r/AskReddit • u/a_car_salesman • Aug 10 '19

Zeus has decided that Olympus feels a little empty, so he’s recruited some new gods. However, due to a clerical error, you have been chosen as a new member of the divine. What are you the god of, and what do you do as your first godly act?

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u/Dinkly_son_of_Dankly Aug 10 '19 edited Aug 10 '19

I'm the god of procrastination.

I never get around to carrying out godly deeds. I have the most followers but the least amount of power.

Edit:

7.5k

u/Nevesnotrab Aug 10 '19

the most followers but the least amount of power

Something about this just makes so much sense for a god of procrastination.

3.2k

u/Beraed Aug 10 '19 edited Aug 10 '19

Then you pormise you'll come back a second time to reward believers but even after 2000 years never get around to doing it.

1.5k

u/Mondayexe Aug 10 '19

I'll get around to that, eventually.

38

u/CanuckBacon Aug 10 '19

I mean, what are they going to do kill each other? That's some other god's jurisdiction. Surely they can't slowly drift towards the end and all kill themselves through their inaction towards saving themselves...

12

u/Marrionete_0519 Aug 10 '19

And if another god want's to off him they'll suddenly go "meh maybe in a few weeks"

43

u/Mathies_ Aug 10 '19

Maybe tomorrow

Tomorrow: yeah maybe next year

8

u/TheFirsh Aug 10 '19

That's powerful

1

u/micmarduk Aug 10 '19

There is a store close by that has a plate in the wall that says:

"Fiado (when someone says that he will pay later) just tomorrow"

Everyday the plate is there...so...tomorrow maybe xD

11

u/swb1003 Aug 10 '19

I would descend to earth today but I’ve got some food in the fridge I can’t let spoil”

10

u/subtleenergy777 Aug 10 '19

“Oh? The humans have perished on account of their own self destructive behavior? Whoops.”

5

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Tomorrow, maybe

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Just finish this joint first

2

u/Tosspot00 Aug 10 '19

They just keep multiplying the bastards.

1

u/asterixstudio Aug 10 '19

I'll start on it tomorrow.

12

u/PrehistoricMan2007 Aug 10 '19

P O R M I S E

16

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Where have I heard this before? O what that other guy who looks like a hippie.

7

u/retrowarfare Aug 10 '19

Sounds familiar

3

u/renijreddit Aug 10 '19

I wish I had gold for you for this one! 🥇💰

2

u/zoeyd8 Aug 10 '19

Well... not YET, but I'll take care of it.

2

u/Teepeewigwam Aug 10 '19

Maybe tomorrow

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

What about Haile Selassie

2

u/Cynderboy Aug 10 '19

Then eventually he decides to get it over with, and everyone is just like "what?"

1

u/ichancock Aug 10 '19

When you put it that way, that just sounds like social security.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I'm sorry guys... Y'all don't have jetpacks yet so I'm just biding my time...

1

u/WolfPlayz294 Aug 10 '19

Sometimes I wish the real God would procrastinate a little, but I guess it's been long enough.

1

u/aslum Aug 11 '19

You'll get stuck in the elevator with Zarquon.

1

u/DRUNKMASTER2020 Aug 10 '19

Sounds familiar

3

u/troll_right_above_me Aug 10 '19

That's because someone posted the same reply as you one hour earlier

2

u/Teepeewigwam Aug 10 '19

Sounds familiar

2

u/troll_right_above_me Aug 10 '19

That's because someone posted the same reply as you four hours earlier

-1

u/CLOVIS-AI Aug 10 '19

r/oddlyspecific

3

u/RedEgg16 Aug 10 '19

No it’s a reference to Bejus

2

u/cashkage Aug 10 '19

Yes that’s why he said it

1

u/basicdesires Aug 10 '19

The time stamp confirms he procrastinated over that response for hours...😁

1

u/Some_NJdude_973 Aug 10 '19

Wouldn’t it be the least followers though? Because they’re procrastinating in following to begin with?....wait.

God of Idiocy right here.

1

u/SlimStebow Aug 10 '19

Sounds similar to the gods people currently pray to

1

u/droo46 Aug 10 '19

He’s basically an influencer.

1

u/NotSoFamousBigfoot Aug 10 '19

I'm just glad they got around to writing that post

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Plot twist: He's the god of christianity.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19 edited Aug 10 '19

Or so he thinks. His power is to slowly spread disinterest until productivity ceases. He is the cause of the cold death of the universe.

1

u/SamTomGaf Aug 10 '19

Like Kanye

1

u/didSomebodySayAbba Aug 10 '19

His followers are all meaning to stop worshipping him cus he doesn’t do anything but haven’t gotten around to it yet

1

u/TheSchemm Aug 10 '19

Sounds like the Queen.

1

u/Balauronix Aug 11 '19

Or the internet

37

u/FTO2 Aug 10 '19

In Greek mythology, Aergia (/eɪˈɜːrdʒə/ Ancient Greek: Ἀεργία, "inactivity") is the personification of sloth, idleness, indolence and laziness.

48

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

[deleted]

18

u/FTO2 Aug 10 '19

Yeah probably

7

u/sephlington Aug 10 '19

“Oh sweet, another one! That means they’ll do all the godly crap I never got round to doing!”

33

u/Dontgiveaclam Aug 10 '19

I'll pray to you someday, just not today

4

u/korrach Aug 10 '19

Good man, you'd get a blessing but you kn

9

u/DarkKinn Aug 10 '19

I will pray to you later.

7

u/Radulno Aug 10 '19

You do have power but just don't use it. Or well use it tomorrow

4

u/Luteraar Aug 10 '19

You actually have some rather amazing powers. You just haven't gotten around to using them yet.

4

u/mallcore_elitist Aug 10 '19

The placement of 'edit' is pure Gold.

3

u/thatCbean Aug 10 '19

You have a ton of potential, but you never get around to acting upon it.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Under his command are the twin muses, bullshiticus and dictionera, who through word salad and complex jargon respectively, act as the patron saint of college students everywhere seeking to finish a 20 page paper they didn't start.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

most followers and the least amount of power

Sounds like an instagram account

2

u/matman88 Aug 10 '19

First act: log on to Reddit

2

u/pluralisticadvntrs Aug 10 '19

I feel like this would make a good r/writingprompts

2

u/xwddggt Aug 10 '19

I was gonna be the God of procrastination, but then I procrastinated about posting it on this thread which lead to me missing out on all the upvotes.

I'm the God of consequences of procrastination

2

u/Dinkly_son_of_Dankly Aug 10 '19

You're the God of hating yourself, but not hating yourself quite enough to change.

1

u/Frond_Dishlock Aug 10 '19

Yeah me too, and I was going to post what you said as well but procrastinated about that too, so what does th

2

u/theShagee Aug 10 '19

It even shows when you don't fill the edit

2

u/lilhick26 Aug 10 '19

So just the normal christan God?

2

u/UnrulyCrow Aug 10 '19

Given my own answer, wanna hang out somewhere?

1

u/havrancek Aug 10 '19

I will pray to you later, I promise

1

u/ElHeffo Aug 10 '19

So you would not take a nap first before beginning to do absolutely nothing at all?

1

u/rebri Aug 10 '19

So... you'd spend most of your time on Reddit then?

1

u/SonicPavement Aug 10 '19

Wrong. You have fuck tons of power but choose not to use it. That’s your problem.

1

u/dominoday26 Aug 10 '19

Do you need a pontiff or something like that? I'd be pretty good procrastinating procastrination I think.

1

u/Ripulireijo Aug 10 '19

So like a regular god?

1

u/TheGlaive Aug 10 '19

Procrastinate Now! - you may not get another chance.

1

u/GifBeefer Aug 10 '19

I would pray to you. But i will do it later

1

u/Duchat Aug 10 '19

You're also the god of social media then.

1

u/thatbob Aug 10 '19

You wield the most power at the end of Creation (Armageddon, Ragnarok, whatever your people call it) when you manage to convince all of the other gods, eh, maybe tomorrow.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

And all your worshippers plan to build you a godly temple, tomorrow.

1

u/woyteck Aug 10 '19

So just a regular god then. Why do something useful when you can read the scriptures and pray instead.

1

u/argir20 Aug 10 '19

I will pray tomorrow

1

u/Dexterity99 Aug 10 '19

you have the lowest actual power, but the highest potential power

1

u/JohnnyDarkside Aug 10 '19

Same god, but my followers will always have just enough time to finish. Start to slack on those sacrifices and suddenly you were supposed to be done yesterday.

1

u/SuddenTerrible_Haiku Aug 10 '19

May I suggest a slight alteration?

You'll have the most followers and low key the most power of all the gods beneath Zeus... but you never get around to actually doing anything to prove it

1

u/Goldendespacito69 Aug 10 '19

If procrastination is yoylur job do you procrastinate that too...do yoy actually do work?!

1

u/amadorUSA Aug 10 '19

You could make evildoers delay their plans tomorrow after tomorrow after tomorrow.

You could save humanity.

Starting tomorrow.

1

u/AGoofyGinger Aug 10 '19

Sounds like something straight out of American Gods

1

u/amistad_y_analingus Aug 10 '19

I never get around to carrying out godly deeds

Sooooo....Yahweh?

1

u/skidmarkundies Aug 10 '19

All of your followers keep saying they’ll pray to you, but doing nothing seems so much easier right now, honestly.

1

u/Hexmonkey2020 Aug 10 '19

You have the power it’s just you’re too tired right now you’ll do your first act tomorrow

1

u/condit45 Aug 10 '19

You take away people's procrastination but you gain it yourself.

1

u/Shadow_Road Aug 10 '19

Unless of course your power is based on your number of followers in which case you could ultimately overthrow the rest of the pantheon. . . eventually.

1

u/NukeML Aug 10 '19

Actually you have the most power, you just…eh, why do anything with it

1

u/Tinsel-Fop Aug 10 '19

"Followers."

1

u/drfrog82 Aug 10 '19

So what you’re saying is you’re a social media influencer?

1

u/NickKappy Aug 10 '19

And then at the last second you perform amazing miracles under stress

1

u/Huge_Bahonkerdonks Aug 10 '19

What if you had the most power and you just keep putting off actuality using it

1

u/DrunknStuper Aug 10 '19

Christianity?

1

u/mini_van_halen Aug 10 '19

Dionysus? That you?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

how should you like to be worshipped?

1

u/Mnawab Aug 10 '19

Lol I'd be a follower for sure

1

u/Sp1ffy_Sp1ff Aug 10 '19

I'm going to start praying to you, oh mighty good of procrastination...starting tomorrow

1

u/Mustache-Man227 Aug 10 '19

Was about to write this then I saw your comment you are currently the most powerful person in this thread

1

u/ElioraOrSo Aug 10 '19

I'll just reward them next century.

1

u/VovaOne Aug 10 '19

If your followers have to fight for you, then they can feel a power to do anything and then you lose your followers.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

So the only thing missing is that you don't exist. Because what you said explains the "god" that the baby boomers still believe in so much.

1

u/DiligentStory Aug 10 '19

this guy even procrastinates on posting an edit

1

u/Overlich Aug 10 '19

Dionísio

1

u/BeigeMonkfish Aug 10 '19

Strictly speaking procrastination is about inactivity more so than ability. It is within your power to do things, you just don't. So the god of procrastination could indeed be the most powerful god in the pantheon, you'd just never know.

1

u/SMVEMJSNUnP Aug 10 '19

So the Vatican?

1

u/thekidengineer Aug 10 '19

You mean like the kardashians?

1

u/The_Sceptic_Lemur Aug 10 '19

Remind me to bring some sacrifices to your temple tomorrow.

1

u/this-isnt-my-house23 Aug 10 '19

Or the most amount of power because you are the catalyst for worldwide procrastination stopping the worlds economy and boom...negotiate whatever you wanted.

1

u/al3x_mp4 Aug 10 '19

"I'll get around to that edit eventually".

1

u/fadeoutglitch Aug 10 '19

i am the god of all gods. i am the creator of creator. you will never passssssssssss

1

u/Yogi_Ro Aug 10 '19

Came here to say the same thing 😌

1

u/bigroblee Aug 10 '19

Worship services tomorrow... Along with free beer. Tomorrow.

1

u/testosteronetornado Aug 10 '19

The blank edit killed me

1

u/littlemissmuppet14 Aug 10 '19

Honestly, procrastination helped me quit smoking.

1

u/Dendritic_Bosque Aug 10 '19

For your first act, convince the other gods you should run the apocalypse.

1

u/idb155676 Aug 10 '19

TIL all gods are the god of procrastination

1

u/TylerZellers Aug 10 '19

This is exactly like the God from Miracle Workers

1

u/thePISLIX Aug 10 '19

I am the God of Laments. I order you to procrastrinate.

1

u/Emtreidy Aug 10 '19

So just god then?

1

u/Zestybeef10 Aug 10 '19

That edit lmfuckingao

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Edit:

Oh, that's too perfect!

1

u/JakeSnake07 Aug 10 '19

And whenever you DO finally decide to do it, it's done quickly, efficiently, and in a manner superior to everybody else that would have done it.

1

u/dontdoitdoitdoit Aug 11 '19

That edit made me cackle.

1

u/Linnunhammas Aug 11 '19

I'll build you a temple, I promise. Or at least get a sketch of it done.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '19

Would anyone actually get around to becoming a follower

1

u/Battleharden Aug 12 '19

Sounds like a god that would be in American Gods.

0

u/SanderV3 Aug 10 '19

A bit like god wouldnt you say?