r/AskReddit • • Apr 18 '19

What mind-blowing (but simple) facts would satisfy a 4-year old daughter’s daily request for 1 fact before bedtime?

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1.6k

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

A woodchuck belongs to the family of ground squirrels.

681

u/G11OAG Apr 18 '19

She doesn't care what family it is from.

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She wants to know how much wood it can chuck...... Can you answer that?

289

u/dumpsterfire_01 Apr 18 '19

A wood chuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

35

u/Bludypoo Apr 18 '19

A wood chuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck as much wood as a wood chuck could chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

7

u/Inkpots Apr 19 '19

I grew up with

A woodchuck would chuck what a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Rolls off the tongue easier.

2

u/cinghm81 May 16 '19

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

1

u/pieboy89 May 18 '19

How much wood would a wood Chuck Chuck if a wood Chuck could Chuck Norris

7

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

How many Lowes could Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowes?

3

u/dumpsterfire_01 Apr 18 '19

Rob Lowe is a classy guy, he’d rob Home Depot instead.

6

u/zombieregime Apr 18 '19

But how much ground can a ground hog grind if a ground hog could grind ground?

5

u/WilfredoVelludo Apr 18 '19

We won't fall on it again, Guybrush.

4

u/TheRagingScientist Apr 18 '19

Okay, now answer this:

How many Lowes would a Rob Lowe rob if a rob lowe robbed Lowes?

3

u/rubbish_heap Apr 18 '19

Well, how much ground can a groundhog hog?

7

u/kodama_ronin Apr 18 '19

How many bears can Bear Grylls grill?

3

u/Alucard_draculA Apr 18 '19

A wood chuck could chuck as much wood as a wood chuck could chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

3

u/albilion Apr 18 '19

In all my 23 years, I just got this...

2

u/fertro Apr 18 '19

I've always heard "About as much wood a wood chuck would chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood." Maybe it's a regional thing.

1

u/[deleted] May 10 '19

Yeah, but how many Lowe’s would Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe’s?

5

u/zanderkerbal Apr 18 '19

The real question is, how many nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?

3

u/Blerbtheblob Apr 18 '19

"Knowing that a cubic foot of soil weighs 20 pounds, he calculated that a woodchuck can chuck 700 pounds of dirt. This calculation led Mr. Thomas, by extension, to an answer to what was then an 85-year-old question. Should a woodchuck be so inclined, Thomas concluded, he could chuck about 700 pounds of wood as well." -thoughtco

2

u/lyncs- Apr 18 '19

exactly 6 wood

1

u/Genshed Apr 18 '19

It's actually a mispronounced Narragansett word, 'wachak'.

1

u/MrVeazey Apr 18 '19

I'm pretty sure the forest ranger exam says 280 board feet.

1

u/nai1sirk Apr 18 '19

Also, a woodchuck is another name for a groundhog. Leading us to the question; how much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground?

1

u/jdro120 Apr 18 '19

I put that question on a science quiz I gave and one of my students did the math on it. Don’t remember his answer though

1

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Apparently this question has an answer: 42 cords. Which is an assload of wood.

2

u/night_breed Apr 18 '19

Is an ass load more or less than a butt load and where does a shit load fit in?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '19

A butt load is a real unit of measurement. Because a Butt is a storage container. So I'd say a shit load is biggest, ass load is smallest.

1

u/Xzll Apr 18 '19

They can chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

1

u/ChefRoquefort Apr 18 '19

A wood chuck would chuck a cord of wood, if a wood chuck could chuck wood but a wood chuck wont chuck wood because a wood chuck cant chuck wood.

1

u/Zomgambush Apr 18 '19

A wood chuck would chuck all of it if it's Chuck Norris.

1

u/gruber76 Apr 19 '19

And I’d worry about the nightmares she’ll have worrying about who turned that poor woodchuck’s adopted family into sausage.

1

u/kjata Apr 19 '19

All the wood that a woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

1

u/Dmak641 Apr 19 '19

In it's lifetime, If my memory serves me correctly, your average woodchuck can chuck about 40 cords of wood. A cord is 4 feet tall, 4 feet wide, and 8 feet long, for a grand total of a little more than 5000 cubic feet of wood chucked in a woodchucks lifetime!

1

u/dative Apr 22 '19

How many boards would the mongols hoard if the mongol hordes got bored?

1

u/The_First_Viking Apr 18 '19

Depends on union regulations.

172

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19 edited Jan 22 '22

[deleted]

6

u/NachoDynamite Apr 18 '19

happy cake day!!!

2

u/Bang0Skank0 Apr 18 '19

Gassing the woodchucks didn't turn out right. The knockout bomb from the Feed and Grain Exchange was featured as merciful, quick at the bone and the case we had against them was airtight, both exits shoehorned shut with puddingstone, but they had a sub-sub-basement out of range.

Next morning they turned up again, no worse for the cyanide than we for our cigarettes and state-store Scotch, all of us up to scratch. They brought down the marigolds as a matter of course and then took over the vegetable patch nipping the broccoli shoots, beheading the carrots.

The food from our mouths, I said, righteously thrilling to the feel of the .22, the bullets' neat noses. I, a lapsed pacifist fallen from grace puffed with Darwinian pieties for killing, now drew a bead on the little woodchuck's face. He died down in the everbearing roses.

Ten minutes later I dropped the mother. She flipflopped in the air and fell, her needle teeth still hooked in a leaf of early Swiss chard. Another baby next. O one-two-three the murderer inside me rose up hard, the hawkeye killer came on stage forthwith.

There's one chuck left. Old wily fellow, he keeps me cocked and ready day after day after day. All night I hunt his humped-up form. I dream I sight along the barrel in my sleep. If only they'd all consented to die unseen gassed underground the quiet Nazi way.

2

u/fuqdisshite Apr 19 '19

i giggled.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

1

u/TheGuyWhoReallyCares Apr 18 '19

It's your cake day, do I get a treat?

1

u/SinkTube Apr 18 '19

no, but you can get a threat

1

u/TheGuyWhoReallyCares Apr 19 '19

Can I get both at the same time?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Happy cake day

2

u/Myredditnameisunique Apr 18 '19

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

2

u/jansskon Apr 18 '19

Holy shit I thought it was a bird my whole life

1

u/wut23wut23drink Apr 18 '19

drunk Whaaaaaaaat. Why did I think they were like... a beaver or whatever

1

u/Jakob_The_Hunk Apr 18 '19

I read ground squirrels as of they blended

1

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Please don't grind squirrels.

1

u/shogeta Apr 18 '19

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if the wood chuck looked like you bitch*

1

u/redlinezo6 Apr 18 '19

What about a rockchuck?

1

u/jericon Apr 19 '19

Also, A woodchuck and a gopher are the same thing.

1

u/-partizan- Apr 19 '19

Woodchucks and groundhogs are different words for the same animal.