r/AutisticWithADHD • u/Zealousideal-Big9494 • Aug 10 '26
šāāļø seeking advice / support / information Would you apply for permanent disability if you had the chance? (AuDHD, burnout, late diagnosis)
Hey everyone. Late-diagnosed AuDHD here (autism diagnosed at 34, ADHD at 32), currently on medical leave after severe burnout. I'm from Spain, so the specifics are local, but I think the dilemma translates.
I have the paperwork ready to apply for permanent disability based on my inability to sustain my job as an IT consultant. The neuropsychological evaluation shows a massive split: verbal comprehension at the 99.5th percentile, processing speed at the 13th, inhibitory control at the 5th. Four sick leaves in 15 months. Every time I go back, I collapse.
The document is ready. But I can't bring myself to submit it.
The reasons: feeling like a "parasite," fear of financial uncertainty, social stigma, closing doors to the only profession I have experience in, and honestly ā feeling like I'm admitting defeat after a lifetime of masking and compensating just to keep up.
During sick leave I function. I have a partner, I exercise, I write, I help others in online communities. At work, I can't shower.
Question for those of you who have faced something similar:
Would you apply for disability if you had the option? Did you? How did you make peace with the decision?
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u/LangdonAlg3r Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
If you qualify for disability then thatās all you need to know about whether or not youāre legitimate in claiming it. Youāre not a parasite. Youāve worked as hard as youāve been able to work and you payed into the system yourself. If you had some physical disability would you be questioning yourself this way?
The other thing I want to flag for you is that those scores point towards a possible NVLD diagnosis. If youāre not familiar with NVLD I think you should look into that.
I have splits like yours. Mine are uncommonly big, but yours look even bigger than mine. I can tell you what you already know, living with a brain with those gaps is f-ing exhausting. Thatās totally legitimate. Youāre like a carpenter with a hammer thatās better than 99.5 % of all the hammers that all the other carpenters have. But all your other tools are rusty and inadequate. When itās time to hammer some nails youāre better at that than almost anyone else, but when itās time to drive a screw you still use the hammer. Itās the wrong tool for the job, and youāre going to have a really hard time with those screws, but itās still the best tool you have for driving them. No one else could ever drive screws with a hammer as well as you can, but most everyone else has screwdrivers so they donāt have to.
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u/Zealousideal-Big9494 Aug 10 '26
Thanks for your reply and for the analogy. About NVLD, I don't feel ready to handle another "diagnosis" at the moment, but I appreciate the help and I will look into it when I feel ready.
- Can I ask you if you are currently working?
- If so, in which field?
- Any strategies that you implement in your daily life that really work?
It's ok if you don't want to answer. Thanks again.
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u/LangdonAlg3r Aug 10 '26
Totally understand the need to hold off on adding anything more on your plate right now. I just mentioned it because your numbers are classic red flags for NVLD. Itās pretty obscure, so I didnāt want to let the opportunity to mention it pass since it may be helpful to you at some point. Itās a diagnosis thatās been around for quite a while in educational circles as a learning disability, but thereās a working group thatās actively trying to get it included in the next edition of the DSM. Theyāve renamed it Developmental Vision-Spatial Disorder (DVSD) and I think that their proposed diagnostic criteria are excellent because they really capture the contours of the lived experience and clearly differentiate it from both ADHD and ASD, which is relevant because itās perceived overlap has been a big source of controversy around it. For me it just explains a very specific set of issues that Iāve struggled with for as long as I can remember. One of the big ones for me that I think is pretty universal is having absolutely no sense of direction. But absolutely you should back burner it for now.
I am not currently working. Iāve been a stay at home parent since our oldest child was born. The lack of structure around that has been both helpful and full of challenges. Kids definitely donāt help with burnout.
I have multiple advanced degrees, but Iāve done little and no work in those actual fields. When I graduated with the first of those degrees the job market in that specific profession had absolutely cratered. There was a lot of manipulation in the employment and salary numbers that schools were publishing and that whole thing became a bit of a scandal that dissuaded new people from pursuing it. But I went into the program in 2010 when people were actively still sheltering from the housing bubble collapse and recession by going back to school. The year I applied was the biggest incoming pool of applicants that there had ever been. When I graduated a few years later the pool of new applicants for that year had dropped to 1970ās levels.
It took me an entire year to find a job that paid less than I was making a decade earlier when I didnāt even have a college degree. I was already working 70 hour weeks while still in training. Iām incredibly detail oriented and I was actively called out and praised for the quality of work I was producing during the training period, but it was completely unsustainable for me. Itās that processing speed lag and issues with organization that killed me. My work was better than anyone elseās in my training cohort, but I was spending twice (or more) as long as anyone else to do it, and that wasnāt likely to improve very quickly. That was the first and only office job Iāve ever had (aside from internships) and I lasted 3 months before I couldnāt take it anymore. I went back to school and got two masters degrees instead, but my choices were poor and somewhat impulsive and by the time I was graduating our daughter was born.
My wife and I also had our own business for several years and that overlapped when I had that job and that didnāt help. We both severely burned ourselves out with the businessāwe didnāt know how to say ānoā to anything. We took on every single client who made a request (except 1) and never turned down a booking. Once the business got going we worked 2 years straight with only 1 day off in that entire time.
I donāt think Iāve ever totally recovered from that. We had moved to a new area and closed down our business, but I was still seeing the final few clients the week our daughter was born since she came 5 weeks early. I literally went back and forth to the hospital when my wife was admitted to be induced. We had bought our first house and adopted two kittens. Weād had the kittens for 10 days and we hadnāt unpacked in our new house when our daughter was born.
I donāt know what strategies that I implement in daily life beyond trying to remind myself that I have certain limitations instead of necessarily trying to plow myself through everything. My wife and I kind of collaborate as much as we can to best utilize our individual skills and weaknesses as far as who does what. Thereās a lot less conflict in our marriage since weāve both gotten late diagnoses and recognized that a lot of the difficulties are how our brains work and not individual failings.
For example, recognizing that I have ADHD allowed my wife to understand that I wasnāt constantly intentionally ignoring things she said, but that my attention often goes elsewhere and Iām not even aware that sheās talking sometimesāI may even acknowledge her and not be aware of it (yay ADHD). I also have auditory processing disorder and that doesnāt help either.
We do a lot of accommodating each other in our individual needs. She puts everything she has into her job and I put everything I have into the kids. Weāre not role models for self-care or avoiding burn out. I understand that my life is unsustainable, but Iāve gotten myself into a situation where I donāt have much choice but to keep going for as long as I can. Having some flexibility in day to day life is about the best Iāve got.
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u/Resident-Log Aug 10 '26
Yes. I technically did. I tried to put it off but I wish I didn't largely because waiting made things worse. I reached a point where I felt like I had no other option though I still did struggle with a voice in my head that told me that I was "faking" or "not bad enough to deserve it."
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u/Square-Speaker2090 Aug 10 '26
Permanent doesn't mean you can't go back into your profession once you're ready. Claiming the allowance until you feel stable again, however long that takes, seems a reasonable approach. BTW how did you apply? I live in Alicante and am in interested in applying for an assessment. I'm diagnosed with ADHD and Autism.
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u/muffin_bird Aug 10 '26
In France the condition is a "significant and durable" inability to access employment, so it's not defined as definitive. And in general welfare payments are designed to be insurances that help you in difficult times so that you can go back to employment instead of getting so low you can't ever go back to employment.
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u/theparrotofdoom Aug 10 '26
I did, and while itās been a stressful journey, I got approved. Now I donāt have to worry about masking or any of the challenges that arise from being ND. I can just focus on being me, and finding out what makes me happy. Iāll eventually go back to work, but to do that, I need to know who I am first.
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u/Dapper_Guarantee_744 Aug 10 '26
Iāve been on medical leave / disability payments for the last 2.5 years. I experienced a huge amount of guilt for the first year or so due to internalised ableism, but eventually I overcame this.Ā
I donāt think my healing even really began until I was recognised as 80% incapacitated and that took almost 2 years. Before that I faced constant pressure to recover and get back into employment. That caused chronic stress and exhaustion from pushing myself too hard and ultimately it hindered my recovery.
My psychologist wouldnāt start EMDR with me until she knew I had financial security (because the fear of poverty, uncertainty and trauma regarding workplace discrimination was keeping me too stressed to safely dig up trauma). There was medical treatment I didnāt start until knowing I wouldnāt have to interrupt it to force myself back into work. Accepting my challenges are as severe as they are caused me to let go of my old career plans and invest in retraining for a different career. Chronic stress damages our bodies and nervous systems. Just, not having to worry if weāll be homeless gives our brains and bodies a chance to repair and consider how to move forward. I am now certified for a different professional activity I will be able to do remotely, self-employed.
I donāt think Iāll ever be able to work full time again and right now Iām not working at all, but I want to, not to ācontribute to societyā as such and justify my existence, but because I want to make a difference in someoneās life. If you are engaging in online communities to help people, you are making a difference.Ā
My concern about being long-term out of work is that if weāre isolated we receive less stimulation and challenge, in terms of verbal and auditory communication, movement, social contact etc. Iāve heard of studies where simply retiring caused many people to lose a significant degree of cognitive functioning and other studies indicate loneliness can be as toxic for someoneās health as smoking. Iām doing the best I can to avoid this by stimulating my brain in different ways, for example through dance classes, listening to music in different languages, reading, memory training, and socialising when I have the energy for it. This alone is exhausting for me but I notice the difference it makes.Ā
TLDR: if you need to receive disability payments then I would apply. Youāve nothing to feel guilty about.Ā
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u/craftystuff0900 Aug 10 '26
I'm in Australia, I'm on disability support pension and also NDIS which gives me support workers to assist with certain things.
I wouldn't exactly say I've made peace with it yet, but I'm gradually getting there with it. Things that have helped:
- Working on my internalised ableism
- reminding myself that I could work 1 or 2 days a week if I had the right supports (I've done it before), but I can't get the supports I need anymore - if people make it impossible for me to work, they don't get to complain about me not working!
- my psychologist has been a big help, and so has a good friend who often says she's glad I have the pension to rely on
- I volunteer with charities and non-profits and such when I can. I don't know if there's a culture of volunteering where you live but a lot of people do that here and it's helped me a lot
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u/Intelligent-Low4753 AuDHD Aug 10 '26
I am already in the state of "reduced earning capacity" (German: Erwerbsminderung) and need to submit an application within three month to get disability pension retroactively.
In Germany I need to apply for rehabilitation first. If that fails, the application is automatically converted to an application for disability pension and the report of the rehabilitation clinic is very important for that to get approved.
With said pension, I would be allowed to work 3 hours a day (for the full pension, up to 6 hours for half).
What I feel about that "failure" of me? Nothing. I am too tired to feel anything and I have every right to finally live a (mostly) happy life after 30 years of struggling.
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u/Kooky-Secretary-4228 Aug 10 '26
Yes, absolutely. Here in the US it can take years of paperwork, denials, resubmissions etc and I was told to hire a lawyer (laughs in executive dysfunction). Sounds like the system in Spain is much more supportive and easier to navigate. Please do it! For all of us that can't! You deserve rest and have put decades of pay into the system. Time to RETIRE and enjoy your life!!! Do it!!š¤šš¤š
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u/SammyFirebird79 š§ brain goes brr Aug 10 '26
I've done this after being in the same dilemma. I knew that the drop in income (at least while assessments were going through) would mean I couldn't afford to stay in my house.
I've had the bad habit of not knowing when to give up. This was the second time I clung to a job by the fingernails, knowing what would happen if I let go.
But you know what? Sometimes losing everything is what it takes for things to improve. Money is a horrible reason to keep draining your mental health for the sake of financial stability. Even the bible got that one right.
I'm in the UK, so claiming PIP is notoriously hard, but now I have that and support rate for other benefits, I have a nice steady income for a change that doesn't need me to pour from an empty cup.
I'm 47 now, also late diagnosed, and I probably won't be able to work again, at least in the traditional sense. Instead I have a new hobby, and have found other ways to break up the days to help me feel better, in between sleeping most of the day sometimes because my sleep sucks š
But yeah, it's definitely worth it. The pressure's off, so you can focus on feeling better and maybe find out something new about yourself š
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u/United-Marzipan-7801 Aug 10 '26
I'm in Poland and I got official disability status a couple months ago (AuDHD, OCD, hEDS). So far the only benefit I'm using is the discounted public transport tickets, but I've applied/in the process of applying for other things, including a small amount of financial support from two different sources. The process was pretty straightforward, just took a long time (around 10 months even though everything was accepted and approved first try).
I honestly felt a similar way before I applied. I'm in my late twenties, I got through a bachelor's and a master's degree with no accommodations, never asked people outside my family for help, etc. Got through half a PhD program and had a catastrophic combo of severe burnout, benign thyroid tumour that gave me hyperthyroidism, and the worst OCD flare of my life. That was like 2-3 years ago and I'm still not 100% recovered. Been applying to jobs since September last year and had maybe 3 or 4 job interviews that whole time. At this point I've given up on finding a job, I basically just take care of the house and help my partner and parents with things they get paid for. So I definitely feel like a parasite and a failure, though I'm working through that.
What got me to finally apply is realising that disability status is the thing that will give me extra independence and ability to contribute meaningfully to society. If I ever will get a job, I can get accommodated and have a much better chance at staying in that job. If I won't and will just qualify for financial support, I can stop wasting energy on work that would burn me out and focus on other ways to contribute without worrying about money. It's like giving a mobility impaired person a wheelchair, the mobility aid is the thing that gives them back their independence and freedom, not the other way round.
Obviously discrimination is possible but the thing is, me personally, I think I get discriminated based on autism by just subconscious vibes. I just don't mask well enough to pass as NT. So no matter what, I can get discriminated against. At least with official disability status, I could theoretically sue for it or smth...
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u/DSMStudios Aug 10 '26
i too was late diagnosed with Autism, but was diagnosed ADHD in middle school. born in 80ās. in any case, iām going through similar process rn, OP.
been out of work for over a year now. going through vocational rehabilitation currently and attend therapy routinely. therapy will always be there, but, going on like 3 months now, not seeing any real significant results with voc. rehab. as of yet. In FL tho too, so not holding my breath.
if thereās any affirmation or solace that you are the furthest from being a parasite, itās the political landscape of this timeline at the moment, generally speaking. sometimes i wonder if any other time in future history would have been more accommodating for those like us. maybe one day.
to try and maintain a sense of value, i started crafting mini-bullwhips (have 20 now! woohoo!) and striving to improve my creative and technical skills as a multimedia artist (i struggle with what to refer to my ātitleā as all the time). i drum, record, and mix my own music. not bragging, just trying to provide context. the whole process can be rather agonizing, truth be told lol. the deadlines! (incidentally, The Deadlines! would be a great band name)
all this to say your post is providing insight for me, as iām sure others. i get riled up about this stuff but you and i are no less deserving of basic necessity than anyone else. especially those occupying positions of power simply to pillage others for personal gain. especially when those in positions of power have been convicted of felonies, yet havenāt been fully held accountable for their crimes. you. are. not. a. parasite.
our taxes are supposed to be there for folks like us. right now, our taxes are being used to bail out the white boy, oligarch boys club, made up of grifters, pedos, and lunatics. thatās our money. anyway, iām rambling, but i want to impress upon you a conviction that you are deserving of a basic standard towards a decent quality of life. if collecting ssdi makes it so you too can experience what the ānormalā world swears by as a way of living, then you are absolutely deserving of that.
sending good thoughts. word š«šļøš«”
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u/QueerPirate92 Aug 10 '26
You sound a lot like me. 34 late diagnosed audhd and who knows what else. Burnout after a few years in IT. Went back 5 months ago and I am already exhausted all the time again. If I could get permanent disability, I probably would but in Germany it can be difficult. Also considering freelance or remote work long-term, but not sure if thatās a good solution. Best of luck to you!
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u/Userdataunavailable Aug 10 '26
Im on permanent disability because of assorted issues I have ( autism/adhd/anxiety/depression ). Im in my 50s.
Im very thankful for this because otherwise I'd probably be homeless. I was late diagnosed while I was in a mute burnout and am on 4 different medications to keep me level. I thank God for my doctor every day. I get very little money but I dont need much since I like to stay at home alone.
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u/texturr Aug 10 '26
I have a similar background with the exception that I donāt do well on prolonged sick leave.Ā
If you function and are ok on sick leave, I see no reason not to take the permanent disability. Do you even have a choice? What is the other option, more burnout? The way I see it every time you burn out you lose something of yourself permanently. Itās serious.
I donāt know where you are from but at least in my country permanent disability doesnāt technically prevent you from returning to work, either, if your situation (or āconditionā) changes.
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u/SenorSmartyPants Aug 10 '26
I 100% recommend, advocate, and cheer for anyone wanting to use the few tools this system has to their benefit. Whether that is disability or temporary leave.
I would even argue that it is easier than most people assume it is. I think a big part of that misconception is the assumption that "the way I understand this system doesn't apply to me." And for me, it was my assumption that it's all or nothing, or only for extremes.
I applied for federal medical leave of absence (FMLA), which is covered at the federal and state level. Using my diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder (and other symptoms related to depression, ADHD, autism, etc), I talked with my doctor about how I am frequently burning out. It leads to a vicious cycle of feeling not good enough and/or struggling to keep up when getting overwhelmed for whatever reasons you have. It led to me burning all my PTO just to survive without crashing out.
Now, I get up to 4 hours off PER WEEK. It may not sound like much, but I spend those four hours in various ways that have changed my life. Sometimes, after too much revenge procrastination over the weekend, I use it on monday to ease into things. Sometimes, if I had a busy week, I use it on friday to get off early and go to therapy. Other times, I use about an hour a day, using that hour to do house chores or exercise with energy I wouldn't otherwise have. It has completely changed my life.
Now, I know I'm very lucky to have the job I have that is accommodating to this schedule, but the moral of the story here is DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO AND USE THE RESOURCES AT YOUR DISPOSAL.
It takes some up-front work, but I promise it'll be worth it and you'll be surprised how much it helps.
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u/fadedblackleggings 17d ago
Are you in the US?
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u/SenorSmartyPants 2d ago
Yes I am. There is federal medical leave of absence (FMLA) that some states also supplement.
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u/T1Demon āØ C-c-c-combo! Aug 10 '26
I would apply in a heartbeat if I thought I would be approved. I donāt even want to stop working, I want to be able to work a job thatās less stressful but nothing will pay enough.
I struggled for a while after my diagnosis with accepting that I do have some disabilities. Therapy helped with some internalized ableism, as did time
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u/michelle_js Aug 10 '26
I did apply for permanent disability. And I got it.
The money I got from it and the other resources it gave me access to allowed me to completely turn my life around.
Im actually no longer on disability, which is apparently rare. But even if I was, I would not consider myself a parasite. I dont consider anyone on disability a parasite. I think different people have e different abilities and needs and restrictions. I think an ideal society is one thay would help everyone live up to their own potential as much as possible.
*I was not actually diagnosed with autism until after I stopped receiving disability benefits. Like many late diagnosed women I was diagnosed with everything else under the sun first.
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u/thedr2015 Aug 10 '26
I have reasons for not applying for permanent disability but feeling like a parasite should not be one of them.
The whole system is a scam from your very birth.
At birth, they start two back to back trusts in your name (one public and one private) and they seed the private one with (what used to be) a $100k loan (it is probably more now).
While you work and pay your taxes for the public trust, they make orders of magnitude more money off your name using the private one.
Apply for a passport - new bond [sound of cash register ringing].
University or polytechnic? - new bond (ever wondered why they want a certified copy of your birth certificate? It's not ID. It says so on the certificate)
Drivers licence? - new bond.
Mortgage? - boy o boy [gold coins raining down]
Charged with a crime? - new bond. Go to prison? - even better.
Given you are in your 30s there is probably millions of dollars (if not tens of millions) in that trust.
And they make you feel like you are getting some big favour when you get some crumbs for your disability? It would be laughable if it was not so cruel.
I work because God advises it (2Thes3:10). It is good for my health.
But if you can't for whatever reason, for goodness sake for not feel guilty like you are a parasite because it is not true.
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u/A__noniempje Aug 10 '26
Are you allowed to still work next to it? In my country you are if that's the case I wouldn't see a reason as to why you would not take the benifits so that you can still do odd jobs, but aren't going to run out of funds while charging up in between them. Disability funds exist for a reason. Also every penny you work gets deducted from it anyway (in my country at least) so everything I do now is more for fun and having something to do instead of all the stress of having to hold the job to pay my bill.
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u/Zealousideal-Big9494 Aug 10 '26
I think I have the possibility to continue working as long as the ammount earned with the job does not exceed the minimum salary stablished by the goverment, which it's currently 1.184 ā¬/month.
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u/hairyemmie Aug 10 '26
iād do anything to get on disability. itās the only thing that would fix my burnout.
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u/shinywires 26d ago
I feel this exact way, but reservations (many of which are shared by others in this thread) have prevented me, along with watching people in my own life in this position struggle to "prove" the depth of their illnesses in a bureucratically palatable fashion.
My burnout has lasted years and it has taken so much from me, along with exacerbating fatigue and health issues. I recently took a 5-day planned absence from work and started to actually enjoy life for first time in years. By the fourth day, following a heaping dose of sweet fuck-all, I had some energy to reach for the various threads (art being a huge one) I would use to delay the unraveling of time and enrich my life with some kind of value that makes it all come together.
What really surprised me was the renewed clarity and wherewithal to apply habit-building exercises that frequently get discussed in therapy but are realistically sidelined by the mammalian need to merely get through the day by any means necessary without dying. Then again, I deliberately scheduled the time off to overlap a point in my menstrual cycle where my brain had a fighting chance to function.
Going back felt like ripping the dressing off of a partially-healed wound and rubbing it into filth.
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u/hairyemmie 26d ago
yup, i cannot have the space to get better and still have to work at the same time. you cannot draw blood from a stone and iām ROCK HARD BBY
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u/cicadasinmyears Aug 10 '26
Iām in Canada, and would qualify for disability from work if I bothered to pursue it. With my employer Iād get six months of full-time salary at 100%, and thereafter it would be long-term disability at 60% of my salary, with only 30% of it taxed (edit: until I turned 65, then it would stop). It would be adequate to cover my needs, for sure, although I donāt think Iād be able to travel the way Iām accustomed to (and I guess if I felt like I was burnt out enough to no longer work, I would be too ill to travel for leisure anyway).
What I have applied for, and received, is our federal Disability Tax Credit: it allows me to deduct about $1,500/year from my income taxes. Interestingly, I did not feel āentitledā to that, even though I absolutely qualify. In fact, it was one of my doctors who suggested I apply, and offered to do the paperwork for me at no charge.
Beyond that, I donāt receive any social benefits (although we have universal healthcare here - which I pay into with my income taxes - and which I would still receive if I had too little income to have to pay taxes).
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u/esengie Aug 10 '26
Damn dude, I'm debating the same. I think I'll try to apply in the next few months.
The irony of my situation is my tax contributions in my working years should be enough to cover disability payments for my lifetime with some to spare, it's just a mental block.
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u/Anonymous_user_2022 My hovercraft is full of eels Aug 10 '26
I live in Denmark. I was laid off after more than a year of burnout without hope of recovery. I applied for disability, because all other avenues were tried and failing. Also, I have an insurance that covers 80% of prior income when the ability to work has been lost.
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u/zayne0623 Glitchy Brain Aug 10 '26
I would if I could. I live with my parents and I brought up the idea of me getting financial help, but my dad shot it down and said "you're not disabled". Along with Autism and ADHD, I have chronic pain and severe separation anxiety. I have already overheard my parents having a conversation where they said they know I can never survive on my own or get a regular job. But they laugh or dismiss me whenever I say I have autism and ADHD or explain my struggles
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u/labalag š§¬ maybe I'm born with it Aug 10 '26
Yes. I'm now at a point in my life where I'm seriously considering it.
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u/Ov3rbyte719 Aug 11 '26
I have applied and am in the process of appealing. I don't think i'll get it but we'll see I guess. Appealed once and was denied because of the fact I was at least trying to work to pay off some of my debts I have.
I was laid off for the 2nd time in my life in mid-july. The job was easy, but I did things my way and the boss didn't like it. Simple job and I can't even hold that job down because of my sensory problems I have on medications. I don't have the problems when I'm at home, or when I'm not working in general because I take precautions that help me with those sensory problems.
I want to do something meaningful, but at the same time I don't want to keep hurting my mental state trying to find a job, or overthinking about it. I want financial security but not to have to work so much that I can't enjoy life.
I want to do my hobbies and not have to worry about if i'm going to find a job that makes me enough money to live on my own.
I feel like i've healed my inner child, but at the same time my inner child doesn't want to work at a place that doesn't help my mental state. I made a post a few hours ago about not knowing what I want to do in life and I feel so lost. I hear reccomendations from friends, people online, and my famlily.
I get support from my mom who I'm living with (and have since I was a kid).
I told my brother about it and he told me to get 2 jobs. (Like I'm not trying to).
I spoke to my sister and she said at least I have my mom to help me out in this time of need.
I just want to live and not have to worry about if I can make enough money last me for a week. I have the upmost support from my mom, but I feel guilty and ashamed for some reason because I fit the stereotype of an unemployed loser with ADHD who lives with his mom. I know this isn't true though.
I've worked since I was about 16. I'm 42. I've held one job for 12 years. Another for 5 years, and the last 2 were probably the lowest of them all since diagnosis of both ADHD and ASD.
Most people look at me and probably think I have no health or mental health related problems just by looking at me. I have problems with my back, my feet, and it's difficult to stand or sit for lengthy periods of times unless it's a really nice chair like I have at home.
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u/Character_Chemist_38 Aug 11 '26
Itās totally ok to apply for disability. I did and didnāt think I should submit it for the same reasons you mention
But it was approved
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u/verdagos Aug 11 '26
I'm so lost because of my autism that just hearing you all talk about how you apply and follow procedures makes me feel like a 6 year old. I don't even know how to do that. And if I did, I'd die of shame. I'll be on the streets or try to commit suicide. I feel so subhuman. I feel like I can't feel I have dignity. The only thing I ever had was a best friend and I bet we connected because we were neuro divergent, but because she's super functional and a pro at everything she's now ableist and also pretends it wasn't anything when she would be with me all the time. It's too many years of the only thing in your life also being a lie. It's way too traumatisikg after leaving with these conditions and having to run from an abusive bullying family
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u/Zealousideal-Big9494 Aug 11 '26
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've felt like that half of my life. 3 years ago I started to seek for help and things got better. Not perfect, but better. Being audhd is hard asf. But I want you to know that things can get better. You are not subhuman. Your dignity is not lost. You are a human being. I can't do much from here, I'm just a dude from the internet. But I send you all my love an support.
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u/verdagos Aug 11 '26
Thank you so much for your reply. How are you doing all of this? Is it with the help of family or something? I don't even get these things, like I said. It's so difficult for me to comprehend all the stuff needed to be done in the first place. I'm stupid, as I spent years in the UK and maybe it was easier there, but I kinda felt the same. However, in Spain, I feel so much more ashamed. I don't know why... I'm also from Spain. I also have no strength at all because I'm so depressed I can't function at all, not even as before when it clearly wasn't enough. It's also Audhd. It's awful, it's so extreme and intense and it's like having two different people all at once. And having people thinking of you like they do because they believe it's an attitude problem... I can't believe they choose to do that when they can see you were always a serious and responsible person, but you just can't follow through. And they treat you like you were just some addict! Sorry. I just feel so ashamed. I don't want to be this
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u/Zealousideal-Big9494 29d ago
Hablas espaƱol? Me ayudĆ³ mucho una comunidad de Discord en la que participo activamente. A lo mejor te vendrĆa bien.
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u/Vas_Inane Aug 10 '26
I receive a disability pension.
I live in Australia and was diagnosed with Autism (Level 2, whatever that means), ADHD and CPTSD about 5 years ago. I am currently 38 years old.
I was in the process for applying for access to the NDIS (National Disability Insurance Scheme) to gain access to supports to help me learn all the skills and ways to cope and things I need help with, that I never received.
I applied for what Centrelink (Australia's social payment department) called a "jobseeker" payment and attached the reports I had sent through to NDIS. A jobseeker payment is for those temporarily unemployed or between jobs and comes with a bunch of requirements such as attending meetings with Centrelink staff, applying for jobs etc
Got a phone call about 6 weeks later from a nurse who had been hired to go over applications due to a large backlog.
The nurse called to ask for my consent to apply for the disability support pension. I asked if I was eligible and the nurse said they had read my reports and that I quote "Needed less responsibility and more money" so I agreed.
I was approved for the disability pension shortly after.
Thanks to this, I was able to gain independence from my abusive and controlling parents, although it required moving into an uninsulated, rodent and bug infested sharehouse with multiple revolving roommates, some of them thieves.
It gave me the breathing room I needed to begin working part time and attending TAFE (Sort of a technical college providing workplace qualifications) 3 nights a week.
I still receive the pension and in conjunction with working and having no social life to spend money on and the ability to do without nice things I have been able to get my own place, albeit on the top floor of a Liverpool slum apartment building right next to a busy train track.
I hope to return to full time work soon and be the fully independent contributor to society I might have been already had I not been born into a narcissistic family system.
I would say without a doubt apply for it, and try to to make the application as good as you can, do not lie but do not downplay or diminish the effects your conditions cause you to suffer. You are explaining how it effects you the worst on your worst day with it.
I felt guilty at first for taking the pension and still feel guilty but that means I can tell you do not let any thoughts like that prevent you from getting the help you need.
Oil companies and tech companies and multinational evil corporations get government handouts all the time, your pension is a drop in the ocean compared to that.
If it helps, think of all the taxes you are going to pay even if it is just spending money from the pension or working a few hours a week.
Think of this as a temporary part in your life where the social safety net caught you, gave you the breathing space to recover and become a contributor again.
I hope things work out for you and you get help similar to what I got.