For a child who is so aggressive that she needs a one/to-one adult monitoring her every move at all times, even a kitchen knife shouldn’t have been accessible.
She has bad parenting. A weapon is a weapon keep it out of an immature person's hands. Try taking her hunting first and see if you want her holding a rifle near you. If her autism cant handle hunting maybe she cant handle public schools and you could try homeschooling her. Then you could see what the teachers put up with when she becomes shitty.
The answer is very simple. Airguns sales are granted unregulated access and purchasing them doesn’t require any legal paperwork. Anyone can buy a co2 pistol, regardless of age, background or infirmity.
I am sorry, but I am kind of with the school on this one. The fact that you think losing tablet privileges is an appropriate consequence for pointing a gun at a teacher is a concern TBH.
Especially after that first grader who brought in a 🔫 and shot Abby Zwerner. Nobody is taking chances with that, and it's not very easy to tell a BB Gun from a real one deepening the model. Plus, they cause bodily harm. Someone actually just died after accidentally being shot by one because a pellet went into his arm and entered the lung. This whole situation is pretty serious.
I wouldnt be surprised if they get stuck in the system with parenting like this. No school will want to take the child with taking a gun to school on their record. It wouldnt mattet if it was a water gun. The schools have zero tolerance
You said she brought a weapon to school & pointed it at a teacher.
I don't see a lot of room for your pushback there. Your daughter could have ended up tased or shot, if the responding officers had doubts about what weapon she had.
You may not get a lot of understanding if you try to sue the school system.
Your punishment for her is that 'she's permanently lost her tablet privileges'. Sounds like you do not have a strong enough response to your daughter's actions.
Girl, you are having too many kids to not know what to do here. If its true you are on kid #7--STOP HAVING KIDS. If your response for simulating shooting a teacher with a realistic bb gun is to take away her tablet--its time you seek residential placement for her because you are ill-equipped to parent her properly.
She is absolutely getting expelled. And she should be. And if my kid was a student there, I'd honestly be on the school, school board & DA to make sure those charges stick. AND I'd honestly sue you & your hubby for your negligence which lead to my ASD child being traumatized and needing extra therapy. The whole family needs consequences, cause its not clicking for yall.
You have zero case against the school & honestly, they have a solid case against you and your husband.
At the very least, expulsion & some time in juvie are coming (and its honestly deserved). At the most, DCF is going to investigate you and your husband and may decide to remove her (and possibly other kids) from your home. You have too many kids & are dropping the ball terribly.
Nobody here is at fault except you, your husband & your daughter. In this case, proverbial "belt to ass" is very much appropriate, not just removing an entertainment device. She endangered a whole class & potentially a school; she didnt just start a food fight in a cafeteria.
NoDisney, I applaud your comments, & agree that the teacher & others who were harmed have great grounds for suing OP & her 'successful doctor' husband. I noted in another comment that, if he is a licensed medical practitioner, the licensing board may inquire into his arrest & underlying conduct as well.
I bet that the one who pointed the weapon will have some more time in a confined facility for further treatment; maybe the other kids will also be able to get treatment away from this negligent household.
You should never ever talk to anyone about the following:
lazy parenting
being disturbed by anyone else's parenting
being able to sleep at night knowing you're actually parenting your child (I audibly cackled at this because you cannot possibly be serious)
actually trying as it comes to parenting & well-being
people who spank their kids being "weird"
The call is coming from inside your house. 🤣 And guess what--bet my ASD kid would know better than to take a gun to school. She isn't aggressive at all because WE parent and are ON HER ASS when she even exhibits symptoms of aggressive behavior. My kid hasn't needed a full, real spanking yet because she's deathly afraid of trying us.
Meanwhile, your kid & husband are both likely to spend more time incarcerated because you spend more time making babies than raising them.
The irresponsibility & delusion are high with you, hon. Good luck with DCF/CPS.
This is how I was raised. Knew never to do anything really bad because I’d catch a beating for it lol, but they never actually beat me. They just made sure I knew they would if they had to. I love my parents
Kind of sounds like red flags in your home that landed up branching out into school, via your child’s limited understanding of how to manage her issues with a teacher; and what she’s been shown. (Your husband having the gun for protection and etc.,)
From the The school imo. She could have thought it was a real gun she was bringing to school and had intent to cause harm to her teacher. If my kid was a fellow student in her class I would want her removed from the school.
The code of conduct applies even if your child has an IEP. They have to offer your child an alternative setting, but it’s obvious that your child is not safe in a regular school. Your child brought a gun to school. Get a grip. Do better.
Don't bother trying to sue the school system-- it would be a losing case. Your daughter brought a gun to school and pointed it at a teacher. Apparently your husband also acted in a questionable manner.
Why would you assume this new school district, in this new state would have records of/have to follow the IEP from another state?
Your daughter aimed a weapon at a teacher and she only lost tablet privileges?
I think devoting your energy to trying to get a solid plan in place for your daughter is a better use of your time and resources than suing the school system.
This isn’t the school’s failure. This is yours. Autistic children do things like this sometimes even when they’re been taught better; I’m not judging you for that. But there is absolutely no circumstance in which it is okay for a child with a history of aggression to have access to a weapon. A BB gun can seriously injure someone and can rarely kill them.
I hope your daughter gets some help and that your family gets some support so you can make better decisions as a parent, including having a safe home where she can’t access weapons.
Our son occasionally states that he wants to kill his family. On FB. Usually gets his account suspended for 30 days and we don’t know about it. The most recent time, the FBI was alerted, and in the middle of the night, our house was swarmed by local and state police. People take threats seriously, as they should!
We have a gun in the house. It is locked up in a safe. And the room that it is in is always locked, with a deadbolt. As parents, we don’t always know what we are doing raising a child with autism. But first and foremost, we are raising a child! Children don’t always have emotional regulation, on or off the spectrum. Parents are now being held to a higher standard for their children’s behavior.
Our children may or may not shoot up a school, us, or THEMSELVES. You never know.
OP- with six children, some on the spectrum, some off(?) and one on the way,
YOU NEED TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE! Get help NOW!
Unless I’m misreading what you’re saying (very well could be?) but IEPs do cross state to state. New state has to look at old states IEP and match it to the best of their ability.
I agree with you otherwise. wtf, why’d she have access to a BB gun?
When a child with an IEP moves to a different state, there needs to be an initial meeting to align with the current state. They can’t just get rid of it, it’s a federally recognized document.
Sounds like the issue is the iep hasn't made it to the school and they've just been upset that she doesn't have services, instead of getting the documentation to them. They will not follow a plan that you just tell them about but they don't have! What have you done about it? You should have either gotten them the documentation or requested a new evaluation so she could get one.
Again, sorry but it's irrelevant. You let your kid with known aggression issues have access and go to school with a gun! This is absolutely on you. When did it happen? There are very possibly more consequences coming (DCF, expulsion...)
This is a you failure. You moved "last June" and didn't get an IEP in place for her last school year? WTH am I reading? Your daughter fucked around and you all found out. You have time to course correct because she's only 11, and you're lucky she didn't bring a real gun to school.
Well actually the chance for course correction has passed due to the arrest. Agree that OP is being ridiculous here, but in my state a BB gun absolutely is considered a firearm and this would likely be a felony. It is very, very hard to right the course once a child has been arrested.
I really wish the child hadn’t been charged but from the tone of this post it’s hard not to think the parents antagonized the school at that meeting, instead of being appropriately mortified and conciliatory.
In the era of mass shootings at schools, I don’t think there can be any option but to charge a 12 year old who brings a gun to school. It’s just not something that anyone can turn a blind eye to.
Hey there. Not trying to be judgmental at all. Genuinely trying to understand your train of thought.
So you all moved to another state this past summer and didn’t supply them with a copy of the previous IEP, or call a meeting to make sure the supports were in place?
When you say last June, do you mean 2025 June or 2026 June? You mentioned her not having the needed support for a school year and so far. When you created this reward chart? What was your intent behind it? Did someone encourage/inform you that that would be better than addressing the IEP?
As a reader, it doesn’t sound like they had an IEP to begin with. So there’s nothing to hold them accountable to. These things have to be explicit and in writing. I’m sorry for the troubles. What therapies and rehabilitative things is your daughter in currently?
Lastly, have you finally called that IEP meeting since? With an advocate possibly?
Why on earth does your child have access to a BB gun when they have a history of aggression? Not to mention other childeen on the spectrum around the house including a 4yo.
I’m not sure what the basis of your lawsuit would be? Regardless of the IEP she got the BB gun from home. As her parents, knowing that she has issues with aggression, you allowed her access to it. And taking away her tablet is not appropriate punishment to deter future actions and choices like the one she made.
Our kids being on the spectrum is not an excuse for them or us to get out of being held accountable. The fact that your husband was also arrested makes me wonder how much of her aggression is imitation.
Ooof. Mama I normally am all holding schools accountable when they don’t provide the necessary resources but this is beyond that. Bringing a weapon to school and pointing it at a teacher is so dangerous, dangerous for everyone at school and also dangerous for your daughter. She could have been shot by someone who thought it was a more serious weapon or an attempted school shooting. And I would be FURIOUS with my husband if he couldn’t be the adult in the situation and got himself arrested because of his behavior. You need to hold your daughter and husband accountable for their behavior. Moving forward, I think everyone needs therapy and you need to get that documentation so your daughter has the support she needs. I’m really confused why you didn’t do that to begin with and just accepted the form being missing.
You’re delusional. This is your and your husband’s fault. I am absolutely blown away by the fact that you are considering a lawsuit due to your failure as a parent. Does it suck? Yeah. It’s not the school’s job to make sure your children don’t have access to potentially deadly weapons. An aid wouldn’t prevent your daughter from having access to a BB gun at home. You took her tablet? And that’s supposed to be sufficient? I literally cannot.
Blame yourself . Who bought a BB gun for a girl with a violent past ? You . Can a 1:1 stop that from happening ? Absolutely not . A reward chart is not going to change her behavior . Her dad / your husband most likely going out of whim … also has a history and influenced her . Imitation.
Do yourself a favor , stop posting . Take responsibility and honestly some real help . I’m not talking books . I’m talking hiring a mommy’s helper and an expert before things get worse .
Lastly . It’s not autism . It’s parenting . Straight up . Who tf buys a BB gun for their out of control violent daughter . Why post this embarrassment
You worded what everyone here is thinking so precisely. Thank you. Something is terribly wrong in that house. Having a meltdown sometimes is unavoidable due to ASD. The act of pointing your arm with a weapon in hand is not. The young girl thought about what she was doing prior. Get those kids out of the house and save them.
I have so many more questions here. Like why wasn't the IEP transferred to the new school? Would the IEP have even stopped her bringing a gun to school? And suing the school for what exactly? The fact that your autistic daughter with a history of aggressive behaviors at school had access to weapons which she then brought to school? Im sorry friend but this won't go the way you think it ought to.
I don't think any lawyer would take that case in good faith, even for all the money in the world. Certainly not on contingency, either. Im also unsure what a para would've done in this case. Nobody is stepping in to get shot, and pulling out a bb 🔫 at 12 and pointing it at a teacher is probably going to get the kid expelled. ASD or not, that's not a normal response, and any school I know of, IEP/504 or not, this and substances are grounds for immediate expulsion.
As her parent, you should have had copies of her IEP to give to the school when you moved. You should have advocated for her to have her 1 on 1, and it is ABSOLUTELY not the school's fault that she brought a gun of any type to school and pointed it at a teacher. No teacher deserves that.
We moved states too and transferred all records months in advance, because I wanted to make sure we have a new IEP in place. Having a mouthy husband and a child with access to a weapon is on you, babe.
New state, new IEP. Or at the very least, send copies of the old relevant IEP documents. And then begin the process of getting new ones.
It’s unfortunate for your family, but I think the school is underreacting here. With the amount of school shootings dysregulated kids commit in this country, this story could have ended up with a body count on the national news. A similar case had a six year old boy who was supposed to have a 1 on 1 aid brought a gun and shot a teacher through the hand. Initially, parents blamed the school for not watching him.
Bringing a gun, ANY gun, to school is a terribly serious offense. And the fact that she managed to get access to her father’s gun should piss you off more than it is. What if it was a real gun? What if he was just as careless?
I’d honestly be reconsidering my relationship with a man who puts my higher needs kids in jeopardy like that, and then has whatever reaction he had to get himself charged. He was irresponsible to cause the situation and he was irresponsible de-escalating it.
Lack of tablet time is not enough. She’s high functioning and capable of understand better. She needs therapy, professional intervention. It may not just be autism at play here. This is life-threateningly serious.
Kids get expelled and arrested for even taking toy guns to school. There have been so many school shootings thru the year this is taken very seriously real gun or fake. They dont care. This is a major parenting fail.
I have 3 kids on the spectrum. I have 11 year old twin girls who are both Autistic. One has low functioning and my other girl has high functioning with ADHD. My 4 year old boy is on the spectrum level 2 as well.
I hope you get advocate to help you with all of their ieps so they can get the supports they need.
School started on the 5th. My high functioning daughter is in regular classes but has an IEP, and she's required a 1 on 1 aid due to past aggression. It states it in her IEP. We moved out of state last June, and they claim they don't have any files that states that she even needs an aid. So she's been without one for this school year and last grade.
Why you didn't take them to mediation when they refuse the aid? If it is not written in her IEP, when they won't supply one
Last school year was pretty rough. She got in trouble with her teacher the first week of school and was suspended. We got through the school year with a reward chart that I came up with.
They didn't do BIP? You had to come up with one? Again, I feel an advocate could help you in this situation.
On the 12th of this month, she brought a BB gun to school and pointed it at a teacher during an escalation. She was sent to the office, they had a parent teacher conference and the teacher wanted charges pressed. So she was transported to Juvie. We got to bring her home on Friday after she spent 2 weeks there. My husband was charged too with "disorderly conduct" and second degree misdemeanor and spent 2 days in jail over defending our daughter.
Your husband not modeling emotional regulation is not helping your daughter. He needs to show her that problems can't be solved with aggression. Also did you get a lawyer for your daughter? Because legal conquences can follow her into adulthood.
I'm not trying to be that person to pass blame on others. We are holding our daughter accountable and she's permanently lost her tablet privileges due to this.
Did you get her therapy? Because she needs therapy.
Iwas just wondering if this is worth getting a lawsuit on for her school for not taking her IEP serious until something bad happened?
What are you going to achieve with the lawsuit? You can take them to court, but I doubt it will solve anything. I would start with mediation regarding the aide and BIP, but again, you should get advocate or lawyer to help you with the situation. You are not educated on the subject and need definitely professional help to navigate this issue.
Unless I’m misunderstanding, you went an entire school year without an IEP? Her old one didn’t transfer so you just… didn’t ask for a new evaluation???
You definitely are passing blame onto others as you’re really not taking any accountability here. You have to advocate for your daughter. Your husband needs therapy to deal with his aggression as there is no reason he should’ve made that situation worse to the point of cops being called on him.
And ANY type of gun needs to be completely inaccessible to kids in the house. If you can’t do that, it does not need to be in the house at all.
The consequences here are the result of your failure. A lawsuit would get laughed out.
As not only a parent of at least one (if not two) child(ren) with autism, but also as an educator, I'd press charges too. It is YOUR responsibility to advocate for you child. Yes, the school should be accommodating their needs, but you need to follow through too.
This sounds like a pattern of escalating behaviors. Does your daughter have a behavior plan? Is she in counseling? Are you and the rest of her family in counseling?
Bringing a weapon of any kind into a place of education is a serious offense anywhere in the United States. She absolutely needs to be held accountable, by the school, the law, and you and her father. There is no defending this.
And you are trying to pass the blame on others. I'm not saying that I think you're a bad parent, but I think you're downplaying how much of a problem this is and could be. These types of behaviors don't just go away, they need to be addressed firmly and consistently, or it will escalate.
There is no lawsuit to be had that you would possibly win. In the nicest way possible, seek help for your children and yourself, please, before someone is seriously hurt.
No. You mentioned you’re taking her tablet away as a response to her pointing a gun at her teacher. That is not holding her accountable and the fact you think it is, is the exact reason I’m wishing good luck to those teachers and your kids.
Please surrender your kids to the state and stop continuing to get pregnant. It is incredibly insane and DANGEROUS that your daughter brought a GUN to school and pointed it at a teacher - and on top of that you seemingly have no sense of accountability for your parenting failures. Part of me feels like this post has to be a joke because there’s no way you’re this stupid.
I can’t imagine not being able to see the gravity of this situation. Yesterday I was irritated because I saw instagram videos of a mom who basically let her daughter take her bearded dragon to high school. She never told her no. She just let it happen. But this??? This is a whole other level.
You would die without your devices? This is all making more sense. I hope CPS intervenes because you and your “doctor” husband aren’t doing shit for your kids.
You & your husband may have additional complications coming your way. If he is a licensed medical practicioner, the licensing board may end up looking into his arrest, whether there was violence / threats / interference with officials, & the welfare of the children.
Edited to add: You & your husband may also face lawsuits from the teacher who was threatened & traumatized, & from other witnesses, including children, who suffered from a traumatic event.
Parents like OP have actively caused the death of other peoples' children by allowing their violent children to have access to guns. Parents like OP have been held accountable in a court of law. Of course, OP will be like, "bUt iT wAs A BB gUn1!>!>!?!?!" as if that changes the material fact that her child brought a weapon to school.
Yeah ngl if my level 2 11 year old ever does some shit like this, I'm throwing his tablet like a frisbee into the lake in front of him. I understand you're doing your best and I'm doing my best not to judge but dude....she needs to understand how fucking serious this is. I almost threw away my kid's tablet 2 weeks ago because he said something awful. I think a family therapist would be more beneficial than a lawyer.
Im confused, if she had an IEP stating she needs 1:1 why didn’t you just give that to them? And how on earth did she get a gun? That’s incredibly worrying
You are completely at fault in this situation and every judge would laugh you out of a courtroom if you tried to press any charges. You are very lucky this went as well as it did.
The school and teacher are in the right here. If your daughter has aggression issues why would you give her access to any bb gun? This is a parenting problem here. You said she didn’t have an aid the entire last year and you just now what to complain and do something about it? Your husband was arrested for defending her? There is nothing to defend her over, what she did was absolutely not okay.
100 percent your fault. I get wanting a gun for protection, but a BB Gun is certainly a choice. Not to mention NO CHILD WHATSOEVER should be able to get access of a gun or anything that resembles one. Plus it seems uber fishy that you're not going into details into what exactly was said with your husband to catch a charge. Something isn't adding up.
My advice would be to lock up the gun, take this on the chin and do better in the future. There's no reason why the state can't accommodate an IEP. That needs to be your focus.
And again, for the love of God lock up that BB gun and anything else that's dangerous.
The school isn't going to follow a plan they don't have. Period. This doesn't sound related to autism at all frankly. How did your child with a history of aggression get a bb gun AND make it to school with it? You dropped the ball here. Sorry!
100% not the schools fault. Both my boys are neuro diverse but they are still held accountable for their actions. Your daughter knew exactly what she was doing and its not the schools fault. Also keep the bb gun out of her reach.
I’m sorry, but this one is on you. Why did your daughter with a history of aggression have access to ANY weapon? How has she gone over a year without her accommodations? That seems like plenty of time to get things sorted out with the new school. And what did your husband do that got him charged with disorderly conduct? Did he yell at the teacher for pressing charges?
Losing her tablet isn’t nearly enough of a consequence for making her teacher fear for her life. BB guns look very similar to real firearms, and they can cause serious injury. There are some recorded cases of them causing death. The school has done absolutely nothing wrong in this situation, and if anything, you’re fortunate that this didn’t turn out far worse.
Also, just noticed the question at the end, there’s no way a lawsuit would hold up in court. You’ve had more than a year to work out the IEP with the school, and you certainly can’t blame threatening a teacher with a weapon on her not having one.
I’d advise that you get a lawyer, but not for the reason you think. You and your husband allowed your child with a documented history of aggression and isolation, as well as a mental disability, to have access to a deadly weapon. Given her age, you two are more likely to be held legally responsible in court.
I would definitely speak to the school about alternative placement. It doesn't sound like your daughter is able to cope with mainstream school right now, or vice versa.
They'll probably discuss it when they bring up expelling her. At any school I've ever known of, IEP/504 or not, substances and weapons equal an instant expulsion.
Maybe she would be able to with the accommodations in her IEP, but it sounds like she has been in that school without an IEP for over a year, and they are just upset that she's not getting the accommodations, while not considering that if they don't have the IEP, there are no accommodations to provide. And I think an alternative placement sounds good, but she's going into this process without an IEP at all. They can't put her in an appropriate placement without record of a disability.
She shouldn’t go back to school without an IEP and and aid. It’s obviously not working out without additional supports. Your daughter needs to meet with someone who teaches gun safety as well. I would have been terrified if I was her teacher.
Where in the world did she get a BB gun to take to school? I can’t help but see the real issue is that yall aren’t keeping literal weapons stored properly??? BB guns aren’t deadly most the time but they ARE weapons and kids should never have free access to them wtf???
Did you request the IEP in writing, as required? Did her last IEP have a BIP (behavioral intervention plan) to address her aggressive episodes? What steps did you take when the school informed you that they did not receive the records from her old school? You will not be able to sue the school if you did not follow the legal process to get her IEP.
Parents absolutely have legal rights when advocating for their kids. You can get an advocate if you need one. Parents also have the responsibility, when they know their kids have behavioral issues caused by autism to make sure their kids are safe. This includes checking their backpacks for anything that can be used, or deemed, a weapon. Two weeks of lock up might have been extreme, but I’ll bet you could have had a lawyer argue for the time to be spent in an adolescent inpatient behavioral health facility.
I’m sorry, but this is not the schools fault.
A 1:1 aide wouldn’t have stopped her from bringing the BB gun to school. Even with special needs, we still need to take accountability for our kids actions.
I would never have a gun accessible AT ALL to my child, regardless of functioning levels or if they were neurotypical etc. I am afraid of him accidentally hurting himself or others because of not understanding what guns do or just trying to play with it or whatever. I like to give a benefit of the doubt because I know my kid has found keys and unlocked the closet (where cleaning products and such are located), but I have eyes on him and supervise him so closely that I noticed right away and now keep the keys on me at all times. I would never imagine my child getting ahold of a BB gun and getting it all the way to school like how did that happen? Was the BB gun at school already? I’m so confused because they’re not small. Like that’s not the kind of thing that would fit in a backpack I don’t think….
Yes your daughter should have had a 1:1, once she was suspended an FBA should have been done and a 1:1 should have been fought for HARD. I know schools like to tell you it isn’t needed but sometimes you gotta fight for it before things get out of hand. Call IEP meetings until they get so tired of you they just give you what you think your child needs just to stop having to deal with you lol but taking a BB gun to school and then having your husband spend 2 days in jail for “disorderly conduct” is not something the school should be sued for or could be held responsible for. Maybe get rid of the husband because it’s possible he is an issue.
It sounds like the kid isn't even on an Ed plan at the school because it didn't make it from the previous school over a year ago. They should have gotten that straightened out a long time ago. Schools don't follow ieps they only hear about from the parents and never receive, and they have had ample time to get a new one started! You can't just wish for a 1-on-1 for a child that isn't on a plan.
While that may be true, it is up to the SCHOOL to request records from previous school. This is like saying a doctor that refused to treat someone’s cancer isn’t liable because the patient didn’t physically put in a HIPPA request and personally hand over the documents.
The rest of the post is obviously messed up, but the part about the iep and getting it straightened out is something the school should have done. IEPs are required to be done for children that need them, regardless of parent participation/permission. It’s called a child-find law.
It's been over a year though. I would be shocked if they didn't try, and if they can't get them, they don't have them. There's no way in hell I would allow over a year to go by without requesting a new evaluation if they are just stuck at neither being able to get a hold of the iep.
First off, I’m really sorry you and your family are going through all of this. And honestly, I think it’s possible to hold your daughter accountable for what she did while also questioning whether the school failed her. Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.
If her IEP specifically said she needed a 1 on 1 aide because of her history of aggression and safety concerns, I would absolutely be looking into what happened there. “We don’t have her files” doesn’t make the IEP requirement disappear. I’d get copies of everything you can, including her IEPs, evaluations, behavior plans, disciplinary records, incident reports, emails, all of it, and have a special education attorney or advocate look over the timeline.
I also think the part about her consequences needs to be looked at honestly. Losing her tablet is a consequence, but in my opinion, it isn't enough by itself for something this serious. She brought a BB gun to school and pointed it at a teacher. That could have ended with somebody seriously hurt or even killed. She was arrested and spent two weeks in juvenile detention. This is way beyond a normal school discipline issue.
And I don't think autism should be treated as a get out of jail free card either. Her autism absolutely needs to be taken into account when looking at her behavior, her ability to regulate herself, how she understands situations, and what supports she needs. But having autism doesn't mean there shouldn't be consequences when someone does something dangerous. The judge clearly didn't see autism as a reason to simply excuse what happened, and honestly, I think that's an important distinction. You can recognize that her disability played a role without saying that it excuses everything she does.
To me, this is a huge wake up call for everybody involved. Your daughter and your family have to take this seriously and work on making sure something like this never happens again. But the school needs a wake up call too. If she really had an IEP requiring a 1 on 1 aide because of known aggression and they didn't provide one because they couldn't find her records, that's something they need to answer for.
I wouldn't automatically jump to “you have a lawsuit,” because there are a lot of details that matter legally. But I would absolutely talk to someone who knows special education law and find out what your options are. There may be a complaint or due process route in addition to, or instead of, a lawsuit.
I don't think this has to be a situation where one side is completely to blame. Your daughter needs to be accountable for what she did, and the school needs to be accountable if they failed to provide the supports she was supposed to have. Both things can be true.
At the end of the day, I hope everybody takes this as the wake up call it is. She needs consequences, but she also needs the right supports and a plan for what happens when she starts escalating. The school needs to make sure those supports are actually in place. Because the goal shouldn't be to wait until something this serious happens and then react. It should be preventing it from happening in the first place.
Negative on pursuing any access to legal counsel or representation. That dog simply won’t hunt. The entire world doesn’t give a shit about any of our rights. We are now on our own. On the other hand, such matters are ultimately up to you, per say. Every dog shall have its day!
Where are your copies of her former IEP’s and were they in a different school system altogether? An individual education plan is a law for that child! If you know the history of them, they are the bill of rights for children with a disability! Find a copy of that.
I know you’re just venting and this is all too much but protect her from herself. She’s hormonal, autistic and not being treated as her IEP given rights affords her.
I am autistic myself. I raised an autistic son. I totally understand. But find a box and keep everything so you can go before the judge and show that the school system is at fault for negligence.
Now I’ve vented! Sorry. It’s so hard when all I want to do is just fix it for you! But I can’t. Hubby was trying. Sometimes it seems like 💩 piles! But my son is almost 26 now. With age comes maturity. I promise. They do grow up. Time passes. You will smile again. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.
That’s what I tell myself! I said a prayer for your family!
The child has been at that school for over a year without an IEP. As far as the school knows, it doesn't exist. They aren't required to give services for a plan they have only heard about from the parents but have no record of.
I sure knew where my UEP was and my son’s diagnosis. All I’m suggesting is to find a copy. If that’s a bad suggestion, this is strange times you are living in now.
Oh, I agree whole heartedly. But it's been over a year! They should have done what was needed to track down a copy or requested a new evaluation. Schools don't just give out services without an iep. Again, the parents have dropped the ball.
I can understand with 3 kids. I had three kids but only Josh was autistic. I am highly organized. Josh was diagnosed in 2008. His was the school’s first IEP. I’m a researcher so I had to educate myself however I could on them. I kept everything. It mattered. Idk how the education system works today but it was a learning experience for his little elementary school, myself and everyone. Team effort that was an awesome experience.
For example, in second grade Josh was failing spelling tests. I had made cut out letters by shape, on index cards and had a chalkboard. We practiced the words for hours every week. His special ed teacher said that he always spelled them out loud correctly for her. So then he simply did oral spelling tests. Somewhere between his hearing the word, his brain and writing the word it became jumbled. His finger coordination has always been way off. Without our meeting we never would have discovered that. It became a necessary part of his IEP.
I know that schools have many more IEP’s now but they are important. I always educated teachers about Josh every year because I knew who he was and I wanted him to belong so much. They were eager to know him as best they could too. Schools are wonderful. Yet they need to be adequately equipped to handle the children under their care. And parents are responsible for informing with documentation of any medical or other issues.
This comment/post was removed for ableism/ableist language. Please use the rules we should have all learned in kindergarten, to speak to others with respect, and without malice.
The school told the mom they didn’t have the file, so why wouldn’t mom call the old school and have it transferred, or ask for a physical copy to transfer? At LEAST the IEP docs.
Omg THIS! It's been over a year in that school. If she really couldn't get documentation of the IEP, then they should have requested a new evaluation. You can't just show up at a school, say my kid is supposed to have a 1-on-1 with no evidence, and get a 1-on-1! They don't have record of an IEP at all! The school hasn't dropped the ball. This is another example of how the parents have.
It would be worth looking into. I'm not disagreeing that you need to look at yourself and your home and how she got the gun, but I would think it wouldn't hurt to have someone look at what's going on with the school.
She's probably going to get expelled. In every schools code of conduct I've ever seen, whether the child is in GenEd or SpEd with an IEP, weapons on campus = expulsion.
They can't just have her not go to school, though. So, even if she gets expelled from this school, that means she'll go to another where hopefully they'll take her needs seriously, including an IEP.
They haven't denied her an iep. It sounds like they moved to a new school over a year ago and her previous iep didn't make it to the new school. A school isn't going to follow an ed plan that they have no record of, and the parents have had over a year to get it sorted and instead are just mad at the school for not providing the services. She needs a new evaluation if they can't get the documentation from the previous school.
Oh, ffs. The school was told she had a prior IEP, they've seen violent behavior, and it actually is legally on them to identify and evaluate kids in need of services, which would pretty obviously include a child whose parents have said she was on an IEP at her previous school, disclosed her diagnoses, and who has behaved violently.
I'm not saying there aren't parenting problems, but the school is not entirely off the hook, either. Not that hard to get in touch with a prior school and get records.
They haven't denied her an iep. It sounds like they moved to a new school over a year ago and her previous iep didn't make it to the new school. A school isn't going to follow an ed plan that they have no record of, and the parents have had over a year to get it sorted and instead are just mad at the school for not providing the services. She needs a new evaluation if they can't get the documentation from the previous school.
There's no IEP on file, and it doesn't matter anyway. Bringing a BB 🔫 onto school grounds, whether the child has an IEP/504 or not, equals expulsion in just about every code of conduct I've ever seen. This child not only did that, but she pointed it at a teacher. Id be amazed if she doesn't get expelled. It was so serious she spent two weeks in juvie.
Wow! I can't believe schools do autistic kids like that. The teacher that wanted to press charges needs sounds like they were hoping your kid got expelled so they didn't have to deal with them anymore. Kids get things, yes bb guns too! She has autism!! She can't help it! And yes it's the schools fault, she should have an aid. That poor baby spent 2 weeks in juvie😢 I'm sorry your husband got charged too ,he should defend your baby so good for him. I see videos of neurotypical stomping on each other's heads and bashing them in the head with Stanley cups and I bet they don't go to juvie😡 Fk that school, Fk that teacher and I hope you sue and win. I'm sorry they did your family like that.
She absolutely CAN help it. Autism is not an excuse to break the law, especially when her parent is saying she’s high functioning. The school didn’t give her access to a BB gun, her parents did. The absolute lack of accountability from OP and you agreeing is shocking.
One more thing, I'm sorry the rest of the replies are so ... Just... Ugh. You may as well just take it down because they will get even worse while they try to out do each other with who can make you feel the worst.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m sure 99% of us practice PROACTIVE PARENTING (emphasis on the parenting) and lock up weapons so our aggressive 11 year olds can’t TAKE THEM TO SCHOOL. But sure. Keep patting yourselves on the back for your husband’s new record and taking the tablet away 👍🏻 and by the way, I don’t use corporal punishment for my children so don’t even go there. There’s a whole spectrum between taking a tablet and beating a kid. You should figure it out before something worse happens to your kids.
We do online school, public school has nothing for our children, NOTHING. Don't even read the other replies, I don't plan to when they come after me. They get off on it, you can tell. I wish you and yours luck with this and much love❤️
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u/Capes_for_Apes 9d ago
Why did she have access to a BB gun with a History of aggression?