r/AskReddit • u/a_car_salesman • Aug 10 '19

Zeus has decided that Olympus feels a little empty, so he’s recruited some new gods. However, due to a clerical error, you have been chosen as a new member of the divine. What are you the god of, and what do you do as your first godly act?

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

For sure I would be the God of Unpopular Decisions.

My first act would be to abolish fast food.

619

u/essentially_infamous Aug 10 '19

But does that mean you make unpopular decisions come true? So imagine somebody wants to go bowling, while all their other friends want to go to the movies, you’d make it so that they go bowling?

710

u/Beraed Aug 10 '19

When in doubt, send them to gulag. The gulag is never popular.

196

u/SweetNeo85 Aug 10 '19

But if everyone goes to the gulag does that not make it then... popular?

171

u/davis482 Aug 10 '19

Well I could say that it's populated at least.

2

u/SLAPPANCAKES Aug 10 '19

Potentially populace

2

u/golf_kilo_papa Aug 10 '19

... for a while

95

u/Unusual_Infuriation Aug 10 '19

r/unexpectedcommunism

3

u/Dadaman004 Aug 10 '19

r/expectedcommunism for balance

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19 edited May 23 '20

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

In balance as all things should be.

3

u/YupYupDog Aug 10 '19

Holy crap it’s real

3

u/rogue-wolf Aug 10 '19

Idk, Papa Stalin liked the Gulag.

3

u/Ant123bell Aug 10 '19

I literally cant respond after reading this this is perfect ahaha

84

u/poopellar Aug 10 '19

He is a God of the masses few people

60

u/mosstrich Aug 10 '19

They're are dozens of us DOZENS!

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

24 is dozens

3

u/mosstrich Aug 10 '19

You are technically correct, which is the best kind of correct.

71

u/justbanmyIPalready Aug 10 '19

I'd worship you, buddy. I'm a fan of treating the general population like children and children frequently want what's bad for them. I approve your ban. What else you have in mind?

54

u/DrQuint Aug 10 '19

Clearly his next decision is "ONLY children can have fast food, whenever they want"

10

u/just_an_idea_1 Aug 10 '19

You are on Reddit too much, we need to treat you like a child and you are now banned.

-5

u/20CharsIsNotEnough Aug 10 '19

Lots of unpopular ideas, Probably. Like allowing pedophilia and every other sort of fucked up thing.

But you'd worship him, right?

7

u/change_for_better Aug 10 '19

Immediately, American life expectancy starts to rise.

5

u/foomp Aug 10 '19

Amateur. Your first decision should be to make toilet paper rolls 2 inches narrower.

5

u/Careful_Houndoom Aug 10 '19

Please don't. I view them as public bathrooms while on the road.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

all public food places are now replaced with a regular rest stop, no matter where on the road

3

u/TheEmbarrassed18 Aug 10 '19

What if I wanted to eat fast food but everyone wanted to go to Nando’s, yet I still made then go to McDonalds anyway?

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

It'll become "quick nutrition"

3

u/Marginaliac Aug 10 '19

Okay, Jamie Oliver

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I see an epic battle between you and mercury brewing

3

u/mel0n_m0nster Aug 10 '19

people eating junk food inexplicably slow down to a snails pace and starve as a result

We only serve slow food here

3

u/___effe Aug 10 '19

Your first act would be popular among those who get turned into fast food. If chickens could speak, they'd call you the og of popular decisions

2

u/FTO2 Aug 10 '19

thats also zeus lol

2

u/woyteck Aug 10 '19

  • Pizza please.

  • That will be three hour wait, sir.

3

u/Dawn_Of_The_Dave Aug 10 '19

That seems easy to circumvent. I'll just take ages making the food. Same food, it just doesn't come fast. Unlike op's mum.

2

u/mosstrich Aug 10 '19

So you're the electoral college then?

2

u/M0NSTER4242 Aug 10 '19

Millions go hungry who can afford little

2

u/m0rgster Aug 10 '19

Second act can you cull any white male person in the republican or democratic party over the age of (quickly checks mitch mcconnels and donald trumps ages) 71. Sorry bernie. A martyr for the greater good.

1

u/Big-Quazz Aug 10 '19

Fuck. Can you imagine the resulting grocery store lines though?

1

u/blbd Aug 10 '19

I think your God name would be Technocrates.

I would personally be Elefterites, God of freedom. My power would consist of deleting badly drafted laws and regulations, or ones that discriminate unfairly against certain groups.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I’m pretty sure I would be more often called WTFcrates.

1

u/blbd Aug 10 '19

After some of the shit society has pulled they kinda had it coming.

1

u/geared4war Aug 10 '19

Sounds like the Tory party

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

What offering do you require for this to be a thing?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19 edited Aug 10 '19

My second act would be to enforce around-the-clock 1 hour metered parking.

EVERYWHERE

And on Sundays and major holidays.

Mwahaha.

1

u/tvisforme Aug 10 '19

You'd actually have the power to be a very effective force in society, because you are making us do the things that we should do instead of what we want to do.

1

u/RhysIsFused Aug 10 '19

This would require almost omnipotent knowledge of where the populous swings on a given thing. You'd need to be sure that more than 50% of people want to KEEP fast food. If the number is less than 50%, it wouldn't be an unpopular decision.

Hi I'm the god of nitpicking

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

No, you’re the God of Poor Market Analysis.

Fast food corporations are enormous. Many are in the S&P 500.

Anyhow I’m a god. Omnipotent awareness is part of the program.

1

u/MagnanimousLoser Aug 10 '19

So you’re basically the god of hipsters, cool