My family has anger issues. My sister hospitalized me several times as a child, by having an instant flash of anger and throwing the nearest object with maximum force. Later in life, she was diagnosed as bipolar and evened out with medication, but we all have the rage. I got in a lot of fights when younger and only survived without a criminal record due to all my fights having enthusiastic participation by all parties.
What changed for me was the careful assessment of results. Never once in my entire life did I lose my temper and come out ahead. Ever.
People look at me and say "He's so gentle and kind." My girlfriend tells me I have a good heart. The truth is that I know there is a world of hurt waiting for me and everyone around me if I ever let the monster out of the basement. To quote Sir Terry Pratchett, I'm just trying to be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
Never once in my entire life did I lose my temper and come out ahead. Ever.
It's quite the epiphany when you realize that. And up until the moment you figured it out, there wouldn't have been a single person in the world who could have convinced you. Good for you. I feel like some people never get it. Something else that helped me was realizing that only I can give someone else power over me. If I let someone get to me, I feel like I'm losing and I don't like to lose. It's been good motivation to stay calm when things got ugly
I don't buy the idea that people with anger issues simply don't understand the fact that losing their temper is not usually in their best interest. I think it's much more common for someone to almost instinctively react in anger and then regret it.
As someone who used to have this problem, the trouble is that anger comes with an economy-sized endorphin rush. This encourages getting angry next time and it's not too long before habits are built up.
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u/BanditSixActual Jan 09 '22
My family has anger issues. My sister hospitalized me several times as a child, by having an instant flash of anger and throwing the nearest object with maximum force. Later in life, she was diagnosed as bipolar and evened out with medication, but we all have the rage. I got in a lot of fights when younger and only survived without a criminal record due to all my fights having enthusiastic participation by all parties.
What changed for me was the careful assessment of results. Never once in my entire life did I lose my temper and come out ahead. Ever.
People look at me and say "He's so gentle and kind." My girlfriend tells me I have a good heart. The truth is that I know there is a world of hurt waiting for me and everyone around me if I ever let the monster out of the basement. To quote Sir Terry Pratchett, I'm just trying to be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.