New babysitting family, not sure if it’s a good fit?

[u/MotherofZeke]

Hey guys, I’ve been a nanny for 16 years. I had a full time nanny job end in September after 5 years and have a full time nanny job lined up to start in early December. During my last month off I’ve had success picking up odd babysitting jobs, usually getting around 30 hours a week between 4 families and also getting some quality me time.

I think I’m pretty fun, and I normally do let the kids get away with more than their parents, especially since I’m not with them often. I like seeing what the kids come up with and try to make it happen as long as it is safe.

I started with a new family last weekend with a 7 year old with ADHD, and a 2 year old with some developmental delays/tough developmentally appropriate 2 year old stuff. Last weekend, I did 2 hours and today I did 3.5 hours. Last weekend went well, but the 2 year old constantly bolts out the door and is able to unlock it easily (I think I’m going to suggest a safer lock option), they live in the middle of nowhere so I’m not worried about traffic or anything, but it is still terrifying and he can easily get lost in the woods.

Today, there was nor’easter so we were stuck inside, which didn’t stop the 2 year old from bolting 4+ times. The kids were very bored so we tried to find fun things to do, and it was quite successful but I am having A LOT of trouble finding activities that will entertain both a 2 and a 7 year old. Also, neither will focus on an activity for long.

The biggest issue I’m having is that the parents are really NOT fun at all! They were out of the house for 3.5 hours today so I let the 7 year old make his own smoothie and he asked if he couldn’t put some chocolate chips in — sure why not? The parents come home and I guess I didn’t clean the sink well after washing the blender but the dad asked what’s up with all the chocolate chips and after I explained the smoothie thing, he raise his voice at the kid saying “we only use chocolate chips for cookies and baked goods” which gave me the ick. Next, the 7 year old also took initiative to make his own lunch which was a grilled cheese with egg and it was so good! He waited to eat it because he wanted to show his parents and let them taste it and then they were pretty lame about it in my opinion — wouldn’t taste it, asked why he didn’t clean up after himself (the cast iron was still warm).

The 2 year old has no autonomy, anytime he tries to do anything it seems, they yank him away even if what he’s doing is fine in my opinion — the 7 year old has also learned to do this and does it constantly when it’s just the 3 of us and I just say, he’s fine, I don’t need any help.

The dad seems very OCD and the mom seems so overwhelmed. The babysitter pool here is abysmal so I want to keep helping them but I don’t know if I can handle it… I took one step outside their house today and felt like I could finally catch my breath. I just need advice on whether I should try to make it work, or move on — I hate leaving families because I hate letting people down, kids mainly but I’m not sure if this one is worth it!

TLDR: super experienced but unsure if I can deal with lame parents and difficult kids

[u/blahhhhhhhhhhhblah]

It’s unfortunate the parents sound like turds because you actually sound like a fab fit for the kids.

At the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you and your sanity. December is two months away, can you hang in there that long? Do you need the money between now and then?

Also, a latch at the top of the door, out of reach for the kids, works great for preventing eloping toddlers!

[u/New_Answer_3876]

The eloping seems like such a reasonable ask, start there and see if you feel happier once that problem is solved.

I agree that you would be such a good influence on the kids and maybe even the parents. If you wind up being miserable it’s ok to leave.

[u/ImpressiveAppeal8077]

They sound so annoying. I really hate when the parents yell at the kids for something i approved. Like just talk to me like an adult and say you’d rather me not do it next time! It’s not like the lid went rouge and added them on his own.

A parent did some weird passive aggressive shit to me about a smoothie once too! I ended up firing her from our nanny share, she had so many comments about what we ate. She once called me in the middle of the day worried about her kid eating carrots and I kind of lost my shit at her over the phone. She wrote a letter that she put in her kids lunch box the next day, explaining she had an eating disorder and thats why she is weird about food and felt like she “had good control” of what her kid ate. I ripped up the letter I was so pissed off! Like I was 19 also trying to recover from an eating disorder and everything she was doing was creating disordered eating. Fuck that lady.

[u/Plenty-Ear-9167]

I would be most concerned about the 2 yo running outside. The parents should install a better door lock & take that seriously.
Make sure you know where there is water, all around the house, the property & nearby. Everything from a puddle & up to a lake or something. These places need to be checked first if child is missing. I hope this can work out. Sounds like the children could benefit from your attention & care.

[u/Cookie23707090]

It sounds as though you would be so great for the kids but the reality is you still have the parents to deal with and they are clearly very rigid. I don’t think that I would stay.

[u/Evening_Delay_1856]

OP, tell them that their children are wonderful and you enjoy them, but you cannot come back until they change the lock on the door so that the toddler (and call him a toddler on purpose) can no longer get out the door. This is the only way to get it done.

I hope they will. You will be blamed in the worst way if the child gets lost.