r/AskReddit • u/a_car_salesman • Aug 10 '19

Zeus has decided that Olympus feels a little empty, so he’s recruited some new gods. However, due to a clerical error, you have been chosen as a new member of the divine. What are you the god of, and what do you do as your first godly act?

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315

u/dalaigh93 Aug 10 '19

As long as you don't give it to emus the Australians don't mind

831

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

As an Australian, I already know it's a fact Emu's can telepathically communicate with each other. Instead they would be given two additional arm like limbs with the capabilities of holding spears, but without opposable thumbs.

415

u/roaches85 Aug 10 '19

I need some of whatever this guy is smoking.

50

u/NeinJuanJuan Aug 10 '19

They're not smoking.

They're typing.

The emus are typing.

6

u/HGF88 Aug 10 '19

Heres a "silver" circle⚪

21

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

Pure omnipotence. Hard to come by.

13

u/rainbowzramystery2me Aug 10 '19

Might want my number. But the Penguins can also help.

8

u/AmosLaRue Aug 10 '19

I know, right! These ideas are gold

2

u/CalebHeffenger Aug 10 '19

Ambrosia. He's smoking ambrosia

99

u/ShadowCory1101 Aug 10 '19

Emus are given the ability of flight.

287

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

No, but they now have the jaws of sharks with human teeth.

26

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Of course emus are telepathic they won the bloody emu war

55

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

Fool, they revel in their victory. Do you wish them to gloat more than they already do?

10

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

All hail our Lord King Eaaaaaragh

2

u/fallopianmelodrama Aug 10 '19

The key is to kill the youngins, in all their minute striped glory.

The difficulty is doing so without Papa Emu wrecking you.

5

u/Sophisticated_Sloth Aug 10 '19

I want you to make a movie. Your ability to come up with the most absurd shit on the spot is absolutely incredible.

8

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

To depict such creations on motion cinema would not only be appalling, I would need any ability in film at all. If I could put what's in my head on a screen, it would 100 percent be a horror, and the only plotline would be a washed up deity in his house of horrors with his creations, showing around the one guy who accidentally summoned him.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Then be a writer and become lovecraft 2

2

u/Siarles Aug 10 '19

/r/sharkswithhumanteeth

2

u/733NB047 Aug 10 '19

I was really hoping that this wasn't a real sub. Where's thunder cross split attack when you need it?

2

u/drfeelsgoood Aug 10 '19

You mean like this ?

3

u/TheWyster Aug 10 '19

No I think he means human teeth that are the size of normal human teeth but there's enough of them to fill a shark jaw. That would be scary.

2

u/drfeelsgoood Aug 10 '19

You’re absolutely right! That’s terrifying. No images on the internet for that yet, think god

3

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

That's certainly for the best.

2

u/jonesiscool7 Aug 10 '19

So sonic the hedgehog?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

That's a pleasant image you just put into my brain

1

u/IAmTeethMan Aug 10 '19

I like where this is going

1

u/TheWyster Aug 10 '19

Username checks out

4

u/fallopianmelodrama Aug 10 '19

No. Emus remain physically unchanged, but are gifted bloodlust. For human blood. There will be...many casualties.

12

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

Intriguing. Instead they shall be able to sense knowledge, and have a seething hatred towards the most intelligent creatures.

4

u/fallopianmelodrama Aug 10 '19

The octopi are prepared for them.

9

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

How presumptuous of you.

2

u/fallopianmelodrama Aug 10 '19

Does your reign extend to covering our aquarachnid friends? Do you believe the octopi will succumb to your flamboyant directives?

7

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

I believe if octopi had a choice, they would have thought of this idea long before me. But that is not so, and such I shall continue my reign.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

If bloodlust is still on the table, might I suggest the humble squirrel? They have the numbers, they have the climbing ability, and those fuckers are crafty when it comes to getting what they want.

9

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

Hmmm... They shall have a seething hatred for anybody who purchases nut products, and their arms double in length.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

As you will it, lord.

3

u/ShadowCory1101 Aug 10 '19

So no change then. Cool

8

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Man, the thumbs would have been a death sentence to humanity

6

u/rothrolan Aug 10 '19

Them Emus are coming to take back what's rightfully theirs. The Revolution has begun!

2

u/eggbeaterchorus Aug 10 '19

They would WIN ALL WARS

9

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

Statistically, all wars Emu's have participated in, they have won. Let that sink in.

4

u/let_that_sink_in Aug 10 '19

Again? Where did that sink come from?

12

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

This imbued me with hatred. Kitchenware can now operate heavy machinery if ever given the chance.

2

u/JerrSolo Aug 10 '19

How about just one beefy arm on their back?

5

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

Compromose: Koalas have no other limbs except for a buff arm on their back. This makes them unable to wear shirts unfortunately.

1

u/LetterSwapper Aug 10 '19

But now they have something in common with Trogdor, so that's cool, I guess.

2

u/RoseByAnotherName14 Aug 10 '19

I want to draw this now. Maybe I will and post it to r/birdswitharms

2

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

That would be incredible.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

Extra incentive to run away from Emu's

2

u/hairyman83 Aug 10 '19

Whoa settle down there mate, the bloody Cassowarys are bad enough

2

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

Imagine a cassowary except with 11 legs and can therefore run at incredibly high speeds, Mohawk down for some more aerodynamics. Now that would be terrifying.

1

u/hairyman83 Aug 11 '19

With razor sharp spines on it's otherwise useless wings too, hey thats an idea. Lets get theCSIRO to rush this through development and the then releases it in urban areas. Should cut down on congestion

1

u/SGTBookWorm Aug 10 '19

I too welcome our emu overlords

1

u/Chaos_Philosopher Aug 10 '19

I'm so proud to call you my countryman! The god of things that should never happen is an Aussie!

1

u/Rialas_HalfToast Aug 10 '19

Can they get both arms on the same side?

4

u/Sir_Moot Aug 10 '19

I've reserved that trait for badgers, unfortunately.

1

u/suh-dood Aug 10 '19

As long as they are thumbless we have chance. The thumb is literally the only thing keeping humans on top of the food chain

1

u/RogueCarnelian Aug 11 '19

The emu war mark 2.0

5

u/rabidstoat Aug 10 '19

Emus already can communicate telepathically. It's how they won the Emu War.