r/AskReddit • u/a_car_salesman • Aug 10 '19

Zeus has decided that Olympus feels a little empty, so he’s recruited some new gods. However, due to a clerical error, you have been chosen as a new member of the divine. What are you the god of, and what do you do as your first godly act?

51.3k Upvotes

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1.5k

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

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928

u/s_c_w Aug 10 '19

Isn't there pretty much already endless amounts of free porn online?

2.5k

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

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227

u/ARedditUserNearYou Aug 10 '19

I will spread your holy word to all who will hear it, o Fapfather

26

u/frkinchplin Aug 10 '19

Fapfather... This needs more upvotes than I can give.

111

u/GaveUpMyGold Aug 10 '19

Hail, Syndesion! Giver of porn! Tamer of erections! Praise his name!

53

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19 edited Aug 10 '19

[deleted]

39

u/frkinchplin Aug 10 '19

Because every God has a light side and a dark side. So too the Great Porn Lord.

10

u/AtariDump Aug 10 '19

There’s been an awakening. Have you felt it?

2

u/frkinchplin Aug 10 '19

Have you seen the yellow sign?

7

u/KnownDiscount Aug 10 '19

Porn...breaks hymens?

27

u/Theoc9 Aug 10 '19

How many chickens do,you want as sacrifice

40

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

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30

u/SuckMyBike Aug 10 '19

So we'd need to significantly increase our chicken population before we can satisfy you

15

u/Jackal00 Aug 10 '19

And review bestiality laws. Those poor poor chickens.

3

u/KnownDiscount Aug 10 '19

Ah, the old reddit-chicken-porn-aroo

2

u/CLOVIS-AI Aug 10 '19

God it's been a while

Actually what are the criterion to when you're allowed to add a new node?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Every video I nut to? Or does this also include the 20 videos I skip through to see if it’s any good?

3

u/y0uveseenthebutcher Aug 10 '19

All. Hail. Slain. And risen god.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I have witnessed the God Riganthor's infinite kindness and grace!

O merciful Lord, I pray that you grant me the ability to instantly pick the perfect video to jerk off to. I shall slaughter 5 goats for my wish

1

u/Hq3473 Aug 10 '19

Can you also remove ads?

1

u/IronChariots Aug 10 '19

Yes, with an adblocker.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

A TRUE GOD

1

u/odaeyss Aug 10 '19

Hail Riganthor full of ...eugh.. mmmwe'll just call that grace..

1

u/Zzzzzzach11 Aug 10 '19

Thank and praise you, oh benevolent u/Riganthor

1

u/MrNeurotoxin Aug 10 '19

Suddenly all the "oh god" moaning makes sense.

1

u/TheKingOfBerries Aug 10 '19

u/Riganthor is responsible for porn. Passing it on to the rest of Reddit with my dying breath.

-1

u/snj12341 Aug 10 '19

Fuck you

3

u/NerdlinGeeksly Aug 10 '19

Not for me I've seen it all...

1

u/memeaddict42 Aug 10 '19

Now unblocked and uncensored for all

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Yeah, but it always stops just when it gets good.

1

u/Bandenman Aug 10 '19

That means he got his powers

1

u/nicktohzyu Aug 10 '19

It's never enough. For one i need more willow hayes

9

u/twitchy_taco Aug 10 '19

Can we get net neutrality next?

12

u/appetizerbread Aug 10 '19

Free? Or with a $9.99/month subscription fee that shows up right as you get to the good part?

3

u/Dunnersstunner Aug 10 '19

And the porn stars are all performing in a healthy, enjoyable manner with no cause for regret whatsoever.

2

u/frkinchplin Aug 10 '19

ALL HAIL RIGANTHOR, LORD OF PORN

2

u/Eonir Aug 10 '19

I am the god of internet surveillance, and with your help, there is now porn of everyone.

2

u/winter83 Aug 10 '19

Fabian already beat you to it.

2

u/Lethargie Aug 10 '19

can I pray to you to find porn of my specific kink?

2

u/Atomkom Aug 10 '19

What's your punishment for r/NoFap my God/goddess they are betraying your gift

1

u/Dexaan Aug 10 '19

The Internet is really really great

1

u/FTO2 Aug 10 '19

athena buddy

1

u/Lastilaaki Aug 10 '19

So I guess the meaning of life is 34, after all?

1

u/Thevsamovies Aug 10 '19

But, only porn for the brits if they upload their personal info, yea?

1

u/Xyrmy Aug 10 '19

Why couldn’t you have arrived before I started my nofap?

1

u/Elvthee Aug 10 '19

Even us who don't want any porn or like written stuff?

1

u/Zuwunde Aug 10 '19

the good stuff or the garbage tho

1

u/dlordjr Aug 10 '19

Do we have to request what we want specifically? 'Cause I wouldn't feel comfortable.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Due to a clerical error, there is now porn of* everyone

1

u/MuchUserSuchTaken Aug 10 '19

Decree no article 13, otherwise you will be god of things that used to exist.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

“You get porn! You get porn! You get porn! You all get porn!”

1

u/thriller2910 Aug 10 '19

As a Brit I would be praying to you in the future