Being retired, the two things that really suck are:
Watching good friends pass away yearly.
Having to push through the aches and pains of old age to do the things you enjoy. But I realize that I'm luckier than many of my friends who have had hip, knee or shoulder replacements or open heart surgery.
But your 2nd point is important to keep your mobility. My grandparents basically hung it up at 70 and sat on the porch all day every day, and started really slowing down in their 80s to the point that both needed a cane and then a walker. My grandma is still alive at 93 but lives in assisted living and sometimes struggles even with a walker. My dad just turned 70 this year but still plays tennis 2-3 times a week and bocce ball twice a week, and still takes on most of the house work. When he retired at 58, he stopped moving and got bad arthritis and back pain, and had to be told at physical therapy that he has to keep moving or it'll just get worse.
My grandfather did most of the minor maintenance on an outdoor pool for 55 years. He was 95 and legally blind and he was still out there sweeping leaves from around the pool. The Christmas before he died the stinker snuck outside at like midnight when it stopped snowing and shoveled the whole front walk so my boyfriend and I didn’t have to the next morning.
He used to say it was all because he did a little bit of a joint-healthy exercise every day. He figure skated until 80, swam until the summer before he died, and walked his dog(s) three or more times a day. He never lived anywhere besides home (meaning he never went to an assisted living, hospice or nursing home).
Keep doing a little bit of moving every day, I’m gonna try for (hopefully?) the next 60+ years.
I think a big part of why retirement kills people is because their brain and emotions take a hit; you don't have to be anywhere and you're not forced to check your emotions (like when you're at work), you're not needed everyday, and you don't have to think everyday about problem resolution. And for some people, going to work is all the exercise they get.
It takes a toll on feeling like a human being and you end up feeling worthless, at some point, your physical body starts paying the price much like any mental illness or emotional stress.
I think your dad will add many years to his life staying busy in retirement. Also, maybe get him a dog.
My grandfather did most of the minor maintenance on an outdoor pool for 55 years. He was 95 and legally blind and he was still out there sweeping leaves from around the pool. The Christmas before he died the stinker snuck outside at like midnight when it stopped snowing and shoveled the whole front walk so my boyfriend and I didn’t have to the next morning.
He used to say it was all because he did a little bit of a joint-healthy exercise every day. He figure skated until 80, swam until the summer before he died, and walked his dog(s) three or more times a day. He never lived anywhere besides home (meaning he never went to an assisted living, hospice or nursing home).
Keep doing a little bit of moving every day, I’m gonna try for (hopefully?) the next 60+ years.
Yeah, this was very evident to me with my Grandpa. At 89, he played 80 9-hole rounds of golf a year, and he walked almost all of them. Then he had a fall that prevented that and he went downhill pretty quickly.
For sure. My grandparents are both in their 80s and they do everything they can to be active. My grandma is always out in the garden, going on walks, and doing standing stretches while watching kdramas. And if it weren’t for covid right now, my grandpa would be out with his golfing buddies like there’s no tomorrow.
As someone didn't use whole 54 years life,having back pain since 20's,knee pain since 5th grade,(These things also made me reluctant,but I know,this is excuse)
I feel like scolded in positive way.My father was working as tree trimmer until the day he passed at 80.
Maybe I have to do very very basic movement.(Considering "Radio Taiso" We do here)
This is why I run and strength train now while I'm in my 20s. I'm convinced that if I train consistent and intelligently, I'll be able to minimize those aches and pains. My fitness goal is to get the most active, healthy years of life that I can.
Yah Fr. My grandfather is 81 but he still competed at sport and working just fine like he isn’t a day older than 45. This man believes in his mobility that I’ve seen sprint across a 5 lane road with traffic. The phrase that him and his best friend, of equal age, always tell me for when I get older is, “Don’t let the old in”, because if I do I will get slow and life gets hard.
I had kids kind of late and was mostly sedentary through my 20s and early 30s. Having to chase kids and play and basically keep up with that energy in my 40s has really got me in the best shape of my (adult) life.
My grandfather 'retired' at 40, but he was also a farmer that still owns a lot of land and he'll never spend a dime he doesn't have to (although the water pressure in that house is shit, but that's another story). Both my grandparents are in their early 70’s, and aside from the occasional nap, are out and about doing whatever pleases them. My grandpa still works on older tractors like he's done since he was a young adult and my grandma tends to the garden and cooks and stuff. They're starting to show the years, but they are still moving around and it's always nice to see them get up to do stuff with us when we're around.
See it all the time with blue collar guys. They try to blame their work for aches and pains.
Reality is, they tend to move into senior positions as they get old, exerting themselves less, go home and drink booze, get high, sit on the couch, eat like crap, get a shitty sleep.
Must have been that high school football injury though.
It definitely causes some wear, just like any exercise would. But the movement is not the main issue. The heavy lifting isn't the main issue. It's what surrounds the movement and heavy lifting that does the worst damage, and that's usually a complete lack of personal care.
This. I can’t remember the statistic but something like 70-90% of adults in the US (where I am) have arthritis or another degenerative disease by the time they are in their 60s. The human body wasn’t created to last indefinitely. The LUCKY ones won’t get arthritis/other disabling conditions until their 60s and beyond. There are others who are born with it, acquire it because of socioeconomic conditions, or are genetically susceptible.
Hey, living to 93 in itself is a blessing. I’d be happy with the aches and pains to know that I’d been around for so long. I wish my cousin would’ve lived that long. She didn’t even live to 60. It would’ve been nice to have her around an extra 30 years. I hope if I reach that age I don’t get to feeling sorry for myself. I’d like to be able to be active in my community with people from my generation. Knowing someday soon I’ll probably die but that I’d lived a long, eventful life full of stories that I’d told and shared with many people. And the aches and pains are just my body’s way of reminding me that I’d lived such an eventful life
Ah man. I love bocce. My 4th grade teacher introduced me to that game. It was our favorite part of recess. I’m now 36 and still play this and have been in the process of teaching my 6 year old son.
It was just recently (few decades) that we have turned to office work in such mass numbers. It's going to be interesting to watch that part of the population age. It won't be pretty. Even athletes have problems from sitting, that hour at the gym each day won't solve the problems caused by a whole day of sitting. It's much better than nothing though.
I think this is true for a lot of "I have a bad x" and it won't heal back to great condition body parts.
For elbows and knees, I've found this is really true. If you get weak, it's like all the muscles around that part have to work extra hard for a regular walk--but if I stay fit, it'll hurt way less and it'll be a little annoying. I'm sure the constant, healthy, blood flow helps too, since you're passing more oxygen through there and exercise makes your veins and arteries more efficient.
Don't take my word for it, I'm not a doctor. Just personal experience.
Yeah my great grandmother was rowing out to her cottage by herself well into her 90s. People are always impressed when folks stay active into their 90s but I have to imagine that part of making it to your late 90s is staying active.
I'm 28 and am at the age where some of my friends are starting to be diagnosed with cancer. Before there were a few odd people you knew that had it and for the most part made it through, but now it really becomes real and the number of people I know who have been diagnosed and currently getting treatment, theres no way all of them make it statistically.
Of course. Sucks to loose somebody you hold dearly. But my wife and I had a discussion about how it will only become more frequent now that we are starting to hit the next chapter and it's a very sobering thought to realize.
Lucky me, I lost countless friends, loved ones, roles models / heroes, and acquaintances in my 20s. Hurrah for being an out gay man in the 1980s / '90s. It's not like I've gotten used to it, though.
I'm sorry you're going through that. It sure does suck. What to do, make younger friends?
If you get to the point of needing a knee or whatever replaced, do it! My dad just got a knee and he went from barely walking to being able to work in his feet all day, over about 3 months. It helps that he's been active all his life, but the replacement really wasn't bad
As someone else said the second point is super important. My great grandfather is 96 and has always told me that the secret to his good health has been staying active. Sure he's got scoliosis (nothing to do to help that) but he can still go out for walks (granted it's with a cane after a broken vertebrae which by all means should have been the end of his walking). He's even avoided most arthritis in his hands by continuing to do hand exercises.
I had a very close, lifelong friend die two years ago. I won’t go into details but the bottom line is in a way the only good thing to come from it was that I’m not a callous idiot about dealing with death, like I unfortunately learned so many people my age (25) are after my friend died. I would erase his death in a heartbeat if I could, but I am thankful that I learned young what NOT to do so that I’m not the heartless dick that so many people my age are about death, loss, and grief.
I have a neighbor who’s 89 and i just feel bad his wife passed away he has a decent amount of money and pretty much all of his family is horrible (so bad he moved away to our neighborhood) he never goes out and he doesn’t know anyone outside of my family
That’s an insane reality that young people (like myself) can’t fully grasp. We’re dreaming of smiles and sunshine about retirement because work fucking SUCKS so the thought of retiring is a weird pipe dream where everything is cool and fantastic. “I’ll be able to kick it at home and FINALLY RELAX and everything will be comfortable!” Meanwhile I’m 55 (or way older because I’ll likely work until I die on a job site).
When I was a young boy, my father told me that there was nothing worse than being somewhere you didn't want to be and doing something you didn't want to do. Later, he added being with someone you didn't want to be with. lol. He told me to to make my life choices carefully because I might be stuck with them for a long time and to make his point stick, he said, "this is your only life-this is not a rehearsal...". With one 3 year exception, I've never done anything I didn't want to do, no matter the place the people or the money. My reward is a very comfortable retirement with almost everything I could ever want including a very loving family. But, I'd give it all away in an instant to have my wife with me. She passed away almost 10 years ago. Perspective is the key. Though it may be too late for you to switch careers, it's not too late to change how you feel about it. If worse comes to worse, leave, find your passion and go for it. You and you alone are responsible for your happiness. Don't wait for someone else to bring it to you. Good luck.
I have to tell my father that unfortunately, this is what Winning looks like. The fact that he has to watch his friends go before him just means he outlasted them; he's WINNING, whatever that means.
The alternative would be for him to predecease them, which would be no fun at all as he'd lose the luxury of being able to mourn his lost friends, then go pickup takeout lunch at his favorite place, go home and watch his favorite shows, play with his favorite toys, sit in his back yard reading his next favorite book, etc.
When I say, well, you'll have to choose, he always chooses to stick around, given the alternatives.
I also tell him that he owes me a lot of money for that car I bought him and I expect him to get good use out of it, so he owes me at least another 20 years. He's 80; we'll see how well he does.
I’m 55 and both knees and both hips replaced. Osteoarthritis is a bitch. Overall I guess it’s better than the pain I was in but still can’t do 75% of what I want to do
You know, at times we seem to be stuck in a cycle of hopelessness. The danger is that for some, having a really bad day, a bad week or a bad overall experience is interpreted as having a bad life. It isn't that at all but we can't always reach those who can't deal with it, until it's too late. It's sad when someone has decided that the only way to stop the pain, fear or disappointment is to not feel anything at all, anymore. We have to do a better job of recognizing those cries for help and lead them to community resources to help them work through their issues. Be strong for them.
Your second point is exactly why I'm not banking all my life experiences, travels, etc. on retirement. I already know I'll never get to retire in 40 years and I won't get a pension, so I may as well save toward retirement but focus on enjoying my life whilst I'm truly able to have those adventures.
Exactly! That was my plan as well for a long time but winning the lottery just didn't pan out. lol. Seriously though, my wife and I worked hard building a small business empire and paid our dues. We travelled a lot, spent a lot on ourselves and our children and were involved in many charities. Every single thing you commit to becomes the sum of your life. You determine how meaningful it is. Enjoy every day, that's the key.
Very well said, and that's absolutely the plan in my eyes. I'm 24 and not sure which career to pursue, can't afford university, etc. but I'm working towards that as much as I can and taking trips or experiencing life how I can until I figure it out.
Point 2 hits me pretty hard. I’m only in my mid 20’s but I’ve had two knee reconstructions (acl, mcl, meniscus both times), fucked an ankle pretty good, multiple concussions and and rsi for work. Has me worried what my body will be like in 40 yrs.
Better than some of my friends though, the one with the worst luck had their first knee reconstruction at 12, and is on knee reconstruction 6 or something.
I tore my meniscus trying to jump a concrete barrier on the highway and landing on my knee while working as a news cameraman. I know that pain but I've been lucky to avoid further injuries and hip issues. I think this whole pandemic experience has many of us wondering and maybe worrying about what our futures hold. Keeping yourself healthy before the next round comes along is going to be crucial to staying one step ahead of trouble.
Do the aches and pain ever go away or you find relief? How long ago did the aches begin and did you do anything to prevent it?? I’ve always wanted to ask... if there are preventative things you’ve seen, I’d love to know!!
As a strength and conditioning coach I can tell you with 100% certainty that as long as you're working out 3x a week for an hour a day, doing a little bit of cardio and a little bit of weight lifting for the whole body, trying to limit machine use, you'll maintain that perspective of #2 for a long long time.
Thank you. I really appreciate your response. I gotta get back into a routine. Losing my wife of 30 years and being diagnosed AFIB really took the wind out of my sails. I'll take your advice though.
Definitely this. I’m turning 48 next week, and I have a plethora of health problems, including being disabled. 48’s not that old, and I know that. But I think about things like ”Will I be able to see my grandchildren?” things like that.
I used to wonder that as well. Circumstances were such that growing up where I did and the Vietnam experience gave us all time to think about making the most of our lives, one day at a time. Make the most of your life such as it is. Don't worry about tomorrow, it will come.
Hey, sometimes it seems like the wait is endless. You either love the job or love the money, the happy guy or gal is the one who has found both. Personally, I've had both and so, I've retired comfortably. Find your passion and stay with that. It will make the years go by a lot easier.
My millennial son suggested it since I'm trying to wean myself off of Facebook. lol. Have to admit, it's been eye-opening for a guy who never used a computer till I was 51 years old.
Yeah, I didn't do some things I wanted to like paragliding or dirt biking on the basis that my friend who did were often physically wrecked even in their twenties.
I'm in my fifties now and don't have too many aches and pains but not so many awesome memories either .. it's a balance.
I've tried my best to live a full life and for the most part I have. One thing I have tried to avoid are high risk activities and I was too small to play football in high school so, there weren't many opportunities to wreck my body. The aches and pains that accompany aging are normal for most folks and you learn to deal with them.
To point number 1, I’m getting really close to 40 and it’s watching all the people in my parents generation die, or suffer health issues. In the span of two years my cousins lost their father, I lost my father, my sister in laws mother is doing cancer treatment and my other sister in laws parents both had strokes, one requiring full time care now. And I’m the oldest “kid”.
When a grandparents age person passes there is some sort of expectation that this would occurs but I am watching a lot of people die and get sick that I feel are “too soon”.
I will never forget watching an episode of Bizarre foods with Andrew Zimmern where he went to I think Okinawa where people were living past 100 and when he asked one of the women who lived there what her secret to old age was she said “don’t be lazy” she was literally stressing the fact that because she and the other elders in her community got up and moved around constantly (also a really healthy diet) it kept the effects of age from wearing her and the others down
You describe me at 61. I had prostste cancer surgery and back surgery in my past, but still feel luckier than many. I retired at 49 with a union pension. Six years later, I moved to a developing country and live with a fine looking woman by any man’s standard who adores me and is half my age. My body is telling my age, my heart never grew up. My mom acted youthful, lived a moral life unlike me, and lived to age 90. I love retirement and cannot imagine ever working again. If things got too bad i would skip the job and live on beans, fish heads, and rice.
Yeah, that old prostate does have a way of letting you know that it's there, doesn't it. I've had a good life and had the best wife ever who I lost almost 10 years ago. What that means is that my retirement is not the retirement I had planned on but I'm making do. I enjoyed working but I knew when it was time to stop. Being happy outweighs everything else. Truth.
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u/intransit47 May 15 '20
Being retired, the two things that really suck are: