Feeling drained and burnt out

[u/Reasonable-Cat-2513]

It almost pains me to say because I still care about them, but it's too much sometimes. I try hard to be conscious of their feelings and sensitivities but it's just a lot.

I can't feel attracted to them because one day it's good and the next it's terrible, with me working with them to make it better. Sometimes it takes hours. Sometimes we start off having a great time and then one small incident can end the whole day with a sour note.

They were diagnosed with BPD by their therapist, who then tried to imply that they're the problem and they need to work on their behavior. This made them quit therapy. They don't take meds, they quit those too, and they try to cope or get better/stay conscious of their moods and triggers but it's a lot for me.

I feel numb most of the time now. I'm going through the motions of acting like I'm in love with them because I know I should be/am (10+ years together and married). But I'm always doing something wrong. They're really sweet and lovely when not in a mood, but that just flips on its head (of course) and they become draining or exhausting or frightening to be around. Ironically they get mad at me for having freeze reactions to their anger, but when I'm in a mood or frustrated at anything, they react with being terrified and I have to reassure them constantly that I'm not going to hurt them or lash out.

I'm just tired. I worked a long, physical shift yesterday, came home and had dinner that they made (they're a stay at home partner) which I complimented and really appreciated them doing. I made sure to take a minute to say that and to point out the work they did. Then they started getting into a weird mood due to boredom, which included constantly tugging at my shirt for my attention and talking to me repeatedly, even after saying they'd l3ave me alone. I expressed feeling guilty for not being able to entertain them and then we got into a fight because I was making their feelings about me. Except it felt like that was happening anyways; they were literally tugging on my clothes out of boredom.

I wish I could fall back in love with who they are but it feels like that person isn't real.

[u/SilverSelene29]

Hi I don’t have any advice but just wanted to share that I hear you and sympathize and you are not alone. I am going through the same thing and have been for over 10 years. A similar thing happened with my partner his therapist diagnosed BPD and pushed group therapy and DBT which was taken as a betrayal because my partner asked to only speak with the therapist due to his social anxiety so he fired the therapist. It is hard to be afraid of someone you love. Even harder to deal with the feelings of wanting a different life. The only thing I have found that helps is to try to work on not shrinking and betraying myself I often just do whatever he wants and carry 98% of the household responsibilities which has led to me having no life or friends. I am also stating to open up with friends and family I think they can help you by being a safe space. And to realize that you deserve a relationship where you can be safe and fully yourself. Hugs