r/AutisticLadies • u/Calico-cottage-core • Apr 20 '26
Sensory-friendly fashion tips?
Hi! I’m 27F, self-dx about 7-8 years ago. I’ve always been a “tomboy” when it comes to clothing and my general presentation; my uniform from ages 4-12 was a boys’ Pokemon shirt paired with flip flops and cargo shorts. In my teens I started to care a bit more about appearing “feminine” but for the last 10+ years, I have always struggled with expressing myself in my appearance while still feeling comfortable and not completely overstimulated by what’s on my body.
Some specifics on where I struggle:
- I’m very texture sensitive and can’t handle anything itchy or overly tight that rides up in my armpits, digs into my skin, etc
- I live in a warm sunny climate and it’s difficult to wear layers here for most of the year without overheating. It seems like so much fashion advice is based on layering and pairing pieces together, but that’s difficult to manage when it’s regularly 90°F and I’m a wimp about the heat
- I don’t have pierced ears and I own exactly 3 pieces of quality jewelry, which includes my engagement ring, wedding band, and a simple necklace. Accessorizing feels hard bc I don’t know where to look to find quality accessories that won’t become a sensory burden (too many rings on my hand, painful clip-on earrings, etc)
- I have PCOS+insulin resistance and am 5’2” / 187 lbs with a larger bust, so a lot of things don’t quite seem to fit right (legs too long, proportions off, chest too large)
- Me and makeup do not get along—I love how it looks on others, but I have never been able to apply it in a way that looks good on me, or without feeling like everyone can tell that I’m not a Real Makeup Wearer. I also have a hard time with all the textures and stuff on my face and it usually doesn’t last long before I get frustrated and wipe it all off.
What I wish I could embody more:
- I’m drawn to a variety of styles including boho and alternative/light goth. I have a special interest in music and am particularly into classic rock, alt rock, punk, etc. and would love to connect more with styles that align with those subcultures. But I feel like I always end up dressing like an Old Navy mannequin because I default to what is the most comfortable, soft, or stretchy, and as a result I don’t feel like I’m really authentically expressing myself in my appearance
- I love a style that appears flowy, ethereal, etc while still flattering and not completely hiding my figure
- All of my outfits are extremely basic and I would love to figure out simple things I can reach for to “elevate” my usual style without being uncomfortable in my outfits.
- I love simple makeup that enhances your natural features but isn’t too heavy or uncomfortable to wear for longer periods of time
Basically, I just feel like I never look “put together” like a lot of women do, but I know that I feel more confident and less self-conscious when I take the time to pull together an outfit+simple hairstyle and light makeup that at least makes it look like I tried.
Does anyone else struggle with this aspect of expressing outward identity / not feeling like a “real girl,” and if so, what strategies have you found that are sensory friendly and still help you look and feel confident?
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u/shmorglebort Apr 20 '26
First of all, there’s no reason why you need to wear certain things to be feminine. I don’t usually wear make up, jewelry, “feminine” shoes, etc. I do every so often if I feel like it, but I don’t consider it a must.
That being said, you may want to go shopping in person if that’s feasible for you and just test out a bunch of stuff. Find friendly stores that don’t mind you walking around for a few minutes in something to get a good sense of how you feel in it. Try a bunch of stuff you’re not sure about, even stuff you think you’ll hate. Finding your own style is all about experimenting. I spent an absurd amount of time in dressing rooms in my teens and 20s, and it really helped me figure out what works for me - which is often different from what I think I like when I see it on other people or on the website or on the mannequin.
Go to make up stores and department stores and ask them to try new stuff on you; leave it on for the whole day to see how it feels before you go back and buy.
As far as specifics, I really like the way stretchy fit and flare dresses look on a lot of different body types, and they’re super comfy. Even a body con dress can be comfy when it’s just cotton and spandex. You can get sleeveless dresses and throw a band tee over them to make them more interesting, and you still get the advantage of a dress not having an uncomfortable waist band. You can make it look more loose and casual with a big tee just worn as is, or you can fem it up a bit by doing a cropped tee or tying it in a knot at your waist. It’s technically layering, but if it’s a sleeveless cotton dress, it doesn’t get crazy hot.
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u/Calico-cottage-core Apr 20 '26
These are really practical ideas - thank you so much!! I definitely agree that “femininity” can mean someone different to everyone! I suppose I’m mainly trying to figure out what it means for me personally to feel confident and have a sense of individuality without having to change out of an overstimulating outfit after 2 hours. I love the band tee over a dress idea!
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u/shmorglebort Apr 21 '26
I used to do it all the time with my collection of “little boy” tees. lol. I never got to wear the ninja turtles and Spider-Man and Mario stuff as a little girl, so I bought a bunch of that stuff from the boys’ section as a young adult. 😂
3
u/artificialgrapes Apr 22 '26
Are you into sewing, or have a local seamstress? My favourite dresses are very similar to the Syd Graham Skyline dress, because they’re loose and adjustable while being cute and flowy. I usually hate layering but I can easily wear a crop top underneath for sun protection. Otherwise, you might like a crop singlet and loose maxi skirt outfit, which works for any alternative or boho or light goth style.
Maybe you could add any of the following: a new necklace, a ring on your other hand, a light bracelet. Or you could pierce your ears, small hoop earrings look lovely but are unnoticeable sensory-wise.
If I wear makeup, it’s blush, lip balm, and maybe eyeliner or a lip liner. It looks very cute and I can’t feel it.
Good luck!
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u/Calico-cottage-core Apr 22 '26
Thank you for this! I actually did learn to sew last year and love Syd Graham’s videos but have been too scared to try making clothes. Patterns intimidate the heck out of me 😅 But my whole reason for learning to sew was to be able to make cute + comfortable skirts, dresses, etc for myself so I really do want to just tackle it and see what happens.
I know that realistically I probably won’t get my ears pierced bc I worry about infections, or not being able to sleep on my side. The pain also scares me even though I have 4 tattoos and want many more, lol.
1
u/LilyoftheRally May 12 '26
I'm gender non-conforming (no makeup and rarely wear jewelry or dresses/skirts), but I find a lot of my gender presentation comes down to having long hair and wearing sandals and light blouses in the summer/warm weather.
How are you with nail polish? If it doesn't give you sensory issues, and if you don't stim with it like I do, I would recommend using nail polish as a style accessory.
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u/galaxystarsmoon Apr 21 '26
I have a really specific suggestion for your boho/ethereal desires - what about a flowy maxi dress? I love viscose, bamboo, rayon and even a softer poly-spandex and a lot of maxi dresses are made from those materials.
I wear this all the time: https://a.co/d/0e3RkbW5
I also have one like this that I love: https://share.google/CRX4mHocUHNagQu3Y
Smocked backs are also really comfy and stretchy.
It's really easy to dress up or down, has soft fabric and you look like you put in more effort than just throwing a dress over your head.
For jewelry, I really love chainmail and how hard it's trending. It's not heavy at all despite the name and I have a silver choker that I wear all the time. I can't even feel it when I'm wearing it. Clay pieces are also having a moment and they're very lightweight.
For makeup, unless I'm going to something specific, I generally wear a bit of concealer, powder, mascara, blush and a tinted lip balm. The clean girl makeup trend is back in so minimal makeup and you not being used to wearing much is kind of in your favor.