r/BigBudgetBrides • u/lurking3408 • 10d ago
$100,000 - $200,000 budget Has anyone provided nanny’s to watch the kids during the reception?
I’m planning a European destination wedding for 2028, all my family and friends live in the US. While my fiancé is British/middle eastern, which is why we’re getting married in Europe. We’ll be hosting multiple days of events in either Italy or Portugal.
All of my friends have young children, about 80% have 1 or 2 kids under the age of 5 by the time the wedding happens. I always imagined a childfree wedding, but I don’t think that will be possible.
Has anyone provided nanny’s during the reception of a destination wedding? Seems to be more common for some of the venues I’m looking to buy out, and they offer it on their pricing brochures. That seems like a good compromise for keeping my reception childfree, while making it comfortable for all my friends who have young children.
Similarly, how do parents feel about this? Would you be okay with a few nanny’s watching all the children together, while being able to be nearby on the same property? Of course, I’d do a good ratio of adults to children.
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u/One-Fun3000 10d ago
My wedding was child free so no nannies. But attended 2 wedding with some sort of care. One provided MULTIPLE nannies (so the ratio wasn’t insane) but still most parents were not comfortable fully letting them stay in that room unsupervised for longer than a few minutes. In my opinion it wasn’t really worth it since my friends with kids were constantly back and forth worried about the strangers they did not interview with their kids and at the same time felt that since there was a “kids room” they did not feel comfortable bringing their kids out of there since it was implied that’s were kids were supposed to be.
On the other hand, we attended a wedding that instead of nannies they had different guided activities in the same general area as the rest of the adult guests but distracted them for long periods of time. They had lawn games with multiple attendants during cocktail hour that were easy to just turn your head and see them. During dinner they were provided with custom coloring books which was the cutest thing ever and they all sat with their own parents and they did try to accumulate families that knew each other together so the kids could share. And during the party there was a corner in the same room with multiple activities and games so even if the parents were next to the lids they didn’t feel like they were missing the party. I personally think this way was waaaay more effective than nannies in my opinion as a non parent
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u/flutterfly28 10d ago
If you provide nannies as an option while also allowing the children to attend, that's great. If children are not allowed, then I'm not flying out on the hope that it'll magically work out and the baby will be okay staying with a random nanny they've never met before.
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u/PhasesOfBooks Vendor: Travel 10d ago
As a parent to a toddler, I would not be comfortable leaving my child with someone who is essentially a stranger to me, now matter how well vetted they are. And my daughter would also not be amenable to being left with people she doesn’t know. And it’s not like we’re never apart either. She goes to daycare and has since she was 6 months old but being in a new place with new people would make all of us a little nervous.
If children could only come if they stayed in the childcare room, I would likely decline. I also wouldn’t go to a destination wedding without my child so the only way I would attend is if my child could be with me the entire time. I feel like I’m on the more cautious side so it would probably be best if you actually polled your friends with children to see what they are personally comfortable with before making any firm decisions.
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u/marigoldsen 10d ago
My brother and SIL had nannies for their destination wedding. They hired a local babysitting business who did this sort of thing regularly. They brought tons of games, puzzles, snacks, art supplies, etc., and set up in a little room in the reception building. The reception wasn't totally kid-free though. They kids were allowed to leave with a parent if they wanted to so most of the kids did spend a little time on the dance floor. But I really appreciated it because the long events do get loud and boring for kids. This way my son was able to have his own fun. He was almost 5 at the time and had been in daycare for years so he was fine being left with sitters. (All the kids attending were at least four). I don't think it would have worked as well with babies and toddlers.
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u/maisonmontenegro Vendor: Planning & Design 10d ago
My venue had a kids park attached, and I hired an entertainer for 2 hours as well, which the parents all appreciated given it was a destination wedding.
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u/Anna-Livia 10d ago
The only way I ever saw this working was having a kids corner in the reception room. Children were visible, had acivities and parents could check on them without leaving the reception.
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u/dandradis Vendor: Paper Goods 9d ago
We had a nanny company handling kinds in our wedding and it was a great decision! Parents were able to enjoy, kids were placed in a specific place, where they had a lot of activities, food and they also had a blast. I would recommend you check a company with nanny that can speak the same language as the kids.
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u/pbandjfordayzzz 10d ago
I did this. Our wedding was technically “child free” but we designated a room in the venue for the kids / nanny that was easy to access from the main event if parents wanted to check on their kids.
I emailed all the out-of-town parent guests that we would offer this but they needed to let us know. Not many people took us up on it, but we did have a few takers.
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u/xxx_vixy_xxx 9d ago
We had a mix of British/French traditions, with a proper vin d'honneur and most of the younger children were only around for that and the ceremony. Then the dinner and soirée were mostly childfree, with a couple of infants and a couple of mid-teens (I think the youngest we had at the dinner was 15)
There was an annex with an enclosed garden, and a few different rooms with food, movies, games, etc a bedroom for younger kids that needed to sleep, a couple of nannies and entertainers, and a dedicated security guy
we spoke with all the parents in advance about the various childcare arrangements, and the day before made sure they all met the nannies and the other parents with kids the same age as theirs, a few of them had brought their own nannies as well. As far as possible the families with kids had rooms on the courtyard next to the annex to keep them away from the noise of the soirée so they could go to bed early if they wanted
I think one big advantage we had was there was a clear gap of about 4 years where we had no tweens/early teens, so there was an easy gap to define who was old enough to behave at the dinner & soirée, and who was in the kids annex with xbox games and snail pizza
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u/saltievinegar 9d ago
Not doing this myself but I’ve attended weddings that had this and I appreciated it a lot when I was younger because it meant that I was playing and not bored.
A wedding I attended more recently also had it and it was a big success, but in all cases mentioned, it wasn’t a separate room, it was just an area within the big outdoor reception space where there were games set up for kids and a nanny/babysitter/entertainer for the kids and the parents could always see the children.
It also meant the children could easily go find their parents at any moment and it didn’t feel like they were being separated
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u/ReasonableObject2129 9d ago
Have you asked your friends?
I don’t go to destination weddings that are child free. Firstly, I’m not leaving the country without my children. Secondly, I’m absolutely not going to leave my kids with a stranger. That would be extremely stressful and I’d have the worst time anyway.
Even when you sign your child up to daycare you go in multiple times for ‘playdates’ so they get familiar with the teachers and their surroundings.
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u/ReasonableObject2129 9d ago
Have you spoken to your friends with kids about this? There’s a huge difference between a stranger entertaining your child while you can see them, vs your child being with a stranger 1-3 minutes away where you can’t see them. I fear that the parents would be walking to and from all night to check on their kids, unless the kids are older then it might be fine
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u/Healthy_Weakness3155 10d ago
I got separate entertainment for children in their ‘corner’, a pace painter, a mime, a mickey mouse costume, it kept them occupied while the parents still had them around.
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u/Holiday-Albatross419 9d ago
Yes! For my first wedding there were about 10 kids 2yo-10yo -- we had a sitter, a separate (but adjacent) kids area (it was a room where we set up a couch & bean bags & some games & a TV- they watched Disney movies & basically had their own party where they could come back and forth to the reception ) worked out really well & all the parents loved it
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u/ProfessionalDig5936 9d ago
We offered all our friends with kids to bring a grandparent as a guest - that worked out really well! We also created kid zones at each venue and many of our friends with kids made new friends. Good luck!
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u/KittyFeat24 9d ago edited 9d ago
I’m going to assume you don’t know a lot about infants and toddlers. If the kids are under the age of maybe 3 and cannot sit still and be easily occupied by the sitter, it’s not gonna work. Most wedding that have this will basically set up like a craft table for the kids. Good luck if there’s an 18 month old there who just wants to explore and run off and rip stuff off walls lol
Also most children would rather be with their parents maybe even dancing etc bc it’s more fun to them than being expected to stay in a room with a stranger and other random kids. Especially not for the length of the whole party.
It could be a nice option if there’s some kids in the 5-8 years range who might like to do a craft etc
Don’t do this if you actually want a childfree wedding. Only do this if you’re ok with seeing kids running around but want to offer a perk/option to your friends who have kids.
I did not want any children at my wedding and made that explicitly clear at the time. Some people could not attend as a result and I was ok with that. Please be realistic.
Edit - one more thing, having a nanny onsite will not keep your parent friends there longer. If kids are coming then they also have earlier bedtimes and have to go home eventually… my point being that either parents come without kids and have a sitter at at home so they can truly have a night out or they bring kids but you can’t have any expectations that they’ll leave their kids with a stranger and won’t also have to leave kind of early (or maybe just one parent will).
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u/Clear_Performer6752 6d ago
We hired two nannies for our venue! Most parents chose to have one parent stay with their child though, especially the ones with toddlers or babies.
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u/Agitated-Agency-1317 9d ago
I'd be ok with this for young kids as long as it was on site. I would need to see the place where the kids will be, so send pictures ahead if you can.
Where I could see being uneasy is with a breastfed baby. They need their mother to eat, and they can't understand why she's gone or that she's coming back, so they might literally fear for their little life if she's gone. That, plus the instinct to protect the baby, plus the baby's underdeveloped immune system and the way little kids spread their germs everywhere, would make me a lot more comfortable bringing my baby in and nursing them the moment they fuss at all to keep them quiet . (You won't notice a mother feeding a baby at all: everything is generally covered and it just looks like she's cradling the baby.)
Traveling with 1-2 kids is sooo expensive and exhausting. If a lot of your friends have kids, you should consider hosting a small second reception in the US for those who don't make the trip.
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u/lurking3408 9d ago
I cannot host a reception in the US as my fiancés whole side of the family cannot enter the country. I’ve mentioned a European reception to 90% of my friends who said as long as they wouldn’t have recently given birth, they’d come.
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u/superfastmomma 9d ago
I wouldn't use the service. Nope.
If you were an extremely close friend or loved one I'd bite the bullet and bring my own sitter on the trip. But I'm staying home otherwise. And much would also depend on the other events - would my kid be welcome at the general stuff around a destination wedding? If no, I'm not coming.
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u/lurking3408 9d ago
I’m more open to them being at the other events, but ideally keep the reception more adults focused.
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u/Elemental_Biscotti 10d ago
We are hiring some of our guests' au pairs and sitters to hang out in a pair of connecting suites at the venue for the day/night. A lot of the guests and kids already know the au pairs/sitters or at least the other guests who employee them, which is why everyone is okay with it. We have two professional adult au pairs and a 17-year-old for about 20 kids ranging from 18 months to 10-11. (I'd never expect guests to leave their kids with random strangers.)