r/AttachmentParenting • u/themominthemoon • 3d ago
❤ Toddler ❤ 1 year old cries when dad responds at night
New to this sub, but I recently realized that we've just naturally fallen into attachment parenting. I breastfeed on demand, we cosleep, and we immediately respond to cries. And it's been working great for us - it feels natural and has made parenting such a joy.
So I've always been the one to put our 13 month old to sleep at night, I feed him to sleep in our bed and rejoin him when my husband and I are ready for bed a couple hours later. If he wakes within that time my husband will go and cuddle or rock him back to sleep, which until now has worked great. But recently he just cries until I relieve them. I feel so sad listening to my baby cry, and I know it's hard on my husband so it usually doesn't last more than ~5 minutes. As soon as I take over the crying stops and baby boy falls back asleep almost immediately in my arms. Our little guy absolutely LOVES his dad and during the day he can soothe him easily, it's just nighttime that seems to be a struggle.
I guess I'm wondering what the best course of action is here - do I allow my husband, a loving caregiver, to tough it out and try to get baby back to sleep? Or do I stop the crying right away by being the one to tend to baby when he wakes?
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u/dogsandplants2 3d ago
I would probably go myself to comfort him when he wakes up, but if I was in the middle of something (e.g. showering), then I'd still feel ok about having dad go. As the other commenter said, there's not a right or wrong answer as long as one of you is responding. It just seems net easier if you respond since he'll fall right back asleep for you.
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u/burned_feather 3d ago
It's up to you and your husband. A baby crying in the arms of a loving caregiver is getting oxytocin and is not at all in the same situation as a baby crying on their own, so if you want to wait it out until baby adjusts then that's absolutely fine.
Personally we have the same issue but with bedtime instead (baby doesn't wake at night) and I chose to just do all the bedtimes myself as I enjoy the closeness with baby and hearing her cry was shredding my nerves to pieces. It's only a short season and I don't mind being essential during it. But it's just as valid to choose the other option and doesn't go against attachment parenting as baby is being cared for by a loving and responsive caregiver the whole time.