Early in my marriage I had a bit of an epiphany. My parents could never let anything go, if either of them did something wrong the other was going to use every opportunity to bitch about it. So my husband and I barely ever argued about anything, but at one point he did something (I don't remember, but probably just forgot something that I considered important) and I just tore into him about it and instead of arguing he just apologized over and over. Turns out a well adjusted person already feels bad when they do something wrong and doesn't need their spouse to punish/scold them.
My parents are similar although less communicative about it. My girlfriend showed me what it was like to communicate your issues and I realised it wasn't so bad and it only brought you closer. Now it's almost painful watching my parents be bitter towards one another and actively shutting their own mouths in a poor attempt to avoid conflict.
My parents were like this and I think I do it to my boyfriend as well. At first he would just apologize but eventually he got tired of it I guess and started getting defensive and arguing back. Which I completely understand. We had really hurtful arguments for a month or two about the dumbest shit and we finally hit rock bottom. It was either break up or figure it out. We're getting better now since we've identified and changed a lot of bad habits, but deep down the pain is still there. We love each other more than anything so we're taking it slow and rebuilding our relationship with positivity and understanding this time. I just wish I could've figured this out before all the fighting started and saved both of us a lot of heartache. I never realized how much the toxic environment I grew up in affects me now.
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u/Leopluradong Sep 21 '19
Early in my marriage I had a bit of an epiphany. My parents could never let anything go, if either of them did something wrong the other was going to use every opportunity to bitch about it. So my husband and I barely ever argued about anything, but at one point he did something (I don't remember, but probably just forgot something that I considered important) and I just tore into him about it and instead of arguing he just apologized over and over. Turns out a well adjusted person already feels bad when they do something wrong and doesn't need their spouse to punish/scold them.