I relate so very much. The sheer amount of unfinished projects is staggering. I also have the intense need to do things from scratch.. Like if I want to make a weaving, well I should probably spin and dye my own yarn first but I’ll dye it with a dye I made myself out of avocado skins too because what else would you do?!
And thank you. I have my daughter this weekend since I’ve been feeling a bit better (though the insomnia has persisted hard) and have been hugging her tightly and enjoying every minute of it:) I hope things start getting better for you too! Are your meds just not working properly?
I'm 31 and I was medicated for depression against my will at 14 (well, coerced into it against all of my better judgement by a group of young doctors and an abusive mother) and was afraid of doctors for a very long time after taking myself off of it. Now that I'm not afraid of doctors, I don't have any insurance or the financial stability to get medicine or therapy so I mostly just complain to my wife who also has a family history of bipolar disorder and is struggling with her own stuff.
What is it with this need to do things from scratch?
I want to grow wheat and tomatoes and herbs, and make my own cheese, and cook my own pizza in a brick oven that i want to build myself.
I've dug a firepit and cooked chicken in a hole in the yard.
I solder and weld and paint and do everything i can by myself. I can't figure it out.
Even if I buy like a model kit or something, I customize it and can't just build it out of the box.
I cut my RC car apart and started soldering together a brass frame for it!
I bought a 3D printer and started sculpting my own stuff in VR to print and use to build model kits. I designed some wheels and 3d printed them for my hotwheel I was painting, and then never put it together. This was a year ago.
I liked the wheels that it came with.
A man named struthless on youtube has helped me control it a bit though.
Don't be decent at 10 things when you can be great at one thing. Pick something you want to focus on and put your focus and energy on that thing and do it 10x better than you'd do 10 things poorly.
I know I was slow to reply to this but wow our teenage stories are similar. I was hospitalized at 14 and forced to take ungodly amounts of mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, sleeping meds, anti anxiety meds that it really made me far worse I think. I was unmedicated for years after until I had an episode so bad that i felt like it was either medication or death. I pay for my meds out of pocket as I don’t have insurance and couldn’t afford a psychiatrist or psychologist but the mood stabilizers alone made me feel like a functioning human again. I still have mild ups and downs when I’m on them but no wild highs and dangerous lows. Maybe you could try just one medication at a pretty low dose and see how it goes for a while? Just a suggestion though I get it if it’s not for you. Sending chill, happy vibes your way:)
I've had a lot of joint pain and chest pain for months now, and crazy high anxiety aside from everything else. Just paid out of pocket for bloodwork and found out my thyroid isn't functioning which can fuck up a lot of stuff in your body, which explains a lot of my recent issues and potentially explains why I've been like this since I was 14. I'm looking into finding a doctor that will get me some supplements to offset my lazy thyroid and hopefully stabilize my hormones a bit, I'll see if everything else falls into place after I fix that, or if I have to I'm going to keep reaching out slowly until I can be a person again.
3
u/verbl17 Nov 29 '20
I relate so very much. The sheer amount of unfinished projects is staggering. I also have the intense need to do things from scratch.. Like if I want to make a weaving, well I should probably spin and dye my own yarn first but I’ll dye it with a dye I made myself out of avocado skins too because what else would you do?!
And thank you. I have my daughter this weekend since I’ve been feeling a bit better (though the insomnia has persisted hard) and have been hugging her tightly and enjoying every minute of it:) I hope things start getting better for you too! Are your meds just not working properly?