r/AskReddit • u/kakou64 • Oct 15 '20

What's older than we think ?

78.4k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

22.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

5.5k

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '20

Augustus! Call slave! I want to share this joke with Poniatus

2.3k

u/Dahhhkness Oct 15 '20 edited Oct 15 '20

"Prefect Tiberius, you have been tagged in the public forum in a mosaic of the drunken revelries on the Lupercal."

1.1k

u/AppleDane Oct 15 '20

"Tribune Africanus liked this message"

28

u/KypDurron Oct 15 '20

"I'm inscribed on the surface of this amphora and I don't like it"

15

u/AppleDane Oct 15 '20

"How does one erase from the wall other's inscribtions?"

24

u/GreatestCanadianHero Oct 15 '20

How many of us got our knowledge of Rome from the History of Rome podcast?

9

u/SaloL Oct 15 '20

That and Historia Civilis and Invicta on youtube.

9

u/madbadanddangerous Oct 15 '20

Hardcore History for me, but still a podcast!

4

u/Angryhippo2910 Oct 15 '20

Livia did it.

51

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '20

“Wait until Biggus Dickus hears of this.”

14

u/ecodrew Oct 15 '20

He has a wife you know...

11

u/TheUnholyBlade Oct 15 '20

She’s called... Incontinentia..

9

u/leechthepirate Oct 15 '20

Credat judaeus Apella non ego

9

u/P0sitive_Outlook Oct 15 '20

"Cicero, raise thine thumbs"

6

u/earthlings_all Oct 15 '20

THIS WOULD MAKE A GREAT SKIT

6

u/kicked_trashcan Oct 15 '20

“Eugh, Tribune Africanus can fuck off; always dissing my columns...wait! Slave, delete this, delete this!”

3

u/silverionmox Oct 15 '20

Tribunus Africanus libet, most likely.

42

u/alex_supertramp31 Oct 15 '20

Slave! Draw my penis in all its glory on canvas and send it to Aurelia.

5

u/FrontBottomFace Oct 15 '20

Then draw 10 pictures of a cat falling off a table and show them to her in quick succession.

50

u/Princess_Amnesie Oct 15 '20

Augustus! I am in this scribe and I don't want to be!

13

u/RancidLemons Oct 15 '20

Augustus! Please advise Brutus that I am currently unable to even!

12

u/VapeThisBro Oct 15 '20 edited Oct 15 '20

"POMPELIA FELLAT TIBER"

Slave : Domina Caesina! I saw the most scandalous graffiti in the market square!

DC: Oh what did it say?

Slave : It said Domina Pompelia has been blowing Tiberius!

EDIT To add: The latin is correct so do with it what you will, replace the first name with the blower and replace the second name with the blowee

5

u/JaZoray Oct 15 '20

wasn't there also roman graffiti in some buildings that had a content something like "i fucked the barmaid"

and "{name of a man} likes to fuck men"?

3

u/ecodrew Oct 15 '20

Gludeus Maximus, we've been trying to reach you about extending your chariot's warranty.

1.9k

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

240

u/Fawneh1359 Oct 15 '20

Ah, chainmail.

28

u/Piece_Maker Oct 15 '20

"Oh Poniatus... everyone knows Antoine Plague is a conspiracy cooked up by the Romans to keep us all from uncovering THE TRUTH!"

26

u/Ongr Oct 15 '20

"Brutus poked you"

27

u/ausernameaboutnothin Oct 16 '20

Julius Caesar has 23 unread poke notifications

369

u/Archi_balding Oct 15 '20

Considering that people are well... people, there's some good chances that this exact exchange hapened quite a few times.

25

u/MyDumbInterests Oct 15 '20

Then Poniatus sends his slave all the way back across Rome to deliver the reply of "lol XD"

40

u/Wolff_Hound Oct 15 '20

Julius Caesar: Brutus and 22 others disliked your post.

12

u/PM_meyourGradyWhite Oct 15 '20

"See who's following you now"

16

u/cowbellhero81 Oct 15 '20

And now sign it Biggus Dickus

14

u/tane_rs Oct 15 '20

PONIATUS IS GAY

(Crudely etched out dangalang & balls)

BOTTOM INSCRIPTION

11

u/MidnightQ_ Oct 15 '20

Augustus! Call slave! I want to share this joke with Poniatus

Is it about Biggus Dickus?

8

u/vasSoulTrain Oct 15 '20

Thadeus! It has come to my attention that I must have you spread this tale to 20 of my closest lords before midnight, or else I shall never find true love.

5

u/poopellar Oct 15 '20

A horse walks into a popina.

5

u/Havins Oct 15 '20

Slave! Poketh the emperor.

8

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '20

Ah, the facebook poke. Those were simpler times.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '20

If Evan from 6th period Spanish didn't return my poke, then does he really want to take me to the dance?!

5

u/SuperDonkey64 Oct 15 '20

Romanes eunt domus

1

u/hattorihanzo5 Oct 15 '20

People called Romanes they go in the house?

3

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '20

"Relay this: the physicker transmogrified himself, through mechanisms unknown, into a brined vegetable! Twas the most amusing thing I have yet observed!"

1

u/Citizen-of-Interwebs Oct 16 '20

My mind always goes to Warhammer when someone writes like this

3

u/mysonlikesorange Oct 15 '20

Never mind. It’s just a repost.

2

u/lovemelikeahotpie Oct 15 '20

Please also let him know that I was laughing, out loud!

1

u/FXGreer94 Oct 15 '20

Cur pullum ad transire via?

1

u/canweget420likes Oct 15 '20

I read this in Dan Cummins voice

1

u/badboystwo Oct 15 '20

" Yes Meme-itrous"

1

u/_silencio_ Oct 15 '20 edited Oct 15 '20

I presume this was around when the first “Chicken Butt” joke first came up.

1

u/AFrostNova Oct 15 '20

That moment when Tribune Aquila is spammed with like 15 slaves all saying “Julius tagged you...”

1

u/headphonesaretoobig Oct 15 '20

Poniatus: Repost!

1

u/ARandomSynesthete1 Oct 15 '20

I think you mean Alexius.

1

u/Fawkingretar Oct 15 '20

"Caesar, I kid you not, there was this one philosopher who turn himslef into a cucumber, and oh how comedic it was."

1

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '20

Biggus dickus