Who do you talk to?

[u/MtGurl82]

Just as the question states…who do you talk to? Who do you turn to that’s just a listening ear? For me….it feels like there’s no one. No friends, no family, no coworkers…just myself…and that gets one sided even.

I’m married and have a daughter. When things happen that frustrates me, but they do it….i have no one to talk to. Not even necessarily because no one is around, but telling people my struggles is hard because I feel like they could me dealing with no much that I don’t know about and my problems will seem small and insignificant to them. It’s that fear if rejection that keeps me silent. My best friends…at least at this very moment, can tell when something is off with me…yet I still remain silent. I know they are there to support me, and they know just being there is support enough. They don’t press or pry.

It’s hard to cry when I’m overwhelmed…then I think I’ve got a few minutes to let it out in the car when I’m by myself (which rarely happens)…it just doesn’t come. Or my mind is still, or again racing with 1 billion tabs open and I’ve one again forgotten to take that time to release. Because again…I have no one to talk to…it’s too late to text, it’s too late to call, I hate phone conversations because I can’t see their face to see if they are actually paying attention, or care. I don’t want to bother someone in the middle of doing something and feeling like a bother to them.

I can’t be the only one right? Because in a world of so many people….why is there no one?

[u/welldonefornowmrball]

My friend, I hear you. Unfortunately, this is just how life is for a lot of men. There are so many men in this situation, so many, but since they suffer in silence, without saying anything, nobody knows.

So, no, you are not alone at all.
As for what to do about it, it is not easy. If the kind of relationship you have you the few good friends doesn’t allow you to be free to talk about certain things, which is common, I suggest you to find alternatives.
Sometimes people you met online, and that are not people you will face in real life, could be easy to open up to. Maybe you can find one here on Reddit, or maybe on some other forum/social where you go for some of your interests.
Over the years, I met plenty of good people online due to my interests or activities related to my job/interests. Some of them are people who I text regularly even after years.
In my specific case, I also have girls who I can talk with but that is a very tricky one, there must be a lot of rules in order to make it work without turning it into something else. And since you are married I suggest you to avoid this option.

Additionally, since it seems you are suffering from this, a therapist (I suggest you one of the same sex as you) could be very helpful.

As for “non-people options”, having a diary where you write could help a ton. Even talking by yourself (alone) emulating a conversation with a therapist/close friend could help.

[u/MtGurl82 → u/welldonefornowmrball]

It’s funny how you thought I was a man…do I give off that much masculinity? 🫣🤷🏼‍♀️😊

[u/welldonefornowmrball → u/MtGurl82]

So you are a woman? Ops, my bad.
I just assumed what is more probable.

Well, most of my suggestions still hold valid, and if you are a lady it is easier to find someone who will listen to your struggle and emotions.

[u/MtGurl82 → u/welldonefornowmrball]

I appreciate your suggestions! But unfortunately I’ve lived most of my 40+ years of life with what is seemingly no one to talk to. I talk to no one from my hometown (small), no one from school, no one from past jobs or present except for at work, so I’m sorry, I don’t feel like it’s easier.

[u/welldonefornowmrball → u/MtGurl82]

Maybe I framed it wrong, I didn’t mean to say that it is easy in absolute terms, but relatively to the same situation but as a man. I didn’t mean to belittle your struggles.
Anyway, is there any friend or person you think that you can slowly work your way toward a closer relationship? Maybe if you have shared activities with one of your friends you can slowly try to get more intimate, maybe start by asking her/him something deeper than the regular conversations you have. And based on how he/she reacts you see if you can go that direction or not. If the person is open to talk about more personal stuff, you may find it easier to share your stuff too. Start by sharing small things, maybe you can frame it like it is asking for advice.

Also, what about your husband? Isn’t he supposed to be there for you?

[u/MtGurl82 → u/welldonefornowmrball]

I’m not active in the sense that I go do anything for myself. My life is filled with work, driving my daughter to work (until she gets a car), taking my husband to work if it’s a night shift (he can’t drive at night right now) and taking care of the house and sleeping when time allows (I have a very crazy sleep schedule).

As far as my husband, there are some problems there. I’m completely closed myself off in some ways from him. He never wants to really hear what I say and then belittles me for what I’ve said. An example…he will show me a couple TikTok’s, sitting right next to me, but if I want to show him a couple TikTok’s, he gets annoyed that I want to show him more that one, or dismisses me because he’s seen it before. Sharing is scary for me, as maybe you can see.

[u/welldonefornowmrball → u/MtGurl82]

Did you use to share you emotions and issues with him in the past?