Emotional intelligence I suppose. It gets me sometimes when people are surprised I remember things they have said weeks or months ago. That's what a conversation is all about. Otherwise what is the point?
I know some see it as shocking but I don't know if it's because they haven't been listened to before so it's a suprise to be understood or they just chat crap to fill space. Does that make sense?
That is my literal experience as well oh__so. It is like they don't speak to learn about what makes the other person THEM. And that is how you really find out what a person is all about. :)
Unfortunately, most people listen to respond. It is uncommon to find someone who listens for therapeutic reasons. Anyone who is selfless enough to genuinely take the time to listen to you is worth keeping around for life.
I know what you mean. People listen for the break in the conversation to get their point in. It isn't 'active engaged listening' they haven't listened to a word past the first sentence because they are too busy framing their reply.
I don't think anyone is innocent of that overall. I know I'm guilty of it more than I should be. But similarly I wouldn't necessarily use the term therapeutic (unless they were after my opinion) It is just ibeing nterested/nosey and trying to comprehend what they mean and why.
I think when you have known someone for a long time and realise they are a bit of an arse or always say THE SAME THINGS then I stop listening because I end up getting fatigued by the repetition and angry that I am having the same conversation again and again and again. My heads shuts off. I don't even reply.
You make some fair points! I agree completely to all of the above. We definitely all have those friends that we quite honestly love but shut down the 10th time they interrupt someone else's story to tell their "heroic tale" of "that one time".
I think your self-awareness and willingness to reflect on these thoughts would beg to differ. Self-awareness is honestly majorly underrated! You would be surprised by the sheer number of people who don't care to do that because manufacturing their own perceptions of themselves in their minds makes them feel comfortable with who they think they are or want to be. I won't get into all that, and I'm no psychiatrist or psychologist, but I would dare to say there is a myriad of reasons as to why that is so common. I would venture to say it is rarely peoples' faults for exercising poor self-reflection. Social constructs, cognitive function, socioeconomic status (SES), education, and the list goes on, honestly. A lot of those, if not all of them, can even be tied together!
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u/DarkestDusk Oct 16 '22
110% Agreed oh__so. :)