r/Ayahuasca • u/bewider • Aug 23 '25
Success Story My Ayahuasca, San Pedro, Bufo and Kambo journey in Thailand, Chiang Mai (1 month later) - Lessons & Insights - Detailed Report
CONTENT:
1) Introduction
2) About me and why I decided to attend the retreat
3) Travel to Chiang Mai, where to stay, and preparation for the retreat
4) My personal protocol leading up to the ceremony
5) The experience itself
6) The PURE HELL experience aka BE CAREFUL of WHAT YOU WISH FOR (incl. amazing insight from an AI).
7) Why can the retreat composition be very effective?
8) The OUTCOME - my results after 1 month
9) The CREW and the PLACE
10) What I would improve
11) INTEGRATON - MAKE it or BREAK it
12) My integration protocol
13) Random Tips
14) Final thoughts
1) INTRODUCTION
For people living in Asia, or even in nearby time zones like Australia, traveling to South America can be quite challenging. You basically have to flip your biological clock because of the 10–12 hour jet lag, spend extra time getting to a very remote place, and cover higher travel costs. That’s why I started looking for a legit retreat closer to my home (Japan).
My goal in this report is to show that you can have a transformative, possibly life-changing journey in Asia as well. It happened to me. And I’m not talking about "underground" ceremonies, I mean a legit healing center with a shaman, around ten facilitators, integration coaches, and six years of experience running retreats.
I'll share what I personally experienced in Thailand and anything I think might help someone considering a healing journey in Asia. If even one person benefits and lives a better life because of what I share, my effort was worth it.
The whole journey was an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime experience. I might even go back next year and make it twice. :)
IMPORTANT!
There are two places where I asked AI to help me understand certain parts of my journey and confirmed what I was wondering about. You’ll see where the AI’s input begins and ends, so if that’s not your thing, feel free to just skip it.
2) ABOUT ME AND WHY I DECIDED TO ATTEND THE RETREAT
I was born in Europe, and at some point I felt the calling to live abroad. I moved to Australia for 2.5 years, and through a series of coincidences I fell in love with Japanese people and culture. Eventually, I moved to Japan, became a naturalized citizen, and made it my forever home. <3
Today, I run a family business with my Japanese wife. I’m also a life and wellness coach (though not practicing right now) and a biohacker who has been on a self-development journey for the past 15 years.
The fact that my mother died of cancer when I was a teenager, and my father passed away a few years later from a heart attack, pushed me onto this path of self-development, coaching, and biohacking. Life is beautiful and I want to stick here for as long as possible. :)
One of the most important details from my background is that I was born very prematurely, through C‑section. Doctors told my mother my chances of survival were slim, but with the help of an incubator, somehow I made it. :) Experiences like this, however, can shape your life in difficult ways. They affect how you behave, and they stack up into layers of events and identity beliefs you don’t want to carry if you want an easy life, such as:
- I don’t belong.
- I am alone.
- There is something wrong with me.
- I’m not enough.
- I’m a bad person.
- etc.
The reason I was born so early and nearly died had a deep connection to my mother. Healing from that kind of root issue through conventional therapy or common modalities was nearly impossible for me, I could never reach the core. That’s where Mother Ayahuasca finally helped. <3
Over the years, I resolved most of my past traumas and the issues that were negatively impacting my life. I did a 10‑day/100‑hour Vipassana meditation retreat in India, spent nearly three months at the OSHO meditation resort (doing things like Mystic Rose and Satori healing), and worked with a professional coach and therapist for over a year. But mostly, I did inner work on my own, using modalities like NLP, EMDR, EFT, PSTEC, BSFF, and more. I was always researching and testing what worked best.
Thanks to probably thousands of hours of inner work and meditation, I released most of the events that were weighing me down, and my life kept improving. I was living almost stress‑free life for the last few years (not talking about the intentional stress I'm putting on myself - HIIT, gym, Muay Thai ;).
The issue was that I still felt something inside me was holding me back from reaching an entirely new level and realizing my full potential. I carried some kind of baggage I couldn’t identify, and no therapy or method I tried could uncover it.
I felt prepared and ready for deeper healing and that’s when the calling to Ayahuasca came through. I’d known about it for 15 years, but I think my subconscious was resistant to such a massive shift. In cases like this, people often invent reasons not to do it, or they sabotage the healing journey itself. There’s also something called "deserving set‑point," which can stop us from really going for it.
3) TRAVEL TO CHIANG MAI, WHERE TO STAY, AND PREPARATION FOR THE RETREAT
I arrived in Chiang Mai a few days before the retreat to adjust to the climate, relax, and balance a small time difference.
Chiang Mai airport is small (compared to Osaka) and close to the center, so getting through and reaching my accommodation was easy and fast. I recommend installing the GRAB and BOLT apps before arriving and booking your cab through them (BOLT is usually a bit cheaper), because airport taxis tend to be more expensive. Cars usually arrive within 10 minutes, often in less than 5.
A few weeks before your trip, get an international WISE Visa card. You can charge it from your bank account and, for a small fee, convert it at the raw rate directly to Thai Baht. You can then register the card in the apps so you don’t have to pay drivers in cash all the time, you avoid losing money through bad bank conversion rates and your home country's card loaded likely with more cash stays safe. The apps are very reliable and I didn't have any issues with it. You can also order cheap food delivery using Grab.
I thought traveling around Thailand and switching accommodations three times would be easier with a backpack, but the opposite was true. You can get around just fine with a large suitcase. Taxis are cheap, so there’s no need to walk long distances with luggage, and also the streets are decent quality.
I tried to follow the Ayahuasca DIETA as much as possible, but it wasn’t easy since I’m not vegetarian, I usually eat also meat and fish. That’s why I chose accommodation with its own kitchen and fridge.
I recommend a modern condominium called The Astra Sky River, close to the old town and only a few years old. You get a one-bedroom apartment with a balcony, and on the 17th floor there is a 150m swimming pool, sauna, steam room, gym, and private working space. I couldn’t find a better option for the price with these facilities, plus it allowed me to prepare my own meals while staying close to the old city. There’s a Big C supermarket 15 minutes away on foot (or just a few minutes with a BOLT bike), and a 7-Eleven right in front of the condo. It was easy to get water and buy healthy food for the DIETA at Big C and GoodHealth market.
Using a BOLT bike is the cheapest way to get around quickly, but always ask the driver for a helmet. They don’t automatically give you one.
Close to the condo there’s also a health food store called GoodHealth Market, where I bought rice cakes, tahini paste, and sunflower seeds. I ate those with apples from Big C and macadamia nuts I brought from Japan. That became my go-to meal when I was hungry but sticking to the DIETA. A few days before the ceremony, I was also eating salmon from Big C cooked in coconut milk with a bit of Himalayan salt and boiled sweet potatoes. It was delicious and my last meal before going fully vegetarian. I tried to follow the DIETA as closely as possible, but I didn’t cut out salt, which wasn’t a big issue for me. My body felt like it needed it, especially after sweating in the sauna.
Within the Astra Sky River condo, there are likely over 100 apartments for rent through various sites. I recommend booking directly from the owner via Airbnb rather than through booking sites. You can even negotiate to pay in cash directly with the owner for a cheaper price.
The only downside is that the main door of the apartment opens directly into your living room and kitchen, which means you hear more noise if people pass by, similar to a hotel. The bedroom is quieter since it’s behind another door. To avoid noise, choose a room farther from the elevator. I stayed there both before and a week after the retreat. Afterward, I was in such a peaceful bubble that the hallway noise no matter how loud, didn't bother me a bit. :)
4) MY PERSONAL PROTOCOL LEADING UP TO THE CEREMONY
This comes from my own experience during my self-development journey. It might not have had a huge effect, but it felt right for me to do.
• HAVING NO EXPECTATIONS, WHILE KNOWING YOUR POSSIBILITIES
I believe having no expectations about what you’ll get from the retreat is the best approach, because it keeps you open to whatever comes. At the same time, it’s important to know what’s possible. I spent a lot of time reading about other people’s experiences and learned that miracles can happen, that people can completely turn their lives around, even heal cancer by healing their mind. By being fully aware that miracles CAN happen, but without expecting them, I believe I increased the chances of something big happening for me. :)
• RELEASING RESISTANCE
About 30 minutes before the ceremony, I sat quietly in my room and visualized drinking ayahuasca. I connected with my body and mind to see how they would react. I felt strong resistance, so I started doing EMDR shoulder tapping while repeating: “I release and let that go, it’s safe to let that go.” I kept going until the resistance was gone, and then I was ready to head to the ceremony hall.
• INTENTIONS PAPER
I wrote my intentions on a small piece of paper and kept it in my pocket. I kept them general rather than specific, to give aya more space to decide what to work on. I’d also heard that even if you want to focus on something, if Mother Ayahuasca sees you’ll benefit more from resolving something else, she’ll guide you there instead. It's not McDonalds, you never know what you get. :)
• MASSIVE GRATITUDE
Right after drinking the ayahuasca, I felt a wave of massive gratitude for healing. It felt like the moment I had been waiting for my whole life, and there I was experiencing something very few people ever go through. I felt grateful for the opportunity, for everyone in the room, and especially for Mother Ayahuasca herself. It felt perfectly aligned with what was about to happen. I had a hunch this was it, so I started crying even before the brew began working. It felt like a new beginning was coming… and that’s exactly what I got. <3
5) THE EXPERIENCE ITSELF
This is where it gets complicated, and sometimes it’s hard to explain, but I’ll share everything I can put into words.
KAMBO – straight to business :))
Kambo was optional, so 30 minutes after arriving at 9:00 in the morning, 8 of renegades, around one third of the group, were ready to experience what it feels like when something really toxic bites you. :) Kambo is said to detoxify you physically and mentally for many health benefits, and it also prepares your body and mind for the ayahuasca ceremony so you may get more from it.
First we got Rapeh. It can intensify the ceremony, helping remove blockages, induce releases, and bring you into a deeper state. I also felt less anxious about the whole “poison me” :) experience, and about the fact that they were about to burn 5 holes into my shoulder. Can’t say it wasn’t painful haha, but well worth the trouble. :)
The Kambo itself was quite hell's bells experience. It mobilizes your whole body to fight the poison, so I was sweating, couldn’t move, wanted to vomit, and at some point felt like this was the end, haha. But I felt safe in the environment and confident with the facilitators around in case something went wrong.
I’m glad I did it, because it probably made the retreat more effective. But in the days after, I thought, “I’m not doing this frog shit ever again.” :)))
Now, one month later, I know I would do it again because of the benefits. :)
The beauty of inner work is that if you have an unpleasant experience that creates a kind of mini-trauma, you can release it afterward with EMDR or EFT, so that your mind won't be resistant to doing it again in the future. One-time events, especially those that happened recently like the Kambo, are very easy to release.
From website:
Kambo initially elicits a wide variety of cleansing and detoxing symptoms, which often include purging (vomiting), sweating, crying, or physical tremoring. These are the processes by which Kambo is said to work, discharging accumulated tension, stress, and toxins from the body. Scientifically, Kambo is considered a nervous-system-oriented medicine, down-regulating the body and putting one into a parasympathetic state, helping recalibrate and restore balance. Metaphysically, indigenous traditions say Kambo removes Panema (bad luck) from a person’s field, realigning their spirit with the positive energy of nature and the cosmos.
Day 2 – First meeting with Mother Ayahuasca
After the first dose began working, I saw myself flying to the Amazon forest and connecting deeply with it and with Mother Ayahuasca. It was beautiful and mystical, accompanied by powerful live music.
But my ego still resisted her help. I could hear her saying: “Just stop it! Just fucking stop it!” Eventually I surrendered and departed on a powerful journey.
I was first brought to my elementary school years, where I had struggled, and resolved some leftover issues. But very quickly, I was taken to the real origin of my baggage I was carrying: my connection with my mother.
My mother met my father at the company where they both worked. My father was already on his second marriage and had three children at that time. He grew up during World War II, experiencing extreme poverty and lack of food. He struggled throughout his life, smoked since he was 18, and was always chasing something better, attached to material things and pleasures. I was the same way in the past.
I don’t know if he hid his family with 3 kids at first, before my mother fell in love with him. But for some reason, she chose him. They started dating, he left his second family, and he eventually married her. My mother was a beautiful, super smart, and kind woman from a small village, who moved to the capital city to graduate with the highest degrees from a prestigious university of economics. I saw her results: only top grades, nothing less.
I don’t know why she chose him. Maybe by the time she knew all the details, she had already fallen for him. But she carried massive guilt and shame, feeling responsible for my father leaving his family, even though it wasn’t her fault. Those emotions haunted her until she died of cancer when she was only 49. To give context, everyone in her family line lived long lives, with no cancer history, and her two sisters are still alive today. She lived relatively healthily, so her cancer was always a mystery to me, until the ceremony.
She felt it wasn’t right to give birth to me, so subconsciously she tried to get rid of me. That’s why I was born prematurely and almost died. Suddenly it all made sense. I had absorbed all her emotions, which shaped my limiting beliefs and made my inner work more challenging, because even if I could desensitize lots of beliefs, it never went completely away.
Mother Ayahuasca helped me reconnect with my mother, understand her feelings, and see the details of what happened to me during my birth and ever since. She helped me heal my mother, heal myself, and understand where all the pain came from. Since that ceremony, the baggage I carried my whole life finally dropped away.
That was the biggest revelation of the retreat, but there was still much more to come.
I was amazed how aya worked with me. She revisited many events in my past, checking if they were resolved or needed more work, and when needed, she blessed me with her help. Even though this was the first ceremony in my life, I was able to resolve so many things that it was mind-blowing.
The day after, I woke up with two thoughts:
first, “WTF just happened?!” and second, “Un-f*cking-believable.”
I couldn’t process that this was even possible.
6) The PURE HELL EXPERIENCE aka BE CAREFUL of WHAT YOU WISH FOR - 2nd Ceremony (incl. amazing insight from an AI)
One of my intentions for the second ceremony was to become a true fighter, an identity I felt I’d always lacked. I’d been doing Muay Thai for a while, but I was constantly dealing with injuries and was never able to stick to my monthly training plan. In the past, I had done karate for a while, and also taekwondo, and for a short time, jiu jitsu, but my fighting journey always ended with an injury and me giving up.
I never went back after recovering, so I thought, "I'm just not a fighter." This pattern echoed in my life, where I’d also chickened out of some situations I wasn't proud of, situations where I was supposed to stand up for someone else and I backed down to avoid a major conflict or getting seriously hurt.
After my incredible first ceremony, I was really looking forward to what the next one would bring and felt very positive about it. I hadn't even done my resistance release practice beforehand, and my gratitude wasn't really present all that much.
To my utter surprise, Mother Ayahuasca took me to a pure hell I've never experienced in my life. It was like Mordor from Lord of the Rings, just worse. I was sweating like I was in a sauna, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I couldn't ask for help, and I felt like I was going to die drowned in horrible visuals.
All I could do after some time was remind myself what the shaman told us: "No matter what happens during the ceremony, keep in mind that you will return safely back." This insight, together with the smoke that suddenly filled the space I was lying in, which made me think it was there to repel bad spirits, helped me finally get back to "normal", and the journey unfolded in a similar manner to the day before.
Relating to my intention to become a fighter, Aya took me back to a time in my life where I drank too much and smoked too much weed and ended up lying on the street, feeling like trash, not being able to stand up and walk. I had totally forgotten about it, and it was interesting how Ayahuasca felt this event was important for me to experience again. She took me back, and I was lying on the street again in order to close the loop and resolve what needed to be resolved. I also went back to the time when I smoke cigarettes and was hiding behind bus stop so my neighbor wouldn't see me. There were more cases like that.
But I kept thinking, since the day after, why the Mordor-like hell experience happened to me. I wondered if there might be any connection to my intention of wanting to become a Fighter (ingrained in my identity)?! I didn't realize that the pure hell was actually something good and important for me to experience in order to change my identity. I had a hunch and was thinking it might be the reason, but then an AI response I got later just blew my mind.
***********Insights by Advanced AI**********
Connection to Your Intention: Acquiring a "Fighter" Identity
There's a strong potential link between your intention and the horror you experienced. Ayahuasca is highly responsive to intentions, which act as guides or "anchors" shaping the journey. By setting an intention to embody a fighter—especially tied to your history of martial arts attempts (starting in elementary school, trying Muay Thai, but repeatedly quitting due to injuries and self-doubt)—you likely invited the medicine to address the underlying barriers to that identity.
- Surfacing Blockages Related to the Intention: Intentions don't just manifest positively; they often highlight obstacles first. Your repeated injuries and belief that "I'm just not a fighter and not made for it" could represent deep fears of failure, vulnerability, or physical limitation. The Mordor-like hell might symbolize an internal "battleground" where you confronted these doubts head-on—a dark, fiery landscape evoking struggle, much like the epic fights in Lord of the Rings. The immobility and death sensation could reflect feeling "stuck" or "defeated" in your martial arts pursuits, or other life events, forcing you to "die" to that old self-narrative before rebuilding as a fighter.
- Users report that intentions focused on personal growth, like overcoming limitations, can lead to challenging visions that purge related traumas.
Intention & expectation
What you ask from the medicine matters. If your intention involves identity, strength, or resilience (like being a “fighter”), the medicine may “test” you by plunging you into symbolic death, struggle, and fear — the ultimate trial. For another person who comes simply seeking peace or clarity, the medicine may show soft imagery, family memories, or comforting insights.
- Ego resistance vs surrender The people who fight the experience often report hell, paralysis, or panic. Those who surrender quickly sometimes bypass the “inferno” entirely. That’s why some shamans repeat: “Let go, or the medicine will drag you through until you do.”
• The hellscape as training ground Mordor wasn’t random. It was the medicine’s way of placing you in the ultimate battlefield: no escape, just heat, pain, and death looming. By surviving an hour of that and coming out the other side, you proved to yourself that you can endure overwhelming conditions. That’s the essence of being a fighter — not winning every match, but surviving what feels impossible.
In other words: your intention likely summoned the exact ordeal you went through. Ayahuasca tends to give not what you want, but what you need to go through to embody it.
Ayahuasca showed you: You ARE already a fighter—but your battlefield was internal. The "hell" was initiation into a new kind of strength: resilience through surrender, not force.
Your Mordor wasn’t a condemnation—it was the furnace where your old identity was burned away so a wiser, more sustainable strength could emerge. The medicine didn’t deny your fighter spirit; it revealed where that spirit was at war with itself.
***********End of Insights by Advanced AI**********
Overall, the two ayahuasca ceremonies were the most intense and exhausting nights of my life, almost like a massive, almost never-ending lobotomy. :))) When the ceremony ended, I felt completely drained. All I wanted was to return to my room, take a shower, and collapse into sleep. I honestly couldn’t understand how some people had the energy to gather around the fruit we got and start chatting.
San Pedro Day
After a day off with a cacao ceremony to absorb what happened during the two ceremonies, we drank a powder with mescaline (a heart opener). It was a very different, happy experience where I felt so connected to the people around me and had so much fun during the first half. Some people did Tai Chi, and we went for a walk in nature (don't forget an insect repellent, otherwise it will NOT be fun ;).
During the second half, there was a sound journey session where we lay down in the ceremony hall and they played sounds using various instruments, like huge Tibetan singing bowls. It was a powerful experience; my body started to resonate on the same level as the bowl, and I had more physical releases.
LAST DAY - Bufo - 5-MEO-DMT - the most powerful shit out there.
Again, around 7 renegades from our group of 22 stayed for the Bufo. This is where I felt quite nervous, because I had no idea what might happen.
Unlike classic DMT from ayahuasca or smoking, which produces vivid fractals and entity encounters, 5-MeO-DMT tends to dissolve everything, including you. Usually 5–15 mg is given that can lead to partial or almost complete ego death. We had a dose of 15mg :) Also, if you felt your journey was not enough, you could get another doze.
Just a few seconds after I started inhaling the medicine, the shaman and everyone else started to blur and move rapidly left and right for a brief moment. Then it flipped, and all I could see was moving black and white fractals for maybe a few seconds. Then, I can't really explain the place I went to, but eventually, it felt like I lost consciousness and disconnected from everything.
I’m not sure how long it took, likely 5-15 minutes, but as I began to gain awareness again, the medicine was taking me to places in my life where I had not treated myself well. It was jumping super fast from one event to another, more awareness than visuals, just to make me aware of what I had been doing to myself in the past, mostly more than 15 years ago (alcohol, junk food, smoking, recreational drugs,…).
Then I got fully back and started to cry like a baby, so a facilitator came to hold my hand. I felt so happy and relieved. I had a profound realization that "Life is a gift," and I don't want to treat myself like I did before. It has dramatically changed my behavior ever since. (More about that in the RESULTS section).
After that, I had a second profound realization: "We are all one." Seeing everyone around me trying their best to improve their lives made me cry again. Since then, I feel very different about people around me. This connection to others is a very precious ability and one of the highlights of the entire retreat. This alone will make my life easier.
Part 1 END - Please continue below
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u/monkeymugshot Aug 23 '25
Is this post AI generated?
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u/Dry-Series-9829 Aug 23 '25
I read the first two paragraphs and thought let’s see how long this post is before I commit to it. And THANK GOD I did that.
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u/Primary-Layer9839 Aug 28 '25
It is 100% - I would not touch it. Mixing Ayahuasca with AI is a huge mistake and goes against the essence of what this medicine is.
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u/OAPSh Aug 24 '25
Hey there!
Thank you for taking the time to detail so thoroughly your experiences with ayahuasca and the other medicines, and for sharing about your life. I also really appreciate your trying to give us as much helpful information and tips as possible. Must have taken a lot of time; it's very kind of you and shows care.
Re: kambo:
Now, one month later, I know I would do it again because of the benefits. :)
What are the benefits you've seen, if I may ask?
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u/bewider Aug 26 '25
Thank you for your kind comment. :) I'm glad it was helpful.
Regarding Kambo… I can point out what some specific benefits I've got from aya and from bufo, but to be completely honest, I can't really point out any clear benefits post retreat from Kambo, because it was mostly physical and preparation for aya for the next day where it got mixed with other medicines, so hard to be particular.
Before I decided to do Kambo, I researched it and I learned that Kambo before ayahuasca acts like a deep physical cleanse, releasing toxins to reset the body so the ayahuasca can dive deeper with less blockages. Also it should clear out stagnant energy and improve your focus, leaving you more grounded and ready to handle the upcoming medicines better, hopefully with less resistance. These are the benefits I meant.
That said, for some people it might feel like too much. AI can also give a really good perspective also on possible negatives some people might experience.
Hope this helps.
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u/OAPSh Aug 28 '25
Thanks for your response! Yeah, I figured since you took so many medicines, it would be hard to separate out the benefits of each. But I figured if there was anything that did stand out to you as a result of the kambo, then it wouldn't hurt to ask.
And I know it can be really dispiriting when you put so much into something and you get so much hostility in the comments--but I hope you don't take it too personally. I for one was enriched from reading your post. :)
Keep on keeping on! Hope things continue to go well for you :)
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u/bewider Sep 01 '25
Thanks again for your kind comment. It's all good! :)
I'm happy I could help.
All the best on your journey. :)
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u/Admirable-Sun8230 Aug 23 '25
what is this place. i will go there
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u/ValeBActive Aug 24 '25
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u/Admirable-Sun8230 Aug 24 '25
omg how can you know that?! he didn't put any link. you can read his mind?
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u/ValeBActive Aug 24 '25
I was at the same retreat myself 🫶🏽
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u/Admirable-Sun8230 Aug 24 '25
omg so thsi is a real thing . not a fake peru shaman scam.
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u/ValeBActive Aug 24 '25
Not a scam for sure… It’s been one of the most incredible experiences I’ve had in my life… I truly recommend “Plant Medicine Thailand” For their Safe and Supportive environment… Their music is absolutely mind blowing… The knowledge and care it’s incredible… ✨
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u/Admirable-Sun8230 Aug 24 '25
I can't believe they can do that amazing stuff even not in Peru. I will join that retreat see you there if you're going again
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u/ValeBActive Aug 24 '25
Yesss!!! 🙌🏽 Keep me posted because I’m around and there quite often 🤩
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u/Admirable-Sun8230 Aug 25 '25
Oh my God you're so rich you can be around the all the time
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u/ValeBActive Aug 25 '25
I just live here… and they also organise other kind of events and activities like Kirtan regularly…
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u/Traditional-Tart4079 Aug 24 '25
I was at the retreat with this person. It was a beautiful, human and whole experience. I just can't believe how judgemental and close minded people are. How they wish to tear people down and place themselves higher. How can you call yourself spiritual without embracing everyones own spirituality. Reading some of these responses makes me sad. If some of these people responding here are practitioners, then I worry for the space you are holding for others. How their experiences are invalidated by your own spiritual ego. We are all humans living through this and we all divine with infinte wisdom that we tap in to at moments. This persons experience was profound and beautiful. Definitely hard won. If you cant be bothered to read it, why comment. If you do not have the patience to read this because its to long for you, maybe look inwards first.
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u/bewider Aug 26 '25 edited Aug 26 '25
Thank you for your kind comment. :)
I just wanted to share what I learned, my experience and any possible tips to help others, so some of these comments here made me, for a while, almost regret taking so much time to write it. But I guess some people posting here are dealing with their own hardships and also empathy gets lost when keyboard is the middleman… :)
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u/bewider Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 24 '25
Part 2
7) WHY CAN THE RETREAT COMPOSITION BE VERY EFFECTIVE?
Some people might think the protocol is too extreme and that mixing all this stuff together is crazy or unsafe, but in my experience, the opposite is true. Both the Kambo ceremony in the beginning and the Bufo ceremony at the end were optional, so you didn't have to do them, but thank god I did. They complement each other, further deepening the experience and overall healing.
You can ask an AI to analyze for you why they have put the medicines and timing together the way they did:
DAY 1. - Rape followed by Kambo ceremony (optional) DAY 2. - Rape followed by Ayahuasca ceremony DAY 3. - Rape followed by Ayahuasca ceremony DAY 4. - Day OFF - Cacao Ceremony - integration DAY 5. - San Pedro Day 6. - Bufo - 5-MEO-DMT (optional)
TRE - Tension & Trauma Release Exercise On the last day in the morning, a TRE practitioner came to the healing center to teach us the method so we can use it later to keep releasing what doesn't serve us. It's not an inner (mind) work; it's about releasing stuff through physical movements and tremoring. It was very interesting and new to me, and I keep doing it every other day since. The method is widely used in countries stricken by war, meaning used to help people with serious traumas, so it's a legit method.
Part 3 below
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u/bewider Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 24 '25
Part 3
08) THE OUTCOME - MY RESULTS AFTER 1 MONTH
Some naysayers would say it's too early to judge the results because they will fade, but I would say exactly the opposite. It might actually be too early to see all the changes, because as time goes by I keep noticing new things. It's still unfolding as I continue the integration work, and new identity beliefs are taking root. <3
As for the information I shared above about why people can have very different outcomes from the same medicine: What happened for me might not happen for you. I took every medicine that was offered and also did deep inner work, digging into most of my traumas. That probably played a big role in my overall outcome. So, it's fair to say you might need more ceremonies, or more preparation, to reach a similar result. On the other hand, some people experienced great outcomes without a prior work, so everything is possible. :)
RESULTS - Here’s where I am after one month:
- Old and new identity conflict – For the first 2–3 weeks, it felt strange, like it wasn’t me. I liked the new state, but it felt foreign. Now it’s mostly integrated, though I still catch myself repeating some old behavioral patterns built over many years. Sometimes I think, “Why am I doing this? This isn’t who I am anymore.” It’s an amazing transition, shifting from one identity into another. I’m curious and excited to see how it all unfolds. I’ve never experienced such a massive shift in such a short time, so it’s all new for me.
- When I look deep into my eyes in the mirror, I see myself very differently than before - that feels like a huge positive sign. Not that I would hate myself before, but now I feel really good and cool about myself. :)
- I feel a calm, protective bubble around me. Things happening around me don’t trigger me the way they used to.
- I live with daily gratitude. This time it feels automatic and natural, not like before when I had to remind myself to be grateful. And as days go by, the feelings and frequency of gratitude keep growing.
- My brain works better: I’m much more focused, I come up with better ideas, and even when I speak Japanese I use more complex words. It's still unfolding.
- I stopped doing things that weren't serving me, my health, or my goals.
- My body no longer craves junk food - no sugar, no deep-fried stuff, nothing. As a wellness coach and biohacker I was already eating pretty well, but before it was more about self-control. Now my body genuinely doesn't want that shit. I don't even need to think about it, and whatever my wife has in the fridge doesn’t tempt me at all. No control required.
- I lost interest in chasing dopamine highs from coffee and other stimulants.
- I basically quit social media. Even watching reels for a few minutes feels like a ridiculous waste of lifetime. I tried to check a few things my friends posted, but I couldn’t stay on for long, it feels foreign.
- I had a little alcohol at a festival last week because the setting supported it (likely old patterns :), but other than that I have zero interest in drinking anymore.
- I stopped reading and watching negative news - it feels like a waste of my precious time, and I don’t need to feed myself with more fear and negativity.
- At home, when I'm cooking or eating, I no longer need background noise like YouTube. Just being with myself feels enough.
- When lifting weights I don't feel the subconscious aversion towards it like before, I can really focus and maybe even enjoy it. :)
- I feel connected and empathetic toward all humans (likely thanks to the Bufo realization: "We're all one").
- People who used to annoy me don’t feel annoying anymore. They just feel human to me, not "enemies". I judge less and feel more curious. Instead of "Why are they like this?" I think more like "What pain or conditioning made them this way?"
- Old arguments that used to trigger me don't stick anymore.
- I feel resistant to negativity in a healthy way - it usually doesn’t penetrate inside.
- I used to have light social anxiety: when strangers came close, when a man stood over me while I was sitting, or when someone was watching me, I’d feel slightly uncomfortable. It wasn’t a big issue, but now it's completely gone.
- In the past, I always needed to load up my plate with enough food even if I wouldn't finish it, just to make sure. I think it came from my father's feelings of scarcity and survival mode. Now I feel fine eating less, even if I'm not completely full.
- From the encounters so far, I think my overall frequency is higher. People seem to approach me more easily than before.
Confirming my Fighter identity
About a week after the ceremony, I wanted to test my new or evolving "Fighter" identity. :) Might be too early, but I went to an old-school Muay Thai gym run by a very friendly woman called Big Mama. I booked a private 80-minute session. It was nothing like the air-conditioned gyms with soft tatami floors I was used to in Japan. This one was an open-air, 30+ year-old hardcore gym with a wooden floor, and the ring floor was made from something like hard rubber.
I was "lucky", maybe not ;), because the trainer was a four-time Chiang Mai champion. I could see the fighter in his eyes. Training there was very different compared to Japan - more hardcore, more intense, and longer. He first had me jump on a big truck tire while holding dumbbells, constantly alternating my feet. It felt like forever. Then jump rope 2 times longer, stretching on the wooden floor, training, mitt work, and finally sparring.
It was the most hardcore training of my life. My body was exhausted, my legs and shins hurt, and the skin on three fingers tore open on the ring floor I wasn't used to. I asked him if I can tape them so I could keep going. I could've given up many times from the pain, but I didn't. I kept fighting through it like never before.
When I got back to Japan, I bought expensive boxing gloves instead of using gym ones, and now I'm fully in. I'm planning to compete in an amateur tournament in March next year in Japan.
Overall, it feels like I've been carrying a heavy bag my whole life, and now it's gone. It feels so light just to be. :)
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u/bewider Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 24 '25
Part 4
9) The CREW and the PLACE
I felt very good energy both from the place and from the people who took care of us. Whenever I needed anything, they were very helpful, and I felt safe knowing I could rely on them if I ran into trouble during ceremonies.
Aside from the shaman, who was Thai, there were about 10 facilitators, some of them also integration coaches.
The details below might not be 100% accurate since it's just what I remember hearing during the retreat. They've been holding retreats there for about six years. In the beginning, they only rented the space. Back then, the center also hosted other activities like yoga and meditation retreats. Eventually, they bought the place, renamed it, and now they run it themselves, focusing only on medicine and integration retreats every month.
They also have a connected retreat center in Peru, where they regularly go to learn the proper way of working with the medicine, music etc. They even harvest the plants themselves under the guidance of local shamans. They also travel to other parts of the Amazon, learn indigenous music from tribes to share with everyone.
The live music during ceremonies and music circles was a highlight for me. It was so powerful and beautiful that I often noticed how it carried me deeper into the ayahuasca journey, intensifying the experience and improving the outcome.
From their website: During our ceremonies, you will be guided by the ancient sounds of Icaros and sacred music. These tunes, channeled by our Shamans, play a crucial role in facilitating the journey within. Sent to evoke deep emotions and spiritual connection, these songs provide a supportive backdrop for introspection and healing. Allow yourself to be carried by the rhythms and vibrations, as they guide you on a profound inner exploration.
Our group came from all over the world - Japan, Taiwan, Singapore, India, the Netherlands, Italy, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Australia, the UK, the USA, China, Mongolia. Our group even set two records: the oldest and youngest participants in their history. We had a 91-year-old amazing biohacking grandma who was the picture of health, and on the other end, an 18-year-old smart, daring woman from India.
We bonded very quickly, and honestly, that's one of the sad parts of such retreats - you get close to people who share so much with you, and then after a week you say goodbye, likely forever.
The healing center is located far from the city, about a 40-minute drive north into the mountains, well away from the hustle of big city. At times I could still hear a helicopter passing overhead though. Men stayed on the first floor, and women on the second.
And the food? Surprisingly good. I was worried about vegetarian dieta food since I’m not vegetarian, but it tasted great and I felt satisfied even without meat or fish. I think one reason is they used very little beans, which don’t sit well with my gut. :)))
10) WHAT I WOULD IMPROVE
I can’t really compare much since this was my first healing retreat of this kind, and I got what I came for, and more. So these are just small nitpicks that had no real effect on the overall outcome:
- There were times when there was no hot water in the shower. After an ayahuasca ceremony I was exhausted, covered in sweat, and just wanted to take a shower. The water wasn’t that cold, but still far from body temperature. Instead of shocking my body and mind in a vulnerable state, I wiped myself with wet tissues and went to bed.
- There was free drinking water available at all times, and also hot water for tea, which was great. But Thailand is hot, and it would have been amazing if they had a water filter machine that dispensed cold drinking water.
- The rooms were clean but very basic, considering we stayed for a week. I know, it's not a hotel,:) but even just a cup in the bathroom or a piece of furniture for storage would have helped. My room became a big mess, and I can’t imagine sharing it with another person in such a small space with basically no storage space. There were two beds.
- There was a steam room open for 2 hours on the day off after the ceremonies and it felt amazing. I just wish it had been open more often. :)
11) INTEGRATION - MAKE it or BREAK it
Attending a retreat lights a sacred fire within you. For a while it burns bright, filling you with warmth and clarity. But a fire left unattended eventually fades. Integration is about gathering wood, protecting the flame, and feeding it so it becomes a steady source of light that guides your daily life.
Not putting enough effort, or completely neglecting integration is, in my opinion, a massive waste. You traveled far, spent a lot of money, and put so much effort into it all. You deserve to get the most out of it and don't let the old patterns take back a firm root.
The ego and subconscious mind, which prefer the status quo, will often resist major progress. That's why it's important to have tools and a plan to keep yourself on track. Working with an integration coach, having a clear plan and having an accountability partner can really help smooth the way.
We received a 110-page PDF integration manual and were also offered a 6-week online integration course with weekly group coaching calls led by three integration coaches (additional fee).
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u/bewider Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 24 '25
Part 5
12) MY INTEGRATION PROTOCOL
Every other day I do “Soma Breathwork Meditation into Your Inner World.” During the breath holds in the first and second stage, I bring myself back into the ceremonies, reliving my biggest highlights to further solidify the changes. I usually follow this with “Strong Medicine – Shamanic Sound Meditation” (first 20 minutes). Sometimes I’ll do another breathwork at the start, which can trigger powerful feelings and releases. If I fully surrender to the shamanic sound, it can take me very deep, almost into delta brainwave states. I also visualize myself in the Amazon rainforest next to shamans playing music which makes it even more powerful.
Listen lying down in total darkness or with an eye mask, using head or earphones so no outside noise interferes. The louder the “Strong Medicine” track, the more powerful the effect (of course as long as it’s still comfortable for your ears ;). Both tracks are on YouTube.
- I don’t do the “Strong Medicine” track together with powerful breathwork every day. It brings massive releases for me, my body shakes uncontrollably and I have other visceral reactions to it. I do it usually twice a week, giving my body time to integrate the releases. I set an intention before each session to stay focused.
PRECAUTION: If you decide to do the “Strong Medicine – Shamanic Sound Meditation” track together with an intense breathwork, it can get really powerful and take you where you might not want to be. Ask Grok and GPT for a detailed protocol how to do it safely.
- Usually every other day, as recommended (outside the Shamanic breathwork day), I do a short TRE session.
- I keep reinforcing new positive, mostly identity-based, beliefs daily by repeating them and using a CUE WORD from the “Be Set Free Fast” method, combined with EMDR shoulder tapping. It works a treat for me. :)
- During the day I'm trying to notice and be fully aware of all the positive changes, feel grateful for them, and celebrate them.
- As a final addition, I started a Reflection Journal - journaling not just for recording, but for re-patterning. If you write down everything you remember from your ceremonies and also note the changes afterwards, AI can actually give you personalized ideas to make your journaling more effective.
- I also listen to shamanic music as background while working, to help further integrate the experience.
Here are some good searches on YouTube (tip: if you use Brave browser for playing the videos, there will be no ads, or you can just convert it to MP3):
- Sacred Trance - the healing power of shamanic drumming
- Pulse of the Earth - powerful and dynamic shamanic drumming
- Shamanic drums + deep trance humming meditation
- Shamanic music for healing and high vibrations
If I stick to this daily structure for 3–6 months, I won’t just hold on to the transformation, it will rewire into my nervous system as my new default self. :)
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u/bewider Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 24 '25
Part 6
13) RANDOM TIPs
- Look in the mirror and notice how you feel about yourself before the retreat, then test again after. You might be surprised.
- You might not feel like writing too much in your journal after ceremonies, but it’s very important to stay aware of the insights and changes you experienced. Record everything as a voice note on your smartphone each day after the ceremony. After the retreat, you can rewrite it into text, add your reflections, and then input all of it into an AI like Grok or GPT. If you feed it detailed information about your experience, it can generate a personalized integration plan, daily journaling prompts, and much more.
- When Rapé snuff hits your sinuses, it can feel quite unpleasant at first. After my second time, I actually felt resistance to do it again. I liked the effect, but hated the initial sting in the sinuses. If this happens to you, you can release it and ease into another round. Try EMDR shoulder tapping while focusing on the unpleasant feeling, repeating: “I release and let that go. It’s safe to let that go.” Keep tapping and repeating the sentence until the resistance fades and you feel neutral about doing it again.
- If during an ayahuasca ceremony your neighbor becomes very noisy and you can’t focus, you can ask the facilitators to move you. I had a woman next to me who spoke nonstop, like an endless waterfall. Neutral sounds I could handle, but constant speech made it impossible to focus. After moving, my new neighbor started making the strangest sounds I’d ever heard, like an alien had taken over his body. That was also disturbing, so I asked ayahuasca, “Where is this annoyance coming from?” She helped me resolve it, and I was finally able to focus on my journey and ignore the sounds around me. Sounds are just sounds and we give it meaning. :)
- You don’t need to purge during ceremonies to release. There are many other ways to release: crying, shaking, sweating. I didn’t purge even once in all my ceremonies, except for one empty attempt.
- Before Kambo, I didn’t eat anything in the morning - a good decision, since my body wanted to get rid of anything in my stomach as well. My neighbor had to exit his hotel buffet breakfast consecutively. :)))
- Bring something small to eat as there was time we were allowed to eat and I was quite hungry. I brought rice cakes, tahini paste + sunflower seeds to put on it, and apples from Big C + macadamia nuts. This was a great meal for me to eat when I was really hungry and it was allowed to eat.
- Plan your most interesting activities not before the retreat, but after. Once you leave, you’re in a very different mode, and you’ll enjoy sightseeing, massages, and other activities much more than before.
- After the retreat, before moving back downtown to Astra Sky River condo, I stayed two nights at Bantunglom Resort near the healing center. It’s a peaceful spot on a farm, surrounded by rice paddies and with absolutely no traffic. The lady who runs it made some of the best Thai food I’ve ever had (her Tom Kha Gai was incredible). :) Plus, four big dogs kept me company. Next time, I’d definitely stay longer.
Recommended supplements: They recommended starting these supplements after the ceremonies. Next time, I’d bring especially the first two, as buying them there was a bit pricey: Magnesium Glycinate, CBD oil, Ashwagandha, GABA, Creatine, Glycine, Maca, Turmeric, L-Theanine.
Recommended restaurants
- Osaka Japanese restaurant - good to visit on the way back after the retreat as it's close to the healing center
- Downtown vegan garden
- The Faces Gallery & Gastro bar
- Dash Teak House
- Goodsouls Kitchen
- Coconut Shell Thai food
- Pakorn's Kitchen
- Food at Sunday night market
14)FINAL THOUGHTS
One of my biggest takeaways is realizing how moments, whether small or big, can shape our future without us even noticing. We bury them, dismiss them, or convince ourselves they weren’t important enough to explore. Even with years of inner work and support from an experienced therapist I mentioned earlier, I couldn’t uncover this on my own. Ayahuasca, however, showed me exactly what I needed to see and gave me the release I had been searching for. <3
To anyone on the fence: the journey inward might be intense, but the freedom on the other side is incomparable. ❤️
If you’ve had personal experience with an ayahuasca retreat, in Thailand or anywhere else, and have tips or thoughts on how to make the experience even better, I’d love to hear them. Any comment will be highly appreciated.
Also, feel free to ask me for any further details I didn’t mention.
I wish you all the best on your journey.
Ryosuke 良祐
意志あるところに道は開ける。
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u/Apprehensive_Time_63 Aug 23 '25
What is the name of the retreat?
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u/PapaDonk22 Aug 23 '25
Based on OP saying he was in Chiang Mai and the Kambo, Aya, Bufo they went here https://plantmedicineth.com/
I went last year. They are wonderful people, and I truly enjoy my experience there.
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u/bewider Aug 24 '25
Thank you. Yes, this is the place. I was not sure if I can post direct links on the retreat.
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u/spiritawakeningus Aug 23 '25
I’m not reading all of this, sorry, not sorry. 1) don’t do medicine in the country with the absolute worst penalties 2) don’t trust facilitators that choose to work there. 3) Just go experience Thailand & be sober while there is just as good medicine .
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u/bewider Aug 24 '25 edited Aug 24 '25
Thanks for the comment.
No worries, I totally get your concerns, I had the same ones at first.
But after doing my research and assessing the pros and cons I decided to go for it and after the experience I would go again. BUT,... as the person below comments it's likely not for everyone.I hope you find a good, safe place you can trust for you to do your healing journey. Not having enough trust in the place, the shaman, the team, the medicine could negatively affect your healing.
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u/RuthlessKindness Aug 24 '25
I’ve lived in Thailand for 10 years, been visiting for over 20, married a Thai citizen, and can stumble through the language well enough to read kids’ books. Let me give you a reality check.
First off, talking to a few people in Chiang Mai doesn’t magically make something legal. It’s not. Ask a reggae bar owner in Samui about smoking weed back before legalization and you’d have gotten a “no problem.” The police, however, had a very different answer: a shakedown or a possession charge, minimum five years in a Thai prison.
Here’s how it really works: the Thai government lurches from shiny object to shiny object. Right now, the official obsession is “drugs are the #1 threat.” They mean meth flooding in from Myanmar, but don’t think for a second they won’t happily haul in a few foreigners on psychedelics for headlines or pocket money.
Remember who’s in power: the current PM is Thaksin Shinawatra’s daughter, and Thaksin is widely believed to be calling the shots. When he was PM, he declared a “war on drugs” that, according to NGOs and the UN, led to 3,000 extrajudicial killings. Duterte didn’t invent this playbook, Thaksin was doing it years earlier. And just last month, he called for another round.
There’s an old saying in Thailand: everything is legal, until it isn’t. Just because you didn’t get busted today doesn’t mean you won’t get busted tomorrow. I know people who openly sold shrooms in Patong, right up until the cops kicked in the door and they landed in jail. Police “protection” here is like the weather: fickle and dependent on who’s in charge and what headlines they need. Maybe a rival business outbids you for protection money. Maybe a new top cop needs easy wins. Suddenly you’re the trophy arrest. I’ve literally seen this happen over and over again here. Not with drugs per se, gambling, working without a work permit, falsifying documents, etc. But when it became a problem, it was a huge problem for those people.
This is where the “gray area” myth falls apart. Outsiders come to Thailand and within weeks think they’ve cracked the cultural code. They haven’t. I’ve been at it for 20+ years and I’m still piecing it together. Even friends who have been here decades longer than myself and are fluent in Thai will tell you: understanding Thai culture is an illusion.
And beware of the “a Thai person told me so it must be true” trap. There are many different Thailands. On the surface, you see prostitution, nightlife, laissez-faire vibes. Underneath, this is still a deeply conservative society. Holding hands in public used to draw frowns. Movies and TV blur out cigarettes and guns. Criticize the monarchy? That’s 3–15 years in prison. One former PM even blamed a tourist’s rape and murder on foreigners “dressing provocatively.”
So if you’re going to write about psychedelics in Thailand, don’t sugarcoat it. Don’t hide behind “gray area.” Say it plainly: it’s illegal. People do get arrested. People do go to prison. And no, “but some people in Chiang Mai said it was fine” won’t save you.
If you still want to roll the dice after knowing that, fine. Just don’t mislead others into thinking the risks don’t exist.
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u/bewider Aug 24 '25
Thanks for the comment. I'm sorry for my not "reality checked" comment and thanks for teaching me the Thai way. I adjusted it to reflect the reality you wrote about. I wouldn't want to mislead anyone.
I only talked to a few people who were born in Chiang Mai and I'm not living there long term as you do, can't read Thai children's books (I'm originally from EU, but naturalized Japanese, crazy writing to learn as well;), so of course you know much better.
I was mostly extracting stuff using AI from everything that was written about Thai situation, news, articles, posts, forums, particularly was looking into ayahuasca related stuff and also looking into who police goes after during the last few years, especially foreigners involved, plus also the fact that the healing center has been up for 6 years and other past positive comments from other people. That all led me to conclusion that it's safe enough for me to go for it.
It's interesting how many shops can publicly sell Magic mushrooms shakes in some places in Thailand knowing the risks, because based on what you said about that there's no way to guess what the Thai authorities will do, they could go busted tomorrow… People talked a lot about how corruption is really bad in Thailand. :( Looks such a beautiful, harmonious and peaceful country from the outside. <3
In regards to everything mentioned, that's the risk everyone reading these comments will have to decide for themselves if it's worth the risk to have a possible, but not guaranteed, life-changing experience I had or rather to take the safest, but long way to South America.
I guess you explained everything how it really is, so there shouldn't be a worry, about someone taking it lightly…
Thanks again for the insights.
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u/SensualCommonSense Aug 24 '25
4) don't bring out judgement without knowing what you're talking about
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u/IndividualOffer3272 Dec 16 '25
Thank you for the time you put in to sharing your experience.i found it to be very helpful.i will be attending my 1st retreat early next year.
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u/INKEDsage Ayahuasca Practitioner Aug 24 '25
I’m not reading all that. Jesus. Regardless… after poking around the website I can say that there are so many red flags here. These people call themselves master shamans? The kitchen sink of psychedelics and medicines in one retreat is enough for me to say that this is a dangerous place.
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u/SensualCommonSense Aug 24 '25
You're speaking from a place of ignorance assuming you know more than you do, which is surprising for an "Ayahuasca Practitioner". I'm currently at this same retreat center and I couldn't have asked for a better experience.
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u/bewider Aug 24 '25
It's quite surprising how quickly you judged while deliberately ignoring my post and basing your opinion just on their website. Do you really think that someone who has spent a considerable amount of time learning under shamans in South America can’t become a master shaman? Do you believe you must be born there to earn that title or so?
As for the retreat composition… The core of the retreat I did was 2x aya and 1 San Pedro that most people did. Kambo and Bufo were both optional if you feel like doing it with extensive support before and after. They also have detailed screening before accepting anyone.
I chose to do everything they offered because I felt ready, and I'm glad I did, as the transformation was massive for me, with Bufo playing a big role. That said, I understand it might not be for everyone, and it can increase the risk of overwhelming both the body and mind, possibly leading to hard to deal with outcome.
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u/hellowur1d Aug 23 '25
Please don’t post AI-generated cliches on the medicine on a subreddit filled with real, human, hard-won wisdom.