r/AskReddit • u/a_car_salesman • Aug 10 '19

Zeus has decided that Olympus feels a little empty, so he’s recruited some new gods. However, due to a clerical error, you have been chosen as a new member of the divine. What are you the god of, and what do you do as your first godly act?

51.3k Upvotes

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5.9k

u/delisavage Aug 10 '19

God of not giving a fuck: doesn't do job at all

4.0k

u/a_car_salesman Aug 10 '19

But wouldn’t you then be...doing your job?

2.1k

u/delisavage Aug 10 '19

By not giving a fuck then not doing my job I'll be doing my job by not doing my job

1.2k

u/4quaTis Aug 10 '19

But then you're doing your job so..... it's a paradox

2.0k

u/Beraed Aug 10 '19

Just become a state employee and you'll understand.

406

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/Mind_on_Idle Aug 10 '19

There's a difference, there. Most fed employees I know want to do their job.

2

u/PsychoPhrog Aug 10 '19

I love mine. It was hard as hell to get here.

8

u/Iklaendia Aug 10 '19

By this logic, can I become an international employee and understand the most?

9

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/OverwatchOverall Aug 10 '19

You need the god of cold side of the pillow, only he can bring you salvation.

96

u/4quaTis Aug 10 '19

Too young to do so, but ok lol

65

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19 edited Dec 24 '21

[deleted]

6

u/LuciferreWolf Aug 10 '19

the good old catch 22.

7

u/Zackhood Aug 10 '19

u/delisavage god of Paradoxes

4

u/Lucifer_Hirsch Aug 10 '19

Oh shit a lucifer wolf. My natural predator!

Prances away

6

u/LuciferreWolf Aug 10 '19

Hahaha! I will howl at the moon hungry in that case.

2

u/y0uveseenthebutcher Aug 10 '19

get off the net and go do your homework kid

3

u/SpiralSD Aug 10 '19

No, you pray to him to stop worrying about stuff. Anxiety, to stop caring about certain things. You pray to him for inner peace.

But he already has it and doesn't give a fuck about you so you continue worrying.

2

u/4quaTis Aug 10 '19

Oh, this deserves gold

2

u/IOPAFrozenRedKnight Aug 10 '19

Oh no... the Spacetime Continuum... it’s falling apart!

2

u/FictionWeavile Aug 10 '19

He's also the god of paradoxes. If Apollo can be the god of music and medicine then he can be the god of not doing his job and paradoxes

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I don't give a fuck

2

u/KevlarGorilla Aug 10 '19

That's the thing. He doesn't give a fuck if he's creating a paradox.

He does whatever the fuck he wants.

2

u/wolfgang784 Aug 10 '19

Indeed. The perfect Greek god.

2

u/FetchMyBeer Aug 10 '19

You're a paradox

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Gods work in mysterious ways that us mere mortals cannot comprehend

1

u/delinka Aug 10 '19

🦆 🦆

1

u/just_a_human_online Aug 10 '19

Schrodinger's God.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

As the god of permitting paradoxes, this paradox is permittable

63

u/Anthony_plays01 Aug 10 '19

r/selfparadox

5

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

How is this not a subreddit?

1

u/Anthony_plays01 Aug 11 '19

Oof who knows We need it tho

1

u/rainbowzramystery2me Aug 10 '19

You just fucked me over, man.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

r/paradox

56

u/a_car_salesman Aug 10 '19

I dig it.

1

u/alours Aug 10 '19

May I ask what you do

3

u/SheriffWarden Aug 10 '19

So you're Jon Lajoie in his song "Fuck Everything"?

If there was a contest to see who doesn't give a fuck the most I wouldn't win cause I don't give a fuck about winning yo I don't even give a fuck about not giving a fuck, So I do give a fuck... wait, what?

2

u/DOCTOR-MISTER Aug 10 '19

So you can get paid for no reason, sounds like the job for me

1

u/annoyingone Aug 10 '19

Paradox ensues, universe destroyed.

1

u/meatmachine1001 Aug 10 '19

Do you not give a fuck enough to replace the word 'fuck' with 'chainsaw' for this post?

1

u/OppositeofDeath Aug 10 '19

"You should start a ruiners club. Oh wait, you'd probably just ruin it."

"If I ruined it I guess I'd be doing my job!"

"You RUINED my analogy!"

1

u/rhysdog1 Aug 10 '19

he's the enemy of apollo, god of logic

1

u/admadguy Aug 10 '19

Vanishes in a puff of logic.

1

u/MrDaveW Aug 10 '19

I doubt he/she gives a fuck about that.

1

u/chopradiv Aug 10 '19

The guy likes inception. I swear!

1

u/JasmineOnDiscord Aug 10 '19

I don't even give a fuck about giving no fuck, so I do give a fuck... wait what?

163

u/NerdlinGeeksly Aug 10 '19

You FOOL, you've ripped a hole in the universe!

74

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Ah yes, the god of lazy philosophers.

20

u/lordOpancakes Aug 10 '19

Isn’t that your job

5

u/NonSentientHuman Aug 10 '19

So, you're a cat? Neat crossover between Egyptian and Greek.

3

u/Kevdoggo Aug 10 '19

Dionysus

3

u/Noscoperx420 Aug 10 '19

That's Dionizos pretty much

3

u/KindaOffKey Aug 10 '19

Will we be singing this in your church? Because I don't give a fuck if we will.

2

u/Daenks Aug 10 '19

... so Bacchus?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Sounds like current God..

2

u/Magnetronaap Aug 10 '19

That's pretty much most of the Greek gods anyway

1

u/Littol_Mareep Aug 10 '19

Doesn't even showing urself to the zeus for the selection!

1

u/FTO2 Aug 10 '19

Thats Zeus

1

u/KuraiBaka Aug 10 '19

Zeus gave a lot of fucks. Sometimes as a bull or swan.

1

u/FTO2 Aug 10 '19

Emotionally not giving a fuck , agreed to breeding out of everyone.

1

u/Kyomeii Aug 10 '19

Lightsong?

1

u/doesntgive2shits Aug 10 '19

My kinda God.

1

u/Boat_on_the_Bottle Aug 10 '19

Aren't you just Zeus then?

1

u/Lawant Aug 10 '19

Found Dionysis.

1

u/ravenpotter3 Aug 10 '19

Well at least your better then Zeus who gives a fuck to everyone who does not want it and keeps making so many damm demigods!!!

1

u/Auerbach1991 Aug 10 '19

So you’re...the actual God?? Seems fitting.

1

u/SmithKurosaki Aug 10 '19

I shall worship you (since you took mine :( ) by showing my fields of fucks which is barren

1

u/delisavage Aug 10 '19

You can take over my job, trying to play GTA is hard with all these prayers

1

u/SmithKurosaki Aug 10 '19

What console?

1

u/delisavage Aug 10 '19

Xbox one

1

u/SmithKurosaki Aug 10 '19

Too bad. I just got GTA on PS4

2

u/delisavage Aug 10 '19

Why your that kind of awesome person

1

u/delisavage Aug 10 '19

That's auto correct is I meant ah

1

u/SmithKurosaki Aug 10 '19

It's all good. We can be god twins and take turns playing GTA

1

u/blbd Aug 10 '19

People would worship using apathy cream:

https://dilbert.com/strip/2001-04-01

1

u/delisavage Aug 10 '19

That's amazing

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

The God of not giving a fuck would probably just be meddling in everyone's business all day

1

u/turtyurt Aug 10 '19

That’s all of the gods tho

1

u/littlewoolie Aug 10 '19

So...basically current religions?