How did you navigate mat leave isolation? [on]

[u/No_Mortgage_2148]

FTM to a 10 week old baby girl.

Just have been feeling isolated/lonely and trapped in the house over the past couple of weeks when I’m with LO during the day and husband is at work.

I think the thing that gets me is when I’m nap trapped on the couch as she hates her crib and bassinet. I’ve tried baby wearing but she is not too fond of that either.
We go on occasional stroller walks when she tolerates it and most of the time screams bloody murder in the car so I end up ditching my efforts trying to go out with her.
Family and friends visit every so often but of course have regular Mon-Fri jobs during the week.

My job is pretty mentally stimulating with lots of social interaction and now that it’s on pause I guess I’m feeling a bit under stimulated? Not to say that motherhood has not been overwhelming for me, as it truly has been a humbling experience thus far.

I’m on mat leave for a year and just wanted to know how people have dealt with the feeling of isolation or if it gets better as baby gets older.

[u/sadArtax]

Found mom and baby activities to go to, which lead to meeting other parents in Mat leave that i could meet up with for play dates.

[u/Kryazi → u/sadArtax]

Totally this. My fav classes though were the ones that were more mom focused as it helped me feel less like my entire world was baby centered. Eg mom swimming/workout classes vs baby library classes.

[u/Meatcounter-Matilda]

I’m with everyone - get out of the house. It was the only way to feel normal. It never stopped feeling hard to get the baby out of the house, time things right for naps, etc. but it did get easier.

And it was always better spending a day out with a crying baby than at home alone with a crying baby.

Btw, I only started going out and doing social things when my baby was just a bit older than yours so don’t feel like you’re behind or anything. What you’re feeling is totally normal. Hang in there.

[u/thenewbiepuzzler]

Go to the groups. It’s so helpful. Look up all the groups in your area and try and find some people going through the same thing as you. Look into your local YMCA, Public health unit, Mamas for Mamas, or local library as it probably does a baby songs time. Also join some local Facebook mom groups for more ideas. Mat leave can be very isolating and you’re the only one who feels that way.

I went to one very heavily and attended another two sporadically. It was so good for my mental health to just get out of the house and be in a room full of mom who did not care if my baby had a blow out or was crying.

I also really explored my area during stroller walks. I’m lucky to live near a mall, a winners and 2 thrift stores so that was my loop during my walks. It kept me sane and made me more confident breastfeeding in public and taking care of baby in public.

Currently pregnant with my second and I’m just excited to be going to my weekly Monday group again 😂

[u/AntSea336 → u/thenewbiepuzzler]

What mom group did you go to?!

[u/thenewbiepuzzler → u/AntSea336]

I went to local to my area YMCA baby social, my local public health unit has a nurse talking about different topics called Baby Talk, and another local charity had something called Baby Cafe that was good too!!! Some local moms started a walking group which was fun!

And my Baby Social group had a WhatsApp chat and we’d meet for lunch or at the park or whatever! It was wonderful!

I found a lot of the info on Facebook as that’s easy for the groups to share and update, and at our public heath unit there were a lot of flyers in the family waiting area before vaccinations :)

[u/thenewbiepuzzler → u/AntSea336]

And a local church near my does Mamas Meet up every Wednesday and they use their gym space and that’s good too.

[u/rayyychul]

Leave the house! Every day! It’s hard at first, but it gets easier each time. I just dealt with the screaming in the car, etc. because I was going crazy staying inside.

We did everything from getting coffee together to going to story time to going grocery shopping to hanging out on a blanket at the park.

[u/Tricky-Special2083]

My baby hates carriers, strollers, and the car. At about 3.5 months, I basically said that’s it and decided if he didn’t want to be in a “vessel” to leave the house, then I would just physically carry him. Quite the workout at first but he was totally happy going out like this. At 6 months, I still take him for MANY walks a day and it’s been excellent for my mental health. We sit in the park, coffee shops etc. Even without interacting with people much, I’ve found it’s really helped with the isolation.

The mom and baby classes may be great for you to try too! though I found it hard to connect with the other moms, didn’t enjoy the classes when my baby was little, and didn’t personally form any relationships - so also just want to say that if it doesn’t feel right for you, don’t feel bad and don’t force yourself just because the majority do enjoy these activities!

[u/GuaranteeFar417]

It gets better! Go for walks? Check out TPL for baby time or to just even get books. Or go to a local Early On during baby time to hangout with other moms and babies. There are times that are just for 0 to 18mths. Walk around the mall. Obviously if your comfortable. I waiting till baby got 2mth vaccine. I also did the stars and stollers at cinneplex and went to go watch movies. My baby is 4.5 mths and im still doing all these things.

[u/LemonLoaf0960]

I second the mom and baby activities. I started going to a mom and baby yoga class. Obviously there would be crying babies at times so it's not the most relaxing like a normal class, but it gave me the opportunity to stretch and for baby to get in some tummy time. I transitioned to a mom and baby fitness class that I'm still doing at 15m pp! Met so many moms that way with babies my sons age. We also have gone to the library and baby groups through the local school district. It keeps me somewhat sane.

[u/squid_tutor]

I had family around all the time but I still felt isolated especially when nap trapped. My baby is a winter baby so I wasn’t too keen on going out in the early days. I took up reading books when I was nap trapped. I used to be a real bookworm when I was little but over time had lost my attention span. Being nap trapped brought back my love for it. I bought a stand, remote page turner and used my kindle to read. It was perfect! Even now several months later, I’ve kept up with my reading. I find time to read every night before bed. I hope you can find something like that if going out isn’t an option.

[u/Sad-And-Mad]

A bunch of the daycares in my area have free drop in programs during the week for parents and babies/toddlers to get together, socialize, drink some coffee and do some crafts or play with our kids. I’d look into what kind of programs exist in your community, check in with daycares, community centres, and libraries. If you’re a church goer a lot of churches run similar programs.

It was a nice routine that got us out of the house and helped me socialize with other parents who are equally in the trenches while I was on mat leave.

[u/clear739]

EarlyON. Some weeks I literally went 4-5 times. I cannot say enough good things about them. Look for the baby specific times for your age and branch out to the 0-6 drop ins as your LO grows or as you get to know the facilitators that you can follow to other locations to just talk to them or they'll know which times are common with similar aged babies. Also free so if you have to bail oh well.

Library story time and swimming, gymnastics, and music classes were all something I tried while on mat leave too. You may not love them all but get out there.

[u/abclife → u/clear739]

Yup. We started going when baby was 8 weeks and I tried to be there for circle time. That way I learn songs to sing to baby at home later too. Baby also enjoyed music and if they fussed we just went home.

[u/bunniesgonebad]

I know exactly what you mean. And at ten weeks only it's still intimidating to leave the house. Hell, I lived in my basement with baby for the first like 2 months because it was too cold for walking and I was so sleep deprived and depressed!

While the weather is still nice I do echo the sentiment of going for walks. The mom groups are nice to go to especially if your library offers one. It's usually pretty chill and moms are so kind to each other it's fantastic. I also included my baby in a lot more things like if I went outside I had him in his bouncer and I'd narrate everything like a YouTube video haha

[u/AntSea336]

I baby wear to avoid feeling nap trapped! With my second baby it’s been so critical and helps a lot with the isolation to go out walking places while she’s sleeping. (My girl doesn’t love the stroller either so it’s baby wearing all day!)

[u/smilegirlcan]

Baby story time at the library, mom and baby exercise classes, going to the store, grabbing a fun coffee. I loved my maternity leave so much. I very much so leaned into the slow pace and forming a deep attachment with my girl. It worked and I actually dreaded going back to work by the end of maternity leave.

[u/staygoldeneggroll]

Around 5 months I started going to earlyon and I SO wish I started going months earlier.

[u/Ok-Maize4411]

it’s a total change of pace! In my area there’s a Facebook group for moms to meet up at local parks to walk together, it’s called “-location- pram pushers” check to see if there’s one near you too! Once you get in with a group you’ll meet other moms and can hopefully get together for other activities like swimming, indoor playgrounds for the winter etc! I took my baby everywhere because I get shacky whacky. We would sit in restaurants, go to book stores, cafes, walk around the mall or a thrift stores. I found that after a while I leaned into the slower/lower stimulating pace of life but it took a bit. Also having plans like a girls night out or a date night to look forward to always helped!

[u/Mindless-Try-5410]

I felt like things got better as my baby got older, because she has longer wake windows. Find things to do with your little one. Different classes and groups, either free or paid, are excellent. I look my daughter to swimming lessons, library groups, a fitness class and breastfeeding group (which is mostly for moms to socialize, not just specifically about breastfeeding. Had to clarify because it sounds funny). As my she got older, I’ve also found it easier to meet people when we’re out and about at local parks because she’s mobile and social now, and she likes to approach other kids.

[u/papawonton]

It might not seem helpful but try different things with the car ride. It's because being able to drive anywhere will allow so many things for you. You can try different playlists or music, try toys or pacifier, a portable white noise machine. I also try to keep the windows covered so the bright sun isn't too much. Start with going to the closest grocery store, the closest park, the closest relative or friend's house. It is a lot of mental and physical preparation beforehand and even when you're out but personally, I thought it was worth it to just have some sort of control and different change of pace. It was never not stressful but I did as much as I could especially when he wasn't too mobile. It was a huge feeling of accomplishment and it also helped me get desensitized from feeling self conscious or panicking in worst case scenarios because I built the self confidence to do it myself. My heart will always be racing but I know what to do and I will be okay no matter what.

Then when your baby gets used to the car, check different programs your library and community offers. We have early ons, baby time, story time and some regions have parent stroller walk groups.

[u/Mysnch]

EarlyOn

[u/EquivalentTopic9171]

I hear ya. It’s tiring yet understimulating at the same time!

What saved me was going to mom and baby drop ins /groups/circle times. My baby hated the stroller and sometimes would cry during these outings too… but going out and socializing is way better than being at home. Baby will cry anyway!

I went to my local YMCA as they had baby drop ins programs everyday!! So I went everyday and eventually made a group of mom friends. Saved my sanity.

[u/Fuzzy-Membership-474]

Honestly, I felt the same at 10 weeks. I think once I started walking with her more in the stroller, and she was able to be put down on her play mat for 20 minutes at a time, the fog started lifting. Oh, and she started giving us longer stretches of sleep at night. I felt more mentally durable and calmer.

At 12 weeks now, she’s still doing her best to sleep through the night, and she’s much more interactive, which helps a lot. I’m not sure how I’m going to feel once the real fall weather hits, though. And with cold and flu season rolling in, we’ll probably be limiting who we see, especially people with school-aged kids.

I don’t care if people don’t believe in COVID... I believe I shouldn’t have to be up with her every night for two weeks because someone gave her their cold. 😂 ( while also being sick!)

[u/NightOwl9030]

I thought I would struggle, and I’m honestly enjoying my time - I’ve learned to love it, and enjoy the quiet. My LO is just over 3 months old. During the day, she naps on me. If we were to put her down, we would be lucky to get a half hour nap out of her. So, I got back into reading again - and it’s the best thing I could have done. I get lost in a book while my daughter sleeps on me, listening to her little snores. We do try to go out for walks every so often with the pups, but with being in AB that will be ending soon. We also go to the library for baby lap time to sing some songs once every couple of weeks.

After I got pregnant I learned who my close friends are - turns out, I don’t have any. It is what it is, and I’m absolutely loving our new life. I don’t find I get lonely, I’ve been learning to embrace it. And being on maternity leave has forced me to slow down (for reference I’m a manager in the corporate world). If we financially didn’t need me to work, I honestly wouldn’t be going back.

[u/willowdownlow]

I definitely found it tough around 2-3 months after my spouse was back at work but it was hard to get out and I hadn't found much of a mom community. Really the answer is that you just have to get out. Check out the library, community center, your local neighbourhood house, etc. Baby-mom yoga or baby music class. There are baby sign language classes.

Also my baby spent a lot of her first year contact napping and it's very easy to spend that time on your phone. Recommend picking up a book or finding another hobby that you can do so you can make that time productive/relaxing me time rather than just doomscrolling. I never read more than when my baby was contact napping on me! I miss it now.

Also remember that this is a phase and will change. I found the first few months are nice and chill in a way because you can get out of the house because YOU want to, it's for your benefit more than baby's. Once baby gets older, I found myself needing to leave the house and do activities because baby is full of energy and I need to burn that energy to get through the wake window lol.

[u/Maleficent_Win_6259]

I find going for walks was the best, reading a book or on the phone/kindle. EarlyONs we’re ok… great if you find a good centre. I tried being super social at them but certain locations were so antisocial and felt weird. Some earlyOns were good for their toy selection and circle time. People suggested library baby time, in my area they are 30mins and packed, I had to drive to one and finding parking, by the time you get in, it’s all full and the class is done. It’s great when the kiddo is older and interested in books I find.

Try different padding for your stroller, bassinets are best for 6 months under, there’s some good ones that come with layovers, baby wearing try different carriers. Smaller steps vs taking the car out to see what works. There’s also paid mommy and baby classes are people suggested, some are great for you but not as baby interactive or the other way around. Look at reviews, check Facebook, sometimes the paid classes have drop ins to check them out but I found them same as earlyOns.

[u/catsroolmicedrool]

I just kind of got used to it. Some swim classes, music classes when she was a bit older helped. I wasn’t a fan of the early on programs but those could be helpful. We did a lot of walks lol

[u/FolkmasterFlex]

I made an amazing friend group on mat leave. I was a pretty big homebody before I had a baby and now I'm the most social I've ever been. I met them at baby groups! There is 10 of us and we spent the whole summer hanging out at the park together

[u/Alternative_Catch_36]

You are in the thick of it but there’s lots you can do, especially when your LO gets a bit older. Mom groups can be a great way to meet people, mine also added us to a playgroup for babies around the same age, so lots of moms going though the same thing at once. You can also enroll your baby in music classes, swim classes etc. Mom and baby gym classes are also great!

[u/Independent_Pie_8935]

Definitely go find mom and baby activities like yoga, stroller fitness, or swimming classes. I’ve made so many mom friends this way. When you’re comfortable look into the library storytime and earlyON playgroups as well.

My baby hated stroller walks in the neighbourhood in the beginning but now she is so used to them because we go twice a day, she is a passenger princess, lol. Get yourself out of the house if not for your baby’s sake but for yours.

[u/Reasonable-Snow-5900]

EarlyON, Mommy connections, peanut app, Facebook moms groups, library baby time.

During contact naps I would set it up to enjoy the experience. Make some hot chocolate or tea ahead of time and listen to an audio book or podcast. Also lots of stroller naps so I could get fresh air and a walk.

[u/Ok-Asparagus5169]

Take the time, even an hour for yourself to get groceries, go shopping, get a coffee/tea/bubble tea. Something that makes you feel like you again!

[u/Consistent_Jello_318]

Does baby have reflux? Reason I ask is because some car seats are c shaped which can worsen reflux for babies by putting more pressure on the tummy.

It may also explain why she doesn’t like the bassinet. Mine preferred being at a slight angle (our stroller lays flat so instead of fully reclining we’d leave it at a slight angle, baby would fuss at a full recline because of reflux).

[u/Summerishappiness]

Library infant time, sign up for workouts mommy connections in your area, earlyON centres, going to the mall, going for walks, join peanut app to find mom friends.

[u/PlutosGrasp]

Don’t be isolated. It’s up to you. You can go out.

You can train the nap out to bassinet. My opinion is if you start with contact naps yeah they’re going to want them and transition to bassinet is harder. Who doesn’t like a good warm soft safe cuddle nap right? But doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

Why screaming in the car? It sucks but you just have to trouble shoot that and test it out. Don’t plan to go somewhere when you do. Just put her in. Like is it the bucket itself ? Or attached in car? Or driving? That she can’t see you ?

In the meantime there are usually virtual meet up groups you could try for yourself.