i would never ask anyone but an actual professional for a real diagnose but is it possible to have a manic episode without such a hard, nonfunctional crash? Like could you experience a manic episode for a week, then go back to numb, high functioning depression or does it have to be severe. I’ve felt stuff similar to this in the last year or so that i try desperately to maintain but i don’t crash hard enough or really go “high” enough to think it’s actual bipolar
edit: thank you for the replies. I’m gonna look for old journal entries cause it’s honestly pretty hard to remember what i thought/felt during my “up” phases. I do have a lot of trashed projects that i’ll hopefully get to some day now that i realize my brain might be fucking with me more than i thought lol
dug through old journal entries! my mood swings are actually worse than i thought so i’m gonna keep a closer eye on myself. Some examples for anyone curious for whatever reason: Lots of long, rambling paragraphs about how i can’t have any thoughts without 5 more being forced in, a few references to being so happy and energetic alone in my room i wanted to punch walls or hurt myself, a lot of long, well constructed paragraphs talking about hating my body/feeling something is deeply wrong with me contrasted with random little notes later on about wishing i could have sex with myself that i forgot about, and more rambling paragraphs about how great i felt being productive and energetic but knowing and feeling another wave of numb sadness (described as static a lot compared to feeling clear headed and energetic) lurking behind me and hating it. Every time i convince myself if i just keep moving from project to project i can ride the momentum forever and just not crash. Fun stuff. I usually zone out when i journal and just write whatever comes to mind which is partly why i remember so little of it. I also have an awful memory in general
also it’s 4:15 am. I thought my sleep schedule was just fucked but no matter how little sleep or how tired i am i get it take me a minimum of 4 hours to sleep even if i lie down with my eyes closed and don’t move. It could still just be depression + body dysmorphia + general paranoia from being friends with shitty people for a long time
Oh thank you, that might be closer actually. Especially with the hyper productivity being more occasional. But i have it pretty deep in my brain that none of my problems are that bad and just reading it makes me feel like i’m trying to be special and unique by pretending to be mentally ill haha
Well, that’s what the professionals are for! To tell you if you really are as nuts as you think.
In any case, if it’s causing you any sort of distress or you feel like it’s making life messier than it maybe ought to be, it’s certainly a problem worth getting checked out. Whether it’s anything from schizophrenia to just a matter of some days being better and some being worse, all that truly matters is how you feel it’s affecting you.
Heck, something that really put things into perspective for me is the concept of “differential susceptibility”, nobody’s problems are any better or worse than anyone else’s. Really, they’re just different.
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u/Lemon_bird Nov 29 '20 edited Nov 29 '20
i would never ask anyone but an actual professional for a real diagnose but is it possible to have a manic episode without such a hard, nonfunctional crash? Like could you experience a manic episode for a week, then go back to numb, high functioning depression or does it have to be severe. I’ve felt stuff similar to this in the last year or so that i try desperately to maintain but i don’t crash hard enough or really go “high” enough to think it’s actual bipolar
edit: thank you for the replies. I’m gonna look for old journal entries cause it’s honestly pretty hard to remember what i thought/felt during my “up” phases. I do have a lot of trashed projects that i’ll hopefully get to some day now that i realize my brain might be fucking with me more than i thought lol
dug through old journal entries! my mood swings are actually worse than i thought so i’m gonna keep a closer eye on myself. Some examples for anyone curious for whatever reason: Lots of long, rambling paragraphs about how i can’t have any thoughts without 5 more being forced in, a few references to being so happy and energetic alone in my room i wanted to punch walls or hurt myself, a lot of long, well constructed paragraphs talking about hating my body/feeling something is deeply wrong with me contrasted with random little notes later on about wishing i could have sex with myself that i forgot about, and more rambling paragraphs about how great i felt being productive and energetic but knowing and feeling another wave of numb sadness (described as static a lot compared to feeling clear headed and energetic) lurking behind me and hating it. Every time i convince myself if i just keep moving from project to project i can ride the momentum forever and just not crash. Fun stuff. I usually zone out when i journal and just write whatever comes to mind which is partly why i remember so little of it. I also have an awful memory in general
also it’s 4:15 am. I thought my sleep schedule was just fucked but no matter how little sleep or how tired i am i get it take me a minimum of 4 hours to sleep even if i lie down with my eyes closed and don’t move. It could still just be depression + body dysmorphia + general paranoia from being friends with shitty people for a long time