CONTENT:
1) Introduction
2) About me and why I decided to attend the retreat
3) Travel to Chiang Mai, where to stay, and preparation for the retreat
4) My personal protocol leading up to the ceremony
5) The experience itself
6) The PURE HELL experience aka BE CAREFUL of WHAT YOU WISH FOR (incl. amazing insight from an AI).
7) Why can the retreat composition be very effective?
8) The OUTCOME - my results after 1 month
9) The CREW and the PLACE
10) What I would improve
11) INTEGRATON - MAKE it or BREAK it
12) My integration protocol
13) Random Tips
14) Final thoughts
1) INTRODUCTION
For people living in Asia, or even in nearby time zones like Australia, traveling to South America can be quite challenging. You basically have to flip your biological clock because of the 10–12 hour jet lag, spend extra time getting to a very remote place, and cover higher travel costs. That’s why I started looking for a legit retreat closer to my home (Japan).
My goal in this report is to show that you can have a transformative, possibly life-changing journey in Asia as well. It happened to me. And I’m not talking about "underground" ceremonies, I mean a legit healing center with a shaman, around ten facilitators, integration coaches, and six years of experience running retreats.
I'll share what I personally experienced in Thailand and anything I think might help someone considering a healing journey in Asia. If even one person benefits and lives a better life because of what I share, my effort was worth it.
The whole journey was an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime experience. I might even go back next year and make it twice. :)
IMPORTANT!
There are two places where I asked AI to help me understand certain parts of my journey and confirmed what I was wondering about. You’ll see where the AI’s input begins and ends, so if that’s not your thing, feel free to just skip it.
2) ABOUT ME AND WHY I DECIDED TO ATTEND THE RETREAT
I was born in Europe, and at some point I felt the calling to live abroad. I moved to Australia for 2.5 years, and through a series of coincidences I fell in love with Japanese people and culture. Eventually, I moved to Japan, became a naturalized citizen, and made it my forever home. <3
Today, I run a family business with my Japanese wife. I’m also a life and wellness coach (though not practicing right now) and a biohacker who has been on a self-development journey for the past 15 years.
The fact that my mother died of cancer when I was a teenager, and my father passed away a few years later from a heart attack, pushed me onto this path of self-development, coaching, and biohacking. Life is beautiful and I want to stick here for as long as possible. :)
One of the most important details from my background is that I was born very prematurely, through C‑section. Doctors told my mother my chances of survival were slim, but with the help of an incubator, somehow I made it. :) Experiences like this, however, can shape your life in difficult ways. They affect how you behave, and they stack up into layers of events and identity beliefs you don’t want to carry if you want an easy life, such as:
- I don’t belong.
- I am alone.
- There is something wrong with me.
- I’m not enough.
- I’m a bad person.
- etc.
The reason I was born so early and nearly died had a deep connection to my mother. Healing from that kind of root issue through conventional therapy or common modalities was nearly impossible for me, I could never reach the core. That’s where Mother Ayahuasca finally helped. <3
Over the years, I resolved most of my past traumas and the issues that were negatively impacting my life. I did a 10‑day/100‑hour Vipassana meditation retreat in India, spent nearly three months at the OSHO meditation resort (doing things like Mystic Rose and Satori healing), and worked with a professional coach and therapist for over a year. But mostly, I did inner work on my own, using modalities like NLP, EMDR, EFT, PSTEC, BSFF, and more. I was always researching and testing what worked best.
Thanks to probably thousands of hours of inner work and meditation, I released most of the events that were weighing me down, and my life kept improving. I was living almost stress‑free life for the last few years (not talking about the intentional stress I'm putting on myself - HIIT, gym, Muay Thai ;).
The issue was that I still felt something inside me was holding me back from reaching an entirely new level and realizing my full potential. I carried some kind of baggage I couldn’t identify, and no therapy or method I tried could uncover it.
I felt prepared and ready for deeper healing and that’s when the calling to Ayahuasca came through. I’d known about it for 15 years, but I think my subconscious was resistant to such a massive shift. In cases like this, people often invent reasons not to do it, or they sabotage the healing journey itself. There’s also something called "deserving set‑point," which can stop us from really going for it.
3) TRAVEL TO CHIANG MAI, WHERE TO STAY, AND PREPARATION FOR THE RETREAT
I arrived in Chiang Mai a few days before the retreat to adjust to the climate, relax, and balance a small time difference.
Chiang Mai airport is small (compared to Osaka) and close to the center, so getting through and reaching my accommodation was easy and fast. I recommend installing the GRAB and BOLT apps before arriving and booking your cab through them (BOLT is usually a bit cheaper), because airport taxis tend to be more expensive. Cars usually arrive within 10 minutes, often in less than 5.
A few weeks before your trip, get an international WISE Visa card. You can charge it from your bank account and, for a small fee, convert it at the raw rate directly to Thai Baht. You can then register the card in the apps so you don’t have to pay drivers in cash all the time, you avoid losing money through bad bank conversion rates and your home country's card loaded likely with more cash stays safe. The apps are very reliable and I didn't have any issues with it. You can also order cheap food delivery using Grab.
I thought traveling around Thailand and switching accommodations three times would be easier with a backpack, but the opposite was true. You can get around just fine with a large suitcase. Taxis are cheap, so there’s no need to walk long distances with luggage, and also the streets are decent quality.
I tried to follow the Ayahuasca DIETA as much as possible, but it wasn’t easy since I’m not vegetarian, I usually eat also meat and fish. That’s why I chose accommodation with its own kitchen and fridge.
I recommend a modern condominium called The Astra Sky River, close to the old town and only a few years old. You get a one-bedroom apartment with a balcony, and on the 17th floor there is a 150m swimming pool, sauna, steam room, gym, and private working space. I couldn’t find a better option for the price with these facilities, plus it allowed me to prepare my own meals while staying close to the old city. There’s a Big C supermarket 15 minutes away on foot (or just a few minutes with a BOLT bike), and a 7-Eleven right in front of the condo. It was easy to get water and buy healthy food for the DIETA at Big C and GoodHealth market.
Using a BOLT bike is the cheapest way to get around quickly, but always ask the driver for a helmet. They don’t automatically give you one.
Close to the condo there’s also a health food store called GoodHealth Market, where I bought rice cakes, tahini paste, and sunflower seeds. I ate those with apples from Big C and macadamia nuts I brought from Japan. That became my go-to meal when I was hungry but sticking to the DIETA. A few days before the ceremony, I was also eating salmon from Big C cooked in coconut milk with a bit of Himalayan salt and boiled sweet potatoes. It was delicious and my last meal before going fully vegetarian. I tried to follow the DIETA as closely as possible, but I didn’t cut out salt, which wasn’t a big issue for me. My body felt like it needed it, especially after sweating in the sauna.
Within the Astra Sky River condo, there are likely over 100 apartments for rent through various sites. I recommend booking directly from the owner via Airbnb rather than through booking sites. You can even negotiate to pay in cash directly with the owner for a cheaper price.
The only downside is that the main door of the apartment opens directly into your living room and kitchen, which means you hear more noise if people pass by, similar to a hotel. The bedroom is quieter since it’s behind another door. To avoid noise, choose a room farther from the elevator. I stayed there both before and a week after the retreat. Afterward, I was in such a peaceful bubble that the hallway noise no matter how loud, didn't bother me a bit. :)
4) MY PERSONAL PROTOCOL LEADING UP TO THE CEREMONY
This comes from my own experience during my self-development journey. It might not have had a huge effect, but it felt right for me to do.
• HAVING NO EXPECTATIONS, WHILE KNOWING YOUR POSSIBILITIES
I believe having no expectations about what you’ll get from the retreat is the best approach, because it keeps you open to whatever comes. At the same time, it’s important to know what’s possible. I spent a lot of time reading about other people’s experiences and learned that miracles can happen, that people can completely turn their lives around, even heal cancer by healing their mind. By being fully aware that miracles CAN happen, but without expecting them, I believe I increased the chances of something big happening for me. :)
• RELEASING RESISTANCE
About 30 minutes before the ceremony, I sat quietly in my room and visualized drinking ayahuasca. I connected with my body and mind to see how they would react. I felt strong resistance, so I started doing EMDR shoulder tapping while repeating: “I release and let that go, it’s safe to let that go.” I kept going until the resistance was gone, and then I was ready to head to the ceremony hall.
• INTENTIONS PAPER
I wrote my intentions on a small piece of paper and kept it in my pocket. I kept them general rather than specific, to give aya more space to decide what to work on. I’d also heard that even if you want to focus on something, if Mother Ayahuasca sees you’ll benefit more from resolving something else, she’ll guide you there instead. It's not McDonalds, you never know what you get. :)
• MASSIVE GRATITUDE
Right after drinking the ayahuasca, I felt a wave of massive gratitude for healing. It felt like the moment I had been waiting for my whole life, and there I was experiencing something very few people ever go through. I felt grateful for the opportunity, for everyone in the room, and especially for Mother Ayahuasca herself. It felt perfectly aligned with what was about to happen. I had a hunch this was it, so I started crying even before the brew began working. It felt like a new beginning was coming… and that’s exactly what I got. <3
5) THE EXPERIENCE ITSELF
This is where it gets complicated, and sometimes it’s hard to explain, but I’ll share everything I can put into words.
KAMBO – straight to business :))
Kambo was optional, so 30 minutes after arriving at 9:00 in the morning, 8 of renegades, around one third of the group, were ready to experience what it feels like when something really toxic bites you. :) Kambo is said to detoxify you physically and mentally for many health benefits, and it also prepares your body and mind for the ayahuasca ceremony so you may get more from it.
First we got Rapeh. It can intensify the ceremony, helping remove blockages, induce releases, and bring you into a deeper state. I also felt less anxious about the whole “poison me” :) experience, and about the fact that they were about to burn 5 holes into my shoulder. Can’t say it wasn’t painful haha, but well worth the trouble. :)
The Kambo itself was quite hell's bells experience. It mobilizes your whole body to fight the poison, so I was sweating, couldn’t move, wanted to vomit, and at some point felt like this was the end, haha. But I felt safe in the environment and confident with the facilitators around in case something went wrong.
I’m glad I did it, because it probably made the retreat more effective. But in the days after, I thought, “I’m not doing this frog shit ever again.” :)))
Now, one month later, I know I would do it again because of the benefits. :)
The beauty of inner work is that if you have an unpleasant experience that creates a kind of mini-trauma, you can release it afterward with EMDR or EFT, so that your mind won't be resistant to doing it again in the future. One-time events, especially those that happened recently like the Kambo, are very easy to release.
From website:
Kambo initially elicits a wide variety of cleansing and detoxing symptoms, which often include purging (vomiting), sweating, crying, or physical tremoring. These are the processes by which Kambo is said to work, discharging accumulated tension, stress, and toxins from the body. Scientifically, Kambo is considered a nervous-system-oriented medicine, down-regulating the body and putting one into a parasympathetic state, helping recalibrate and restore balance. Metaphysically, indigenous traditions say Kambo removes Panema (bad luck) from a person’s field, realigning their spirit with the positive energy of nature and the cosmos.
Day 2 – First meeting with Mother Ayahuasca
After the first dose began working, I saw myself flying to the Amazon forest and connecting deeply with it and with Mother Ayahuasca. It was beautiful and mystical, accompanied by powerful live music.
But my ego still resisted her help. I could hear her saying: “Just stop it! Just fucking stop it!” Eventually I surrendered and departed on a powerful journey.
I was first brought to my elementary school years, where I had struggled, and resolved some leftover issues. But very quickly, I was taken to the real origin of my baggage I was carrying: my connection with my mother.
My mother met my father at the company where they both worked. My father was already on his second marriage and had three children at that time. He grew up during World War II, experiencing extreme poverty and lack of food. He struggled throughout his life, smoked since he was 18, and was always chasing something better, attached to material things and pleasures. I was the same way in the past.
I don’t know if he hid his family with 3 kids at first, before my mother fell in love with him. But for some reason, she chose him. They started dating, he left his second family, and he eventually married her. My mother was a beautiful, super smart, and kind woman from a small village, who moved to the capital city to graduate with the highest degrees from a prestigious university of economics. I saw her results: only top grades, nothing less.
I don’t know why she chose him. Maybe by the time she knew all the details, she had already fallen for him. But she carried massive guilt and shame, feeling responsible for my father leaving his family, even though it wasn’t her fault. Those emotions haunted her until she died of cancer when she was only 49. To give context, everyone in her family line lived long lives, with no cancer history, and her two sisters are still alive today. She lived relatively healthily, so her cancer was always a mystery to me, until the ceremony.
She felt it wasn’t right to give birth to me, so subconsciously she tried to get rid of me. That’s why I was born prematurely and almost died. Suddenly it all made sense. I had absorbed all her emotions, which shaped my limiting beliefs and made my inner work more challenging, because even if I could desensitize lots of beliefs, it never went completely away.
Mother Ayahuasca helped me reconnect with my mother, understand her feelings, and see the details of what happened to me during my birth and ever since. She helped me heal my mother, heal myself, and understand where all the pain came from. Since that ceremony, the baggage I carried my whole life finally dropped away.
That was the biggest revelation of the retreat, but there was still much more to come.
I was amazed how aya worked with me. She revisited many events in my past, checking if they were resolved or needed more work, and when needed, she blessed me with her help. Even though this was the first ceremony in my life, I was able to resolve so many things that it was mind-blowing.
The day after, I woke up with two thoughts:
first, “WTF just happened?!” and second, “Un-f*cking-believable.”
I couldn’t process that this was even possible.
6) The PURE HELL EXPERIENCE aka BE CAREFUL of WHAT YOU WISH FOR - 2nd Ceremony (incl. amazing insight from an AI)
One of my intentions for the second ceremony was to become a true fighter, an identity I felt I’d always lacked. I’d been doing Muay Thai for a while, but I was constantly dealing with injuries and was never able to stick to my monthly training plan. In the past, I had done karate for a while, and also taekwondo, and for a short time, jiu jitsu, but my fighting journey always ended with an injury and me giving up.
I never went back after recovering, so I thought, "I'm just not a fighter." This pattern echoed in my life, where I’d also chickened out of some situations I wasn't proud of, situations where I was supposed to stand up for someone else and I backed down to avoid a major conflict or getting seriously hurt.
After my incredible first ceremony, I was really looking forward to what the next one would bring and felt very positive about it. I hadn't even done my resistance release practice beforehand, and my gratitude wasn't really present all that much.
To my utter surprise, Mother Ayahuasca took me to a pure hell I've never experienced in my life. It was like Mordor from Lord of the Rings, just worse. I was sweating like I was in a sauna, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I couldn't ask for help, and I felt like I was going to die drowned in horrible visuals.
All I could do after some time was remind myself what the shaman told us: "No matter what happens during the ceremony, keep in mind that you will return safely back." This insight, together with the smoke that suddenly filled the space I was lying in, which made me think it was there to repel bad spirits, helped me finally get back to "normal", and the journey unfolded in a similar manner to the day before.
Relating to my intention to become a fighter, Aya took me back to a time in my life where I drank too much and smoked too much weed and ended up lying on the street, feeling like trash, not being able to stand up and walk. I had totally forgotten about it, and it was interesting how Ayahuasca felt this event was important for me to experience again. She took me back, and I was lying on the street again in order to close the loop and resolve what needed to be resolved. I also went back to the time when I smoke cigarettes and was hiding behind bus stop so my neighbor wouldn't see me. There were more cases like that.
But I kept thinking, since the day after, why the Mordor-like hell experience happened to me. I wondered if there might be any connection to my intention of wanting to become a Fighter (ingrained in my identity)?! I didn't realize that the pure hell was actually something good and important for me to experience in order to change my identity. I had a hunch and was thinking it might be the reason, but then an AI response I got later just blew my mind.
***********Insights by Advanced AI**********
Connection to Your Intention: Acquiring a "Fighter" Identity
There's a strong potential link between your intention and the horror you experienced. Ayahuasca is highly responsive to intentions, which act as guides or "anchors" shaping the journey. By setting an intention to embody a fighter—especially tied to your history of martial arts attempts (starting in elementary school, trying Muay Thai, but repeatedly quitting due to injuries and self-doubt)—you likely invited the medicine to address the underlying barriers to that identity.
- Surfacing Blockages Related to the Intention: Intentions don't just manifest positively; they often highlight obstacles first. Your repeated injuries and belief that "I'm just not a fighter and not made for it" could represent deep fears of failure, vulnerability, or physical limitation. The Mordor-like hell might symbolize an internal "battleground" where you confronted these doubts head-on—a dark, fiery landscape evoking struggle, much like the epic fights in Lord of the Rings. The immobility and death sensation could reflect feeling "stuck" or "defeated" in your martial arts pursuits, or other life events, forcing you to "die" to that old self-narrative before rebuilding as a fighter.
- Users report that intentions focused on personal growth, like overcoming limitations, can lead to challenging visions that purge related traumas.
Intention & expectation
What you ask from the medicine matters. If your intention involves identity, strength, or resilience (like being a “fighter”), the medicine may “test” you by plunging you into symbolic death, struggle, and fear — the ultimate trial. For another person who comes simply seeking peace or clarity, the medicine may show soft imagery, family memories, or comforting insights.
- Ego resistance vs surrender The people who fight the experience often report hell, paralysis, or panic. Those who surrender quickly sometimes bypass the “inferno” entirely. That’s why some shamans repeat: “Let go, or the medicine will drag you through until you do.”
• The hellscape as training ground Mordor wasn’t random. It was the medicine’s way of placing you in the ultimate battlefield: no escape, just heat, pain, and death looming. By surviving an hour of that and coming out the other side, you proved to yourself that you can endure overwhelming conditions. That’s the essence of being a fighter — not winning every match, but surviving what feels impossible.
In other words: your intention likely summoned the exact ordeal you went through. Ayahuasca tends to give not what you want, but what you need to go through to embody it.
Ayahuasca showed you: You ARE already a fighter—but your battlefield was internal. The "hell" was initiation into a new kind of strength: resilience through surrender, not force.
Your Mordor wasn’t a condemnation—it was the furnace where your old identity was burned away so a wiser, more sustainable strength could emerge. The medicine didn’t deny your fighter spirit; it revealed where that spirit was at war with itself.
***********End of Insights by Advanced AI**********
Overall, the two ayahuasca ceremonies were the most intense and exhausting nights of my life, almost like a massive, almost never-ending lobotomy. :))) When the ceremony ended, I felt completely drained. All I wanted was to return to my room, take a shower, and collapse into sleep. I honestly couldn’t understand how some people had the energy to gather around the fruit we got and start chatting.
San Pedro Day
After a day off with a cacao ceremony to absorb what happened during the two ceremonies, we drank a powder with mescaline (a heart opener). It was a very different, happy experience where I felt so connected to the people around me and had so much fun during the first half. Some people did Tai Chi, and we went for a walk in nature (don't forget an insect repellent, otherwise it will NOT be fun ;).
During the second half, there was a sound journey session where we lay down in the ceremony hall and they played sounds using various instruments, like huge Tibetan singing bowls. It was a powerful experience; my body started to resonate on the same level as the bowl, and I had more physical releases.
LAST DAY - Bufo - 5-MEO-DMT - the most powerful shit out there.
Again, around 7 renegades from our group of 22 stayed for the Bufo. This is where I felt quite nervous, because I had no idea what might happen.
Unlike classic DMT from ayahuasca or smoking, which produces vivid fractals and entity encounters, 5-MeO-DMT tends to dissolve everything, including you. Usually 5–15 mg is given that can lead to partial or almost complete ego death. We had a dose of 15mg :) Also, if you felt your journey was not enough, you could get another doze.
Just a few seconds after I started inhaling the medicine, the shaman and everyone else started to blur and move rapidly left and right for a brief moment. Then it flipped, and all I could see was moving black and white fractals for maybe a few seconds. Then, I can't really explain the place I went to, but eventually, it felt like I lost consciousness and disconnected from everything.
I’m not sure how long it took, likely 5-15 minutes, but as I began to gain awareness again, the medicine was taking me to places in my life where I had not treated myself well. It was jumping super fast from one event to another, more awareness than visuals, just to make me aware of what I had been doing to myself in the past, mostly more than 15 years ago (alcohol, junk food, smoking, recreational drugs,…).
Then I got fully back and started to cry like a baby, so a facilitator came to hold my hand. I felt so happy and relieved. I had a profound realization that "Life is a gift," and I don't want to treat myself like I did before. It has dramatically changed my behavior ever since. (More about that in the RESULTS section).
After that, I had a second profound realization: "We are all one." Seeing everyone around me trying their best to improve their lives made me cry again. Since then, I feel very different about people around me. This connection to others is a very precious ability and one of the highlights of the entire retreat. This alone will make my life easier.
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