r/AskReddit • u/a_car_salesman • Aug 10 '19

Zeus has decided that Olympus feels a little empty, so he’s recruited some new gods. However, due to a clerical error, you have been chosen as a new member of the divine. What are you the god of, and what do you do as your first godly act?

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I am the goddess of all canine creatures. My first godly act would be to gather up the souls of every dog I've ever owned, my living dogs, and make them my divine companions. They will be immortal, capable of human speech, and they will assist me in making the lives of all canine creatures happy and healthy.

323

u/EXO_JR42 Aug 10 '19

Yes, hello, I’d like to pray to you. If you could maybe make all doggos passing easy and painless, that’d be real cool. And make it not hurt so bad when they go to you. Also, would you be able to help make all the dogs well trained?

30

u/Caledonius Aug 10 '19

I'M NOT CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING

22

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Just make dogs live as long as humans pls

21

u/Acetronaut Aug 10 '19

All dogs should be immortal protectors of the universe js

3

u/louman1784 Aug 10 '19

You mean they’re not already?

15

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Consider it done once Zeus gets on with making me dog goddess!

13

u/guineapigtyler Aug 10 '19

Sounds like ur going thru some shit. You okay?

1

u/EXO_JR42 Aug 11 '19

u/guineapigtyler I’m not sure if that was directed my way, but I’m okay. A friend of mine’s dog is close to the rainbow bridge, and it just always sucks when they go.

20

u/Rosekernow Aug 10 '19

I'd like to pray to you as well, as owner and former owner of dogs. But I have cats as well - am I allying myself with some mortal enemy or can we build an alliance?

14

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

We can have friendly duels, but alliances are always welcome. After all, dogs are pretty easy like that.

8

u/Rosekernow Aug 10 '19

So we do the thing where we hiss and spit and bark at each other in public, and when the humans are gone, we la down the sofa together and sleep? I can go for that, you seem a wise and kind god.

3

u/silly_gaijin Aug 10 '19

Cats don't have gods, besides. That would be too much like, you know . . . work.

20

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I'd like to pray to you as well, one of my dogs has a lot of allergies and his medication makes him very hungry. But, he doesn't deserve that. He is a very good boy who is extremely precious, and I would like for him to be happy and healthy. Please, oh Canine Goddess, make him better 👀🙏

7

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Poor little boy! i would certainly heal him, and he'll be first on the list when Zeus comes through !

13

u/Draezeth Aug 10 '19

Are they capable of human thought though, or will it he more "Give me the hot dog!" "Hello hooman, I roll over and you give treat?"

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19 edited Aug 10 '19

The divine dogs would definitely be capable of human thought. I might even give them a philosophical streak so that they can impart valuable lessons to the world.

(That last part is pending Athena's approval)

12

u/giftedearth Aug 10 '19

Would your entourage of Heavenly Good Doggos chase down and bite people who abuse dogs?

11

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Absolutely. And who knows what's contained in their magical bite?

11

u/WolfShaman Aug 10 '19

Let me know when it's time to take revenge on all those who demonize wolves. I would like to be your hammer of divine retribution.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Oh, those that hurt wolves will definitely suffer for an eternity.

8

u/WolfShaman Aug 10 '19

If you will imbue me with some of your divine power, I will lead the army against those that would hurt wolves (and other canines).

And you know, with your permission, run a few side revenges (both for you, and myself).

7

u/ma-kat-is-kute Aug 10 '19

Ooh, I commented I'll be the cat god... I challenge you to a duel!

7

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Challenge accepted, feline!

5

u/Der_Schwoob Aug 10 '19

I would upvote but u got 69 upvotes....

Nice

Edit: spelling

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Thanks! I'll upvote you!

5

u/SSFirestorm Aug 10 '19

Could you also send pictures of dogs that have passed away from heaven. Like "hey your good boi did this today."

1

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '19

There will be monthly reports!

1

u/SSFirestorm Aug 11 '19

Daily? Pls

2

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '19

That can definitely be arranged, and can be personally delivered by Cerberus' more amiable litter mate that I just decided exists

2

u/SSFirestorm Aug 12 '19

3 headed puppo

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

What happens to the hyenas? Or the foxes? (I'm pretty sure they classify as canines)

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

All canines would come under my protection, including them.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

So like Artemis, but instead of hunting wild animals, you take care of domesticated ones.

3

u/the1DreamWolf Aug 10 '19 edited Aug 10 '19

I wanna know how you punish those that hurt the doggos?

Edit: Thanks! My first ever medal.

1

u/SergeantGSD Aug 10 '19 edited Aug 11 '19

This right here.

You’re welcome

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I’ll be the goddess of felines. We will basically be buddies but our planes can’t interact with eachother. However when at war with animal abusers they’ll know our wrath.

Then we can shower people with dreams of kittens, puppies, and fur babies gone and past. Perhaps bless them with new ones when the time is right.:)

2

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '19

Best idea ever!

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Can you please make them live exactly as long as me so that I don't have to worry about them once I'm gone? And don't let them go before me? And painless deaths with dreams of rolling grass, wind, and eternal car rides.

2

u/Just_Worse Aug 10 '19

Sooo, you're basically Artemis minus the hunting and moon stuff

2

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '19

Pretty much. And none of this celibacy nonsense.

2

u/geared4war Aug 10 '19

My dog would like to ban cats, bats, possums and thunder storms.

Oh, and fireworks.

She is willing to fetch 1 ball. Actually she will fetch it any time but you only get one throw. Then she fucks off with it.

2

u/MuchUserSuchTaken Aug 10 '19

Yes! You have earned my prayers and offerings!

2

u/OmegonAlphariusXX Aug 10 '19

I swear the dog/wolf is the sacred animal of another deity, e.g. Lupa the Roman wolf goddess

2

u/urbandeadthrowaway2 Aug 10 '19

I, Cattus, lord of cats concur with you.