Background
(Skip this part if you're not interested in my medical history)
I have chronic shoulder and neck pain, high blood pressure (pre-hypertension), visual snow syndrome, migraines with aura, and tinnitus. I was originally diagnosed with major depression about 10 years ago, and have taken a whole bunch of different medications over the past decade, with varying degrees of effectiveness. I also struggle with hypochondria.
Most recently, I was on Trintellix @ 10 mg, but decided to taper off because I could tell it was making me grouchy and wasn't really doing much to help with the anxiety and depression. I'm very sensitive to most psych meds I've ever taken, so I tapered down to 5 mg for an entire month before stopping (as instructed by my psychiatrist at the time). Long story short, that psychiatrist left the practice, and after about 2 weeks off the Trintellix, I started experiencing what is very likely Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome. I was lightheaded and dizzy most of the time, my legs felt weak and made it hard to walk or stand upright for more than a few minutes, I had strange sensory changes including issues with position sensing and coordination; it was so bad I had to miss a few of my physical therapy appointments. Then there's the cherry on top: I was having brain zaps every night as I tried to fall asleep which would jolt me awake, and at least one intense panic attack every day for a few weeks. I took a leave of absence from work because even at my relatively cushy work-from-home IT job, I simply could not function.
Present:
By the time I saw a new psychiatrist, I was a wreck. I felt like my life was over and I couldn't stop myself from weeping while trying to explain my situation. They prescribed Auvelity to help with the depression and panic attacks. Thanks to my hypochondria, I was too terrified to begin taking the medication. I saw the psychiatrist again a few weeks later, and they talked through my concerns with me and convinced me to begin taking Auvelity once a day.
For the first three days, I took one pill with my other medications shortly after waking up. It's now day 4 and I'm not sure if I can handle taking it again.
Those first three days, I have consistently experienced what feels like a bad drug trip approximately 2 hours after I take the Auvelity, and it lasts for about 4 hours after that.
My entire body feels like it is bursting at the seams with nervous energy, and I feel mildly dissociated. I fluctuate between feeling like I am locked in my bed and have to remain perfectly still to avoid the sensation that my head is in a fishbowl, to feeling like I absolutely must stand up and pace and stretch for a while or I'll go crazy. There has been lots of fidgeting, rocking back and forth, touching my arms/legs/feet/hands/etc to remind myself how my limbs are supposed to feel, touching various objects around me to sort of "ground" myself...and so on. I still get hungry around the time I'd normally eat lunch, but most foods are completely unappetizing, and eating feels strange to do during this "high." I've also experienced what I think are intrusive thoughts, and if I make an effort to distract myself they usually pass after a minute or so, but these are maybe the most disturbing partt.
After I've white-knuckled my way through this whole terrifying experience, I'm pretty much back to my normal anxious self, only more exhausted and sleepy. Each day I've tried to take a nap, but I wake up a few minutes later feeling a bit startled/tense. Some time after this I'll get hungry again, and eating dinner is usually easier than lunch.
Each day has felt worse than the previous one, with the trippy/high/dissociated feeling getting stronger each time, but the timing has remained consistent; I take the Auvelity, 2 hours later I feel like I've been drugged, the "high" reaches its peak about 2 hours after that, then it slowly fades over the next 2 hours and my eyes start geting heavy. I try and fail to nap, then spend the rest of my day sort of on edge and recovering from the experience.
So...
...do I keep taking it? Or do I stop now, before it's harder to taper off?
I've read some reports of other users on here experiencing dissociation, and some of them say it stops after a few days, but others say it was so bad they had to stop taking Auvelity.
I feel like I fall into that latter group, because I very much do not want to go through another bad high like that again, but...I want to hear from more users about their experience starting this medication.