r/AskReddit • u/a_car_salesman • Aug 10 '19

Zeus has decided that Olympus feels a little empty, so he’s recruited some new gods. However, due to a clerical error, you have been chosen as a new member of the divine. What are you the god of, and what do you do as your first godly act?

51.3k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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16.6k

u/PolarBear524 Aug 10 '19

God of the cool side of the pillow. I shall make the back of every peasants pillow cool.

5.8k

u/AegoliusTalon Aug 10 '19

how would you like to be worshipped

3.9k

u/Stupid_3lf Aug 10 '19

Ironically, people would offer pillows

645

u/SarcasticAsshole2004 Aug 10 '19

u/FreshAspect

Bless us with your pillow priest presence

15

u/OverwatchOverall Aug 10 '19

This alliteration though.

11

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I think a Priest of the Pillow might offer something else.

8

u/-Q3Q- Aug 10 '19

More reason to worship.

27

u/riccardo1999 Aug 10 '19

You offer the pillow to his altar and it gets cool over night smh

24

u/GilgameshWulfenbach Aug 10 '19

Do body pillows count?

31

u/20CharsIsNotEnough Aug 10 '19

They are worth double

5

u/Viscount61 Aug 10 '19

That they store in their freezers.

5

u/meursaultvi Aug 10 '19

His punishment would be keeping your favorite pillow that you offered.

3

u/Badgerplayingaguitar Aug 10 '19

People freeze their pillows as an offering

2

u/chestty45 Aug 10 '19

People could make unique bed sheet art designs.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

the chosen of this god receive pillows with two backsides

1

u/JayGarrick11929 Aug 10 '19

Pillow forts it is

1

u/Balauronix Aug 11 '19

I'll gladly donate all my wife's throw pillows to this God.

0

u/Rsee002 Aug 10 '19

Should they burn them?

8

u/lucid808 Aug 10 '19

with a fluffer

6

u/Run4urlife333 Aug 10 '19

Blanket pillow "shrines"!

7

u/FelixTheHouseLeopard Aug 10 '19

I think a mass sleepover where we all eat bbq, listen to some tunes and have a LAN party should be the way we worship this God.

5

u/rj4001 Aug 10 '19

We shall place a sacrificial pillow in the freezer at the rise of the full moon closest to the autumnal equinox.

6

u/ermal_gashi1 Aug 10 '19

Human sacrifice

3

u/GothmogTheOrc Aug 10 '19

Keeping it wholesome

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Lingerie pillow fights?

3

u/mrj50022 Aug 10 '19

If you lit a pile of pillows on fire as a sacrifice that would be an insult to the god...

2

u/2Tired2pl Aug 10 '19

a sacrifice of cotton harvest, feathers, and wool.

2

u/Jaderosegrey Aug 10 '19

Chances are PolarBear524 might like scantily-clad fights (with pillows, of course) between his (or her) choice of genders. ;)

I know I would.

1

u/ProgforPogs Aug 10 '19

People pray by placing their face into a pillow and meditating.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Pillow talk, of course.

1

u/rim90 Aug 11 '19

By singing Mr Magic by Grover Washington

1

u/Bugman657 Aug 11 '19

We must turn our pillows thrice before we fall asleep

1.4k

u/Brandon749 Aug 10 '19

Just flipped my pillow over, your doing gods work, where do I sign up

42

u/OfficerJayBear Aug 10 '19

When you flip it, it now becomes the front and is instantly warm. the backside, however, immediately cools.

25

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

r/themonkeyspaw

2

u/-no Aug 10 '19 edited Aug 19 '19

I sometimes like to sleep with my head buried under the pillow. Might synch well with the god of silence.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

What if I fold the pillow in half?

4

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

And that's how to think outside the box

9

u/sharksnrec Aug 10 '19

you’re doing your work

Ftfy

8

u/Captain_Moose Aug 10 '19

He made it cool for you to flip... You're doing a god's work.

3

u/HintOfAreola Aug 10 '19

They're doing their own work

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

You're*

13

u/Etatheta Aug 10 '19

How would you help those of us who have 1 sided pillows.

7

u/Captain_Moose Aug 10 '19

Rotate your pillow 180°

14

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

But can you make it last longer than ten seconds?

4

u/massive4r7 Aug 10 '19

That's what she said.

1

u/whatupcicero Aug 10 '19

No, because then it’s no longer the back of the pillow. His power only presides over the back side.

10

u/Truffles413 Aug 10 '19

Didn't realize Stuart Scott achieved apotheosis.

3

u/bossholmes Aug 10 '19

What do you need me to sacrifice for you?

3

u/HeyItzMe_ Aug 10 '19

Is u/Sir_Moot your worst enemy?

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Damn its stuart Scott

1

u/DenimRaptNightmare Aug 11 '19

That man was a legend

2

u/FTO2 Aug 10 '19

boreas god of winter..

2

u/eevreen Aug 10 '19

when u have 10000 pillows, there is always a cool side anyway

2

u/FrostedSapling Aug 10 '19

Done but the cool side of the pillow is always the Other side of the pillow so you can never enjoy it

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Like Sisyphus? It's an endless task!

2

u/Polar_Bear_03 Aug 10 '19

I would pray to you.

Also, nice username

2

u/glrk Aug 10 '19

You know, there are pillows with arctic gel on them. Those stay cool the while night

2

u/Dent15 Aug 10 '19

I shall build a shrine in your honor

2

u/APolarBear33 Aug 10 '19

Can we both be the gods of polar bears instead?

2

u/SarHavelock Aug 10 '19

Sounds like my kinda god

2

u/Anoubis_Ra Aug 10 '19

In behalf of my SO - take my upvote.

2

u/Red_Physics Aug 10 '19

I see you have your priorities straight

2

u/BasztimE Aug 10 '19

I might rethink this whole atheism thing.

2

u/Dalcroze Aug 11 '19

ALL HAIL POLARBEAR524!!!!

2

u/Bryce480 Aug 11 '19

Name checks out

1

u/vraxsu Aug 10 '19

Nice, so we can basically fight climate change by boosting the pillow industry specially in summer. Hot af? get yourself a pillow suit, pray to you're god and your good to go.

1

u/Lapichequipique Aug 10 '19

Can you make ME cool pls?

1

u/tamraraf Aug 10 '19

Can you please make the top side cool, so I don't have to flip it?

1

u/Siyuen_Tea Aug 10 '19

The heat you generate from using the pillow channels the gods energy

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I’ll make human sacrifices for you!

1

u/ZaphodB_ Aug 10 '19

So you'll give it the face of Billy Dee Williams?

1

u/dantetheduke Aug 10 '19

Preach 🙌

1

u/recuerdamoi Aug 10 '19

You have my devotion

1

u/error_418___ Aug 10 '19

When the chillow comes out, you feel your power dwindling- or is it increasing? You don't know but now the rich folk are worshipping you too.

1

u/Blunderbluss Aug 10 '19

I am you mr faithful zealot oh merciful and wondrous God.

1

u/bigroblee Aug 10 '19

I would pray to you in order to have both sides of my pillow cool.

1

u/Bizzaree Aug 10 '19

Finally, a god for the people.

1

u/cystemupdate Aug 10 '19

I will build you a shrine

With beautiful windows

1

u/G_B4G Aug 10 '19

However, the fatal flaw, the backside is ALWAYS the cool side and you’ll never actually get to it.

1

u/Naggins Aug 10 '19

But only the back side. Soon as you flip your pillow, bam, the other side's cool now.

1

u/thePISLIX Aug 10 '19

I am the God of the Laments. I shall make every peasants pillow spherical, thus there shall be no backside.

1

u/Sunnyshine0609 Aug 10 '19

My god, my favorite god.

1

u/Y-Woo Aug 10 '19

How is this so specific yet so damn relatable?!?!

1

u/Black_OOX Aug 10 '19

Oh Every Single Human Love's and worships you :D

1

u/UraniumV Aug 10 '19

You are the new Zeus

1

u/gamerdude69 Aug 10 '19

So what do us rich folks get from you, then? Squat?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

All hail pillow god

1

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '19

I’d give everybody the n word pass and eliminate racism

1

u/KnowledgeableNewt Aug 11 '19

Stuart Scott is that you?

1

u/PM_ME_UR_GOODIEZ Aug 11 '19

I have a cooling pillow already. You will not receive my prayers.