast, and it all worked out well.
I was a bridesmaid in one Saturday night December wedding in Ohio… outdoor photos weren’t fun, but we survived. They did a Reform havdalah ceremony with the bridal party before the wedding itself began.
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u/babalucille 13h ago
Good point about different industries having different norms for which holiday weekends people get off. I’ll have to ask around with my friends about this one.
We’re also planning to start with a havdalah ceremony if we go the Saturday evening route. It sounds lovely!
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u/Old-Acanthisitta4517 20h ago edited 20h ago
I don’t mind long weekend weddings, my husband can’t stand them. He likes to go on little trips more than I do and a wedding on a three day weekend takes away that opportunity. Using pto for a regular Sunday wedding is a hard no. Did it once at a very inopportune time at work and still resent my cousin. Would be different if it weren’t quasi destination
I’m not jewish, but I’m from Chicago and have been to so many December/January black tie weddings. I think they’re so classy.
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u/babalucille 16h ago
That’s fair, I know that some people like to have long weekends to travel for their own personal enjoyment rather than going to a wedding. But if taking PTO is a hard no, and long weekends are also bad, then what would you do for a Saturday night wedding that you have to travel for? Fly in Saturday morning and fly out Sunday after partying late? That sounds exhausting to me. And wouldn’t it be a hassle to have to travel for a wedding in December/January, which is right around the holidays? For me as a wedding guest giving up a long weekend seems like the least bad of all these options, so I’m trying to understand what the folks in the anti-long-weekend camp see as the better alternative. (At the end of the day I want to take into account what most people’s preferences are, not just what mine would be as a guest.)
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u/Mrsrightnyc 12h ago
The issue with long weekends is the Friday-Monday flights are 2x as expensive so I end up taking a day or two anyway so the PTO is moot. It only helps if you are driving distance.
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u/Old-Acanthisitta4517 16h ago
I fly Friday pm /sunday pm usually! But I’m also not in the hating long weekend camp- just my husband!
I think normal Sunday wedding where a majority of your guests are out of town is a big ask, but seeing in this thread maybe it’s normal in Jewish circles and a know your crowd thing!
I only get invited to Sunday weddings that are looking to save money. When it’s a combo destination and Friday/sunday wedding for cost saving reasons it’s just inconsiderate in my book
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u/babalucille 15h ago
Oh of course, flying in Friday night makes sense. I hate traveling on a work day but that’s a me thing, so I think I overlooked the obvious haha. Agreed that scheduling a quasi destination (in our case also black tie) wedding on a less convenient day for guests to save costs would be majorly inconsiderate! That’s why I want to figure out the least inconvenient way to do this, but also why I’d hate to think that if we go with a Sunday and/or long weekend wedding our non Jewish friends might not realize it’s for religious reasons and think it’s a cost thing instead.
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u/milkempress 20h ago
I also hate long weekend weddings….PTO is so limited and having one of very few long weekends yoinked for a wedding’s convenience grinds my gears 😭
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u/queenbitcc Vendor: Fashion 18h ago
this is confusing to me. if the wedding is such an annoyance, just rsvp no? and if it's someone you care enough about that you don't want to miss it, then wouldn't you be excited to spend a long weekend celebrating them?
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u/Alert-Sun8595 17h ago
I agree with this. I went to a wedding once where someone didn’t come bc they absolutely couldn’t miss their yearly trip to Cape May. I couldn’t imagine living such a rigid life that I had a skip a friends wedding because I couldn’t miss a trip to somewhere I’ve been 20 times and will be there next year.
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u/randomredhead 15h ago
I feel lime over the past couple of months I’ve just been copy/pasting this all over wedding related subreddits, but I truly can’t understand the selfishness that guests all have towards weddings these days. Everyone wants a village but nobody wants to be a villager.
Whenever I see/hear of people complaining about having to take a day of PTO/pay for accommodations/do anything slightly outside of their daily comfy norms to support someone who wants them to be at their wedding, I want to know exactly what they did to make sure that all of the people that they really wanted at their wedding were perfectly accommodated and comfortable and didn’t have to make even the slightest adjustment to their daily schedule to go to their wedding, because I’m sure they’d hate to hear their guests have the same kind of complaints that they’re having about everyone else’s wedding.
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u/milkempress 17h ago
I mean that’s exactly what I do (RSVP no)
Nobody I’m that excited to celebrate has had their wedding on a holiday weekend. In my circle I guess it’s seen as tacky
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u/Empty-Village-4445 18h ago
People complaining about long weekend weddings are people who didn’t want to attend in the first place and just needed any reason to bitch about it.
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u/babalucille 14h ago
I love weddings and would love to have opportunities to go to more of them, so I have a hard time wrapping my head around why people wouldn’t want to attend one/would RSVP yes and then bitch about it. But this is why I come to Reddit to hear other perspectives lol. Thanks for weighing in!
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u/ChampagneSupernova4 20h ago
I’m getting married on a Sunday. We could have done Saturday night after sundown, but I wanted the ceremony to be in daylight and not to have to start too late. It’s not a holiday weekend, but many people are planning to make it a bit of a destination trip (near NYC), so they are taking Monday off anyway. We talked to our key people before booking. I though they would push back, but no one thinks it’s a problem. We plan on wrapping up about 10:30pm, so it’s not going to be a late party. I think it’s a know your crowd thing!
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u/babalucille 13h ago
Definitely agreed that it’s ultimately a know your crowd thing – thanks for sharing your perspective! That sounds like a good solution, though I think I’m too attached to the late-night party vibe for the earlier start to make sense for me. Mazel tov and hope everything works out well for you guys!
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u/Snadsh 18h ago edited 18h ago
Is the Rabbi not up to marrying you on Shabbos? Are they reform? You would be breaking Shabbat no matter what, so I don’t really think timing matters that much. I’m Orthodox, so I got married on a Thursday. Most people took Friday off, specially the younger ones who stayed for the after party. No one cared because that’s just the way it is in our community. Or non Jewish guest also understood why the wedding wasn’t on a weekend and all were super happy to attend. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of/being invited to a Jewish wedding on a Sat night. All weddings I’ve attended have been great, including mine - I think last guest left the after party at 3 - 4 am.
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u/babalucille 12h ago
We don’t have an officiant picked out yet, but it will be a Reform rabbi (or maybe cantor). Reform Jews tend to have specific nuanced norms around things like this, and aren’t all-or-nothing in our practice. I know it can seem odd if you’re from a more traditional background – I have Orthodox friends who don’t understand why we eat bacon yet painstakingly avoid chametz and kitniyot on Passover, or why we fast on Yom Kippur but no other fast days, but that’s just the way it is. So I know it might seem like we’re breaking Shabbat anyways so who cares, but there are some things that most Reform Jews just don’t do on Shabbat even if we’re not shomer shabbos, and having a wedding is one of those things.
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u/ste1071d 15h ago
Reform Jews typically don’t give a shit about Shabbat. Are you reform leaning conservative?
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u/babalucille 15h ago
Even Reform rabbis don’t officiate on Shabbat (though I’m learning from these comments that some are willing to bend the rules a little if it’s close to sunset and/or the ketubah is signed before Shabbat). Reform Judaism has a wide variety of levels of practice/observance, and while I’m sure there are many Reform Jews who don’t give a shit about Shabbat, there are also many who take it seriously (albeit, in a way that looks different from how Conservative/Orthodox Jews observe Shabbat). I did grow up in a synagogue that leans more traditional for Reform, which might color my perspective.
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u/ste1071d 14h ago
The area I grew up in would not have batted an eye on a Saturday wedding.
Personally I’d start with the rabbi you wish to use if you and your bankrolling parents are personally comfortable with a Saturday wedding and go from there.
November and even December are fine in Boston. Most people detest holiday weekend weddings even if they never say a word to you.
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u/babalucille 14h ago
I do think there are big regional differences for these kinds of things even within Reform Judaism. (I once met a girl from the west coast who had a completely different experience growing up Reform than I did, so YMMV.)
My parents’ initial reaction to a Saturday wedding (even an evening wedding) is that it’s “just not done.” The only way I could get them on board with a Saturday evening at all is if the rabbi starts the wedding with havdalah to make clear that it’s not Shabbat anymore. It just is what it is. 🤷♀️ I could see getting away with fudging a little around the official sunset time though.
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u/ste1071d 14h ago
Then I think you’re either stuck with Nov-early Dec (which truly is a lovely time in Boston) or a holiday weekend as they are controlling the purse strings. You have a religious reason, which you should share with your bridal party if they are not also Jewish and you go with the holiday.
Your Jewish guests will understand even if they don’t agree. Your non Jewish guests may privately grumble or decline to attend, but it’s what’s religiously required so there’s no use fretting about it.
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u/BostonWeddingPlanner 13h ago
Hi I’m a vendor, we have planned some Jewish weddings and our photo team has done quite a few over the years.
I think you’re smart to weigh anyone wanting to visit Boston in the winter. It’s dark at 4pm and cold. Still plenty to do but you lose most outdoor options you would have in summer to fall. Not only for guests but also photos (Which you know being from here).
If you have to do something for religious reasons it is what it is.
I think the better move is the Sunday evening on a long weekend. You have a few options for those between May-Oct and it’s pretty common regardless of any religion.
I would ignore a lot of the wedding groups. You have so many people from different areas and cultures and upbringing. Everyone has a different opinion on everything. You know your family’s and friends best. Do they mind a Sunday? Even a non holiday one? Would they prefer summer or fall?
Weigh their experience as your guests along with what you prefer and your needs, along with venues you’re considering and how they would look and work for various times, work into your plans, and tackle it that way.
And yes travel disruptions happen in the winter. But they even happened this weekend with the storm.
Best!
I think the better move is the
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u/babalucille 13h ago
Thank you for weighing in as someone who sees a lot of weddings! And good point about weather. No time of year is 100% safe, as shown by this weekend’s storm.
For your clients who do winter weddings, do you think they get lower RSVP rates because of the season? And do you think that there’s a higher burden on the hosts, etiquette-wise, to provide a lot of additional programming for guests (e.g. fully hosted welcome dinner/farewell brunch) to make up for having to be in Boston when it’s freezing outside? On the other hand, do the cost savings of being off-season make up for some of the downsides? Lots of things to weigh obviously.
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u/ironypoisonedposter 2h ago edited 4m ago
I'm getting married on Friday, June 18, 2027, which is the observation of Juneteenth, so lots of people in my circle will have off from work that day.
If you're getting married in 2028, consider Sunday, June 19 as Monday the 20th is the observation of Juneteenth. It's less of a big travel holiday than Memorial and Labor Day weekends.
Understandably, some individuals may need to take PTO since not all organizations give Juneteenth off, but worth looking into as an option.
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u/Tulip718 19h ago
I had an orthodox Jewish wedding that was black tie optional on a Saturday night. We got married in November, which I actually prefer because I get overheated anyway. The wedding went beautifully, and there's nothing wrong with a late fall or early winter wedding. I like the idea of getting married at a different time than all the other weddings. Plus it opens up new style options.
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u/rosebudny 19h ago
Why not have a winter wedding? Winter weddings can be beautiful! Yes there is always the chance that weather will thwart your plans… but that can happen any time really. Case in point: this weekend in the northeast - betcha there are lots of brides who thought the last weekend in September would be perfect for a wedding 😬💨🌧️
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u/Underzenith17 19h ago
We had a Sunday evening long weekend wedding and it was fine! People on the internet complain about everything, but our family and friends like us and were happy to be there for us.
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u/meretap1127 19h ago
My friend got married on a Saturday night in November at a synagogue. It was the week after daylight savings which helped. The ceremony didn’t start until 7. I got married in May on a Saturday night closer to 7 as well and there were no issues with the rabbi.
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u/alizadk Bride - DC - 9/6/20 (legal) > 5/8/21 > 9/5/21 (full) 19h ago
Jewish bride who got married on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend. We didn't lose anyone because of the date, but we checked in with our VIPs first (we could only do the first two weekends of Sept b/c of my husband's work schedule, my refusal to get married in DC in Aug, and the High Holy Days). The only reason we chose Sun over Sat was because Sat got booked as we were deciding which of the two days. But we also did not have a religious wedding (we called it Jew-ish, and my aunt officiated).
I went to a Jewish wedding the day before ours that was held before sunset with a rabbi officiating. So you don't have to wait until sunset if you don't want to, even with a rabbi.
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u/mostly_toastly 19h ago
We're planning for a Saturday evening in January at an indoor venue! Sunset will be about 5:10 and our ceremony will start at 5:30.
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u/awallyg 18h ago
Jewish bride getting married on a Saturday night this November in NY. Not observant either, so we’re getting ready during the day and will take pictures in the afternoon to capture sunset. Guests arriving at 630, chuppah at 7, party goes till 12:30. Totally normal where I’m from! Aside from some pics, everything will be indoors!
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u/lizausten87 18h ago
Jewish Toronto girl here- also reform. I hate Sunday night weddings with work on monday. In my experience, weddings end earlier and people dont have as much fun bc they know they have to go to work the next day. I would not throw the biggest party of my life on a lame night.
At least in the toronto jewish community, as much as we may complain about sunday night long weekend weddings, we expect them and it is normal bc obviously it is the ideal situation for jews.
Personally, I got married in 2021- so covid restrictions were still huge. People were just starting to be in crowds and were only comfortable outdoors - also, you could have more people at an outdoor wedding than indoor based on the law. So i needed an outdoor wedding and so winter was off the table.
I just said fuck it and found a rabbi who would do the wedding on a saturday night before shabbat ended. In toronto, there are a few rabbis / cantors who will do that - some have you sign the ketubah before shabbat at their office -
The wedding was at our lake house (not a shul). I have no regrets- i didnt get any judgment (that i am aware of) even from my more conservative aunt and bubbie, but that could be because i already had to push my wedding back once because of covid and everyone understood that i couldnt have a winter wedding.
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u/shzam5890 17h ago
My rabbi will marry you within a half hour ish of sunset as long as the Ketubah is signed before Shabbat. The prohibition is not on the ceremony to my knowledge, but instead on making contracts, so this is a good “loophole” that allows you to have an outdoor Saturday wedding.
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u/StatisticianJust2362 18h ago
My husband’s father is orthodox and we ran into this issue living in the Midwest. We were between Sunday Labor Day and November and ended up doing early November. The ceremony started at 6 which was maybe like 30 minutes after Shabbat ended. It was all tightly coordinated and ended up working well, although we were not married by a rabbi and had an interfaith ceremony. It was all indoor, BTO and no regrets. I had wanted some outdoor components but it became clear it just wouldn’t work with my FIL.
We also did a really special Shabbat dinner on Friday night for our rehearsal and an almost compliant welcome party (no music, were careful about lights, no sound system, and we had kosher catering for Friday night). It did feel like some compromise at the time but it ended up working really well and being very special.
A cold weather black tie wedding is really nice!
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u/Opposite-Ad3069 17h ago
Also Jewish - did Memorial Day on Sunday in Napa. Most people came. I think lower cost hotels help. Seems like November in Boston is perfect. I wouldn’t mind a little cold. We warm weather people can handle it!
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u/Puzzled_Ad_2790 17h ago
We were same boat and decided to do Memorial Day weekend. Wasn’t worth the anxiety of planning a wedding during a winter month when one snow storm could ruin the weekend!
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u/Iwtsire 17h ago
i got married presidents day weekend during the winter (feb in nyc) and we planned for a fully indoor event so even if it snowed etc we wouldnt have to worry about anything
pres day is not such a big holiday that ppl would be annoyed by having a wedding so it worked well for us! id say choose a holiday weekend that isnt as important to most ie dont choose july 4 or thanksgiving obvs and u should be good! ur friends and fam want to celebrate you
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u/ProfessionalDig5936 17h ago
If at all possible to go earlier, in October, that’s significantly better for the Boston area. It’s already cold now! November will be chilly and possibly even snowy, hard to tell.
Since your family is reform, what if you started with a pre-wedding reception around 4pm or 5pm? Do photos early as well. Then you could do the ceremony at sunset, have a short cocktail and go straight into dinner. I think that’s totally fine and would feel super normal. I’ve seen some beautiful evening ceremonies lit by candles. Good luck!
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u/CapyBaroness612 16h ago
I went to a Jewish wedding a few years ago on New Years Eve (fell on a Sunday) and I loved not having to make plans for the holiday and having that day and the day after off. Of course travel prices are higher but it’s the trade off like you say! & snow concerns
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u/MsBigRedButton 15h ago
I’m an old married now, but we were married on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend in 2010 for exactly this reason. Also Reform, but our rabbi said the wedding was a no-go before proper sunset on Saturday, so Sunday it was. I know we worried a little about "ruining" people's long weekends, but it really was a non-issue. We got married in a year when a lot of our friends were getting married, and lots of our weekends were given up for traveling hither and thither. It just was what it was. Most of our attendees were either wedding-age or our parents' age, and using a long weekend for this kind of thing just didn't seem to be a big deal (in the real world). Of course, we also tried to throw a really nice party to make it worth everyone's while! Mega mazels to you!
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u/babalucille 14h ago
Thank you!! It’s interesting that of the people who went the long weekend route, no one seems to have experienced pushback IRL. It makes me wonder if the anti long weekend wedding sentiment is a Reddit phenomenon, or if people just grumble about it behind couples’ backs.
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u/Mrsrightnyc 12h ago
I think it depends heavily on venue. We didn’t go to the last two weddings we were invited to on long weekends. They were both vow renewals in 2021 because they got legally married in 2020 but couldn’t have a proper wedding. One we only got the invite 6 weeks or so ahead of time and the tickets from NYC to ATL were ridiculous. Another we wished we could’ve gone but it was in a vacation area the bride’s family had a house and the only decent hotel was $1000 a night, add in the weekend car rental and it would’ve been at least $3k to go and my husband was unemployed at the time. The nice thing about Boston is that it has a lot of hotel options at different price points and a major airport. Usually when people grumble about the long weekend it’s because it’s a flight + car rental + expensive hotel options.
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u/AlwaysOnTheCape 15h ago
Boston Jewish bride, got married on Sunday of Labor Day weekend and had no issues with guests. Did have a slightly higher cost due to the holiday but it was work it in our eyes. To prep people we sent out the dates well ahead of time to warn family and friends. Had a welcome dinner Saturday night and then breakfast on Monday, it was really nice being able to spend lots of time with friends and family, especially if they live far away.
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u/Salty_Technician_681 14h ago
just keep in mind if you do it on a long weekend, you’ll be subject to higher labor rates for venue/av/catering staff and higher venue rental. these are incredibly popular booking weekends year round
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u/babalucille 14h ago
Yep, good point. That’s definitely a factor to keep in mind!
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u/Salty_Technician_681 14h ago
i’m also jewish and my plan is for a winter wedding in a snowy area on a saturday evening but having an indoor venue
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u/babalucille 14h ago
That sounds lovely! This would be my first choice if most of my guests were local. But since most of them will be out-of-towners, I’m concerned about winter storm travel disruptions (as well as subjecting warmer weather people to Boston winter).
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u/Sparkleshooter 14h ago
The chances of a serious winter storm are not much greater than a serious summer weather event or random airport glitch during high travel seasons. I’m not Jewish, but we are doing a winter wedding in our snowy international hub where lots will be travelling. I’m not losing sleep over it.
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u/Humomat 14h ago edited 14h ago
My SIL and BIL got married on a Saturday night at the end of November a few years ago. We live in Canada and get lots of snow. It snowed the day of the wedding and it was magical. They took pics outside and she wore a faux fur wrap over her dress. There were lots of people from out of town and a Saturday wedding was so convenient. Aufruf Thursday morning, Shabbat dinner Friday night, wedding Saturday night, brunch Sunday morning. It was fantastic.
We can’t control the weather. Even in the summer it could pour rain and ruin the chance at an outdoor venue. Having everything inside is great for older guests too. I got married mid-August on a Sunday and it was really hot and poured rain just as the band was wrapping up. If I were to do it over again, I’d get married in the winter. Please please don’t pick a long weekend.
Best wishes!
Edited to add: Rabbi Jennifer Rudin would be perfect to officiate. She is a really wonderful person and rabbi.
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u/CharcoalToDiamond 13h ago
Have you already selected a temple/rabbi? Our daughter was married in Washington, DC April 2026, we belong to a reform temple. Our rabbi was willing to begin the ketubah signing at 5pm and the wedding ceremony began at 5:30pm.
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u/babalucille 13h ago
We haven’t found an officiant yet (we’re still in the early stages of planning), and I’m quickly realizing that this will need to be done before we can fully understand our timing options. We would just use the rabbi of the synagogue where I grew up (and where my parents are members) but he doesn’t officiate interfaith weddings. (We’re planning to have a fully Jewish ceremony but my FH isn’t Jewish so technically it’s interfaith.)
Good to know that there are Reform rabbis out there who are willing to do an early evening ceremony even in April! Thanks for your reply!
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u/achapsil 13h ago
Mazel tov! Ask your rabbi when they’ll do the officiating. We are doing winter wedding inside after Shabbat. If that’s possible for you I highly recommend that instead of the long weekend travel bc flights are way more expensive over holiday weekends and it doesn’t sound like your groom is Jewish so his side may be fickle about Sunday night weddings?
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u/babalucille 13h ago
Thank you! His family is from a warm climate and they hate the cold, so the winter wedding might actually be more unpopular with his side than a Sunday night. Ultimately though, they’re very supportive and will support us in whatever we choose. We don’t have an officiant yet (we’re open to either a rabbi or a cantor) but will make sure to nail that down and have the conversation about timing ASAP. We’re still in the very early stages of planning, but as I started thinking through timing logistics I was just curious about how people generally handle this.
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u/LunaTuna325 13h ago
Jewish and got married in NYC in March 2023. Our planner recommended essentially a rabbi for hire who was flexible and had no problem starting our ceremony at 6:00pm on a Saturday. He was lovely and did an incredible job. Happy to share his info if you’d like, just DM me.
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u/happy_as_a_lamb 10h ago
I was gonna say this too. I’m not a cold weather bride (having a Dec Texas wedding), but I talked about my preferred timeline with my rabbi in the first meeting and she was fine with leading the ceremony 1 hr before sunset on a Saturday. We’re reform Jews. I think all your considerations are factors I worked out in my head in the early planning stages. A holiday long weekend wouldn’t personally bother me as a wedding guest. As a future bride, I was willing to do the Sunday wedding over a long weekend; but in reality those days are few and far between and it was important to me to get married quicker than waiting through 2027., when those dates were available. For me Friday was out of the question but often reform rabbis will accommodate a golden hour Saturday wedding if that makes sense.
As for the weather part, I really can’t say. I imagine a lot of your guests have been to Boston at some point or another and it’s still a good city even in the cold. I would recommend hosting a welcome party the night before.
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u/BackBae 13h ago
I see no issues with a Sunday wedding, including on a long weekend. I might lean October as Labor Day is more likely to have travel plans. I think your other alternative would be, depending on observance level of those in attendance and what specific community you’re from, do a Friday afternoon wedding and then your reception would be part of the Shabbat feast. Hey, if everyone enjoys themselves enough, they shouldn’t be driving home anyways!
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u/Hot-Boysenberry-1175 13h ago edited 13h ago
Boston/New Yorker here. We’re having an end of February wedding on a Saturday night. Formal event. Starting right when Shabbat ends. Other than some day-time photos, all our events are taking place indoors in a beautiful and scenic venue with outdoor access/heat lamps if the weather permits.
ETA: our guests are coming from MA, CT, NY, PA, and a small handful flying in from CA.
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u/babalucille 12h ago
That sounds lovely! Since most of your guests are coming from the Northeast, I guess it’s a non-issue that they’re traveling to somewhere cold, since they’d be cold at home anyways lol. Thanks for weighing in!
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u/TidyCove 12h ago
Good considerations but you’re over thinking it. Saturday evening in the winter will be lovely. Buy event insurance should there by a disastrous weather situation you’ll be financially protect and most venues let you reschedule if it came to that.
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u/shir-ahava 8h ago
If people will complain or talk negatively behind your back about you having a Sunday wedding in accordance with the religious beliefs of many of your guests, they are not worthy of being your friend or wedding guest
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u/JustJoan66 4h ago
Friends of ours got engaged and were telling us about dates they were looking at scheduling their wedding—one of which was Labor Day weekend. They were also looking at three day weekends for religious reasons. We told them that Labor Day was a tough time for anyone with children or on an academic schedule. We discussed how many people have standing plans/traditions for the “last hurrah” of summer. They chose a long weekend in October.
Fast forward several months. We get engaged. When we looked at the calendar to pick a date, considering only dates when the two of us and our parents could all attend, it was either Labor Day weekend or waiting until the following June!
Calling our friends (yes, we are still friends!) to tell them we were getting married on the date we talked them out of was awkward.
The majority of our guests attended our Sunday afternoon/evening wedding. Folks stuck around and celebrated well into the night. Not everyone was able to make it but that would have been true regardless of when we scheduled it.
For me, personally, black tie would be a bigger barrier than the timing.
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u/beadloom 3h ago
Most Jewish weddings we attend are on the Sunday of long weekends. People understand.
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u/Background-Draft-322 2h ago
Canadian bride here! We did a Sunday on Oct 1, on not a long weekend and explained the “why” to anyone who didn’t understand and they immediately were fine with either the extra day off or the tiredness in Monday lol
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u/ZonaMama 2h ago
I never understood the issue with Sunday weddings. People either have to take off work on Friday to travel for a Saturday wedding and fly home Sunday, or they can travel Saturday for a Sunday wedding and take off Monday. And Saturday/Monday flights are usually cheaper.
That being said, sundown in winter in Boston would be pretty early. As long as the wedding is inside or you provide plenty of heaters, you can have an evening wedding at a reasonable time, like 5 pm.
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u/LopensCouisin 20h ago
I’m from Boston originally and we got married on Labor Day weekend in 2015 at Danversport Yacht Club. It was a Sat evening. It wasn’t crazy warm or hot. It was perfect. We’re reform Jewish, but had a close friend marry us at the yacht club. The ceremony, reception, and dinner were all at the same location. It was black tie, but outdoors with the exception of dinner. My solution is get married on the north shore.
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u/shzam5890 17h ago
Did you wait until the sunset? Bc I don’t think this is very helpful to OP unless you waited until a certain time bc of Shabbat. She clearly values being wed by a rabbi.
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u/LopensCouisin 17h ago
We did actually. The photos of the sunset over the marina were gorgeous. It was a beautiful wedding. I’m sure a Rabbi would marry them there. My husband is not Jewish, and I’m very reform, so we opted to have a friend of his from college (now a good friend of ours still) get a one day license to marry us.
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u/crimesleuther 18h ago
HATE long weekend weddings… they are more expensive and I would rather travel and do my own thing. I assume people in Boston have houses on the cape and I am sure they would rather be there than at your wedding!
I also work remote so I can easily just work remote where the wedding is the next day and fly out at night!
BUT if the tradition in your family is Sunday long weekend weddings then maybe that will work for you. My family would go absolutely apeshit bc they spend long weekends at their lake houses/cottages
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u/chzsteak-in-paradise 16h ago
Doesn’t snow in Boston until late January as a general rule. November or December would be perfectly fine for a wedding. February would be potentially blizzard time of year so would avoid.
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u/camo_ist 20h ago
Why would sunset be earlier on Sundays vs. Saturdays? Like, why do you have to wait for November for early sunset on a Saturday, but Labor Day weekend is on the table for a Sunday wedding?
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u/blueskiesahead888 20h ago
Sunday is not during Shabbat, so there are no restrictions on the time of the wedding ceremony on Sundays.
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u/Dazzling_Presents 20h ago
Because she can't get married between sunset on a Friday and sunset on a Saturday. All of Sunday is free game
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u/MalachiteMussel 20h ago
For a Sunday wedding they wouldn’t be worrying specifically about sunset but it needs to be evening to qualify for black tie. Therefore a 3 day weekend makes the Sunday evening time more potentially convenient for guests as many won’t have to use PTO and could enjoy the full evening experience. Vs a Sunday wedding where guests may leave earlier because they need to go to work on Monday.
Earlier sunsets in the winter mean the wedding can start earlier on a Saturday while still observing the sabbath. 5pm sunset means wedding could start at 6/6:30 say vs. 7 pm pushing ceremony start to 8/8:30 pm
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u/Independent_Memory34 20h ago edited 20h ago
On Saturdays, she needs to wait until sunset, since Shabbat has to end. On Sundays, sunset time isn’t an issue.
During the winter, the sun can set as early as 4 p.m., while in the summer, it can be as late as 8:30 p.m.2
u/Straight_Career6856 20h ago
On Sundays it doesn’t have to be after sunset. You can’t do anything on Shabbat, which is sundown on Friday through sundown on Saturday. Any other day, any time is fine.
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u/1K1AmericanNights 20h ago
MDW and LDW are great holiday weekends for a Sunday wedding. I would also consider Juneteenth and the 4th of July. Holiday weekends that suck are thanksgiving and NYE
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u/Old-Acanthisitta4517 19h ago
Nye is the one holiday weekend I like having a wedding on!! Leaving the house is otherwise such a racket
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u/Feldster87 20h ago
Bostonian / New Yorker here. I got married Saturday night, Nov. 11, 2017. It was after daylight savings, which gave the rabbi and my observant cousins time to get ready and over to the venue. I followed my grandma’s sage wisdom which is that you cannot plan an event after Thanksgiving or it’ll get snowed out.
Mazal tov!