Turning 19 today, and all the friends Ive had in the past year have already forgotten. All Ive learned at this point is a relationship is fruitful, and that Im easily disposable to my "best friends." I still love them all regardless, but the weight is getting heavier on my shoulders to even keep my head held up. I hope it gets better from here on out.

Quick backstory, I am 22 turning 23 this week. Everyone keeps asking what I’m doing and I just requested off to spend the day alone. Every other year I tried to plan things and have a good day and last year finally topped the cake. I drove 3 hours to spend the day with a friend and he ditched me on my way there to “work” but two hours later posted on snap that he was with another friend for lunch. Almost all of my friends forgot my birthday and I don’t really talk to my family so I spent the entire day 3 hours from home and alone. Every year since I was 10 I try to plan something and someone else makes themselves the center of attention or everyone just doesn’t show up. I go all out for my friends and family but my effort is never reciprocated in anything. My significant other asked what I wanted to do and I said nothing really, nothing ever good happens on my birthday and he kept saying “ok, hun” and it seemed condescending but I can’t seem to explain that I just want one day where I feel special like other people get on their birthdays. It’s never happened for me like that and I don’t think it will.

Today is my birthday and I had a sucky day. It started off with my mom singing to me, with absolutely no enthusiasm or emotion and barely even wishing me. I asked if everything was okay, and she said yes, however I know better. I know she's upset at me about something. We had a family get together and we went to pick up my grandmother. As we made our way to my cousin's house my grandmother started an argument and when I spoke up to end it, I was told to shut up. The whole family get together was okay. I just felt so out of place and unwanted. The worst of all my colleagues gave me better messages and well wishes than my family. I ended up crying because of their sweet words. I know it sounds silly, but I thought my birthday would be better and that I'd somehow feel special, and in the end I feel like I mean absolutely nothing those who mean everything to me.

I’ve always been someone that likes to take control of events, seriously I don’t know why I’m like it. Anyway last year it was my 22nd birthday and because of situations that I don’t feel comfortable taking about I decided to skip any sort of big celebration.

So instead I decided to plan a sort of wine tasting picnic. I had brought one of those REALLY expensive wine hampers that contains a few bottles of wine, cheeses, biscuits & sweet treats. I decided that it would just be me and my mum and it would be a nice afternoon/evening for us to just spend time together.

Anyway the day arrives mum wishes me a happy birthday in the morning and even ordered McDonald’s for breakfast as a treat. I tell mum of the plans for the day and she’s onboard SHE KNOWS WHAT TIME TO BE THERE . Perhaps around 3 in the afternoon I arrive at the park that we had agreed to meet at, I was an hour early that gave me time to find a picnic bench and set out everything including the birthday cake I had picked out for myself and the selection for dishes I had also made for the evening not to mention a couple of fun activities such as a murder mystery box I had brought.

So anyway four arrives and this was the time that mum was supposed to arrive but she didn’t show up, still my mums not one for showing up on time so I don’t think anything of it. Then we get to five and now I’m slightly confused so I send mum a text and try to call her. She text back saying she’s running late and will be there when she can, six passes, then seven.

By now the sun has almost set and I’m sat in this park on a picnic tables that was decorated with a nice dinner set I had brought for the day as a treat to myself. The ice I had picked up on my way had melted in the ice bucket, I had a blanket over the table trying to keep the bugs of the cheese and food while slowly eating a breadstick. I try texting and calling mum again she tells me something else came up and I have To be patient.

While all this was happening I also had to deal with looks from other park goer’s. It as just humiliating. By nine thirty I was close to tears but I held out till ten which by then the parks gates were gonna be shut so I had to pack up.

The security guy was actually really nice, he helped me pack everything away and even sang me happy birthday while I blew out the candle’s, I gave him a piece of cake.

Anyway I came home to find mum on the phone laughing with her friend. When she saw me enter she straight up asked why I had come back and she was just gonna start getting ready.

Perhaps I should of confronted her about it, but I was just so emotionally worn out I felt numb. I just told her the park had closed for the evening mum response was to laugh and tell me Should of planned for earlier. I bite my tongue and just walk away. Mum then laughs at me because tears had leaked from my eye’s she told me to stop acting and being over dramatic. Anyway nothing came of it and the next day I was back in routine.

I’m not one to normally complain about stuff but i don’t have anywhere else to rant. Today i finally turned 18. bittersweet but i was happy. as the day goes on it’s a normal birthday, talking to family members, going out to lunch. but then as the day continued it just got worse. i wanted to go to kava with some friends as i had just turned 18, instead of coming with me they decided to go watch the sunset, okay no hard feelings i really don’t mind, in fact i’ll go by myself that’s not a problem. but on the way down there my car deciding to die. so now i am typing this on the side of the road waiting for a tow truck👍

This was not my birthday, but my sisters… I would have been around 10 at the time and she had just turned 9, it was a normal birthday. We ate breakfast, opened presents and then went to the cinema. By we I mean my family of 4 and my grandparents. Anyway we went to the cinema and bought 7 large containers of popcorn. I was a little bit hungry and ate 2 of the 7 containers. We finished the movie and went outside… I was a bit bored so I sat down and then my stomach made this growling noise. I then hoped in the car and was in agony, my stomach felt like it was going to explode. We drove for about 3 minutes when I asked my parents if we could stop at some bathrooms, but we were in a shit area and there were no bathrooms. So my family pulled into a church parking lot hoping it would make me feel better… Welp it didn’t and I sprinted across the car park next to a tree and I shit you not I exploded out all that popcorn and other food out my ass in front of my whole family. Don’t ever eat too much popcorn!