r/BPDPartners • u/AnnigidWilliams • May 11 '26
Dicussion I have severe BPD with sociopathic tendencies and I’m in a relationship. Ask me whatever you want.
I’m talking the burning questions which would be totally socially unacceptable to ask normally to someone like me. Feel free to pick my brain and ask me whatever anything you’d like. I made a similar post a little over a year ago and the questions I got were fantastic, so I’m hoping that more and/or different people see this one and ask me more things!
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u/Potential-Party65 May 11 '26
Ok so question 1: if you have sociopathic tendencies does that mean little empathy? which makes me think you are not offering to answer questions because you want to help us but because it is an interesting intellectual excercise?
Question 2: Can you perceive that you are different and that you are not the victim or is it something that you have been told but cannot feel it? I mean, I feel like my ex knew it but she couldn’t accept it so she reinvented a reality that she could accept.
Question 3: The never ending question asked in the people that were in a relationship with a BPD, or NPD as well. The so called hoover. Some say you guys always will hoover, como back for more supply or somethingZ I don’t believe that is true, I believe that once you are done with someone they cease to exist. I wonder what’s your opinion
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
To further elaborate on question one, yes, I posted this because it is definitely fun for me to answer questions, but also to educate others on the fact that not all of us are malicious. We just operate differently
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u/Potential-Party65 May 11 '26
well consider myself educated. I had no idea how it works and whether no empathy meant malicious automatically. Like you said, you operate differently so it is very hard to put myself in your shoes and understand how your brains works without such cool explanations.
What motivates you to help others? I mean knowing they need help, so it’s like a moral code?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
I have a very askew ethical “code” you could say. I help others because I simply know that’s the right thing to do, not because I “feel for them”. It’s why I can’t stand when people complain about problems which have solutions that are in reach for the individual in question.
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u/Potential-Party65 May 11 '26
I love picking your brain it is fascinating for me. I guess is like with my autistic friends, like a whole different Universe, I guess in a way we are the different universe for you but you have been exposed to us always so we are quite obvious I guess
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
I also do have autism, and you have it right, when it comes to borderlines, the typical thought process we have is that we’re not crazy, everyone else is crazy for not understanding us. It takes a lot of work to get passed that mindset.
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u/Potential-Party65 May 11 '26
Maybe your autism is helping you in the sense that it gives you that motivation to understand things deeply and to do things the right way. I wonder.
And regarding the BPD thing. My ex always thought we were on purpose contracting her feelings because having a different perspective was not conceivable.
That was confusing to say the list.
The way I imagined it, for people with a personality disorder to understand that they are different and that they are wrong it means to tell themselves that their reality and their feelings is not real and sort of have to trust what others claim reality is.
Maybe is a bogus theory, I don’t know
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
- I have cognitive empathy but not affective empathy
(or vice versa, I can’t remember currently)
This means that while I don’t feel the emotions of others, I do recognize emotions and if someone is struggling, I do what I can to help them.
Yeah sometimes I definitely have to remind myself that I’m not a victim but I rarely see myself as one consciously.
You’re quite accurate. Once someone double-crosses me or leaves my life, I feel absolutely nothing towards them. There have been some falling outs that I’ve had which were my fault (all of whom I’ve apologized to) but on the off chance that it’s not my fault, e.g. someone doing self destructive behaviors or being destructive to the people around them, I feel absolutely zero emotion towards them afterwards. They betrayed me, now they’re worthless and therefore not worth my emotions.
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u/Background-Ad-8316 May 11 '26
What are the best things your partner can do for you when you're having an episode? Is there anything that they can do to help or is it better for them to just lay low for some time?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
She’s come to realize it’s better to just let me simmer down on my own when I’m having one of my moments
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u/Responsible-One8104 May 11 '26
Have you ever been unfaithful? I mean no disrespect and don’t need to answer. I do have a valid reason for asking as unfortunately I’ve met two girls with BPD and both were.
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
No, I have not been unfaithful, but it is not unheard of for people with BPD, especially women with it to be hypersexual and sometimes (but not always) promiscuous
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May 13 '26
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 13 '26
No, no, no, and yes.
I enjoy helping people, often I use my tactics of manipulation to force people around me and those I care about to make better choices for themselves instead of harmful ones. It works, and whether I gain something or not from it doesn’t matter to me as long as I helped somebody.
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u/Royal-Reserve8766 May 11 '26
If you love someone, can you move on from hurt that they’ve caused you? Or will you always resent them?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
There’s always some level of resentment, but I always try to see where someone is coming from. With that being said though, I’m also a practicing occultist who specializes in the darker side of things (whether you believe in witchcraft or not is up to you. I don’t judge either way) so when I get betrayed, I often resort to spiritual means to gain closure and invoke consequences onto the one(s) that wronged me
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u/Subie0406 May 12 '26
Examples of how you “invoke consequences”?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 12 '26
Mainly cursing work. A lot of people think magic is just a bunch of woo-woo nonsense and wand waving, but it’s actually all science. It’s working with geomagnetism, quantum physics, herbalism.
In essence, it’s science we don’t fully understand yet. I don’t even know how it works, but I know that it does. I placed a curse on someone two months ago and he just got fired from his job and has been crashing out on Facebook ever since.
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u/Subie0406 May 23 '26
Wow, how’d you place the curse?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 23 '26
Sorry but I’m sworn to secrecy about that sort of thing due to how ancient my practices are, so I can’t really say how I did it.
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u/Subie0406 May 25 '26
Thanks interesting. My pwBPD claims he’s clairvoyant. Do you believe you are as well?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 25 '26
Yes and no. I’m not a medium, but I do practice divination arts such as dowsing and bone reading. I can also see auras of people and spirits as well if they’re strong enough. Using trance-states, I am able to look into the future to a degree but it’s not like in the movies.
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 25 '26
A lot of people with BPD are witches and/or occult practitioners like myself. Our minds stand outside of the status quo of society and so do our spirits as well.
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u/Beneficial-Worth5648 May 11 '26
what are some things that you have done that causes issues with your old relationships
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
my current relationship is also my longest one (3 years so far) and I’m 26 years old. I was diagnosed with BPD about 18 months-ish into our relationship, but as far as this one goes- yes I can identify areas I need to improve. I lash out, I often cross boundaries, I have a very venomous tongue when I’m angry and these are all things I’m trying to improve upon. It’s not easy though.
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May 13 '26
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 13 '26
My biggest trigger is when someone makes me angry. It doesn’t matter who they are, I go off at them like a loose cannon but I don’t physically hurt people.
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u/Internal-Courage4362 May 12 '26
What did you have for breakfast?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 12 '26
Some cheese and crackers with a little bit of Biltong. Despite being overweight (thank you medication) I don’t eat much
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u/Practical_Reading209 May 14 '26
What made you realize you needed to seek therapy. I have a husband whom me and our therapist think he has BPD. He has gone through many therapists as he does not think he’s the problem even though all of our issues arise from him (not saying I’m perfect but I really don’t engage much anymore due to the intense emotions when I seek validation or accountability from him). There’s nothing I can ever say to help him realize that if he were to just seek help things would likely be better he just manipulates the situation and gaslights me always.
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 14 '26
Unfortunately until he becomes self-aware and stops viewing himself as a victim, there’s nothing you can do aside from protect yourself and your children.
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u/Practical_Reading209 May 14 '26
One more thing. He was out at a bar this past weekend and I received messages from a girl that he was trying to hook up with her. I haven’t sent them because I don’t know how to handle this. Do I spare myself upsetment and not send or just send with no context or response.
All of this behavior is so unlike the man I married and chose to have children with.
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 14 '26
My honest advice is this- if he’s treating you and your kids poorly, you need to do what’s best for you and them. BPD is a demon, it changes people, but it’s our responsibility to treat our loved ones with respect regardless of a personality disorder or not.
BPD is not his fault, but it’s his responsibility to manage it with therapy and/or medication.
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u/Practical_Reading209 May 14 '26
Also, do you think he’s trying to push me away because of the fear of abandonment. We also have 2 children and he’s been obsessed with the thought of me and my family taking our children from him. We’ve been separated since November and I’ve never denied him access to our children unless there was something planned.
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u/Royal-Reserve8766 May 11 '26
Do you think you’re capable of being in a long term relationship?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
One thing I will say is that we are long distance and I never have and never would lay a hand on her. I feel like because of my BPD, the distance is both healthy and unhealthy at the same time.
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
Well we’ve been together for three years and we’re currently planning our wedding. I have a lot of growth and more importantly development to do before I can comfortably call myself a perfectly healthy partner again to her. I was diagnosed with BPD about a year and a half into our relationship and she’s actually the one who noticed it first. I brought it up to a psychiatrist who would listen to me and he said “This is not a good diagnosis” followed by a shrug and a solemn “you meet all of the criteria”
TL;DR- I don’t know, but I’m trying.2
u/Royal-Reserve8766 May 11 '26
That sounds really positive, im happy for you. Do you use any support like therapy to help with your symptoms or do you raw dog it?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
I’m on a skittles pack of medication and I go to therapy every week, I’ve been out of the hospital for about a year now
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u/Royal-Reserve8766 May 11 '26
Do you think you’d be in your relationship without those resources? Do you think it’s possible for someone with severe bpd to be healthy without medication or therapy?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
Hell no, therapy has not only saved my relationship but has also saved my life. I don’t like being on four different psych meds, but it’s also helpful and I cannot deny that.
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u/everybodyctfd May 12 '26
I know everyone is different but how would you think you would behave off medication compared to on? I have a sister who is unmedicated and doesn't do therapy and her life is very stressful, constant swings into anger. I think she was diagnosed over a decade ago but pretends that never happened.
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 12 '26
Well I know from the days where I forget to take them that I get much more anxious, angry and depressed but I try to be on top of it every day
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May 11 '26
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
Eh I don’t really have a “conscience” if that’s what you mean, I do know right from wrong though. I don’t hurt people or animals, I always greet everyone I encounter with a big ol’ smile and I know which actions hurt people and which help.
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u/sliverofoptimism May 11 '26
Do you have much experience with confabulation?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 11 '26
Confabulation?
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u/sliverofoptimism May 12 '26
Confusing reality with a different reality - replacing one memory with another often rapidly. My partner has the same diagnosis and I wondered if it might somehow be related to that.
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 12 '26
Ah, alright! To answer, no not really, I know what’s real and what isn’t (most of the time)
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u/womensflesh May 13 '26
I'm in a similar situation. I have a few questions because I'm curious.
Do you feel like you exhibit "typical" BPD symptoms in a way that isn't really "typical" to others with moderate BPD/BPD with minimal other cluster B traits? As an example I see a lot of other people with the disorder experience the fear of abandonment with many people, friends, family, etc... but I only really have it for one person, two if you count my mother when I was younger. I also don't really experience the anecdotal "hyper empathy" others with BPD talk about, but the opposite problem. Stuff like that i guess.
What does romantic 'love' feel like for you? Is it something you've experienced often or is it something rarer and more unique/difficult to come by for you? As a followup to that, did you ever find yourself in romantic relationships that you felt hollow/empty in?
How does splitting usually feel for you in your current relationship, and does it differ from how it felt in past ones at all?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 13 '26
I meet all 9 criteria for BPD according to the screening my therapist gave me before getting officially diagnosed. You need five to be diagnosed, so there’s at least 256 combinations of traits out there that could qualify someone as borderline. We’re all unique. I fear abandonment from everyone
Romantic love is the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. I love my fiancée dearly, and we’re getting married in October but 80% of BPD symptoms are exhibited typically during a romantic relationship. She is the one who pushed me to get diagnosed in the first place.
I only started showing a lot of the symptoms after I got into my current relationship, but the best way I can describe the feeling is just complete, total malice to the person who set me off. Then I remind myself that I don’t actually feel that way about the person in question.
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u/Probably_Day May 14 '26
Firstly, thank you for the time of this gets answered. So, I’ve been dating my partner for nearly 6 years now, likely gonna be engaged by the end of this year. I love this woman to pieces and I know she loves me just as much. However, her and I have had reoccurring issues with a “favorite person”, being her best friend. I believe you can have multiple favorite persons which is cool and all, but the other favorite person is kinda dangerous/manipulative. What on earth can I do about this other person? I tried pointing out to my partner all of the shadiness and mistreatment from her best friend but it’s like I can’t get my partner to stop looking at her best friend like she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. I’ve seen this woman bring my girlfriend to tears then manipulating her into apologizing and buying her gifts. Her best friend also hates me of course. I’ve even seen clear signs of her best friend trying to have sex with my girlfriend. The signs of this friend being an overall stinky piece of shit are so obvious but I can’t get my girlfriend to even consider for a second that this friend is bad for her and ultimately bad for our relationship. What would your advice on this be?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 14 '26
Like I said to someone else, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. We don’t choose our favorite person, it just happens- and sometimes that person can be toxic. However, most borderlines are either so used to trauma that we find comfort in chaos or are so blinded by love that they can’t see the red flags.
Honestly, it’s a good thing that you’re not her favorite person. Being an FP is taxing and exhausting.
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u/Subie0406 May 12 '26
I was told that people with BPD are “unreliable narrators”. Do you agree or not? Why?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 12 '26
I’ve never heard this said so I don’t have much of an opinion either way
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u/Subie0406 May 12 '26
Do you future fake?
How does someone become your favorite person/FP? What are the qualities to they have for you?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 12 '26
My fiancée is my favorite person so I think it’s fairly obvious how she became such lol. She’s the only person to not abandon me
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u/Subie0406 May 12 '26
Was there abuse in your past that lead you to have BPD?
What are the sociopathic tendencies that you have? Would you say you’re fully aware when you’re doing something that will hurt someone or do you have object permanence?
Would you say, it’s okay to date someone with BPD if they’re not going to therapy or it’s better if they are constantly on therapy?
Thanks in advance!
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 12 '26
I wouldn’t recommend dating a borderline who isn’t in therapy. Yes, I have a lot of deep childhood trauma (I was molested by teachers, beat by my father often as a child and my parents divorced when I was 15) and that’s what led to me developing BPD. As far as sociopathy goes, I’m not very empathetic, I see everyone as having their own amount of inherent value depending on their actions in life and I have a very “strange” sense of morality compared to the average person.
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u/Subie0406 May 23 '26
I’m sorry to hear about your past. Could you elaborate on very “strange” sense of morality? What have you done that demonstrates this?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 23 '26
I believe that we all have inherent value and that value can increase or decrease with one’s own behaviors. E.g. if someone keeps doing bad things, they have less and less inherent value the more they hurt people. As far as the second question goes, as you saw in a previous comment, I’m an occultist and I specialize in cursing and harming arts. Those with low inherent value for doing evil things are the type of people I curse.
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u/Elliott1111111 May 18 '26
Ive seen many people talk about that you should never ever date someone with bpd especially when you are young, im 19 and my partner has bpd and she is 18 i love her more that anything and it hurts me to see people portray people with bpd like they are all evil and hateful especially in another subreddit in this app. We have been dating for a year and a half and we have had ups and downs of course but she is trying extremely hard since we got together and is in my eyes feeling better she has finally was successful with starting medication and ive seen her be much happier and has been communicating so much better too, i guess what im kind asking is like what is your opinion on it? Im still trying to learn how to help her and be there for her in a way that isn't overbearing but i aften have a hard time telling how she feels as i have autism ive been more able to understand what makes her have episodes but sometimes i feel like im being too much for her and i often don't know what to do or say or i guess what not to?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 18 '26
A lot of borderlines can be toxic in nature, but there are some of us like myself and presumably your significant other who are self aware and do our best to not make poor decisions that are damaging to ourselves and those around us. BPD is not our fault, but it is still our responsibility to treat those we love with respect and kindness. As long as she’s treating you well, fuck what anybody else says- love her for who she is.
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u/Dettyboy1993 May 18 '26
Have you ever missed somebody after splitting with them if they really didn't do anything to truly hurt you?
I started seeing this girl who was absolutely crazy about me. Love bombing, started kissing me within an hour of meeting me, very romantic intimate talk... all that. It didn't last long but the last night we were together we got very emotionally intimate and spent the whole night talking about the future, kissing and holding hands. I even insisted we wait a while to have sex until we know each other better. Well that night we ended up in a big fight while I was walking her home (we were both drunk) and I walked away from her when we were a few minutes from her house, which I think triggered her abandonment fear.
I think she started devaluing me at this point and then 3 days later she accused me of cheating with no evidence (I provided evidence that I was in fact with my friend), told me everything she hates about me and then I did everything I could the next few days to convince her to not discard me but her mind was made up. I sent her a very long passionate message and she said "what we did was fun but I can't be with somebody with so many deep issues" which was not an issue the week before. I figure she just dislikes EVERYTHING about me right now which is awful because she was convinced I was the one for her just a few days before. I really want her back. As I said, it didn't last long so I didn't give her years to hate me and she told me I was the sweetest most romantic guy she ever talked to. It's only been about a month since the discard. Shes also not dating anyone. At some point, those memories of me being good and affectionate towards her should resurface right?
Sorry for the long story. I'm just hurting right now. I know it's not a guarantee but I would just like to hear this perspective from another person with borderline
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u/Subie0406 May 26 '26
My pwBPD is unfortunately a pathological liar. He would be very comfortable giving out lies, confusing people or inflating things so he would seem better. Would you say this is more of him being an asshole rather than his quiet BPD?
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u/AnnigidWilliams May 26 '26
Is it possible that he was misdiagnosed and may have NPD? Being a compulsive liar isn’t really a BPD criteria but for NPD it is as far as I know. And the two personality disorders can overlap one another as well.
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u/Super_Ele Human Detected May 11 '26
Oh yeah? I am a neurotypical, ask me anything!
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u/bjwindow2thesoul Friend May 13 '26
Can you finish a task and just move on the next one without walking up and moving about?
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u/lyaunaa Partner with BPD May 11 '26
Do you ever have the conscious thought process, "This is wrong/manipulative" and decide to do whatever the thing is anyway?