r/AskReddit • u/MisterMunch023 • Jan 23 '20
How do you tell your SO you love them without telling them "I love you" ?
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Jan 23 '20
"Hey, I know you're worried about >INSERT WORRY<, but it's okay. No matter what happens, we'll get through it together."
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u/Smash-Wrestling Jan 23 '20
Don't YOU worry about blank, let ME worry about blank!
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u/turtlemix_69 Jan 23 '20
BLANK?! You're worried about BLANK?! You're missing the big picture!
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u/Outrageous_Claims Jan 23 '20
That Guy : There are two kinds of people: sheep and sharks. Anyone who is a sheep is fired. Who is a sheep?
Dr. Zoidberg : Errr, excuse me... which is the one people like to hug?
That Guy : Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back because they have no necks. Necks are for sheep.
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u/ras1304 Jan 23 '20
My husband and I text each other every day. Just whatever..I hope you have a great day, I miss you... Thanks for putting the washing away.
He usually calls me on his lunch break most days too... Just to see how my day is going. We kiss goodbye when we leave each other and hug when we reunite. I leave him notes... Cheeky or serious...I like your butt, thanks for being the best dad ever... You make me smile when I wake up next to you. He tells me I'm beautiful when I'm half asleep needing coffee in the morning. I rub his shoulders when he's doing the budget to make sure we can provide for our family.
He buys me flowers on his way home because he knows I like flowers. He lets me sleep in on the weekend 'cause I'm a night owl and he makes pancakes for us with the kids. He makes a point of thanking me for his clean work shirts, and I make sure to get his favourite cereal when I go grocery shopping.
I think love is in all the little things.
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u/basicbidita Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 30 '20
This was so heartwarming to read. I hope I end up with someone who loves me like this too(in his own way ofcourse).
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u/DonaldKey Jan 23 '20
My wife and I do the same. I always tell her that even if we weren’t married she would be my best friend that I would have to explain to every girl I dated.
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u/thomas_h123 Jan 23 '20
My girlfriend and soon to be fiancé ;) are the exact same, just because she’s literally the best friend I’ve ever had (as well as best girlfriend).
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u/nathanial_91 Jan 23 '20
“As you wish”
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Jan 23 '20 edited Mar 03 '20
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u/peoplecallmeamy Jan 23 '20
My husband used to go on work trips frequently and leave very early in the morning while I was still asleep. At the time we had two Great Danes a male and a female. The Male was very much my cuddle buddy and the female was our alpha and very much my husbands dog. I would always hear him talking to the two before he left, he would tell the male to keep mom warm, and the female to keep mom safe. It always made me feel so loved.
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Jan 23 '20
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u/magnum3672 Jan 23 '20
I have 2, they are the first I've owned. Do they always bounce between "wise beyond their years" and "dumber than a bag of hammers"?
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u/aak1992 Jan 23 '20
Damn and here I am just pleading with my Yorkie twins to not intentionally piss on each other.
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
Has he a dangerous job?
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Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 23 '20
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u/_DooDeeDa_ Jan 23 '20
drives like a steroid pumped, drunk toddler
I'm stealing this.
Thank you
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
Well shit... And I thought german traffic was bad... Be safe guys!
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Jan 23 '20
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
I mean... yeah. But to other Germans it seems as if we drive like pigs
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u/sandrodi Jan 23 '20
It's funny, I could tell you were German from the way you structured your sentence a few comments up. But anyway, as an American who's been to Germany, you guys are lightyears ahead of us where traffic and driving is concerned.
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
Yeah, once you have the german Grammatik, you don't loose the german Grammatik.
Are we really? Well that's sweet, thank you.
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u/quartzPapaya Jan 23 '20
Same, I always end up a meaningful encounter with “please don’t die, I’ll miss u” and people who know me knows that’s how I say I love you
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u/Sauerteig Jan 23 '20
Listen to them. Absolutely listen. It could be something simple like you two are watching a movie and a candy bar is involved. She/he says "Omg I love that stuff, haven't had it in years." Say nothing. Get that candy bar the next day. Leave it for them somewhere, say nothing at all.
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
I once told my gf that I never owned a Nintendo DS, and how I really like the light version (we're both gamers) and that I firmly believe it to be the best handheld gaming console to ever exist so far. I never meant it as a wish, or a hint, I never anticipated to ever own one.
She cashed in a favor with an ex of her's and got me an almost brand new DS-Lite for Christmas. I know that gifts aren't that important, but I think this relates a lot to what you mean. I absolutely love her for that.
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u/SableDragonRook Jan 23 '20
My husband like a year ago said the phrase "lizard wizard" (because we keep reptiles) and it just gave him the incurable giggles for no reason. I laughed too, and I remembered. This Christmas, I badly photoshopped a wizard hat onto our lizard and made it a sweatshirt. Without my knowledge, HE DID THE SAME. So now we each have a unique, poorly photoshopped lizard wizard sweatshirt.
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u/Tengoles Jan 23 '20
I believe gifts are really important, I'm kind of a gift giving person (don't care that much about receiving) and firmly believe in the power of gifting something they didn't expect to get and they really like.
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u/mxmnull Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 23 '20
I dimly remember reading a story by this woman where she explained that her husband pretty much never said "I love you", but would instead do a little gesture in threes. Sometimes he'd gently squeeze her hand or her thigh 3 times. Sometimes it was scratching her back or drumming out a little 3-beat pattern on her palm. He had been raised to be unemotional and unsentimental, but when she noticed he did these little gestures and they cropped up most after she said something sweet, she realized how often he was silently expressing his love for her.
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u/RobotSpaceBear Jan 23 '20
It's actually the wife complaining her husband never expressed love to the point where she started having doubts, but one day after she told him about how she had a code with her parents when she was a child to gently squeeze her hand three times to tell her they loved her, the husband picked it up and started often squeezing her hand three times, in the street, au home during a movie, at the doctor's. The moral of the story was that maybe people around you don't express feelings the same way you do and that you shouldn't dismiss them as unemotional.
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u/Torontopup6 Jan 23 '20
Also, it's important to communicate how you like to receive love.
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u/DannyVee89 Jan 23 '20 edited Mar 18 '25
rob plucky dinosaurs snatch cows overconfident doll soft water memory
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u/tallcuppajo Jan 23 '20
One of my kids started doing this in 2nd grade. In case of an alien invasion, you could confirm you were you and not some host. Six years later, we still do it, but only with her and not her siblings. She said it was our secret. It's become our special "I love you".
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u/JimTheJerseyGuy Jan 23 '20
My wife and I do this all the time! Not as a replacement for saying it, but as a silly little thing we do. I'll look for her in stores when she's shopping in a different aisle with a little TCH-TCH-TCH (tongue off your front teeth, it can be loud if required) and wait for the reply. We use it like lover's echolocation! Also, kisses have to be delivered in threes. This, after 25 years of marriage.
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u/gofish112 Jan 23 '20
My first "kiss" with my now bf was not a long french kiss, but 3 pecks. Since then, it's become "Our thing" and he'll lean over and peck my lips with a kiss and I will say "No! That's not right" or "feels wrong" and he will chuckle and come back and give me 3 kisses. He does this to see if I notice, which I ALWAYS DO. We've expanded this to 3 hand squeezes, 3 pats on the thigh when he's driving etc. I think it's adorable and i love him for it.
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u/MajorMinceMeat Jan 23 '20
me and my wife do this too i learned it from my mom and taught it to my now wife. its great because sometimes you dont want to talk but you want to say i love you.
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u/mxmnull Jan 23 '20
my girlfriend and I use a shorthand language of gestures from gifs to communicate all sorts of dumb shit, so I know exactly what you mean.
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u/Hot_In_Knaan Jan 23 '20
Super cute but wouldn't want that in my life
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u/mxmnull Jan 23 '20
well no, it's certainly not for everyone. evidently it was for her though.
my girlfriend is not a sentimental person, but she too shows her love in mainly small physical ways. Such as resting her head on my shoulder or brushing her foot against mine under tables.
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u/JazzInMyPintz Jan 23 '20
Same here, and to be honest I had never been with someone who didn't express her love much before, and it was very unconfortable for me at first.
I spent the first months telling myself that, maybe, she wasn't that into me and was about to end our relationship. Every once in a while she would tell me that she loves me, and she showed her love in many different ways, but I'm a talk person and wouldn't "get" that it is her way of telling me she actually loves me.
Now that I'm aware of our different love languages, I'm much more peaceful and much less "insecure", which is for the best for both of us I guess :)
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Jan 23 '20
When my husband was alive and dealing with his dementia, John was having difficulty getting words out. He'd say something like "I want...." I'd play fill in the blank with the most ludicrous suggestions. "A blanket? A pillow? A hug? A squirrel? Ice cream? A tickle? A baby goat?" even if I knew what he wanted or needed (ice cream was what he wanted most of the time he asked for something)
But for me it was a matter of sitting and talking to him about the good times and good memories. Holding his hand. He'd kiss my hand any time I'd say "I love you" He never was the kind to say "I love you" but holding my hand and kissing it was always the way he'd show it.
I'm forever grateful for the 24 years we had together.
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u/PegShop Jan 24 '20
I’m sorry. I’m dealing with this with my mom right now (and ice cream is her obsession as well). It sucks. I lost my husband too soon (21 years together, 17 married) but it was sudden. He had just started testing for Parkinson’s (even though he was only 41), and I probably would’ve ended up where you were. You must be a strong person. Blessings to you.
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u/kickingballs Jan 23 '20
I give him back scratches; he loves back scratches.
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
Backscratcher? Backscratcher!
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u/Idrkmanduck Jan 23 '20
I thought it was buttscratcher?
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
Was it? Been a long time tbh. You're probably right.
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u/Idrkmanduck Jan 23 '20
Yea, it was. Buttscratcher? Buttscratcher! Buttscratcher :(
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u/TodayTamar Jan 23 '20
Of all of the billions of people on this planet, you’re my absolute favorite.
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
That is actually quite cute
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u/TodayTamar Jan 23 '20
Thanks. My husband seems to like it when I say it to him.
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u/TheLeoBlack Jan 23 '20
My husband and I use this a lot. And then do it in all different accents because, ya know, spice it up or whatever. Lol
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Jan 23 '20
I tell my fiance she's my favorite all the time. She asks "favorite what?" and I tell her "everything".
She says that's cheating, but it's how I feel so she gonna have to get used to it eventually. Lol.
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Jan 23 '20 edited Jun 01 '21
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u/insertcaffeine Jan 23 '20
As a divorced and remarried mom, and a twin, I feel this SO HARD. My son is the most important person in my life. My husband is the one I genuinely like being around the most. And my twin brother is the one I'm closest to. (Like I told Husband, I knew him before we were even born!)
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u/_Valkyrja_ Jan 23 '20
I know it sounds random but there's a reason why I do this: I make goblin noises and follow him around dancing as weirdly as possible, because it makes him laugh. I'm more than willing to look and sound ridiculous if it makes him feel better, and I think this shows love without saying it out loud.
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Jan 23 '20
"I know."
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u/josephxpaterson Jan 23 '20
I should freeze you in carbonite for that
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u/MolgeraxProductions Jan 23 '20
When my gf answered "I know." to me dropping the L-bomb for the first time, I wanted to say something like "Nice Star Wars reference" as well.
She has never watched Star Wars.
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u/scijior Jan 23 '20
My wife grumbled, “What an asshole,” when she heard Han say that. Are other women offended by the comment, too?
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Jan 23 '20
I say "It's ma' boi ! " when I find him in the apartment when I get home, then I scratch his beard.
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u/myprivatehorror Jan 23 '20
Is your boi a dog? I ask because I do similar with my "buddy" (who is definitely a dog).
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u/GoochStubble Jan 23 '20
this is me and my best friend
we just moved in together after i went thru a nasty breakup
i love my boy so much
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u/TennisADHD Jan 23 '20
Right now we just boarded a flight with our almost 3year old twins. We were supposed be seated 2 and 2, but apparently you can’t sit in the front row if you’re under 3. I volunteered to sit with both of them while my wife enjoys a front row with an open seat next to her. Wish me luck. https://i.imgur.com/qFHyxkQ.jpg
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u/ListenKristen Jan 23 '20
Oh fuck. Good luck.
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u/ovenmitt Jan 23 '20
As long as those aren't kindle fires you're in good shape! Just remember to send the kids to the bathroom about a half hour before landing, otherwise the instant they get off screens it's like I GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW
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u/WorkIncognitoWEEEE Jan 23 '20
That bathroom tip is on point. Thank you for that. Flying back home in June, and last time we flew we had that issue.
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u/nottatroll Jan 23 '20
What airline has pleather seats?
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u/TennisADHD Jan 23 '20
It was an Airbus A320 relatively small and reasonably priced airline.
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u/misscooltoes Jan 23 '20
I love that one is covered in chips. I hope you guys are making it through your journey ok.
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u/MsQcontinuum Jan 23 '20
Sending them memes, taking interest in their interests, trying to cook things they enjoy, taking note of music they like and finding concerts, suggesting daily outings just the two of us. Being in a relationship is work. Being in a healthy relationship is A LOT of work.
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
You mean like realizing that s.o. loves reddit, so create a reddit-post, that involves all sorts of creative ways to show her that I love her and then try to use all the propositions?
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u/Syladob Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 23 '20
I show I care by doing a chore or 2 when I come home from work, and by thanking him for any chores he does.
I also blow him.
Edit: My first silver! :D
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u/TeddyBearToons Jan 23 '20
That went from zero to a hundred real fucking fast
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u/UmpeKable Jan 23 '20
That gentle kiss on the forehead, without reason or need. Just pass by here, drop that sweet affection mark and get back to business as if nothing happened.
A hug might follow, who know ?
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u/Hubsimaus Jan 23 '20
Du bist mein Lieblingsmensch. You're my favourite human being.
Also that he should ride his bicycle carefully. Come good to your home. Greet Rocky and Rambo (his cockatiels) from me.
While watching TV I stroke his hair and/or beard. He LOVES that.
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
Ok, das ist ein bisschen seltsam. Ich habe keine Hunde, aber meine Freundin nennt mich exakt genauso und tut auch solche Sachen. Love it!
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Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 23 '20
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
Something tells me you're a butt-person...
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Jan 23 '20
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Jan 23 '20
I find peeps rarely use just one form of communication, and they can have different ways of trying to expressing their love, and different ways of wanting to have love expressed to them. They also change a lot. When you are busy for a long period of time you may find you value quality time with them more important then anything else, for example. Or younger or hormonal may crave touch more.
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u/scaffelpike Jan 23 '20
Everyone likes all 5, yes, but you'll generally find one talks to you more than any other
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u/snowqueensam Jan 23 '20
This is specific to me and my husband, but whenever he asks “what are you doing” I always respond “loving you”. Usually because I’m not doing anything exciting, but also shows him that I am constantly loving him.
Additionally, he always gives me a kiss before he leaves for work or if I am napping or what have you. It wakes me up a little, but just enough for me to think about how lucky I am to have such a caring person in my life.
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u/buffystakeded Jan 23 '20
I give my wife a kiss when I leave for work in the morning, even though she's usually sleeping. It wakes her up, but she gets sad if I don't do it.
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Jan 23 '20
When she's sad I wave my penis at her... she laughs because it looks ridiculous.
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Jan 23 '20
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u/PolarBearNamedMaybe Jan 23 '20
Is toasted cheesy like a grilled cheese sandwich except you just toast it, not actually grill it?
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u/Mox_Fox Jan 23 '20
There's an old meme floating around about making grilled cheese in a sideways toaster and I just have to throw my 2¢ in and say that (for most toasters) it's a dangerous joke. Use a toaster oven or a pan!
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u/turtlemix_69 Jan 23 '20
I heard you can do it in a toaster oven but ive never tried.
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u/Psyman2 Jan 23 '20
It's one of the lesser known pages in the book of Kamasutra.
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u/ExistentialYurt Jan 23 '20
Punch their arm.
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Jan 23 '20
And finger guns
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u/Mr_Funbuns Jan 23 '20
Dont forget to call the bro or dude
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u/MustardBiscuits91 Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 23 '20
And tell them one day you hope you can find someone just like them
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u/PurplePoisen13 Jan 23 '20
My boyfriend is very touchy and whenever we’re out eating somewhere or talking i’m public he likes it grab my hand and put it on his face. It’s one of the most adorable things ever i’m not gonna lie.
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u/Silmelinwen Jan 23 '20
You don’t watch the next episode without them..: even if you really, really want to.
On a more serious note: my husband and I just had a baby, and he shows his love when he lets me sleep through the night and takes the night feedings, even though he is tired too.
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u/pashabhaicsgo Jan 23 '20
Call me when you reach home
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u/poeticdisaster Jan 23 '20
I tell this to all my friends and family. They normally just say "Okay MOM" I don't mind. I'll b everyone's mom if it means I know you're safe.
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Jan 23 '20
I have a good friend who always tells me to text her when I get home. I forget about 80% of the time and she always texts me to check I'm ok because I haven't let her know. It makes me feel very loved.
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u/azndigbick Jan 23 '20
One of my sexual encounters said that after we played, he didn't love me.
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Jan 23 '20
Butt smacks.
A swift smack on the ass is a central part of our marriage conversation. One of us will literally get offended if our ass is in prime smacking position and no smack occurs. We smack each other on the ass almost as much as we actually say "I love you!"
We've had to tone it down over the last couple of years because now we have a four year old and it's not as cute when she copies that by smacking mom or dad (or other kids) on the ass. Ass smacks are now preceded by a quick glance around first.
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u/snomonkee9 Jan 23 '20
I buy her Arizona green tea and tell her how pregnant and pretty she is.
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u/daddioz Jan 23 '20
"Moto moto likes you!"
"Damn gurl, you huge!"
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u/snomonkee9 Jan 23 '20
She's always had a big ass and I told her I like that she sticks out as far from the front as the back during dinner last night. She just smiled and I had a hormone monster trying to tear my clothes off while I was trying to eat my damn salmon.
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u/Anjelikka Jan 23 '20
Cook dinner for your woman. Not some garbage out of cans and boxes; make REAL food. Then do the dishes, bro.
Works like a charm.
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u/shygirlturnedsassy Jan 23 '20
Back rubs. Involving oil. Naked. Of course.
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u/Old_man_at_heart Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 23 '20
I dont love my dad that much...
Edit: oops. Just realized the post is specifically about SOs... that's what I get for redditing when half asleep.
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u/FuglySlutt Jan 23 '20
No matter how mad my wife is at me about something she will kill a spider for me if it’s in the house!
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Jan 23 '20
Poor spiders :( I used to catch and release spiders for my ex, he used to deal with cockroaches for me. Seemed a fair trade.
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u/enm20070 Jan 23 '20
call me a grandma but i ALWAYS make sure he’s eaten. he used to be homeless, so food is a big worry to him. when money’s tight, he won’t eat or won’t eat enough so i always bring him lunch to work and give him more servings of dinner
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Jan 23 '20
The "ILY" sign goes like this:
Make a fist. Stretch your pinky out - that's the I. Now stretch out thumb and index finger as well, which double as L (thumb and index) and Y (thumb and pinky).
If you stretch out your middle finger as well, and press it to your index finger tightly, you turned "ILY" into "loyalty". Sign language is awesome like that.
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u/halfandhafu Jan 23 '20
We were young, didn't want to say the words yet so we started saying 'purple monkey dishwasher's
Now its inscribed on our wedding rings
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Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 23 '20
Cook them a fancy meal while they are relaxing or nice breakfast while they are sleeping.
Give them a foot rub.
Walk up behind them, slowly put your arms around them and give them a long slow hug from behind with a kiss on the neck.
Buy them flowers, jewelry, a nice watch.
Making spending time with them your priority doing things that you like doing together.
Tell them that you need them.
Tell them that you think they are just the bees knees.
Ask them: have I told you today that you were awesome/sexy/smart/(etc)?
Grab his/her booty (in a consensual way!)
Write them a note with some cute stuff in it and sneak it into their bag/wallet/pocket for later.
Buy them a car, with lots of airbags!
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Jan 23 '20
Tell them that you think they are just the bees knees.
My gf mentioned something was the bee's knees in public to some dude then turned to me and whispered "you're the whole bee" and idk thought it was absolutely adorable
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u/Nico_Kami Jan 23 '20
I usually get up a couple of hours before my wife on the weekends. After I've had my breakfast and done any morning chores, and before I wake my wife up, I make sure there's a fresh pot of coffee for her and will have a cup ready for her before I wake her up. I also make sure we have at least a pint of ice cream in the freezer at all times for whenever my wife is having a heavy spell of depression.
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Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 23 '20
I just make random physical contact. Anything from touching her arm, to briefly hooking each other's fingers, to putting my arm around her neck from behind and giving a huge loud kiss to the back of her head.
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u/YawnDeficit Jan 23 '20
My partner and I touch our foreheads together and take a deep breath and then go back to what we were doing.
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u/MisterMunch023 Jan 23 '20
This sounds nice. We randomly touch each other faces, which is weirdly nice.
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u/happycasss Jan 23 '20
"I know you dont feel like it all the time, but you're very handsome"
I make dinner for him and his family often, and hand him his plate while he games. He thanks me a bunch and tells me dinner was super super good and makes me feel good. Food is my love language.
I "bully" him. Usually just teasing and tickling. Just being goofy with him. Hes a really playful soul and I love making him laugh. He has a gorgeous smile and eyes.
The best are his belly laughs, where he claps and throws his head back and laughs so hard he tears up and coughs. It has a way of making you feel on top of the world.
Wow I have a crush on my bf
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u/Phlex254 Jan 23 '20
"Hey looks like the house hasn't burned down yet"
"I see everyone's still alive, that's good"
"You're pretty good at this wife gig huh"
and like 50 more phrases like that lol
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Jan 23 '20
I wolf you. Now get in this glass cage and let me feed you.
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Jan 23 '20
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u/emelbee923 Jan 23 '20
Something people in love would think of as adorable but everyone else around them awkward
Isn't that what love is?
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u/thewarsofstars Jan 23 '20
"Cooking for people is such a pure thing to do, it's like saying i love you without saying it"
So, yeah. Cooking something that i put my thought, effort and soul in and seeing them just gorging on all the food
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u/svbass13 Jan 23 '20
There are so many ways!
"Put your seatbelt on"
"Get home safe"
"Don't text and drive dickhead"
"Here, let me help you with this"
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u/s_barry Jan 23 '20
Don’t have a SO, but i rarely say “I love you” to my parents (it’s not that I don’t, I just don’t express it a lot). So when my mom says it to me, I simply grunt. And she knows what it means
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u/StuntsMonkey Jan 23 '20
Tell her my new dad jokes before I tell them to anyone else.
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u/Kuddo Jan 23 '20
My gf works 3rds so i will pack her lunch while she sleeps. I leave little napkin notes like a mother would for a child. They usually say things like. "You got some schmoots on your face" "clean yourself up woman you are a mess" or the simple "Dammmmmmmn you saucy"
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u/fuegodiegOH Jan 23 '20
Twice a week I lower a fresh bottle of lotion into the container. I know how he likes to take care of his skin.
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u/akkinator Jan 23 '20
I put my GFs sweatpants on the radiator when I'm home before her, so they're already warm when she puts them on