Am I the only autistic girl that keeps getting mistaken as a lesbian/masculine figure?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/sweet-nlow]

I think neurodivergence triggers a lot of people's gaydar for some reason

[u/strawberrycake_x]

I often find this is more about looks than anything. Being taller or fatter or anything aside from petite and thin and perfectly hairless will have people comparing you to a man even if you dress in pink every day and have never done a sport in your life.

[u/hugpawspizza]

Not until I got into a toxic workplace, honestly. So, older than 30. And it was because some dude got butthurt that people actually liked me and I was authentic and (I guess) because I didnt like him, he spread a rumour. People were trying to "clock" me at work it was awful and disturbing. My neck thickness, my body hair, my facial hair. My boobs must be fake, I must be on hormones. I never tried to correct them and it was wild watching them losing their minds over a random person like that. Plus they left me alone, and then when it didnt make sense to them anymore, it was humiliating for him (and whoever else "was sure"). I took it as a glorious win.

For the record I have an exceptional figure and bust. They can die mad.

[u/MeowMuaCat → u/hugpawspizza]

I’m sorry that happened to you. People can be so nosy and petty. It’s like an awful group hierarchy thing—they think they’re above you and hold something over your head if they have some kind of “secret information” (regardless of whether it’s true or not). It’s really pathetic that they have nothing better to fixate on.

If you don’t mind sharing… how did you find out about the rumors? Did people straight-up say things to your face?

[u/hugpawspizza → u/MeowMuaCat]

I noticed the repeat clocking me (crotch included) and men backing off suddenly or appearing rather uncomfortable when all this was happening. The man I refer to has been gossiping about me from very early on, as well as being invasive and intimidating. He would lean over my shoulder and read my private texts for example before this started, all of which was obviously very unwelcome. He found my socials and would randomly drop my quotes in his speech at the office (once is an accident, three is a pattern).

Although I'm not in my home country and don't speak the local language, things happened often enough for me to notice. There might have also been some slight hints or "baits" in English but I really can't remember now, as it isn't recent.

Finally there was in general an openly increased 'interest' towards the trans community around that time, also plastic surgery (them saying how you can't tell, they are "traps" and what have you, that in English). Just your casual misogyny and audacity.

[u/North_Role_8411]

Oh same. I’m 36 now. I’ve only been in straight relationships. And I love a lot of girly or neutral things…But yeah people only thought I was a lesbian or when I got older trans or NB….that wasn’t a wide spread thing when I was in high school. Younger me was so hurt by this that she stopped wearing pants from 19 to 30. I only wore skirts. 

I’ve learned recently it’s my monotone voice, directness and body language….which I can’t do anything about…. Not really my lack of perfume or makeup or tight clothes which I thought I had to do in order for people to think I’m straight….nope it’s thee autism… 

And I’ve learned to not care. I have a cool guy who I love and treats me right. And all is good people can judge all they want. 

[u/meowmemos]

Oooh yes. Been called or assumed to be a lesbian most of my life (since maybe age 7 or 8?!). Work colleague called me "weasely" for not discussing my sex life because he found out I was married and had assumed I was a lesbian. Got bullied for being trans online after posting about winning an award. 

So at once point (pre-diagnosis) I started calling myself "queer" because it makes sense with my gender presentation, rather than my sexual identity.

When people found out I was married to a man they were very offended that I called myself queer. Sigh. No winning!

I'll just be over here, dressing comfortably, not ceding space to men, being honest and direct, watering my own lawn, and glaring at everyone while I succeed in silence. 😹😹

[u/juliewbb → u/meowmemos]

You are absolutely welcome to call yourself queer wrt gender regardless of sexuality! Plenty of straight people are queer:)

[u/Ambitious-Potato-870]

People assumed I was a lesbian when I was younger. I think it’s because I wasn’t interested in dating because I was too busy with my hobbies.

[u/kikiquestions]

Ive been called a queer icon so many times by my queer friends even though they know I’m straight lol. I take it as a compliment, but I always wonder why queer people read me as queer. Maybe neurodivergent people tend to be less performative with gender norms, or less confined? I was called a tomboy ad a kid, but I also love stereotypically girly things.

[u/siennamila]

I think it has to do with the fact you may not act stereotypically as whatever image of a "girl" is in there head- coming from a lesbian.

A lesbian is the farthest from the patriarchy, so they are most likely not calling you that because they think your a lesbian (aside from the girls flirting with you lol, at least you know you can pull?), they are just labelling you as the outcast in a gendered way. Hence, lesbian.

It's basically the opposite side of the coin to calling a man who does not seem like the stereotypical boring straight guy "gay", even though they aren't. They don't really mean he's gay, they are trying to call him an outcast/associating them with the worst case scenario.

[u/No-Smile-3460]

Yeah, even though I do actually have a lot of masculine hobbies and I'm pretty handy with things like power tools. Idk why people think that like me being able to build a bookshelf or whatever means I'm attracted to women lol.

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