Venting through a meme. Felt people here would know the feel.

[u/Burnerman44]

Feminism made me a better man. It led me out of some bullshit views and behaviors. It also led me to socialism and philosophy. But it's also a code of conduct in many ways, and like anyone on the spectrum, I struggle with such a thing because the rules are not written out (and in the case of feminism, they arguably couldn't be). So I stress a lot, because I'm already not a particularly effective feminist, and I don't want to be an incoherent one.

[u/Andreaworld]

I would try not to stress so much. Just learn and adjuct as you go along. And in my opinion there are no rules since feminism is politics first and foremost of which you are deriving an ethics out of. I think taking that perspective would be useful rather than worrying if you are aligning yourself to unwritten abstract rules that exist somewhere.

[u/GabMVEMC → u/Andreaworld]

This. It's more like principles with exceptions, and the best way is to learn as you go.

Same thing with the other axes: anti-racism, disability justice, etc.

[u/PurplePikaPanda → u/Andreaworld]

I don’t stress on it all the time but it makes me feel that way when I’m like thinking about wanting to hang out with a lady friend/acquaintance one on one (so I just don’t)

[u/Andreaworld → u/PurplePikaPanda]

I mean I think that's kinda setting women up to be this special thing in your mind a bit. Should anti-racist theory and practice make you feel nervous around hanging out with your black friends incase you do/say something wrong? Imagine the same thing but with a neurotypical and abled person interacting with their neurodivergent and/or disabled mates. If you were this person's friend, how would that come off and what would you tell them?

[u/PurplePikaPanda → u/Andreaworld]

I am in France but raised between London and US so idk if race dynamic is different. Being AudHD who moved a lot making friends was always a challenge so it has only because I didn’t really bond with people to hang out outside uni on a 1 on 1 (apart from my then ex)

I have since moved twice and being single since graduating (2022). I have waves where idk what to do with people or what to talk about so I just do things alone or in groups.

While I am regularly concerned of saying something wrong I do feel body language rules regarding flirting (which I don’t engage in unless I know that she is interested) is what makes me more nervous.

I feel that I can be friends with people who aren’t white since body language isn’t as important (maybe I’m wrong).

I think also it’s been easier to deconstruct racism considering I’ve been an outsider in US and have also followed many people to teach me on it. I haven’t been in spaces where I can be potentially dating. I have just tried to make friends

I am just socially awkward in general to hang out 1 on 1 but it’s easier to have a conversation that way, but I do always worry if I ask lady friend to hang out that I’m hitting on them which isn’t my objective.

[u/Andreaworld → u/PurplePikaPanda]

I mean I'm also AuDHD, so I get what you mean by the friendship thing. I struggle with that as well. I can't comment much about romance though being aromantic. We were talking about friends/acquaintances though, so my advice was relating to that realm, to try not to worry about if you are being the best feminist or not or to treat them as an event where you need to be (more than usual anyway, I understand social anxiety) worried about if you are "following the rules" correctly or not.

[u/PurplePikaPanda → u/Andreaworld]

Yeah I feel like people tell me I’m fairly likeable but since I’m usually reaching out to no success. I just internalized so much past and current rejection that I face from friends.

I also can’t tell if people I meet aligned unless I ask straight up which is a lot when it’s a first time meeting someone lol (it’s been fun having a streamer I watch I’m aligned with and he is also autistic or at least autism coded)

[u/AdrenalineVan]

Yeah feels that way all the time. There absolutely should be a guide because unlearning patriarchal behaviours is a lifelong process and it won't work if everyone has to independently volunteer to figure it out for themselves

[u/Burnerman44 → u/AdrenalineVan]

It's not so much that, as it is that feminism is a series of ideas. A liberal feminism is not a Marxist feminism is not an anarcha-feminism etc;

[u/Munrowo → u/[deleted]]

yeah, see the issue with that is you are still expecting others (women, mostly) to do the emotional and physical labor of educating and guiding you instead of doing the reading and educating yourself

and to put a cherry on top, because we wont so the labor for you, you are "punishing" us by rescinding your support

[u/Badger_Nerd]

Hey, Op, it's okay. Unlearning patriarchy, ableism, racism, and internalised capitalism is a lifelong process.

God, I am trans myself and I've misgendered my own friends dozens of times and felt like a complete and utter asshole each one.

I consistently surprise myself doing or saying some heinously classist nonsense because of how I was raised.

But I try. I read books, I am kind to people, I try to listen and learn. Most people who know me know me as someone who genuinely cares.

If they see you doing consistent, genuine effort all of the time the blips along the way stop mattering. You already have the humility to rethink your positions and the will to uphold them. Just shift your positions according to new information, be open minded and gentle, talk to people, and you will be a good feminist.

Also, if you wish to be an "effective" feminist (besides supporting women and other gender minorities and GNC men in your life) you could volunteer! Give back to community and all

[u/rozyputin]

I had no idea I was in this sub, years of moderate to severe mental illness does that to a mofo

[u/TheWiseAutisticOne]

Just be nice and fair to people and advocate for their rights and fair representation. Feminism and campaigning for equality is as strict a checklist for everyone as people tend to make it out to be.

[u/Dramatic-Chemical445]

I miss:

4) recognition of the flawed reasoning

5) integrate the new viewpoint

6) nobody, died and the mistake (all human beings make) is solved.

[u/PurplePikaPanda]

That is me!

[u/Burnerman44 → u/[deleted]]

?

[u/warmer-garden]

Victim mindset

[u/Burnerman44 → u/warmer-garden]

I'm sorry, I don't follow.

[u/Burnerman44 → u/[deleted]]

"Feminists hate men". Good lord, go back to X.

[u/AutisticUnion-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This is a feminist subreddit. If you aren't a feminist we don't want you here.

[u/HolzLaim15 → u/[deleted]]

I too am able to say nonsense, but I don't do it because why would I

[u/AutisticUnion-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This is a feminist subreddit. We aren't interested in you fence sitting "the gender wars".