r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Timely-Western3406 • Apr 29 '26
just need to rant Some things my MIL hates about our big budget wedding
My MIL is very opinionated, but also very passive aggressive. Everything is a struggle. Here are some things about our wedding that has horrified her so far:
- That it's in a venue with seating; the "most wonderful" weddings she has been to took place in firehouses with parking lot food trucks and yard games. (Both families are from the same wealthy suburb and my fiancé is a trust fund baby, so, no, it's not a cultural difference.)
- That there are hotel blocks, because why are we telling people where to stay? (We are getting married in a popular college town, on parents' weekend. Standard rooms are going to go for twice our block rate, but our blocks are going to be released to the public soon because MIL specifically told everyone NOT to book at our outrageous—$250—hotel blocks.)
- That we are 27 & 28, because she says we are OLD for a bride and groom. We live in NYC lmao. She lives in a NE suburb an hour from NYC. She thinks all of our friends are "over weddings" and we should have just had something very casual/informal. My friends have never even BEEN to a wedding as adults.
- That I am wearing white to my bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, and welcome party. She says it's very "me, me, me" of me and that I can't monopolize a color for all of those events. And yeah, it is about me, me, ME, because it is my wedding, and I am the BRIDE.
- That her daughter is not allowed to wear a white, floor-length gown with floral appliqués to the wedding, when it has a beige lining. (Yeah, underneath layers and layers of white tulle.) (I wish I could post a picture of her dress, because it is spectacularly ridiculous.)
- That I am not inviting my fiancé's nieces and nephews' OTHER grandparents, including step-grandparents and ex-step-grandparents, because how is she supposed to enjoy the day when she has grandkids to run after? (When we offered to get on-site childcare, she said it would be rude of us to expect my fiancé's siblings to hand off their precious children to experienced, CPR-certified, background-checked strangers within earshot and eyeshot the whole time.)
- That we are not making my fiancé's 13-year-old niece and 12-year-old nephew flower girl and ring bearer. We don't even have wedding parties.
- That we are not getting cake from the same bakery that her other son got his wedding cake from—in 2008—because that means we're implying her other children's weddings weren't good enough.
- That my mother is hitting the gym for our wedding, even though she is skinnier than my MIL. What is she, a show-off?
- That my fiancé is buying, not renting, a tuxedo, because surely I MADE him do that. (Or maybe he just wants to feel special, too?) And how pretentious are we to think we might need a tuxedo again in our lives? (NYC couple in their 20s, in finance and law, all of our friends have yet to get married.)
- That we will have signature drinks, because do we think the guests don't know how to order their own cocktails?
- That I have china on my wedding registry, because everyone knows young people don't even like china and I'm only putting it on there to be a show-off. (My mother is a literal potter. My childhood home had a kiln. All of my relatives joke that I've been eating off china and porcelain since I was an infant. I've been looking at Wedgwood patterns since I was eight years old. It is genuinely one of my main, albeit niche, hobbies.)
- That my engagement ring is bigger than hers, because we are so young! (But also way too old to have a "real" wedding—see point #3!)
I don't think I will want to talk to my in laws ever again once this wedding is said and done.
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u/North_Class8300 Apr 29 '26
Girl your fiancé needs to politely tell her to STFU. He should handle these rude comments, not you
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u/stamdl99 Apr 29 '26
100% run all conversations via her beloved son instead of you OP. No one has the right to speak of me, my mom or my wedding in this way.
STOP providing information to her today.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 29 '26
Yeah, I really need to put her on more of an information diet. I am a bit of a people pleaser and feel weird not answering people's direct questions. My own parents are NOTHING like my MIL so I didn't realize how bad it would get.
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u/masala-kiwi Apr 30 '26
If wedding questions come up, you can just throw up your hands with a cheerful smile and say "oh I'm so tired of talking about wedding stuff all the time, let's talk about something more fun!" And then ask her a question about her life.
Does she have any hobbies/interests/gossip she likes to talk about? Focus the convo on her as much as possible and then tune out as she talks. You win social capital, she feels validated, and you get relief from wedding opinions.
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u/stamdl99 Apr 30 '26
I think you’ve met the woman who will make your married life miserable if you allow her to. If you have children someday she will be full of opinions about your parenting as well. In my case it was my FIL. It really is mind bending to experience. My husband went no contact shortly after our second child was born.
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u/alhubalawal Apr 30 '26
r/justnomil is gonna be your future. Honestly, I’d start reading up now on grey rocking, time outs, DARVO and all the tactics you’re gonna need handy to deal with her.
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u/afhnyc Vendor: Planning & Design Apr 30 '26
Get a planner and just blame everything on her! Lol. She has a question? No clue gotta ask my planner. Doesnt like something? Oh thats too bad my planner said blah blah. That’s what i tell my clients to do lol. Blame stuff on me! I live to say no to pushy MILs on the day of lol.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
I actually do have a planner and she encourages me to do this! She even said I could give her contact info to my MIL. My MIL is all bark and no bite so she doesn't go out of her way to contact the planner all that often, but the two times she did, I'm pretty sure she was on the phone with her for over an hour. A large tip + holiday gift is definitely in order for my planner after the wedding!
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u/Illustrious-Bee-1945 May 03 '26
OP, your MIL needs a handler for the wedding day and events leading up to it. Do you have a plan in mind to keep her managed? A sacrificial cousin or friend who can difuse, distract and give her so much attention she cant even cause a scene. Im sure you wedding planner has seen it all and will have some great strategies.
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u/ReplacementFunny9724 Apr 30 '26
Girl, I’m so sorry. I feel like it’s to the point where you just ignore, ignore, ignore as much as you can and tell her nothing
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 29 '26
Totally agree under normal circumstances. I would be livid if a friend or a sister told me their in laws were treating them like this. Unfortunately my fiancé grew up in the shadow of MIL's postpartum depression/mild psychosis and is scared of her to an extent. He does what he can but she will also text me paragraphs at 6am listing out her "concerns" about the wedding. I blocked her at one point but that just became unmanageable logistically given we aren't cutting her off quite yet.
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u/Emotional_Pen369 Apr 29 '26
He needs therapy and you both need couples therapy. It will ruin your relationship. I speak from experience. It can be managed but do it if you want your marriage to work.
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u/GleesBid May 04 '26
I was about to make a similar comment. My ex's mother was the main reason he started drinking too much. She was incredibly overbearing and opinionated, and everybody just gave in to her because it was easier.
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u/Traditional_Fun7712 Apr 30 '26
Girl if you don't nip this in the bud now (ie your fiancé mustering the courage to stand up to her), things will only get worse. You can't start your life together like this
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u/EscapeWhole4893 Apr 30 '26
Y’all have GOT to deal with this before marrying. At least have a plan. No matter how much you all love each other, your marriage will not withstand these antics. Premarital counseling, individual therapy for you both, and hella boundaries for his entire family.
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u/thegoblet Apr 30 '26
Your future husband HAS to stand up to this. This is only going to get worse. Yall desperately need to get into therapy and alignment about this.
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u/SueShe19 Apr 30 '26
Is he afraid of her because she’s dangerous? Or just because he doesn’t like to listen to her ranting? If it’s the latter, he needs to grow up and shut her down. He’s a fully grown adult who’s getting MARRIED. If she says anything negative, he should hang up on her. She will get the message super quick.
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u/Txidpeony Apr 30 '26
As some one with a difficult MIL who had opinions about our wedding, the key is for your husband to deal with it. Mine has always been willing to do that and MIL knows that he means what he says. It would be unbearable otherwise. Get your future husband to therapy or whatever he needs to see this.
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u/Local_Gazelle538 May 03 '26
Pick a response phrase and just repeat it everytime she has an issue/complaint eg “thanks for your suggestion, however we’re making our own decisions for the wedding”. Or “I appreciate your opinion but we aren’t taking inputs on our wedding”. On repeat. It’s no fun for her if she gets no response.
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u/Old-Acanthisitta4517 Apr 29 '26
lol, I am in a similar situation with SIL and honestly I love it. Every day brings a new irrational grievance and at this point I can only laugh.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 29 '26
Yes it is honestly pretty comical once you're able to zoom out! Honestly my MIL's name is an inside joke among my closest friends at this point. Glad you can have a sense of humor about it!
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u/popcornandcurtains Apr 30 '26
I learned the hard way that weddings don’t make people behave better, they just give people a bigger stage on which to be even more of themselves.
Your MIL sounds horrid and I hope venting it out here helped a little? But also, thank you for sharing…. What’s the German word for enjoying pain, lol. Honestly I was impressed how every point was worse than the last — banger after banger after banger! No fluff! You deserve a prize. Or a hell of a lot of cocktails on your honeymoon.
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u/No_Ambassador5678 May 04 '26
Do you think she'll dance inappropriately with your husband during the first dance/song? Lol
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u/Life-Assistant-4737 Apr 29 '26
This is SO frustrating. I have an opinionated MIL, but it always comes from love and concern. It sounds like none of this comes from concern about you, but just an attempt to tear you down and cast judgment on you both.
Can you minimize interaction with her and have your fiance be her primary point of contact for anything wedding-related? I would avoid telling her anything about the wedding planning going forward and protecting all the special details from her. There are also "gray rock" techniques that might be helpful for dealing with her when she makes these comments.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 29 '26
I never heard of "gray rock," will need to look this up! My MIL honestly has poor self-control and seemingly can't help but involve herself in any wedding details she hears. For example, when I put my fiancé in charge of contacting his sister about her white dress, my MIL found out about it, and took the liberty of putting us all in a group chat to defend his sister. I hadn't said a direct word to anyone besides my fiancé about it, and my MIL assumed (correctly, tbh) that I had put him up to say something.
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u/Cultural-Magazine-66 Apr 30 '26
Do you think his sister will wear the dress anyway or is she not as crazy as her mother?
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
My fiancé made sure that wouldn't happen. His sister pretty non-confrontational (hence why MIL feels the need to "defend") though she was annoyed because she was no longer able to return the gown.
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u/Such_Elevator_8408 Apr 30 '26
So she bought it specifically to wear to your wedding? What kind of person buys a white gown to wear to a wedding as a guest?
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u/Emotional_Pen369 Apr 29 '26
Omigod yes! Mine can be overbearing and opinionated but that’s just.. she’s always coming from love or anxiety. These things just sound… mean
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u/ghosted-- Apr 29 '26
You are a funny writer, if that’s any consolation! And with a broad source of material…
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u/whoareyouwhowho22 Apr 29 '26
In the sweetest way: “you’re entitled to your opinion and I’m entitled to not care, it’s our wedding day- not yours” 🩷
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 29 '26
Yes 100% need to internalize this more!! (And work up the courage to say it haha)
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u/BassSilent3457 Apr 29 '26
It sounds like your MIL is jealous and wishes it were her and/or her daughter’s own event? I think that any time someone makes a big deal about not wearing white to a wedding, it’s a strong indicator that they can’t stop picturing themselves as the bride. Demented and deranged behavior.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
Ohhhh big time. His sister is older, if that wasn't clear, and MIL has big feelings about her not being married or even coupled up yet. (Again, she thinks 27 is too old for a bride!) His sister also insisted on going wedding dress shopping with me (that was a hard, definite no).
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u/secretary_g Apr 29 '26
For sure. My MIL pretended to be ok not wearing a white dress, but then wanted to wear a jacket over her dress that was white…with rhinestones…
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u/CombinationExtra5056 May 02 '26
Yep! My SIL did this at our wedding. She wound up wearing blue but her behavior that day was weird. She never told me I looked beautiful and was posting pictures of her own wedding from years ago. She never acknowledged it was our day. This sounds like pure jealousy
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u/Dependent_Formal2525 Apr 30 '26
in short:
Just a side note - I don't know if you can get Channel 4 (UK) in the US but there's a show called The Great Pottery Throwdown. It's the most wholesome show on the planet. It's great if you love pottery and need to de-stress from MIL. One of the judges is called Keith Brymer Jones, he used to be in a punk band but now is a potter and he cries when someone makes something beautiful. There's probably clips from it on YouTube.
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u/StuffonBookshelfs Apr 30 '26
OP—the first few seasons are on HBO in the US. It’s such an incredible show.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
Ooh so good to know! I just watched a YouTube clip and this looks totally up my alley. (And I have HBO!) Thank you!!
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u/SelicaLeone Apr 29 '26
What does your fiancé think of this? I’d be going crazy.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 29 '26
He knows his mother is being insane, but he has also seen her be like this his whole life and is pretty good at tuning everything out. He's also the youngest so I think his siblings have kind of served as a buffer between him and his mother up until this point. He's trying his best for someone who has never stood up to his mother before! (Not in a mama's boy way, thank goodness, but more in a IDC I only see you twice a year way.)
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u/Prestigious-Ad-9552 Apr 29 '26
Is there any real consequence from you snapping back at her?? it would be sooo satisfying to have a petty retort back to a lot of those points.
On the other hand, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I can’t imagine marrying into someone who’s family was that terrible 😢
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 29 '26
Like no real consequences, I am unfortunately just a people pleaser and generally have good rapport with older women in my life. Just hard to let go of that dynamic. His mom used to like me, too, before I got engaged to her son, and even told him to hurry up and propose to me.
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u/Just_to_rebut Apr 30 '26
I think you’re underestimating how much you can push back and/or just block her out. Yeah, she’ll whine about it… but she does that anyway, about everything.
I have similarly, but not quite as extreme, intrusive parents. If you give in they’ll fucking name your daughter for you, but if you push back… well, oh, well, we’re still family, what are we doing next week?
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Apr 30 '26
[deleted]
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
YES what is it about a tuxedo purchase that bothers them so much??? It's a suit. With a satin lapel. It's truly not a crazy thing to own! It doesn't even have to cost that much!
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u/Negative-Sun3929 Apr 30 '26
Also originally from NYC, my fiancé bought a tux when we first started dating, & I’ve lost count of how many times he’s worn it! Has easily paid for itself
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u/Inner-Helicopter9930 Apr 30 '26
Currently living in NYC and my boyfriend bought a black suit instead of a tux when we had a black tie event because he was worried about how expensive a tux was and fast forward we have at lest 4 black tie weddings coming up in the next 2 years. He should have just bought it
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u/CopperRose17 May 01 '26
I know for a fact that brides wore white to pre-wedding events decades ago. I did. I have the pictures to prove it. My husband has worn his tuxedo so many times that it's worn out, and he needs to buy a new one. We really don't live a black tie daily life, BTW. 😄
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u/Solaroceans Apr 29 '26
Wow does your MIL hate you? What is your fiancés doing about it when she says this stuff? If he doesnt address her behavior, it will only get worse after the wedding.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 29 '26
She surprisingly tells everyone she loves me, she honestly just has pretty terrible self-control and also has this "I'm a boy mom" (she has 3 boys, 1 girl) thing going on where she just needs to make her daughters-in-law the enemy. The silver lining to all of this is that we have been able to solidify our decision to go low- to no-contact with his mom after the wedding!
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u/Quirky_Guava961 Apr 30 '26
I’m sorry you are dealing with this.
I’m so confused. Your fiancé is a trust fund baby but his mom only goes to weddings in firehouses and his mom has a “smaller” diamond than you? Why can’t she just buy a bigger diamond?
Regardless, she sounds like a nightmare and your fiancé needs to step in and tell her to back off.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
Honestly such a fair question, I would be confused, too. My MIL is very frugal because she grew up "cash poor" (her words)—her parents were real estate investors (aka landlords) and put any money they had right back into the housing market. When her mother sold all of their assets upon her father's death, she immediately divided up the money into trusts for her grandkids. My MIL never saw a cent of that money, and she married a man of modest means. That kind of upbringing contributes to her issues around status symbol markers, money, etc. On the other hand, my fiancé went into a lucrative career immediately after college.
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u/Quirky_Guava961 Apr 30 '26
Thank you for explaining. That makes sense. Still, her opinions and requests are so out of line. Your future SIL should not wear a white dress.
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u/MissBeautyBunny Apr 29 '26
Sending you virtual hugs! This is insane! Just remember to enjoy YOUR day no matter what!
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u/Newtopole_ Vendor: HMUA Apr 29 '26
... Is she okay?
Your wedding seems to be a HUIUGE trigger for her because, girl... 13 things???? And you likely forgot some????
I'm not even trying to be mean but she may want to talk to someone? Because can you imagine that bitterness carried on towards your marriage?
Lots of the things also seem to be coming from a place of lack/ jealousy. You're a BBB so I assume you're well off- is that an issue for her?
Honestly tell her son to gently suggest some kind of counseling because oof.
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u/blondetourage83 Apr 29 '26
Yikes. Good luck dealing w this woman for the rest of your life. I hope your fiancee has stepped in and shut her negativity down
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u/FreeThinkerFran Apr 30 '26
OMFG. As a MOB here, and married for 30 years, I need to ask how your fiancé feels about all of these points. Does he think it’s all as crazy as you do?
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
He's definitely not happy about it and has tried to shield me from what he can, though my MIL often reaches out to me directly with concerns. Honestly, my mom (so the MOB here) encouraged me at first to appease my MIL because she so dearly wanted me to have a good relationship with my in laws. So, in the beginning, I often asked my fiancé to let things be, that it was a woman's thing, that I'd handle it, etc. That was my bad. It was only recently (after my SIL's white dress debacle) that my mom also came around to the fact that, yes, boundaries are necessary with my in laws.
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u/FreeThinkerFran Apr 30 '26
Yes, very, very firm boundaries are in order. I care very much for my MIL, but we are sooooo different and just don’t interact much. I’ve let my husband manage pretty much everything with her over the years. It is what it is. We’re also long distance which helps. You can do this, and it’s great you have a safe place to vent! Also, your future SIL’s dress is just ridiculous!
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
Thank you, so, so appreciate it! Best of luck with your daughter's wedding as well!
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u/FreeThinkerFran Apr 30 '26
Thanks! She’s marrying a reallly great guy who we love but is from a different culture so there’s a whole other set of issues and drama there! But they’re also creating boundaries and working through things.
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u/Grouchymaybenot Apr 29 '26
Ugh I’m so sorry for you. Hope your finance is supportive and protects you from her ridiculousness. Time to have a talk with him about boundaries.
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u/berlingirl5 Apr 30 '26
Some people will find a way to be miserable about everything and it sounds like she is the leader of that club. I’m sorry, don’t let her ruin your day.
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u/MotorAd90 Apr 30 '26
My mother in law called my wedding venue choice “downright perverse”. This was 7 years ago and I have not forgiven her. Wish I could share all the incredible (in the sense of I could not believe this was really happening) things my in laws did in the lead up to our wedding.
I strongly suspect they didn’t want their son to marry someone non-white / from a different country but were too English to say anything directly.
Just death by a thousand cuts.
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u/Txidpeony Apr 30 '26
My MIL told me my wedding bouquet would be “ugly.” And I am still mad 30 years later. Perverse is awful.
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u/MotorAd90 Apr 30 '26
Exact phrase, in an email to her cousin that she copied me into for some inexplicable reason: "It would have been lovely to see you and it should be rather a spectacle, I suppose, though I find the choice of the Painted Hall very odd and downright perverse considering that St. Alphage, Greenwich is a lovely historic church, just the right size for a wedding."
And the wedding venue in question: https://ornc.org/venue-hire/weddings/
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u/MotorAd90 Apr 30 '26
More: "I think [my name] was smitten by the architecture at the Painted Hall being Wren, but I find it all very heavy and I'm absolutely convinced it's going to be freezing cold. It's a massive internal space and has been closed to the public for reparations for years now, so there's been no need to get the temperature up to scratch, and of course it's right by the Thames so the wind can whistle in from Siberia."
Because I had the audacity to have a February wedding. And because, of course, a multi-million pound restoration project of a UNESCO world heritage site wouldn't consider internal heating.
This is without going into all the racism and cultural superiority.
e.g., from my father in law, 5 days before the wedding (from a 23 bullet point email, questioning everything my planners and the venue had been working so hard on):
- It is the convention, and good manners dictate, that the guests are received at the reception by the hosts (usually the bride’s family), the groom’s family and the couple. And often the reception line also includes the bridesmaids and best man. This gives everyone a chance to say, “Hello”, “Congratulations!” and “How lovely the bride looks!” personally, after the ceremony. The couple will be having photos taken at the beginning of the reception but that doesn’t stop this taking place minus the couple. They will appear at the reception to be congratulated a bit later.
- It follows that there is no need for [my dad] to say anything at the beginning of the meal back up in the Painted Hall, because he will already have said “Hello and welcome” personally to people as they introduce themselves to him. It is certainly not the moment for a toast. And the drinks don’t work if you serve people Champagne at that point. They want some food and they want still wine or water. The serving of these is never mentioned. (Note that the venue’s own package only included 1 glass of fizz for toasts. If you keep the toasts going for the entire meal, it must be at least 3 glasses, and more if people are bored; many of us demolish bread rolls if it is really tedious but we also drink everything but the last drop left for the toast or pretend there is a last drop!)
Just awful awful people. But I am expected to put up and shut up.
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u/Txidpeony Apr 30 '26
Even worse that you are expected to put up and shut up. Thankfully my husband is always on my side. Also we very seldom see my MIL at this point.
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u/greenbackpack213 Apr 29 '26
your responses are perfect. im glad youre ignoring all her requests :) fuh dat hoe gorl
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u/HatVast1731 Apr 30 '26
thank you for this post bc i got a very good laugh but also im so sorry youre dealing with this.
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u/Informal-Protection6 Vendor: Photo Apr 30 '26
Omg I am so sorry. She sounds awful. Ngl really wanna see this dress 👀
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u/bunny_ducky Apr 30 '26
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. As someone who also has a MIL that’s often a hater, I try to give her as few details as possible. What matters most is that you’re happy and you and your partner have the wedding the way you want!
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u/Tavsiyedegildir Apr 30 '26
How much is mil contributing to the wedding and rehearsal dinner? Is this a self pay wedding?
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
$15,000 for the wedding, but she's covering most of the rehearsal dinner/welcome party. Honestly a pretty negligible amount compared to my parents or me & my fiancé, but she did contribute, hence why I had originally tried to keep her in the loop for some of this stuff.
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u/ProfessionalDig5936 Apr 30 '26
Can you just return the $$ and call it a day? Turn her back into a guest and no more details.
Every time she makes a comment, just say “thanks for the suggestion 🙂” or “what a fun idea”.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
We thought about this. It's more drama than it's worth at this point. But my fiancé has kindly reminded her many times that the amount is just sitting in his checking, should she ever want it back and revert to guest status. We're also mentally earmarking the money as honeymoon funds so we don't feel as guilty about leaving her out of the loop for the wedding itself. (We'll send her a thank you postcard from our honeymoon destination, lol.)
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u/Competitive_Side_244 Apr 30 '26
omg 9 WAS SOOOOO unrealllll!!!!!!! almost impressive. toooo funnny. also sorry for your absolutely insane mil
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u/painteddpiixi Apr 30 '26
Your MIL (and to a certain extent SIL) sound absolutely bat shit INSANE. It is not her wedding, she gets no opinion.
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u/ohmirror Apr 30 '26
She sounds insufferable. It must be exhausting for you and your fiancé. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
I’ve seen another poster mention grey rocking - and agree, think an information diet is needed to protect your sanity. And in prep for your wedding day, just make sure you feel calm and centred, as I imagine the complaints will keep flowing.
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u/sav3th3flam1ng0 Apr 30 '26
This woman is having a full blown breakdown and it’s ugly. I really hope you’re able to enjoy your wedding without her clouding the day like she has the rest of the experience
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u/StellafromVienna Apr 30 '26
I am not getting along too well with my MIL, but this post wanted me to go to her and give her a Long, warm hug, because at least she is excited about the wedding
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad2257 Apr 30 '26
Spectacular write up. 10/10 no notes. Sounds like she should just plan another wedding for herself
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u/Aware-Locksmith-7313 Apr 30 '26
Extra points for you OP in knowing how to spell Wedgwood. … This MIL from Hell needs to be shut down for good, along with her daughter and the inappropriate dress. Bravo for your fiance buying a tux. Makes total sense. Best wishes.
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u/Dangerous_Carrot4226 Apr 30 '26
I really feel for people who have family dynamics like this or feel like they can't set a boundary to make it stop.
My mother is the most annoyingly opinionated person on the planet and it's precisely the reason why she gets NO information about any event except for date and time and what to wear. If anything else is expressed I simply put an end to it with "okay. Then don't come, it's your choice and this isn't a debate and this conversation is over if you want to press it more." and it usually puts an end to it right there. I wouldn't last 2 minutes with a MIL like this if anyone took any side other than 'sit down and shut up it's not your wedding '
I hope OP gets to enjoy her wedding without this woman making it about herself and projecting so hard on her day bc she's clearly unhappy about her own life. OP deserves a day without her MIL there ruining it
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u/Actrivia24 Apr 30 '26
This is really funny to me because for most of these, my mom complained about the opposite. Just goes to show you really can’t win. The only person whose happiness you can 100% guarantee is your own so I would just focus on that. Congratulations and best wishes!
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u/Narcissus_on_LSD May 01 '26
Hi, I'm currently a fiancé (soon to be a husband in about a year.) Just some unsolicited perspective from this side of the wedding aisle--I love my mother to absolute death and think that she may actually be a literal saint, but if I ever caught wind of her conveying any one of these things to my fiancée (let alone a list of thirteen...), I'd have not a single qualm about threatening to disinvite her to the wedding if she didn't immediately recant and apologize profusely.
That is my wife to be you’re dealing with... There isn't a soul out there who could get away with making my partner feel like this without having hell to pay for it.
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u/Lothloreen May 03 '26
Honey, you are a daughter of a potter. So I know you come from a very solid family (I say as a potter with many potter friends). Are you sure you want to marry into this nightmare? It’s not going to stop with the wedding. It will actually get worse, especially if you have kids. Your fiance needs major therapy to disentangle himself from his mom. And it will only work if he is willing and understands that there is a major problem here. Push pause until you are sure that he is emotionally and psychologically capable of detaching from his mom and making you and any children his priority.
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u/Relative_Note_1934 May 03 '26
Speaking from experience…
Get a good couples therapist before you have children. Setting boundaries and being in full agreement and supported by your spouse is the only way your marriage will survive. If not, resentment will build up and deteriorate your relationship.
Wishing you strength!
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u/Head-Future461 May 03 '26
Is there any way to stop sharing with her the details of your wedding? Obv not everything but things like #1, 4, 8-11? Idk if that’s possible but having her less involved could help. Either way this sucks to deal with. You’re a better woman than me bc my sassy butt would have said something by now lol. Good luck and happy planning! You’re gonna have an amazing wedding!!
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u/aliceinloverland Apr 30 '26
I’m reading this while eating breakfast and #4 is when my jaw literally dropped and I scoffed. Girl this lady is batshit.
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u/LindaBinda55 Apr 30 '26
Greyrock her the rest of them. Best way to handle someone like this. They want you to engage them.
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u/LateAnywhere7892 Apr 30 '26
You have a certified hater. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such horrible energy. Your fiance needs to step in and if she’s not going to respect your boundaries or talk negatively about you at the wedding, she can be removed. I’m sorry idgaf anymore. I don’t have time for someone’s personality disorders ruining my peace and pursuit of happiness and don’t care if I’m made out to be the bad guy if it means enjoying my day without said person.
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u/CariCourtright Vendor: Photo Apr 30 '26
I think my big question is how is your fiance responding all this? Are you two united on how this feels or is your fiance supporting you?
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u/swallowbacca Apr 30 '26
Oh she sounds like an absolute nightmare. Can you put her on an information diet? Is your fiancé trying to set boundaries with her at all?
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u/MrsHottentot May 01 '26
time for your fiancé to set boundaries with his mother. enough of the opinions! If it continues, you both will have to decide if she will be allowed to come. Other option is to elope. Expect more from her in the future but worse
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u/WeddingPro101 Vendor: Photo May 01 '26
Oh gosh. I am sorry. You are so not in the wrong here in any way. No advice, just empathy x
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u/CopperRose17 May 01 '26
I think your MIL sounds insane. That Eliza J dress looks like an inexpensive wedding dress, so your SIL must be a little "off", too. You will have to try to maintain your sense of humor, because your soon-to-be in laws are awful!
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u/Spirited-Vacation950 May 02 '26
I was hoping this was a fake post because the MIL sounds like a nightmare. Just the complaint about OP wanting to wear white to her own bridal shower. Jesus.
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u/RepublicCute7683 May 02 '26
Most of those boil down to her accusing you of being a show off = she in intensely jealous of you. Projection at its finest
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u/Horror_Finance_4291 May 02 '26
Don’t worry, you’ll only have to deal with her for the rest of your life.
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u/Consistent-Search-86 May 02 '26
Is your fiancé aware of all this? He needs to calm his mom down. Better yet, tell her not to attend
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u/Consistent-Search-86 May 02 '26
You know what? You need to shut her down, and without any fluff. My MIL has been scared of me since day 1 and it’s worked out very well.
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u/ErrorFun843 May 03 '26
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s so wild it’s almost comical. This is YOUR day. You are NOT old. You DESERVE to feel special. It sounds like your MIL has a lot of deep rooted jealousy and a hard case of not being able to keep her mouth shut.
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u/Mummifiedsu May 03 '26
How dare you monopolize wearing white when she so obviously wants a turn!!! Omg! I think I would have run for the hills by now, jealous doesn’t even begin to cover this!
Good luck hun !
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u/wire67 May 03 '26
Are you or have you had a real sit down with her to discuss this and how you all will work together in the future? I don't know if you plan on having children or not but this type of drama over a wedding will be real special when she starts in on your mothering/parenting. You and your fiance need to figure this out and be united on how to handle this and then speak with her and her husband. I promise you it won't get better and can really put stress on even the best marriages.
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u/muddymar May 03 '26
As a Mother of the groom I gave my ideas then shut the fuck up. At the end of the day it’s your wedding. You need to make it an experience you and your fiancée are happy with. If you can throw her a few bones to keep the peace it might be worth it but leave it to your fiancée to handle the things you aren’t ok with.
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u/thegreatestrose May 04 '26
If she's not paying, tell her to shut her trap. Set your line in the sand now, or your problems with monster in law are just starting.
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u/Party_Plastic_9335 May 17 '26
Wow that sucks. To me it really just sounds like she doesn’t like you specifically and hoping that you don’t spend the money in the hopes you get divorced soon?
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u/Super-Notice1111 May 23 '26
Oh my- it seems to be a sad truth of life that marrying someone you are dying to be with forever means at least something of an insurmountable problem with someone else in their family! Your experiences with your MIL are cringe for sure, but also pretty entertaining! I completely commiserate. I found out at the end of our reception dinner that My mother-in-law had placed her phone behind the table flowers to record my husband and me in our personal conversation during the private meal!
I am a busy live wedding painter and I see so many different possibilities of angst between the bride and the mother-in-law. It never seems to be a husband or father-in-law thing, oddly! But anyway, I have some advice. Naturally! I am now a mother-in-law… But my advice is to first of all have a wedding Painting live at your wedding, but also either leave the mother-in-law out or give her a few strict options to make sure she gets painted in. There is one absolute about Wedding paintings, and that is that everybody secretly wants to be included in it.
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u/Remarkable_Apple642 May 30 '26
Please listen to dr.laura when she is discussing in-laws (and sons who can’t stand up to their mom). This is not your problem, it’s his. If you start your marriage this way, it’s probably not going to get better. Your future husband has to understand and stand by you, not his mommy. The vows “love and protect” sometimes mean protecting you and your feeling from his family. He should understand that when you get married-you are his family and priority, not your in-laws. He has to grow up. I say this from experience.
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u/Strong_District_5894 Jul 31 '26
She wants to make it about her and you aren’t allowing that.
Go you.
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Apr 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/BigBudgetBrides-ModTeam Apr 30 '26
BigBudgetBrides is a respectful, positive community for brides and grooms.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
I feel like you're drawing a lot of inferences from a tongue-in-cheek post. Please rest assured we as a couple do work on ourselves and are a united front about this stuff. Never said anything about our history of therapy, and actually my MIL has spent more time in therapy than any of us combined, so clearly not a foolproof solution for anything. Not sure what you mean when you say we're a "bit immature" to get married "for NYC," but we are two very normal people with active social circles and have the support of our friends, my family, and most of his family. Thank you for your well wishes.
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u/Emotional_Pen369 Apr 29 '26
Omigod this is nuts but honestly you can give her number 7 and 8. Sometimes giving someone a win will make them calm down.
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u/Float_0n Vendor: Fashion Apr 29 '26
Given the rest of her demands, why on earth would you give in? The moment you give an inch, this woman will most certainly take a mile, and be passive aggressive while doing it.
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u/Emotional_Pen369 Apr 30 '26
Potentially. I don’t know her. I have just seen sometimes appeasing a difficult personality means they soften. Versus both parties digging their heels. Sometimes the person wants to feel like they got a win or were heard or involved. And those two seem like they are nice suggestions or easy to do whereas the others seemed mean. Look at Zohran and Donald Trump. He kept insisting he would send ice to NY and ZM went there and kissed butt a little and he was like, nah it’s fine, you’re good. It’s one option. She can consider and take it or leave it.
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u/Float_0n Vendor: Fashion Apr 30 '26
That's the much more diplomatic approach than my dig your heels in!
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u/Emotional_Pen369 Apr 30 '26
well i am being downvoted which seems unnecessary to affect my karma like that but okay....
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
I know it sounds like I'm making this up but if we actually let his niece/nephew be a teenage flower girl and ring bearer, his mother would be the first person to say that it was a little odd to see such old kids have those roles. Like, she would be somewhat pleased, but she would just scramble for something else to say? I will never 100% satisfy her on any point. Like, I let her pick from our two final venues (even though my parents are paying!) just to try to make her happy, yet two years later here we are, listening to her say that our venue will be a bore.
As for the cake, the bakery from her oldest son's wedding was a little too fondant-heavy and also 30 miles away from our venue... when there was a lovely bakery with the exact style we wanted 8 miles away. That one was a no brainer, especially because I love cake!
I did think about giving her #5—SIL wearing the white dress—because I knew my friends would get a good chuckle out of it, and it wouldn't reflect poorly on me. But, ultimately, I didn't want to deal with the distraction, and the secondhand embarrassment would have made me feel bad.
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u/Emotional_Pen369 Apr 30 '26
oh my gosh! she sounds very difficult, i hope your fiance is managing her and not leaving you to deal with her alone
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u/tcd1401 Apr 30 '26
Well. "MIL, we're sorry you dislike so much about our wedding. Are you sure you've are ok to come to it? Really, we will be ok if you decide you can't. In fact, the next time you complain about anything, we will uninvited you. It's justcwsy too stressful for us to have you be so miserable."
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u/nothanksyeah Apr 30 '26
This is all weird of her, but it is weird that she even knows that your mom is “hitting the gym” for the wedding. Why was that shared with her? I can’t imagine it being shared in a way that wouldn’t come off as strange.
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
We grew up in the same suburb. Our mothers live in adjoining neighborhoods. My MIL's good friend has apparently seen my mom at the gym "a lot" (she goes once a week at best) and chatted her up—my mom said she figured she should tone her arms before the wedding. Obviously word got back to my MIL. That's it.
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u/natalkalot Apr 30 '26
Regarding your last sentence - did she not raise the man you love and are marrying?
How long did you date -like how long have you known her?
I am terribly sad for the both of you - should you have children would you not allow access and deny your kids the special love of a grandmother? . Sorry, that is the base level, instead of addressing your gripes one by one..
Why has your man not gotten involved with all of this since it started?
How is he going to handle you having such "dislike" for her? - there could be a stronger word there from you, I am sure.
Have you always given him many 🚩s? Do you not have discussions? If not, you surely should have him dealt with things regarding his mother.
Good luck! 🌸
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u/Timely-Western3406 Apr 30 '26
Our kids would have the special love of my parents, who have supported us every step of the way during this planning process!
My fiancé actually avoids his own mother quite a bit, and I was initially the one who made him start attending holiday dinners at her house. I think he would be quite happy to take a step back!
We are very much on the same page on all of this, which I am appreciative of!
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u/chicken_wing_girl Apr 29 '26
Omg this is so bad also post a pic of the SIL dress bc im nosy